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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2002, at 8:48:18
I've been trying to do research on this, but only come up with the dry clinical stuff. What I really want to know is this.
Would cyclothymia account for my meltdowns? Does cyclothymia make you feel as if you've been taken over by an irrational, stubborn, vindictive, overly tired and hysterical small child? Does it make you feel as if you're just watching yourself do these really embarassing things? Does it make you think thoughts that don't really agree with what you normally think and do things you wouldn't ordinarily do? And make it all seem so reasonable to you at the time (except for one small piece of you that is saying "What the...?").
I know these things happen to everyone, but I mean having it happen for days at a time (usually not longer than a week) and in really extreme and self destructive ways.
A perplexed and ashamed,
Dinah
Posted by Phil on October 22, 2002, at 12:34:05
In reply to For all you Cyclothymics, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2002, at 8:48:18
http://www.google.com/search?q=people+with+cyclothymia&hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1
Found a bunch of links; keyed in people with cyclothymia on Google.
I rarely tell people how they should feel but Dinah, lose the shame. Okay? You'll get it under control and in the meantime, your friends and cyber friends will always be there for you.
I'm a typical Adult Child of an Alcoholic and two traits we have are having to guess at what normal is and trying to always appear perfect. When I screw up now, even because of meds, I apologize less and less. People can deal with it..I do.
Peace,
Phil
Posted by judy1 on October 22, 2002, at 12:54:17
In reply to For all you Cyclothymics, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2002, at 8:48:18
I think you already know I suffer from bipolar 1, so my actions are probably a lot more magnified than yours (not to insinuate that they hurt you any less)- and once coming off a manic episode I invariably feel guilt and shame for what I did when manic. You and I share the apologizing for everything problem; I think Phil stated it so beautifully by saying the problem lies in trying to be a perfectionist and figuring out what normal is. My therapist said that is so common with her patients (the normal thing), it's just difficult for us to believe that people who look together are going through the same difficulties we are. I know Phil is right about losing the shame, but it is difficult isn't it? Are you working on that in therapy? It is probably the driving force behind my depressions, so it is on the top of my priorities to work on. Be kind to yourself, judy
Posted by ROO on October 22, 2002, at 12:56:46
In reply to For all you Cyclothymics, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2002, at 8:48:18
It's hard for me to relate to right now (thank god)
because I feel so remarkably stable....but what I can
remember from feelings of cycling are yes, I do feel
like I have behavior that I later feel embarrassed and
ashamed of later (I think either Gabbi or Tabitha or I discussed
it earlier as being "emotionally promiscious")...It feels not unlike
going on a drunk and doing a bunch of uninhibited things that feel
fine and very rational and reasonable at the time, but then later
I find myself cringing. Kind of grandiose behavior...but it doesn't quite
fit into the realms of big time bipolar behavior...it's relatively minor stuff...
I just know it's not quite normal _for me_. I have a kind of feeling of being a little
full of myself and that everyone else in the world is as interested in the inner workings of
my inner world as I am and I tell them everything, things that might not really be appropriate
(or that they might not really be interested in hearing)....not sure if I'm making sense..again,
I feel the topamax makes me so damn stupid...the other part of cycling for me, I've told you about...it's a feeling of not being able to be in my own
skin...it's almost like a panic attack....it's a feeling like something VERY BAD is about to happen...like
I could be on the streets and homeless any minute....it's completely irrational, but it feels very real...I
feel completely unsafe in the world and like there is no such thing as a secure place in this world.I have lots of shame too, especially when I'm either cycling or in the midst of depression....sometimes
the shame is so crippling I can barely look someone in the eye. I'm so glad I'm not feeling like that right
now. Lately I'm feeling my confidence come back. Thank God.I hope this helps.
Posted by Tabßitha on October 23, 2002, at 1:20:31
In reply to For all you Cyclothymics, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2002, at 8:48:18
My therapist would make me claim that cranky stubborn hysterical little girl and comfort her. Of course I'd want to blame her for her tantrum, ignore her, or shut her up somehow. I haven't quite gotten the knack of that self-parenting stuff yet.
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2002, at 8:48:57
In reply to Re: For all you Cyclothymics » Dinah, posted by judy1 on October 22, 2002, at 12:54:17
There are obviously some google subtleties that I need to learn to save me a lot of time. :) Thanks Phil. I'm looking through the items now.
You're right, and you too Judy, about the shame. It's hard to do though when you feel like you're doing things... Well never mind. You know what I mean. Ego dystonic, I think they call it? But I am working on it. And my therapist (with whom I did most of my acting out this time) was gently helping me see the humor in it and giving me some perspective.
Thanks,
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2002, at 8:53:33
In reply to Re: For all you Cyclothymics, posted by ROO on October 22, 2002, at 12:56:46
Thanks Roo, it does help.
And I am SO glad that things are going better for you on the Topamax. That feeling of relief is blissful, isn't it? I hope it continues to be hard to imagine yourself in that place. Memory is a merciful thing, isn't it. I have trouble remembering the meltdowns between meltdowns, thank heavens. In fact, I had trouble remembering this one during it. :)
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2002, at 8:54:46
In reply to Re: For all you Cyclothymics, posted by Tabßitha on October 23, 2002, at 1:20:31
Your therapist and my therapist must work under the same theoretical bent. While I want to take my inner brat and spank her soundly. :)
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