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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 8 to 32 of 99. Go back in thread:
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:26:51
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nen » BabyToes, posted by rskontos on June 11, 2009, at 13:47:00
Thanks so much RSK. I hope to keep in touch with you because I consider you my friend. We have much in common, more than I ever knew, especially the things I have found out recently through therapy. I would love to catch up to you again.
I do deserve to be blocked my last time because I verbally attacked Dr. Bob for this stuff he does and did. Even after that long block, I still don't feel sorry for any of it, in fact because I meant every word and STILL do. But I should have vented myself in other ways for what he has done. Wait? I already did that before, and what happened? Nothing...
You can't change people who don't want to be changed. Being a survivor is knowing when to put away your gloves and walk away knowing you did all you could to make things better. Dr. Bob says be the change you wish to see (which isn't HIS overly clique quote to begin with), well I see myself at a better online support site, so you will see me there, at ANOTHER site because I saw NO change here! He says change is slow, well that is what a lot of people must have heard Hitler say too until he was stopped. It is interesting how real world life situations continue to repeat again and again. Maybe that is the "secret" research that is going on here. I see why some what to hang on here, the home they always knew. But eventually others will hopefully see that hanging on to an abusive situations or environment, will always end up hurting you more. I remember that as an abused child, I wanted my mom to change, and I kept thinking she would see the light and do that. But I left home and will never come back because I have my own home now, a much safer place that doesn't have to wait for "slow change" or to "be the change you wish to see" because it isn't dysfunctional as this site. Dr. Bob is in the darkness of himself, you can't change him. I couldn't change my mom.
I do have some fond memories here and value some people here, but it is time to move on to a place that can feel like home, a safe place away from abuse. That is at Psych Central. Some even tried to follow me there to ambush me there too, but it didn't work because the other members wouldn't stand for that. His rules are fair, and fair rules keeps everyone happy. If things get out of control, they remove the hurtful posts, not the people except in extreme cases. Dr. Bob could learn a lot from Psych Central, if he desired to. I have met Dr. Bob in a social situation and he was closed off from others and from himself. I can't expect him to ever change things at this site. This site is just like him. (no surprise, right?) If you want change, you have to go somewhere else.
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:27:34
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nen, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:26:51
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 17:10:46
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » BabyToes, posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 12:59:15
Well I used to be "in the loop" and you should feel lucky that you are not, I am ashamed that I actually was. While in the loop they talked about you too Phillpa,it's the truth which should know about, t some said you did some horrible things and now they are saying things about me that aren't true too.
Those Babble Parties are nothing but gossip festivals and they do talk about other babblers who are not there, in not so positive ways too, INCLUDING DR> BOB HIMSELF. I think this underground sh*t should be exposed because it isn't all on the boards. So when some see me or others react what seems overly strong it is because most don't know the other stuff that happens offsite. So I fought back, which I regret because it doesn't do anything for me other than put me down to their level.
So talk about being uncivil. Plus they talk about each other when the others is not in the room. It is like high school all over again. But the thing is, I didn't believe any of it because I considered the source. Now the source is spreading lies about me too. Stay out of the loop because it can come back to bite ya in the butt. lol
> I guess I'm out of the loop as have never heard a word about you. Seriously. Love Phillipa
Posted by twinleaf on June 11, 2009, at 17:41:54
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nen, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 16:26:51
I have never met Bob, but if he is indeed "closed off from himself and others", as Happy describes him, and as he has always appeared to be to me, it would explain a lot of what has been happening here- how rules and the power that goes with them take such precedence in his mind over compassion and understanding, how he is unable to take suggestions, no matter how constructive, and how his quite cold and detached interactions with us has gradually robbed this place of its value and meaning. If you compare how posters interacted with one another now to how they did so in, say 2006, you will see how much warmth and goodwill has been lost, and how mean-spirited and even cruel many of the exchanges here now are. Unfortunately, I think Happy is right: fair-minded people who intend to have the happiest and most fulfilled lives that they can, and who wish the same for others no longer belong here. Even worse, some of us who trusted Babble, Bob and the posters here have had horrible, stressful experiences- ones we do not have in our daily lives and shouldn't have anywhere. I am going to be very blunt: Bob is possibly a sadistic individual who damages the people he comes into contact with. I am just one of many who has been hurt by him- not the first and, sadly, probably not the last by far.
I, and very likely others here. expected Bob to be roughly similar to therapists in our real lives whom we have chosen because they are warm, intelligent, well-trained, and able to help us live happier and more fulfilling lives. I think we are discovering, painfully, that Bob does not possess any of these qualities. He is an on-line conundrum- anonymous, unknown, cold, and at times dangerous to our well-being.
Posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
In reply to why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by twinleaf on June 11, 2009, at 17:41:54
>I am going to be very blunt: Bob is possibly a sadistic individual who damages the people he comes into contact with. I am just one of many who has been hurt by him- not the first and, sadly, probably not the last by far.
I don't really agree. I think it is because he has psychiatric training, which makes people over conscious of attempts to manipulate, with the results we have seen.
But so many good people have gone from here.
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:08:21
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
naw, I could care less about his "training" There are a lot of bad apples in the mental health field, so training doesn't mean anything to their personality traits. you gotta judge by what you see, each is their own judge... but there are A LOT of people gone...
I am only one of a few who have the guts to talk about the truth of things and why we are not here anymore. But I suspect I will be blocked again for speaking the truth, because abusers rather not be exposed. Whistle blowers are almost blamed for the "problems." Like child abuse and other abuse, keeping the secrets is what continues the patterns. So if you speak out like I am, I expect to be silenced again soon. But I don't care if I am blocked, this site has gone way down hill, it means nothing to me. Dr. BOb means nothing to me. There are people who mean something to me here but they know how I feel and if they want to keep in touch, they know it won't be here on this site.
Posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 19:20:51
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful... » Sigismund, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:08:21
It sounds like people are feeling hurt. I hope you feel better.
(((((everyone))))))
Posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:40:40
In reply to Hugs to everyone who needs them, posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 19:20:51
You would feel hurt if you knew what has been said about you too. Thanks Deneb, but I just want to explain again, it was NOT ME who posted on your one site one time, using my posting name. I didn't even know about it till you told me maybe a year since it happened. There is a lot of sh*t that has flown, I am not totally innocent, but I didn't ever post on your blog, ever.
Posted by Deputy Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 19:48:21
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » Phillipa, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 17:10:46
> Those Babble Parties are nothing but gossip festivals and they do talk about other babblers who are not there, in not so positive ways too, INCLUDING DR> BOB HIMSELF.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
You've recently been blocked, so I'm going to block you at this point.
Dr. Bob will be here as soon as he can, and I am leaving it to him to set block length, or reverse the block if he sees fit.
In the meantime, I ask that followups regarding these issues as well as replies to the above posts be civil themselves.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:00:24
In reply to Hugs to everyone who needs them, posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 19:20:51
This is from me, Dinah as poster.
I rather suspect that when Mother Theresa left the room, the other nuns may well have started gossiping about her. People talk about people, we're a communal species, and sometimes I'm sure the talk is less than positive. I doubt there's a person on earth who is spoken of in universally glowing terms when they leave the room. *Certainly* not me. I count myself lucky if people wait till I leave the room. :)
(That is not in any way shape or form meant as a comment on babblers. Just a general one from my experiences any number of places.)
I hope no one is feeling hurt.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:01:47
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
Not all the good people who leave here leave because of Bob, or even the deputies. There are lots of ways to feel hurt, and lots of reasons to want to leave.
Posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 20:03:09
In reply to Re: Hugs to everyone who needs them » Deneb, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 19:40:40
I think there will be gossip anywhere. I don't really gossip or hold grudges. I am pretty accepting of everyone, faults and all.
Sorry you have been hurt HF. I have no idea what is the truth in terms of rumours, but regardless of who it was that did hurtful things, I forgive them.
Sorry you are blocked again. I visit PsychCentral everyday.
Posted by Deneb on June 11, 2009, at 20:12:40
In reply to Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:00:24
I agree Dinah. Everyone has been spoken of in not so glowing terms I think. I think I have enough self esteem to not let it bother me that much.
People aren't perfect, I am OK with that.
Posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:19:21
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 11:32:17
One site is very good with PTSD, and those who are "abuse survivors."
Hey BabyT-can you give me the name of the specific site you recommended for PTSD/abusive survivors? I think I need to find a more appropriate place as well. Thank you.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:21:22
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » BabyToes, posted by garnet71 on June 11, 2009, at 20:19:21
She won't be able to respond to you, but she has said she posts at Psych Central. Perhaps that's the site, or perhaps you can reach her there.
Posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 20:36:51
In reply to Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:00:24
Dinah no not me I've know for a long time I've been talked about. But I know the rumors weren't true so didn't and doesn't bother me. Hence I keep my posting name and try to post civily. I did also work in psych and hospitals and boy the rumors!!!!! Love Phillipa who will keep her posting name.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:42:17
In reply to Re: Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 20:36:51
Then you're luckier than I am.
I know that some of what people could say about me is not true, but I also am sure some of it is! :)
Not that I know any specifics, and I'd just as soon not be enlightened. It's easier to maintain positive relationships that way. I just figure I have enough flaws that people could justifiably say negative things about me without bending the truth.
Posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2009, at 21:24:47
In reply to Re: Phillipa, Deneb, and everyone » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:42:17
Dinah well I know they say I post too much or not enough and that I don't take the meds others suggest. But I think the hardiest of us stick around. And I've met some lovely people that no longer post but we regularly e-mail. Kind of like weeding. Love Phillipa
Posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 22:57:03
In reply to Re: Okay, have your way, I will leave per·ma·nent·ly » Phillipa, posted by BabyToes on June 11, 2009, at 17:10:46
>Those Babble Parties are nothing but gossip festivals and they do talk about other babblers who are not there, in not so positive ways too, INCLUDING DR> BOB HIMSELF. I think this underground sh*t should be exposed because it isn't all on the boards.
No, it wasn't like that in Sydney. We would have been embarrassed to gossip and it wouldn't have felt right.
Posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 22:59:32
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful... » Sigismund, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2009, at 20:01:47
>Not all the good people who leave here leave because of Bob, or even the deputies. There are lots of ways to feel hurt, and lots of reasons to want to leave.
mmmm, yeah. You could be right.
I was thinking of Zeugma and the Politics board, and the way the civility rules were interpreted there.
Posted by SLS on June 12, 2009, at 5:50:14
In reply to why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by twinleaf on June 11, 2009, at 17:41:54
> I, and very likely others here. expected Bob to be roughly similar to therapists in our real lives whom we have chosen because they are warm, intelligent, well-trained, and able to help us live happier and more fulfilling lives. I think we are discovering, painfully, that Bob does not possess any of these qualities. He is an on-line conundrum- anonymous, unknown, cold, and at times dangerous to our well-being.
Even in the very beginning, Dr. Hysiung remained noticeably distant in his relationship with the members of the Psycho-Babble when the community was quite small. It seemed a bit strange at first, but then I realized that it was a smart thing for him to place some professional boundaries between himself and a group of needy and psychologically vulnerable people. To err on the side of having boundaries that are too high of too thick is preferable to having any kind of influence over someone's psyche.
I think this might be a good point of reference from which to understand the remainder of his behaviors, good and bad.
- Scott
Posted by Tabitha on June 12, 2009, at 11:27:00
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by SLS on June 12, 2009, at 5:50:14
I'm baffled when folks find it hurtful that Dr Bob doesn't behave like a warm and wonderful therapist. Why should he? He's not a therapist, and that's not his role here.
In life, people in authority or leadership aren't likely to be wise & warm therapist-like figures. Is your boss that way? Your accountant? Your family doctor? It's almost as odd to me as if someone reported they were emotionally damaged by the coldness of their stockbroker. If that happened, wouldn't it be time to look at your expectations and projections? So why such expectations of a research psychiatrist & website owner?
I wouldn't even want Dr Bob to be such a wonderful figure. Then this place would become "the Dr Bob Show" instead of a peer group support board.
Posted by SLS on June 12, 2009, at 13:46:38
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by Tabitha on June 12, 2009, at 11:27:00
> I'm baffled when folks find it hurtful that Dr Bob doesn't behave like a warm and wonderful therapist. Why should he? He's not a therapist, and that's not his role here.
>
> In life, people in authority or leadership aren't likely to be wise & warm therapist-like figures. Is your boss that way? Your accountant? Your family doctor? It's almost as odd to me as if someone reported they were emotionally damaged by the coldness of their stockbroker. If that happened, wouldn't it be time to look at your expectations and projections? So why such expectations of a research psychiatrist & website owner?Excellent points.
> I wouldn't even want Dr Bob to be such a wonderful figure. Then this place would become "the Dr Bob Show" instead of a peer group support board.For some, Dr. Bob would become a guru, and be quite capable of acting as a pied piper and perhaps lead his followers as lemmings over the precipice to their peril below.
This is a metaphor, of course, but not very far from the truth of what happens all around the world every day in days past and present. I saw such a thing for myself when I was working as an exercise instructor. You should have seen the adolescents and young adults follow his every move and hang on his every word. The guy just happened to be psychologist by profession.
- Scott
Posted by fayeroe on June 12, 2009, at 13:50:22
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful..., posted by Sigismund on June 11, 2009, at 18:22:13
Sigismund, I guess I'm having a dense period because I am not clear about what you meant in ths following sentence.
"I don't really agree. I think it is because he has psychiatric training, which makes people over conscious of attempts to manipulate, with the results we have seen."
Did you mean that we, as posters, are overly conscious of his attempts to manipulate or the opposite?
Pat
Posted by Sigismund on June 12, 2009, at 15:03:21
In reply to Re: why this site can be so hurtful... » Sigismund, posted by fayeroe on June 12, 2009, at 13:50:22
>"I don't really agree. I think it is because he has psychiatric training, which makes people over conscious of attempts to manipulate, with the results we have seen."
Did you mean that we, as posters, are overly conscious of his attempts to manipulate or the opposite?
No Pat, neither. I meant that psyciatric or more properly therapeutic training concentrates on the will. (All this comes from the wonderful Leslie Farber, an American analyst of the 60s.) He wrote books about willfulness and how therapy made it worse rather than better, citing the example of patient and therapist fighting a long battle over a pen. It's a side effect of therapy. I suppose the implication of this is that people with therapeutic training might be quite the worst people to run a support website. Maybe sheep farmers or cattle ranchers would be better.
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