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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by homewood on June 22, 2002, at 21:51:05
Anyone care to comment on the relavancy of this cultural phenomenon?
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 24, 2002, at 14:45:59
In reply to Till Death Do Us Part?, posted by homewood on June 22, 2002, at 21:51:05
What do you mean by this?? Do you mean the marriage ceremony??
I wasn't married in a religious ceremony but my husband and I both believe in the death do us part bit.. we have married for life regardless of ups and downs..
I want to be with him till the day i die, when ever that may be...
Nikki
Posted by homewood on June 25, 2002, at 6:36:56
In reply to Re: Till Death Do Us Part?, posted by NikkiT2 on June 24, 2002, at 14:45:59
I was curious if there is any sentiment out there as to whether the concept (i.e. till death) is still plausible in this age...
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 25, 2002, at 6:51:03
In reply to Re: Till Death Do Us Part?, posted by homewood on June 25, 2002, at 6:36:56
Of course there is... I can't understand how anyone would bother getting married if they didn't want to stay with that person until the end of their lives. My parents were married for 40 years befoire my father died, my brother has been amrried for 25 years.. Just because some marriages end this does not mean ALL marriages will end.
Like i said, I plan to be with my husband until either one ofus dies.
Nikki
Posted by IsoM on June 26, 2002, at 17:54:59
In reply to Till Death Do Us Part?, posted by homewood on June 22, 2002, at 21:51:05
It's very plausible for the majority of people still. I'd venture to say that most people think this way when they first get married - wish to stay together till death - but unfortunately, a lot of things can happen & change those intentions for eith one or both of them. But ideally, it's still the best concept. I commend Nikki for her positive attitude.
Posted by Krazy Kat on June 26, 2002, at 18:24:04
In reply to Re: Till Death Do Us Part?, posted by NikkiT2 on June 25, 2002, at 6:51:03
I wrote this long reply and then canned it ---
My parents have been married 46 years, my sister 22 yrs., myself 10 years (and I'm only 31 AND I planned on getting married AT 31, if not later, or if ever at all. :)).
Why get married if that commitment is not dear to you? I'll tell you, it offers a great deal of relief and security legally for both partners, which is partly why gays and lesbians have been fighting for that right for years.
Oh, it's still relevant all right. Personally, I'm very liberal on the subject, and would have been happy to be a hippy couple with no papers. But I can say that Because we've been married 10 years. :) And I think that's just my inner Jessica Lange talkin', frankly.
Also, a marriage certificate is very vital when one hits those rough spots and wants to quit. It makes one stop and think, and adds a buffer for awhile.
-kk
Posted by homewood on June 26, 2002, at 20:34:50
In reply to Re: Till Death Do Us Part?-Absolutely, posted by Krazy Kat on June 26, 2002, at 18:24:04
so, we should stay for old times sake, or for the piece of paper?
Posted by krazy kat on June 26, 2002, at 20:54:27
In reply to Re: Till Death Do Us Part?-Absolutely, posted by homewood on June 26, 2002, at 20:34:50
marriage is legally binding. it is not the "piece of paper" that matters (good, lord, I have no idea where my certificate is) and it's not for "old times sake", though tradition Can be a good reason to do things.
There are two ways to look at it imho:
1. it's helpful to a civilized society to have people committed to each other
2. it's a romantic ideal -- people actually do "fall in love" and marriage simply is a logical union of those folks.Am i making sense?
- kk
Posted by IsoM on June 27, 2002, at 2:13:05
In reply to Re: Till Death Do Us Part?-Absolutely, posted by homewood on June 26, 2002, at 20:34:50
I think the death do us part bit is the best way to go still. The idea of a lasting marriage until death is a great idea, it's the people who are imperfect that makes it fail, not the ideal of marriage, itself.
A stable marriage provides the best possible atmosphere to raise children (notice I used the term 'stable'?). This doesn't mean that children who don't have a father & mother both together are doomed by any means, but a loving relationship between parents is a great foundation for children's personalities to develop.
Even if a couple have no children, it gives both of them a sense of security & real commitment. It confirms that they're willing to put their hearts into making it work & not just separating when a difficulty comes along. It lets each other know that they plan to be there for each other right through their senior years until death, yes, even for old times' sake.
A piece of paper is just the legal agreement in writing to confirm that agreement. If a person's heart isn't in it, it wouldn't matter whether it was written on paper or engraved in gold. The paper is simply the visible legal document.
Posted by homewood on June 27, 2002, at 9:22:53
In reply to Stability » homewood, posted by IsoM on June 27, 2002, at 2:13:05
It's not that I don't beleive in marriage, or want to be with someone exclusively for life, because I hold both of those goals very dear to my heart.
What I am struggling with is a conflict between intellect and emotions. I understand the arguments from an intellectual point of view that a committed, monagamous relationship is the best environment to raise a family, contribute to society, yadda yadda...But what validity should be applied to ones emotional needs? should they be subjegated? and if so, to what extent? my dilemna right now is two fold: it seems either i stay on AD's indefinately (which also have removed any emotional attachments - either good or bad - which i feel for my wife), or i remove myself from the environment i feel is causing the depression in the first place. talk about catch-22....
Posted by NikkiT2 on June 27, 2002, at 10:15:30
In reply to Thanks IsoM, kk, posted by homewood on June 27, 2002, at 9:22:53
While, like i say, I am committed to death do us part, I have only been married 2 1/2 years, so guess I;m still very much in the early days.. I have only infact been with my husband for 4 1/2 years so we're newbies to the whole concept!!
I was with my previous partner for 6 years and never had any feeling that I wanted to marry him, have his chidren, or even be with him forever. As soon as I met my husband I felt totally different and suddenly just wanted to be with him over everything else, this is why I married him.
But, who am I to know how I feel 10, 20 or 30 years down the line. I don;t see any point in marrying someone unless you want the death do us part thing, but I can also understand that the future can hold many different things that might make me feel different.
I don;t know how to answer your dilemma. Its very easy to sit here and say, if your arriage is making you feel so bad and depressed, leave it... but life isn't that simple.
I hope you find an answer that will help you
nikki
Posted by homewood on June 27, 2002, at 12:10:20
In reply to Re: Thanks IsoM, kk » homewood, posted by NikkiT2 on June 27, 2002, at 10:15:30
i'm in year 23 of this odyssey...i'm sure you can understand my angst and why i don't consider this a trivial decision...
thanks for the feedback.
Posted by Chris A. on June 28, 2002, at 21:53:46
In reply to Till Death Do Us Part?, posted by homewood on June 22, 2002, at 21:51:05
Feelings are nice, but inevitably life gets a bit rough and that's where the value of vows and commitment are so valuable. We just returned from my in-laws 50th anniversary celebration. My husband learned how to respect and love me through the example of his parents. We've been married for 23 years, which is probably unusal when one spouse is bipolar. When dealing with mental illness it is a real plus to have someone to stand by you and love unconditionally (no one is perfect). I remember one day when I was in a mixed state and my husband said "I will always love you, no matter what." The look in his eyes showed that there would be no stopping him. He meant it and still means it.
Marriage is alive and well.Chris A.
disclaimer - don't stay in an abusive relationship
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