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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miller on November 7, 2002, at 18:32:45
Hi. I am new here. I am trying to get some answers on how to better communicate with my psychologist. I was wondering if anyone could please give me some advise.
My specific problem is that I feel suicidal a lot of the time. For whatever reason, my shrink is not worried that I will kill myself. (Which is great. I just wish I could be as confident as he.) Anyway, I have brought the subject up a couple of times, but he REALLY isn't worried.
At this point in my therapy somtimes I get resentful of him and want to off myself out of spite. Or when I do feel suicidal, I think about having to explain somehow that it isn't his fault.
Should I try again to talk to him about it or should I just trust he is right? If I am trusting that he is right, aren't I really wasting money seeing him then?
Thank you in advance for responding to my confusion.
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2002, at 10:23:51
In reply to New member, posted by Miller on November 7, 2002, at 18:32:45
Boy, do I know what you mean. A therapist who overreacts to suicidal feelings is no good, but one who underreacts is equally no good.
I think a lot of therapists underreact in an attempt to not encourage the behavior. But I think that is largely a mistake (at least with me it is). In me it makes the urges to act out far stronger, as if I somehow need to prove I'm serious. Because it's really discouraging (too mild a word, can't think of the right one) to be treated lightly when you are being open and honest and totally serious and trying to communicate deep pain.
If I were you, I'd try to discuss how your therapist's reaction feels to you and how you respond to it. I've done that before about different issues, and had positive results with my therapist, as he realizes that not everyone responds in the same way to the same approach. He's really worked at changing his approach in some things. Of course, sometimes I've discussed it with my therapist and it's just something he can't or won't change. This is a pretty serious matter, so if you can't resolve anything through discussion, you might want to look at the possibility of finding someone new.
Good luck,
Dinah
(And welcome to Babble)
Posted by Miller on November 8, 2002, at 11:52:15
In reply to Re: Communication with therapist » Miller, posted by Dinah on November 8, 2002, at 10:23:51
Dinah,
Thank you so much for responding. Since you have had a similar problem, could you possibly suggest how to approach the subject so I don't a) look like a desperate fool or b) sound like I am attacking my shrink?
Any advise would be appreciated. Sometimes I am very unsure of how to best communicate with people.
Miller
Posted by deets on November 8, 2002, at 12:09:34
In reply to New member, posted by Miller on November 7, 2002, at 18:32:45
I also have had to discuss the suicidal thing with my current therapist, back when I first started seeing her. I was lucky because she reacted in the perfect way - she didn't scare me by making a huge deal, but she didn't downplay it either. If I were you, I would tell your therapist how his reaction affects you - you can be as open as you want with a good therapist. As far as being worried about him thinking that it will be his fault, a competent therapist wouldn't think that and would do everything they can to help you. Just tell him your feelings and be honest. If you discuss it with him and he does not start reacting in a way that helps you, you might want to consider finding a new therapist.
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2002, at 12:17:57
In reply to Re: Communication with therapist, posted by Miller on November 8, 2002, at 11:52:15
Hi Miller,
Deets is right. Just state plainly how it makes you feel, using the "When you don't respond to my statements regarding suicidal urges, I feel...." formula.
But I've also found it very helpful (especially when I first started being honest with my therapist) to print out my post, responses to my posts, and any other posts that seemed to fit in with my problem and brought it to my therapist to discuss. Or you can write a letter. Sometimes it's hard to communicate while in the give and take of a conversation because you can get sidetracked by the other person's replies or defensiveness, and it helps to have the problem written out as a place to start and a way to keep on track.
But please do discuss it with him/her. It's not only important in itself, but it can also help you start a dialogue of honest communication. Once you do it one time, it gets easier.
Dinah
Posted by deets on November 8, 2002, at 12:36:31
In reply to Re: communication with therapist, posted by deets on November 8, 2002, at 12:09:34
Hey. I meant to include this in my earlier post, but forgot. This may or may not be a concern for you, I don't know. But, when I had to approach the suicide thing (& later when I told my therapist about my self-injury), I was terrified that she was going to refer me, and I didn't want to see anyone else. So, I told her about that fear and she's promised me that she will not refer me, and that there's no need to refer me. That helped A LOT. So, if something like that would make you feel more secure, talk to your therapist about your fears.
Posted by Miller on November 8, 2002, at 13:28:52
In reply to Re: communication with therapist, posted by deets on November 8, 2002, at 12:36:31
Thank you guys SO much for the advise. I am much better at writing my feelings and thoughts than saying them. So I may try writing it all down first. The one pitfall with doing that is that I tend to edit the hell out of it, thereby reducing the trueness.
I didn't think I would get an answer since I have emailed many people and forums with this question with no luck. I am very relieved to at least see others have delt with this issue as well.
Thank you both again.
Miller
Posted by deets on November 8, 2002, at 13:32:02
In reply to Re: communication with therapist - Deets and Dinah, posted by Miller on November 8, 2002, at 13:28:52
Anytime, Miller! And if you have any more questions about the therapy process, feel free to email me at deetspeeps@hotmail.com
And remember, you have a therapist so that you can talk without editing yourself! ;-)
Posted by Mashogr8 on November 8, 2002, at 15:35:45
In reply to Re: communication with therapist - Deets and Dinah, posted by deets on November 8, 2002, at 13:32:02
Dinah's idea of just printing out your question to this board and our responses is a concrete way of presenting the issue to your therapist. I followed that advice and my therapist, after reading my post and the responses, was fully able to appreciate exactly what my issue was. Without that piece of paper to present to him, I would have left something out, probably would have forgotten key elements and we would have danced in and around the issue. He really wound up understanding immediately what I had been trying to address in therapy.
Good luck.
MA
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2002, at 16:37:36
In reply to Re: communication with therapist -, posted by Mashogr8 on November 8, 2002, at 15:35:45
> Dinah's idea of just printing out your question to this board and our responses is a concrete way of presenting the issue to your therapist. I followed that advice and my therapist, after reading my post and the responses, was fully able to appreciate exactly what my issue was. Without that piece of paper to present to him, I would have left something out, probably would have forgotten key elements and we would have danced in and around the issue. He really wound up understanding immediately what I had been trying to address in therapy.
>
> Good luck.
>
> MAHey MA, that's terrific! It's such a great feeling to finally get through, isn't it?
Dinah
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