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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miller on April 3, 2003, at 15:43:04
Hi Dena,
I see that you have not been posting. I am hoping you are doing well. You are still in my prayers. Please drop a quick line letting us know you are ok. You are missed.
-Miller
Posted by Dena on April 4, 2003, at 21:34:16
In reply to Dena, posted by Miller on April 3, 2003, at 15:43:04
Hi Miller!
Wow, I'm sure glad I decided to check on the PBF board tonight - it was nice to see I had a "howdydo" waiting for me! Thanks!
I'm ok. I've been trying to adhere to my lenten sacrifice of only 1 hour of computer time per day. I check with the PBF board every couple of days, but I've noticed that hardly anyone is posting here lately. Did I miss something? Where did everybody go?
I've been praying for you daily, too. Any obvious answers yet? I say obvious, because so many times God answers in ways we overlook. And, of course, sometimes His answers are "no", or "wait". If I may ask, how is the health of your marriage? You know, of course, that you don't have to answer. I'll keep praying anyway.
I can't tell you how blessed I feel to know that you've been praying for me as well. I have another request for prayer. After many years of not dancing, I've been doing worship dancing with some other women in my church for the past few months. While it feels wonderful to dance again, I'm having real difficulty whenever we turn fast or spin. I almost completelly lose all balance, which never used to happen to me. However, I read the fine print on my antidepressant (Celexa), & it says it's known to cause dizziness. I even tried to go off it cold-turkey last month (dumb!). After 3 weeks of sufferring the withdrawals, I begged my Dr. to switch me to Lexapro (supposedly fewer side effects). Anyway, I'm still experiencing the extreme dizziness whenever I spin. The dance we're preparing for Easter has a lot of spinning in it. Everyone else manages just fine, but I'm wobbling all over the place after just one turn. Could you pray that God will enable me to do the dance without losing my balance. I know this sounds like such a small request, but I really want to dance for Him on Easter morning without worrying about falling on my... whatever!
Thanks, Miller. Thanks for you kindness in thinking of me.
Shalom, Dena
Posted by Miller on April 5, 2003, at 17:09:14
In reply to Re: Dena » Miller, posted by Dena on April 4, 2003, at 21:34:16
It is good to hear from you. As for the Faith board, it has always run in cycles since I have been here. Don't worry, it will pick up again.
Dena, yes, God has answered me in a vary obvious way. Listen to this!!
This past week I was in a huge nobody-loves-me-nobody-cares-about-me-the-world-would-be-better-without-me depression. I had even started with my old tricks of isolating and cancelling appointments in preparation. My not-so-in-disguise saviour, my online shrink sent me an email that caught me off guard. (More on that later.) So, I emailed him and told him I am way too busy to correspond until after Easter. In my depression-warped mind, I thought if he wasn't in direct contact with me when I was found dead, he wouldn't be too affected. His response was that if I needed a break in communications, he could understand that, BUT, the break would not be with him and I. He said that he knew I have been puttin in long hours at work and I could take time from that.
After that response from him I kept reading and re-reading his message prior. Dena, it occured to me that he cares so much for me, as do so many other people that if I took my life, I would be creating heartbreak and hurt. I WOULD CREATE IT. Through his message I also read time and time again that God sent Jesus to show us how to live with real love. For his efforts we crucified His son. The most important way for me to change the hurt in this world is to change myself. I can't make people love. But I can be honest and keep trying to change myself until I am able to give to otherrs the things (emotions) I really want. God has given me the opportunity to correspond with someone who is both a psychologist and someone who understands my needs to reunite with God.
Now, as far as your need to maintain your balance on Easter, I will of course pray for you. However, if you have Faith, you know you will be fine. So, between our prayers and your Faith, you will be awesome.
Thanks, Dena for being such a comfort and reliable friend. I think good things are in our future.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on April 6, 2003, at 9:45:43
In reply to Re: Dena, posted by Miller on April 5, 2003, at 17:09:14
I was hoping you weren't posting much because you were doing better. I have missed you.
I'm really glad you have the support of your online psychologist. It sounds like you have a good friend there.
Did anything further develop from that act of lovingkindness from your husband? I've lately been reminded of all the reasons I fell in love with mine. We're on a definite crest in our relationship. And that does make a difference.
Posted by Miller on April 6, 2003, at 12:18:03
In reply to Re: Miller, posted by Dinah on April 6, 2003, at 9:45:43
Hi there Dinah,
I have been swinging through all moods lately. The good news is that when I am REALLY sad, I am able to keep myself from attempting suicide again.
I can't believe how much help I have received from my online shrink. He is teaching me how to be honest with myself and him. It's much harder than I thought it would be. But this last time I felt really desperate, I was able to tell him. I have never told anyone (while I was in the middle of it) that I wanted to kill myself. Big step. An even bigger step because of the way he handled it. I am pretty sure if I get that far down again, I would tell him.
As for my husband and I, we are getting along much better now. We still have a long way to go, but it is improving. I think my learning to communicate has a lot to do with it. He is picking up on it as well.
And, because we are on the Faith board, I will add that my husband has agreed to accompany me to church. That means a lot to me. I think when people suffer from such severe depressions, it is important to have a constant. The only constant I have right now is God. So, by my husband agreeing to come to church, I feel as if we can share something more meaningful than either of us. Does that make sense?
Dinah, how have you been? I have been thinking about you a lot. I used to be so envious of your relationship with your therapist. I never thought I could learn to feel comfortable with someone telling them all my "ugly". I think you helped inspire me to take the risk. Thank you.
How is it going with your parents? Are things any better? Hopefully not getting worse? Please, let me know how you are. I have missed being here and sharing with everyone.
-Miller
Posted by Dena on April 6, 2003, at 13:25:02
In reply to Re: Dena, posted by Miller on April 5, 2003, at 17:09:14
Dear Miller -
Praise God for answers to prayers! I'm so glad to hear you've found someone to turn to with the "ugly", & I'm SO proud of you that you were able to let him know you were contemplating hurting yourself. I pray that you'll feel more & more secure about sharing the deepest hurts & fears with him. And how wonderful to hear that your marriage is improving - especially that your husband is attending church with you. May God draw each of you to Himself, as as you draw near, you & your husband will draw closer to each other as well! I'll continue to pray. Keep me updated, because as I hear how God is answering my prayers for you, my faith is built up as well.
You wrote:
>>The most important way for me to change the hurt in this world is to change myself. I can't make people love. But I can be honest and keep trying to change myself until I am able to give to otherrs the things (emotions) I really want.
Be careful not to overwhelm yourself with your attempts to change yourself. It's really God's job. God sent Jesus not just to show us how to live & love, but to be the bridge that reconciles us back to God (because sin caused a division between us & God). He paid the price of our sin (which is eternal death), so that we could be made new spiritual creatures. If we accept His sacrifice on our behalf & ask Him to actually live inside of us, then He goes to work changing us. He transforms us from the inside out, as long as we're faithful to love & obey Him.
As He shows you the areas in which change is needed, it's not to condemn you (the condemning voice would be the devil); He reveals your sins in His mercy because He wants you to confess them so that He can forgive & heal you. The transformation is a natural (or supernatural) fruit that comes from knowing Him as savior. He already sees & loves you as the precious, transformed, free & beautiful creature He created you to be! He wants you to rest in your relationship with Him, & to trust Him to do what only He can do in you.
If you don't yet know Him as your savior, just ask Him to show Himself to you that way.
I love you, Miller. You are a joy to know.
Shalom, Dena
Posted by Dinah on April 6, 2003, at 14:49:12
In reply to Dinah!!!, posted by Miller on April 6, 2003, at 12:18:03
There is so much good news in what you shared. I'm so happy for you. :)))
I am of course sorry that you are still suffering from the mood swings but oh so glad that you are coping better. It helps soooo much to have someone that you feel totally safe with to help with the lows. And I'm glad he gave you reason to be glad you trusted him. (And I am very grateful for whatever way I have been able to help you with that.)
Things are amazingly well with my parents. My brother has been gone for about a month, I guess, and they really haven't been calling me excessively. I go there a couple of times a week, and they might ask for help then, but they haven't been calling me constantly and I am greatly relieved. I didn't think I could take the extra stress. I'm still barely making my own commitments.
That is terrific news about your husband. I know your rift with him was a great source of pain to you. You must be feeling quite hopeful now.
I've missed you too, and am glad to hear how you're doing.
This is the end of the thread.
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