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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Colleen D. on May 5, 2005, at 18:17:21
and I don't know what to do or what I CAN do legally as his only child. My mom is having a really hard time coping with his behavior and I have to do something to help both of them. Tomorrow I plan to call the local Health Dept. and talk to a public health nurse. My dad won't see a doctor and is now spending most of his time in his bedroom in bed. He attempted suicide last fall and was prescribed Paxil and Xanax for his depression and panic attacks, but he won't take the meds.
I am beside myself...I'm constantly at odds with my alcoholic husband who is probably bi-polar, I have three children to care for (age 5 and under) and I am starting a new full-time 2nd shift job next week and my husband is going to have to pick up the kids 3 times a week from daycare and get them into bed, etc. This scares me because he continues to drink and drive but I feel like I have no choice but to go to work full-time so I can have the means to protect my children from his behavior.
Have I mentioned that I am under a lot of stress and barely managing to keep my head together????
Any suggestions, especially regarding my dad's situation, are GREATLY appreciated.
Thanks.
Colleen
Posted by gardenergirl on May 6, 2005, at 15:30:50
In reply to My father is starving himself..., posted by Colleen D. on May 5, 2005, at 18:17:21
Hi Colleen,
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds scary and distressing. How old is your dad? Is there a senior services agency or Council on Aging in your area? What about Adult Protective Services. Could there be a chance that your dad is not competent to decide for himself not to eat? If so, an agency could step in temporarily and provide some help.Can you call his doctor? Should he be hospitalized?
I would imagine there are a lot of conflicting feelings around trying to help your father. I hope the situation improves.
Remember to take care of yourself, too.
((((ColleenD))))
gg
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 23:37:23
In reply to My father is starving himself..., posted by Colleen D. on May 5, 2005, at 18:17:21
Colleen, in my father's last month I ended up having to tell the people at hospice about the conditions he was living in. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. But they could do what I just couldn't do - insist that he get proper care.
I remember sitting there crying because I just couldn't get my parents to do what needed to be done, and I was constantly fighting with my mother. And the social worker told me that I could leave it in her hands. That they would fight with my mother for me, and I could leave that burden behind and concentrate on the family.
I won't say things got perfect after that, because they didn't. But they got better.
Posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 12:06:59
In reply to My father is starving himself..., posted by Colleen D. on May 5, 2005, at 18:17:21
I'm not giving advice but I want to say what I'd probably do if this happened to my parents.
They'd have to cope with this with outside help as much as possible. I don't believe I'd feel any responsibility, as a daughter. Because they chose their lives, they chose each other, and they made vows to stick it through to the end.
Their marriage vows did not include one day making their children take responsibilty for them or their behaviour.
Yet, in spite of that, they did that throughout their children's childhood, and now they must live with the consequences of that.
I know that sounds hard-hearted and cold, but in my family, that's the way things work and I'm not about to try and change anything. It's come to suit me very well, now.
I know that it's not like this in other families, and there're reasons why that is.
Posted by cockeyed on May 12, 2005, at 0:53:19
In reply to My father is starving himself..., posted by Colleen D. on May 5, 2005, at 18:17:21
Colleen, You are not under stress, You are at war. You and your kids...that should be your focus. I'm a bi-polar alcoholic who is not drinking so who am I to give advice. But Susan47 is so right. You have to be like a soldier. You have to take care of YOU and be there for your kids. We alcoholics can actually take care of the s..t, as long as we're not flat out piss-*ssed drunk{pardon my language} You should focus on getting help for YOU. Your father has lived his life, your kids have not had a chance to live theirs. It may be hard but you also have a husband who needs you...maybe to kick him in the butt. I don't know enough to make prescriptions or give advice. But I've got an opinion. Go to Al-Anon if you can and bring your kids. There are others in your boat. Believe me. I'd tell you to get your husband to go to AA. NOT TO HELP HIM STOP DRINKING but to ask for help to cope with his situation. You should not have to do everything yourself. You can't do it. Be selfish and call every damn agency or hot line you can and let people know YOU need real help. You deserve the love and concern of people who are more than willing to go out of their way, or to do what they can really do well, that is help others. I know AA saved me in ways that had nothing to do with booze. Al-anon can do the same. People say all these groups are cults, etc. but they work because people like you have gotten together and really help one another. Sorry to go on like this but you owe yourself some chance at a little peace of mind. You're not alone and you're not begging. You're facing life in a virtual war. You should save you and your kids. Your father is making his decision. I don't know how sick he is or infirm. But maybe he could help in some way. But who the hell am I to tell you. But I can tell your husband something. If he's gonna drink, he'd better do it carefully. And if he won't you should talk to some cops. I'm serious. Not make a complaint but ask for advice. And if necessary tell your husband you'll call the cops. My wife had to warn me and that rang my bell. And pray, even if you don't believe, pray. And keep hitting this site. It's a godsend.
This is the end of the thread.
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