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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by allisonross on October 30, 2005, at 5:09:21
Greetings, all! New here. Used to be a Baptist, now I just call myself a believer.
Married for 31 years (with him for 36 yrs.) to an abuser. Constant verbal abuse and some physical. Finally got the courage to get a divorce (excruciating struggle, as you can imagine).
I then experienced a kind of abuse I'd never heard of: Spiritual Abuse...my church (of 31 years) voted me out of membership (because I got a divorce and then let the ex live in my house).
I fought the system for 18 months, to try and stop the pastor (of disaster, LOL) from "counseling" any more women, because 2 of them wanted to commit suicide.
A miracle (angel) showed up at the precise moment I needed him (expert in spiritual abuse AND a pastor), and journeyed with me. He taught me the most valuable words I'd ever heard: RESTORATIVE JUSTICE: This is what you did, this is how it made me feel. So empowering to someone (except for 3 years in the army) abused for a lifetime.
In the end (on my birthday, no less); my name was put up on a big screen in front of the congregation, followed by the words: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD (flashed up there, not once, but 3 times). I was called to a meeting of deacons (17 "men"), not allowed to have a woman with me, and asked if I was "still having sex with my ex." No boundaries.
That was 3 years ago. Haven't been to a church, since...so sad. I've always been able to make something good/beautiful come out of the ashes of my life. www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com was the result of the spiritual abuse.
Over 150 poems of anguish, hope, healing and comfort came pouring forth from my wounded soul, and it has been a phenomenon.
I've heard from Ph.D.'s, pastors, psychologists, believers, authors and artists from all over the world; even from some Messianic Jews from Jerusalem, Israel
(I called them-money being no object, lOL), and they prayed with me in Hebrew---a powerful moment.
I was published (for the whole sordid life story)--amazingly, with the Ph.D's: www.psychiatricjournal.com...entitled: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse.
Spiritual abuse is a wound that goes directly to the soul (there is a website for the spiritually abused).
The only real fear I ever had, was that of being alone (abandoned). Beginning with my father (who I never knew), every man in my life has failed, abused and abandoned me. Not bitter, just an observation my therapist made; kind of shocking to hear that!
I am now alone for the first time in 36 years; the ex left 5 months ago. I seem to be doing well. My therapist asked me how I had gotten thru a lifetime of abuse; seemingly (LOL) so normal, but not only normal....full of life, laughter, etc.
My answer: my faith, wicked wit and twisted sense of humor. Without my sense of humor, I would be drooling in a corner somewhere, LOL!
The irony, is that I grew up abused (verbally, physically) by a mentally-ill, violent mother. Never knew my father (met him when I was 33).
Grew up in a 120-year old tenement house, with cockroaches, rats. Snow that came in thru a large crack in the wall.
Molested by a drunken neighbor, who broke in while I was alone and sleeping (didn't know who it was). Had my hand held over an open fire by another drunken neighbor.
Poverty: no bathroom, refrigerator, car, phone, etc. etc...ad nauseum.
Joined the army right out of high school, (from a little town in Maine, to San Francisco, at the height of the Vietnam war, hippie dippie, peace love and all that stuff!
"Married" my mother and tried to fix the past.
I believe we are all here to make a difference in the world, and this I have been trying to do. I counsel abused women. I consider the book: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to be the most important book ever written (after the Bible); it should be required reading for everyone on the planet.
Verbal abuse is rampant in our society, but goes mostly unnoticed, nor recognized. Even therapists, if they have not been specially trained in this area, do not recognize it.
I'd be honored and grateful if you would pray for me (even tho I seem to be doing great). The last thing I ever wanted to be....was....alone.
I would also love it, if you would e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com
Hope you will visit my churchabuse site, and let me know your thoughts. I have kept the messages sent to me, and consider them to be treasures.
My therapist (not to brag, LOL) said it sounded as if: "God was dictating the words to me." Lovely thought, lovely man. I've written at least 50 more poems, since my site went up, and now they are taking on the tone, of triumph and healing.
Blessings to you all, and I look forward to getting to know you! Hugs n Grins, Ally
P.S. I've written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice in the world), and have a publisher interested.
Posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 23:03:32
In reply to SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis, posted by allisonross on October 30, 2005, at 5:09:21
Oh my God!!!! I cannot believe that the put a flashing sign with your name on it. I cannot believe.
I am so sorry you went through that.
I have come to this conclusion- I love Jesus. I only want to know what He has to say about christianity. I am sick of "the spirit of religion." I am so upset with a local preacher in my community.
Posted by allisonross on November 7, 2005, at 5:36:46
In reply to Re: SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis, posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 23:03:32
> Oh my God!!!! I cannot believe that the put a flashing sign with your name on it. I cannot believe.
Hi, sweetie: THank you for your post. Actually, I misspoke myself. I meant that they put my name up on the screen 3 different times.
>
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> I am so sorry you went through that.Thank you. I's been 3 years, but it's a wound that can never fully heal.
> I have come to this conclusion- I love Jesus. I only want to know what He has to say about christianity. I am sick of "the spirit of religion."I hear you and agree! I used to be a Baptist, now I just want to be called a "believer."
I am so upset with a local preacher in my community.
Want to tell me about it? You can e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com
Again, thank you for your kind words. hugs, Ally
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>
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Posted by lynn971 on November 7, 2005, at 19:41:05
In reply to Re: SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis » lynn971, posted by allisonross on November 7, 2005, at 5:36:46
The pastor in my community has recently made me mad because it appears that he thinks his kids do no wrong. YOu can read the story on my social post. It is under "The Nerve."
There have been other times when he disciplined some children at the school in which he runs. He did not discipline his own son for the same or worse behavior. I know that I will not attend his church.
Thats why I am at a point in my life where I only care about what God thinks, not what people at a church thinks.
I am so glad that you are out of that horrible situation. I am mad at the church that did that to you. How dare them. It will come back to haunt them though because "you reap what you sow"
Posted by allisonross on November 8, 2005, at 5:11:53
In reply to Re: SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis, posted by lynn971 on November 7, 2005, at 19:41:05
> Hi, Lynn!
The pastor in my community has recently made me mad because it appears that he thinks his kids do no wrong. YOu can read the story on my social post. It is under "The Nerve."
I will read it.
>
> There have been other times when he disciplined some children at the school in which he runs. He did not discipline his own son for the same or worse behavior. I know that I will not attend his church.Good for you!
>
> Thats why I am at a point in my life where I only care about what God thinks, not what people at a church thinks.Me too! There's a fabulous website: www.wings2Fly, and it is letters from women who have been abused in a church. I LOVE what the moderator has to say. SHe says "when everything has been shaken loose, and all you are left with is God, then that is great. That is all you need. A relationship between you and God, is all you need." I love that.
>
> I am so glad that you are out of that horrible situation. I am mad at the church that did that to you.Thankyou, sweetie.
How dare them.
They "dared" because they were convinced they were doing the "Biblical" thing. You know, the verse which says if someone is sinning, go to them, then take 2 people, and if they still won't listen, take it to the church.."
It will come back to haunt them though because "you reap what you sow"
Yup. There's a newspaper who wants the story, but I haven't done anything about it yet.
When my book is published, that will be the "reap what you sow" LOL, LOL
Hugs and Love and Blessings, Ally
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 8, 2005, at 23:51:49
In reply to Re: SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis » lynn971, posted by allisonross on November 8, 2005, at 5:11:53
> There's a fabulous website: www.wings2Fly, and it is letters from women who have been abused in a church.
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups regarding abuse in a church to Psycho-Babble Social. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051029/msgs/577004.html
Thanks,
Bob
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