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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 3, 2006, at 0:10:49
I'm going to get poked by a needle on Tues. and I'm scared. I'm afraid of needles.
Remember that fibroadenoma (a benign breast lump)I have? I'm still worried about it even though everyone is telling me that it is not cancer. The physical exams and ultrasounds all show it is a fibroadenoma, but I'm still worrying about it. They say the chances of someone my age having breast cancer is very very slim.
I said I wanted to be poked to make sure it was benign. So, they are going to poke me with a fine needle (less thick than ones used to draw blood) and collect some cells. They say I don't need to have this fine needle aspiration biopsy, but since I'm worrying about it so much, they will do it.
Has anyone here ever had it done? Did it hurt? I'm afraid of needles, but I'm more afraid of cancer.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 3, 2006, at 15:49:32
In reply to I'm going to get poked, posted by Deneb on June 3, 2006, at 0:10:49
I'm afraid of getting a pneumothorax.
I have small breasts. It's very easy to feel my ribs. You can barely tell I have breasts when I'm lying down. I don't know how this poking thing is going to work. The doctor better be darn careful in poking me. The needle better not be too long. I'm scared. Maybe I should take some propranolol for the poking.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 4, 2006, at 19:43:10
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked, posted by Deneb on June 3, 2006, at 15:49:32
hi Deneb,
I know you're scared.
It doesn't sound like a very fun procedure. But I think you'll be glad when you have the results back, and you won't have to worry any more about the lump.Try to think about that when you're thinking about the procedure. Everytime the thought of the needle comes into your mind, think instead about the day you get a call and they say that your test results show no cancer. Think about how good it will feel not to have that cloud hanging over you.
I always like to listen to music when I'm in the waiting room. I bring my iPod with me. I've been spending a lot of time in waiting rooms lately. not much fun.
your doctor will not give you a pneumothorax.
There are a lot of ribs in the way, and covering the ribs there is a layer of muscle, and in between the ribs there are 2 more layers of muscles. Your doctor will feel the resistance, and know that she's off course.
Tell your doctor that you don't want to see the needle, that you're going to keep your eyes closed. This always helps me when I had dental procedures done. I don't want to see the implement either. I keep my eyes closed.
A thin needle will not hurt too badly. you've had worse pain in your life.
you'll be okay.
I'll be thinking of youyour friend,
-ll
Posted by 10derHeart on June 4, 2006, at 21:35:23
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 4, 2006, at 19:43:10
Deneb,
I've had two, on my back, though. Quite a few years ago. More fat there, for sure, so I knew the doc wouldn't be hitting anything but that...
But anyway, I agree with llrrrpp, thinking of other stuff, drifting away, not looking at the needle (unless you'd rather, and that doesn't bother you) may be really helpful. And the music is excellent - they may even allow you to wear an iPod throughout...
For mine, they used bit of local anesthetic - that's the only pinch I recall at all...once it numbed up, they did the aspiration and all I felt was some weird pressure. It wasn't bad at all.
You can do this.
You can travel around Toronto on your own, for goodness sake!Can't wait to hear when it's over with :-) You take care.
Posted by Deneb on June 4, 2006, at 23:22:42
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 4, 2006, at 19:43:10
> Try to think about that when you're thinking about the procedure. Everytime the thought of the needle comes into your mind, think instead about the day you get a call and they say that your test results show no cancer. Think about how good it will feel not to have that cloud hanging over you.
That might backfire on me, I don't think of the best scenario, I always think the worse. I need to not think about it at all. I'm less afraid now that I've had ultrasounds that show the lump is a fibroadenoma, but I was scared out of my mind before I got the results back. I seriously could have used some Ativan or something, the anxiety was that bad. I'm afraid I don't do well waiting for test results. I think I'm superstitious. I think I need to expect the worse or else the worse will come true. It's crazy, I know, not rational at all.
> your doctor will not give you a pneumothorax.
>
> There are a lot of ribs in the way, and covering the ribs there is a layer of muscle, and in between the ribs there are 2 more layers of muscles. Your doctor will feel the resistance, and know that she's off course.I knew about the muscle, but I'm still scared. I read about a case of pneumothorax after a fine needle aspiration of the breast in a woman with Poland's syndrome (characterized by chest wall abnormalities). She lacked pectoral muscles...but still...I worry. What if I don't have a lot of muscle there? Worry, worry.
> Tell your doctor that you don't want to see the needle, that you're going to keep your eyes closed. This always helps me when I had dental procedures done. I don't want to see the implement either. I keep my eyes closed.Scared as I am, I actually do want to see the needle. I want to see every part of the procedure. I'm curious about it. I want to know how it is done. Too bad I'm the patient and the observer.
> A thin needle will not hurt too badly. you've had worse pain in your life.Like the toothache I had a few weeks ago? I agree. I would have liked to trade the pain of a needle with the toothache.
>
> you'll be okay.
> I'll be thinking of you
>
> your friend,
> -llThanks llrrrpp. Thanks for thinking of me.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 4, 2006, at 23:34:09
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked, posted by 10derHeart on June 4, 2006, at 21:35:23
> For mine, they used bit of local anesthetic - that's the only pinch I recall at all...once it numbed up, they did the aspiration and all I felt was some weird pressure. It wasn't bad at all.
I don't know if a local anesthetic will be used. I've read that it's often skipped because the injection of the anesthetic hurts more than the actual procedure. I don't know which way is better. I hope any discomfort will be minimized.
I'm a really big wimp when it comes to needles. Sometimes I really scare myself. When I was in the hospital for my OD, I had a lot of needles. I was okay with the ones done when I was really sick because I was so sick I just didn't care, but I had trouble with the ones done when I was clearheaded. Once the nurse couldn't take any blood from me because of the vasocontriction from my fear.
Deneb*
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 5, 2006, at 8:53:52
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » llrrrpp, posted by Deneb on June 4, 2006, at 23:22:42
> I'm less afraid now that I've had ultrasounds that show the lump is a fibroadenoma, but I was scared out of my mind before I got the results back.
I can't believe they're still doing things the old way, in Ottawa. Same system, but very different in Peterborough. The breast clinic has no waiting times. A woman comes in in the morning, for a mammogram or whatever led to her being there. If a lump or curious finding is observed, she then goes on to have aspirations, or open biopsy, or whatever, right away. The radiologist is right there, and nobody goes home until they have a clear answer. By 5 p.m., that same day, usually. And if it takes longer, the staff stay on.
I'm sorry you have to wait.
Lar
Posted by 10derHeart on June 5, 2006, at 13:19:46
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on June 5, 2006, at 8:53:52
Wow, Lar, that process is awesome!
It should be *required* - everywhere!
But alas, there I go stepping back into Idealistic Fantasyland again....such a warm place to visit....
One must always keep hoping for positive change, though, so maybe my 'visits' there are okay.
Posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 17:07:38
In reply to I'm going to get poked, posted by Deneb on June 3, 2006, at 0:10:49
I know it's scary, but it's not bad at all. I had one done (followed by a biopsy), and it didn't hurt a bit. I saw the needle and everything and didn't freak out. Let the doctor know that you are nervous, and discuss your concerns with him/her. A good doctor will reassure you and try to make you as comfortable as possible. I know it's hard to do, but try not to worry, ok? It will be over before you know it. And, the good thing is that, once it is over, you can stop worrying. You will be fine. I think you are a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.
Posted by Deneb on June 5, 2006, at 17:48:10
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 17:07:38
It must have hurt a bit. I'm glad it didn't bother you. Is it like the pinch of getting blood taken? I'm glad I have small boobs. The needle doesn't have to go far before hitting the small lump.
I'm going to take a propranolol before getting it done. I don't feel like having a panic attack during the procedure.
Deneb*
Posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 21:42:58
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » dreamboat_annie, posted by Deneb on June 5, 2006, at 17:48:10
Yeah, I would say, for me, it was like the pinch of getting blood taken. It's probably a good idea, since you are feeling anxious about it, to take a propranolol beforehand to help you relax. Good luck, Deneb. These types of tests are always nervewracking.
> It must have hurt a bit. I'm glad it didn't bother you. Is it like the pinch of getting blood taken? I'm glad I have small boobs. The needle doesn't have to go far before hitting the small lump.
>
> I'm going to take a propranolol before getting it done. I don't feel like having a panic attack during the procedure.
>
> Deneb*
>
>
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:06:35
In reply to Re: I'm going to get poked » Deneb, posted by dreamboat_annie on June 5, 2006, at 21:42:58
I got poked and it was no fun at all. The initial part where the needle broke the skin wasn't painful, but then the doctor had to move the needle around and stab several times. That hurt! :-(
I bleed and I still hurt. <pout>
It doesn't hurt *that* bad, but I get faint thinking about the pain, the needle and the blood.
I really really hope the doctor got enough cells to work with, otherwise we will have to do this again. :-(
I wonder if getting poked like this is like getting a piercing in a strange place? Do piercings hurt?
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 6, 2006, at 12:32:15
In reply to I got poked and it hurt :-(, posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:06:35
oh, deneb,
I'm so sorry. That sounds most unpleasantcan you put an ice cube on it?
I think you deserve some sorbet.
and a hug
((((Deneb*))))
but, it's over now, that's something
your friend,
-ll
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:53:19
In reply to Re: I got poked and it hurt :-( » Deneb, posted by llrrrpp on June 6, 2006, at 12:32:15
Thanks for the hug llrrrpp!
((((((((((((((((((llrrrpp))))))))))))))))))))
It doesn't hurt very much right now. I took some ibuprofen.
Maybe I should reward myself with ice cream....hmmmmmm....
I think one of Larry's majick butter tarts would make things all better. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 23:12:23
In reply to I got poked and it hurt :-(, posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 12:06:35
> I bleed and I still hurt. <pout>
Oops, that should have read, "I bled a little tiny bit right after". I didn't bleed afterwards.
It doesn't hurt anymore. All is well.
Now for the waiting.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 7, 2006, at 19:32:42
In reply to Re: I got poked and it hurt :-(, posted by Deneb on June 6, 2006, at 23:12:23
I'm afraid. :-(
I think that if I have cancer I would rather kill myself than suffer through treatments.
If I kill myself, at least I won't have to worry about dying. I'm not making sense, I know.
I don't know why, but killing myself seems less scary than dying from cancer.
I worry when I get a disease or something in the future, I will kill myself.
I don't handle pain and suffering very well. I think I would rather kill myself.
I don't handle the fear of dying very well. I think I would rather kill myself.
If I get too anxious, I think I would want to kill myself.
:-(
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 9, 2006, at 7:26:15
In reply to What if I have cancer? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 7, 2006, at 19:32:42
I know you're afraid... (((DENEB)))))
:(
The reason you're afraid is because you want to live. And you view cancer as a threat to living a happy life. BUT, suicide is a much bigger threat to living a happy life. It can be plenty scary, too. And as you know, you may wind up in the hospital getting poked even more than ever.
The reason why you're afraid of dying is because part of you wants to live. And that's the part of you that will help you make the decision to keep on trucking, even though the going gets rough.
Anxiety is normal for someone is your circumstance. Keep posting with us. Talking it out can help make it better. In the meanwhile
hugs for (((((Deneb*)))))
and enjoy the return of Dr. Bob. :)
-ll
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 9, 2006, at 9:11:44
In reply to What if I have cancer? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 7, 2006, at 19:32:42
> I'm afraid. :-(
But I thought you were cured, only last week.
Deneb, your mood is highly driven by what you experience. Your mood follows your experience, to the minute. You are a "totally in the moment" person. But that's a habit you've taught yourself.
When you face something scary, Oh My God ! ! !, you are scared.
The part you don't do well, yet, is in linking your day-to-day mood cycles into patterns. There *are* trends, in there, but it's all so confusing to you that you don't even try to link them up. It's just too much information for your brain to find the common thread that we observers, out here, can easily see. We can simplify. Your challenge is that you can't do that very well, yet, on your own.
But you can learn how to do it. You're quite intelligent enough to manage this thing I'm going to suggest you do. You just have to promise yourself to do it, and to do it honestly.
Start collecting data about how you feel, and when you feel it, and later put it on a graph. Or, better yet, graphs plural. Or, simpler still, mark it right on the graph(s). You could carry a graph(s) around with you. Easily.
There would ideally be a variety of simple scales, the various continuums of living. Happy to sad, energetic to "I'm a slug today". Scales from 1 to 10. Different times in a single day, too. Not happy all day, perhaps. Happy mornings, sad nights? However you want to set it up, also graph your sleep time. When you went to bed, and how long you were there.
And I guarantee you, you'll be happy to discover that there is trend data in there. You can make this life a better experience. Just by learning about your trends.
You'd clearly see the effects of the medication, for example. It's very clear, from over here.
What you feel right now is not forever. You just haven't convinced yourself otherwise, yet.
Lar
Posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:15:02
In reply to Re: What if I have cancer? *trigger*, posted by llrrrpp on June 9, 2006, at 7:26:15
Thanks for your replay llrrrpp. You're right. The main reason I'm afraid of cancer is because I want to live a happy life.
I'm afraid of dying but I'm not as afraid of dying by suicide because I've gotten used to the idea of suicide over the years I've been considering it (off and on). Suicide is less scary for me because I'm in control of suicide. Dying by disease is out of my control. I don't want to die because I want to live a happy life. You're right, suicide would be a much bigger threat to a happy life than breast cancer.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:25:04
In reply to Re: What if I have cancer? » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on June 9, 2006, at 9:11:44
> Start collecting data about how you feel, and when you feel it, and later put it on a graph. Or, better yet, graphs plural. Or, simpler still, mark it right on the graph(s). You could carry a graph(s) around with you. Easily.
That's a good idea Lar, but if like you said, my moods are highly dependent on circumstance, I'm not sure how knowing my moods in detail will help me...if the variables controlling my mood are largely out of my control...
But...nevertheless, I think it's a good idea. It's always a good idea to know more about myself.
I'll try it for a while (just for you Lar ;-) ) Do you want to try it with me? Someone, anyone, join me.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 23:28:08
In reply to Mood graphs » Larry Hoover, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 17:25:04
I can't stop thinking that I'm going to die of breast cancer. I'm scared!
If I really do have cancer, I won't be able to handle it. I think I might hang myself if I have cancer. I can't handle pain and suffering and the fear of death. I can't handle it!
I would rather die than worry about dying. I'm not a strong person. I can't handle disease. I can't handle it!
I'm freaking out! I can't stop thinking about dying of breast cancer. I'm freaking out!
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 9, 2006, at 23:36:28
In reply to I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 23:28:08
sweetie,
find miow miow and give him a big hug
he has Bob essence.
you need strengthget some rest.
it will all work out :)
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 9, 2006, at 23:40:40
In reply to I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 9, 2006, at 23:28:08
Deneb,
You will be fine. The odds are WAY in your favor that this is nothing at all! I think something like 95% of lumps are benign. I'm sure that number is even higher for someone your age. Your odds of breast cancer go up when you are over 50.
Try to think about something else. Something FUN to do.
MidnightBlue
Posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 0:46:57
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger* » Deneb, posted by MidnightBlue on June 9, 2006, at 23:40:40
Good idea llrrrpp. I will go hold Meow Meow. Bob is back and that makes me happy. I should think of happy things.
You're right MidnightBlue, about the odds being in my favour. 80% of all lumps are benign. It's rare for someone my age to have breast cancer. The ultrasound shows the lump to be a fibroadenoma (a benign lump). The doctors all say I shouldn't worry.
But...I just can't help but worry. I might not be satisfied until I have the lump removed. There can be false negatives in biopsies. The problem with removing the lump (besides the pain, recovery and external scaring) is that the scaring inside will make future imaging more difficult. I just wish I could know for sure it's benign.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 10, 2006, at 12:07:57
In reply to Re: I'm scared! *trigger*, posted by Deneb on June 10, 2006, at 0:46:57
"I just wish I could know for sure it's benign."
Well Deneb*
the scariest part is that we never "know" anything for sure. We can only gather the best evidence that we have. Doctor's opinions, statistics, imaging, biopsies. In the end, it comes down to your own beliefs. The world is speaking to you, saying "It's benign" [with a certain margin of error]. The skeptic in you listens to that tiny margin of error, the pessimist, the worry-wort gives that tiny margin of error WAY more credibility than the overwhelming evidence that you're not sick. Listen to the WORLD, Deneb, not your inner worry-wort.Well, the best you can do, in the absence of omnipotent expert certainty, is to have faith in the system. Listen to your body. If your body has cancer, you will probably know before the doctors do. I think right now it is more likely that your MIND has cancer. You need to fight the cancer in your MIND right now, and let the doctors take care of the cancer in your body.
Are you seeing T right now? Is there anyone you can speak with about this stuff?
llrrrpp
(who has a cyst in her breast for the last 11 years. still there, still hasn't changed...)In the meanwhile, I send you a BiG hug, because I know you are scared, and you feel powerless and alone. You are hurting. I will find some more Bob-essence somewhere and tele-transport it to you.
Have strength, D; Be well.
(((((((((((((((Deneb*))))))))))))))))
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