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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on December 16, 2007, at 18:24:48
This is NOT the most wonderful time of the year for people with eating disorders. It helps to have support.
I am already freaking out because my mom is baking up a storm and now that I am on Seroquel, I have cravings for sweets. I can't give in though.
This is so hard.
Maxime
Posted by Racer on December 16, 2007, at 19:54:30
In reply to Support for the holidays, posted by Maxime on December 16, 2007, at 18:24:48
I don't have quite the same problem, since my mother doesn't bake, but I do have trouble this time of year. It's just different trouble, although some of it does involve food.
For Thanksgiving this year, for example, my mother made holiday dinner, and included spinach for me. But put butter on it -- I haven't eaten butter on vegetables in about thirty years, and it was a reminder that my mother really can't see me. Even though it's been an issue at other family meals, it didn't occur to her that I never put butter or salt on anything served at the table. I also had to yell at her to stop her putting salt on everything on the table, since I wouldn't have been able to eat any of it. After thirty years, you'd think she'd notice some of that, wouldn't you? And then after dinner, she served coffee -- and brought me a nice cup of coffee with cream. At least then she stopped and asked -- after the fact -- if I took cream in my coffee. It was only then that she thought to ask if I even drink coffee? Gee, Mom, I don't drink coffee very often, since it upsets my stomach and makes me vomit. Again, not recent news, if she'd ever noticed.
That sort of thing bothers me a lot. I feel unseen, unheard, and generally isolated. (That's why I take my spinning wheel with me on holidays -- gives me something to do, so I can ignore them right back...)
My husband often tries to protect me, which I'm very grateful for. Mother will say, "Well, Mr X, what do you want for dinner -- I never know what to serve you." He'll say, "I can almost always find something I can eat -- you need to be concerned with what Racer will eat." It's a new feeling for me, having someone speak up for me. I like it, but doubt it'll change anything any time soon...
I'm also concerned about the idiotic comments the rest of my family make about me. Either someone will start telling me "what I have to do," or commenting on my weight -- "oh, much better now you've gained so much weight" -- or whatever they spew out. It doesn't matter how many times I say, "That's not a topic I'm willing to discuss," they don't listen. It's another reminder that they have no boundaries, and don't respect me.
Gee, now I feel much better, don't you?
As for your mother's baking, have you found anything helpful in the past? For instance, I've found that if I have a first bite, I keep eating -- no control whatsoever -- so I just don't even nibble. Or I have my "rules" -- one bite, three sips of water, for instance -- that slow me down and stop me from eating much. Or, there's always avoidance... Depends on how triggering your mother is -- take along some knitting, or a book, or whatever it is that you do to avoid too much interaction...
Sorry to go off on my own thing. I agree that it's a time of year we all need extra support.
Posted by Poet on December 17, 2007, at 11:11:26
In reply to Support for the holidays, posted by Maxime on December 16, 2007, at 18:24:48
The only thing good about this year is that I am depressed and I don't binge when I am depressed. Though that still won't help at Christmas dinner when food is pushed at me. My mother has gotten it into her head that I've become a food snob because of my husband which is why I don't eat like I used to. Let her think that. Just call me a food snob.
Poet
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 17, 2007, at 17:02:44
In reply to Re: Support for the holidays *gross trigger*, posted by Racer on December 16, 2007, at 19:54:30
Racer,
If it makes you feel any better my mom and sis are the same way. They are disgusted with what I will and won't eat. And they NEVER remember. It doesn't matter that I haven't eaten something for 30 or more years, if I ate it 40 years ago I still love it and need it in their eyes.
Food equals love to them. When I don't eat it I don't love them.
I like plain food. Plain steamed carrots or asparagus, broiled fish or chicken. I don't want a ton of sauce or spices. And I like food cooked, not mushy, but COOKED. My sis thinks crunchy or half raw is better.
I too have GERD and can't drink much coffee. I am "rejecting" them when I turn down coffee. I am "too picky" when I ask what has artificial sweetner or Slenda in it. It doesn't matter that it makes me sick. My sister is certain Slenda and sugar are the exact same thing. She was also certain I hated pumpkin. I love it!
I hate family dinners unless I'm cooking.
MB
Posted by Maxime on December 17, 2007, at 17:05:23
In reply to Re: Support for the holidays *gross trigger*, posted by Racer on December 16, 2007, at 19:54:30
Racer, I hear you! Food is just placed in front me with no thought as whether it is something I would eat. I am vegan and my mum asked me if I would eat turkey this year! Um, let me think about that one ... NO!
Also the comments about the weight are hard. I bumped into someone who saw me a long time ago and said "you aren't as skinny as when I last saw you. You were too skinny.". EEK! I don't need things like that pointed out to me!
At least you have your hubby to fight for you. :) He sounds very understanding.
You are right. If I start to nibble it will be over for me. I can't do it.
Thinking of you.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 17, 2007, at 17:07:12
In reply to Re: Support for the holidays, posted by Poet on December 17, 2007, at 11:11:26
> The only thing good about this year is that I am depressed and I don't binge when I am depressed. Though that still won't help at Christmas dinner when food is pushed at me. My mother has gotten it into her head that I've become a food snob because of my husband which is why I don't eat like I used to. Let her think that. Just call me a food snob.
>
> PoetNothing worse than having food pushed at you! I think it's so unfair and I would never do that to anyone ... with or without an ED.
My appetite wasn't very good until I started Seroquel ... now I am always hungry. Eep!
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:50:52
In reply to Support for the holidays, posted by Maxime on December 16, 2007, at 18:24:48
There is too much food around and I can't handle it! Where is my self control? I want the holidays to be OVER!
Maxime
Posted by Poet on December 29, 2007, at 11:54:13
In reply to Re: Support for the holidays, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:50:52
Hi Maxime,
I managed not too over eat, but it wasn't easy. My sister baked cookies and of course I was obliged to take some home. I have resisted so far, but if I get tempted I am going to put them down the garbage disposal.
Poet
Posted by Maxime on December 30, 2007, at 19:52:14
In reply to Re: Support for the holidays » Maxime, posted by Poet on December 29, 2007, at 11:54:13
> Hi Maxime,
>
> I managed not too over eat, but it wasn't easy. My sister baked cookies and of course I was obliged to take some home. I have resisted so far, but if I get tempted I am going to put them down the garbage disposal.
>
> PoetHey Poet
I wasn't so lucky. I couldn't resist sweets and now I am paying for it. My stomach looks like I am pregnant. I was restricting so much that my stomach can't handle everything.
Starting a fast/cleanse tomorrow.
Maxime
Posted by Poet on January 1, 2008, at 13:02:58
In reply to Re: Support for the holidays » Poet, posted by Maxime on December 30, 2007, at 19:52:14
Hi Maxime,
I made up for not eating the cookies by eating far too much last night. Silly me on New Years I should over drink, not over eat. I think I'll join you in that cleanse/fast.
Poet
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