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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by canadagirl on August 8, 2006, at 22:12:48
I read an great column "Trump That!". And how often have I done this (ouch). I'd like to hear your thoughts, anyone who reads this.
Posted by crazy teresa on August 9, 2006, at 16:42:32
In reply to Interesting Article, posted by canadagirl on August 8, 2006, at 22:12:48
The trump card gets played out of selfish motivation, IMO. Kind of a 'mine are worse so yours doesn't count' or 'let's be sure to keep the focus on me and my problems' mind state.
Why would the author even feel the need to point out she is childless before helping out an overwhelmed mother? Wouldn't just the act of helping another person be enough?
Posted by canadagirl on August 9, 2006, at 21:13:09
In reply to Re: Interesting Article » canadagirl, posted by crazy teresa on August 9, 2006, at 16:42:32
>>>The trump card gets played out of selfish motivation, IMO. Kind of a 'mine are worse so yours doesn't count' or 'let's be sure to keep the focus on me and my problems' mind state.<<
Yep, I think so.
>>Why would the author even feel the need to point out she is childless before helping out an overwhelmed mother? Wouldn't just the act of helping another person be enough? <<
I think she was just using that as an example, she has kids.
Thanks for your input.
Posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 0:18:30
In reply to Re: Interesting Article » canadagirl, posted by crazy teresa on August 9, 2006, at 16:42:32
It's not just that trump card getting played out of self motivation, it's the constant reminder in our culture of the "virtue" of realizing that no matter how terrible your pain is, there is always someone who is worse off than you. When you have that "virtue" thrown in your face, the trump card may be more self-preservation than anything else.
Pain is pain. Comparing one person's pain to another's does not invalidate either. Nor does it validate one more than the other. I go so far as to refrain from using the phrase "I know how you feel." I've suffered through many tragedies in my life and I've known others who've endured similar pains, but I'll never claim to have walked their path. We may walk side by side, hand in hand, but we still have our own paths to walk.
To me, the important thing is to keep walking. If you can help someone make that journey, but on their own terms, I think that's the best comfort anyone can be asked to give.
Posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 6:47:09
In reply to Re: Interesting Article, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 0:18:30
Self-preservation or preservation of our pain?
Posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 23:04:19
In reply to Re: Interesting Article » finelinebob, posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 6:47:09
> Self-preservation or preservation of our pain?
Being told others are worse off than you certainly isn't going to heal you. Neither will playing the trump card.
Sorry, gotta switch to poker for a minute. Your choice: 5 card draw with either jokers wild or 3s, 5s, 7s, 9s, and one-eyed face cards wild. With one choice, you might be able to turn one fair hand into a decent one. With the other, what's the point of playing?
Sure, parading your pain around like a badge of honor isn't going to win you any friends or do you any good. But never, NEVER let anyone demean or belittle your pain. If they do, fight back ... even if it means playing a trump card.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 16, 2006, at 11:06:28
In reply to Re: Interesting Article, posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 23:04:19
Wow, I really liked that article. Thanks for posting it.
In particular, the final lines really hit home for me:
"As we are often told, we have to 'play the cards we are dealt.' I’d like to revisit that cliché and remind everyone that holding the trump card doesn’t mean you have to play it."I'm working on this for myself, albeit in a bit broader context. The above might be a good thing to ask or remind myself, when I can, before expressing myself.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 16, 2006, at 11:21:47
In reply to Interesting Article, posted by canadagirl on August 8, 2006, at 22:12:48
cg,
I also am interested in the article that you offered her and will post about it.
Lou
Posted by canadagirl on August 16, 2006, at 19:25:23
In reply to Interesting Article, posted by canadagirl on August 8, 2006, at 22:12:48
Thanks again everyone who responded. I find myself trying to be more sensitive to those around me, despite anything I have or am going through. Like the article says, our own pain does not diminish someone else's. I've been on the receiving end of stuff too, and have felt unheard, invalidated and like I didn't matter. I think the trick is, there is a season for things in life. A season to give and a season where we need a little more given to us, and when our cup is filled we can give again.
This is the end of the thread.
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