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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 11 to 35 of 40. Go back in thread:
Posted by gardenergirl on August 18, 2006, at 12:27:59
In reply to Re: Please be civil - Sorry., posted by SLS on August 18, 2006, at 10:13:27
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2006, at 12:33:13
In reply to Re: Please be civil - Sorry., posted by SLS on August 18, 2006, at 10:13:27
Boy things are getting complicated. And I wish I too had better things to do but fear is a large component. Love Phillipa
Posted by notfred on August 18, 2006, at 13:13:30
In reply to Re: I am glad I have got a life., posted by happyflower on August 18, 2006, at 7:58:17
What is the point of anything anyways. There are much more constructive things to do
Like freaking out if your T takes a vacation or looks at you wrong ?
Posted by cheesesteak on August 18, 2006, at 13:42:35
In reply to Please be civil » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on August 18, 2006, at 10:00:04
Oh, for crying out load!!!
Posted by 10derHeart on August 18, 2006, at 14:27:43
In reply to Re: Please be civil » gardenergirl, posted by cheesesteak on August 18, 2006, at 13:42:35
Posted by NikkiT2 on August 18, 2006, at 16:02:06
In reply to Re: Please be civil » gardenergirl, posted by cheesesteak on August 18, 2006, at 13:42:35
but you know what, Babble is *part* of that life.
Is it worse than online gaming? Worse than discussing reality TV? Worse tahn sitting in front of the TV all day watching daytime TV.
I am willing to put money on the fact I do more for my "community" than you, that I do more voluntary work (on top of a full time job in mental health). Do you spend a few hours a week, unpaid, trying to improve mental health services for you peers? To get laws changed? To advocate for others how to get the best care?
Until you do all of this, until you are respected nationwide for all the *very* hard (unpaid)work you do, please do not tell me I "have no life" for simply posting on an internet forum.
Thankyou
Nikki
Posted by Dinah on August 18, 2006, at 16:42:10
In reply to I have a great life.. happyflower, posted by NikkiT2 on August 18, 2006, at 16:02:06
Passions are a bit high, so everyone might want to scan their posts a few times before hitting that submit button.
Posted by cheesesteak on August 18, 2006, at 16:45:01
In reply to I have two general admin suggestions, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 19:12:08
Dinah, please elaborate on "radical acceptance".
Posted by wildcardII on August 18, 2006, at 16:55:02
In reply to I have two general admin suggestions, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 19:12:08
Posted by Dinah on August 18, 2006, at 16:59:04
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions » Dinah, posted by cheesesteak on August 18, 2006, at 16:45:01
It's one of my favorite DBT skills.
But I think maybe I'm not as good as Linehan at describing it.
I'm afraid you've run up against one of my personal limitations. I can't define or explain things very well.
Posted by happyflower on August 18, 2006, at 20:38:47
In reply to Please be civil » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on August 18, 2006, at 10:00:04
sorry didn't mean to be uncivil. Actually what I meant, didn't come acrossthe right way I wanted.
I am on the boards too, a lot, I was more talking about all the heated arguments on Admin. about the rules of the site. For me it is getting old, really, and that is why I don't want to come here (admin) anymore. I don't have the time to get involved in the "fights" or read about them.
I truely support what this site is about and am glad it is here, but I plan on staying away from certain areas . I think everything I said here was civil, to as much as I understand the rules (which are very confusing).It is really hard to keep up on the new rules especailly since there is not notification anything has changed and I dont' read the FAQ everytime I sign in.
So I hope this post is okay. I am almost scared to even post anything anymore. It seems so easy to mess up here. I hope nobody is offended. Sorry about the misunderstanding on my first post.
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2006, at 22:30:42
In reply to Re: Please be civil, posted by happyflower on August 18, 2006, at 20:38:47
Happy I know what you mean. I don't come here often either. And I only frequent a couple of boards too. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on August 19, 2006, at 1:53:35
In reply to I am glad I have got a life., posted by happyflower on August 18, 2006, at 7:50:56
Ya know, maybe there's two kinds of people who come to Admin.
Those who want a stoush (and those who want to watch) and those who say it sucks.
Posted by Gabbi~G~ on August 19, 2006, at 3:02:38
In reply to Re: I am glad I have got a life. » happyflower, posted by Declan on August 19, 2006, at 1:53:35
Posted by SLS on August 19, 2006, at 6:50:49
In reply to if these posts are triggering anyone, why read??? (nm), posted by wildcardII on August 18, 2006, at 16:55:02
I guess you don't find out they trigger you until after you get done reading them. Besides, it feels good to get emotionally engaged sometimes, even if the primary emotion is anger. It is stimulating.
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 9:23:18
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions » cheesesteak, posted by Dinah on August 18, 2006, at 16:59:04
Ok, my best shot at defining it is that it is accepting reality for what it is, without judgement. It doesn't mean approving of reality. It just means accepting that it *is* reality.
It doesn't even mean that you can't take realistic steps to change the present reality. But it does mean evaluating those steps in terms of reality.
As an example, and hopefully those with Eastern philosophy training or DBT training would correct me if I was wrong, suppose you have a mother who you have never been able to have a good relationship with. Radical acceptance would mean accepting that your mother is who she is, and that she's not the mother you wish to have, or that you might deserve to have, or that it would be fair to have. And no matter what you do, or how well you treat her, or how much you beg her, she will always be who she is. Just like the wind will always blow and the sun will always shine.
It doesn't mean that you approve of getting a mother who isn't the mother you want.
It doesn't mean you can't try to change the rules of your engagement with your mother.
It just means that you accept that what is, is.
Nothing terribly profound. I meant nothing unkind or sarcastic by it. I just saw that people were getting upset and was suggesting alternatives, that's all.
Posted by Lou Pilder on August 19, 2006, at 9:38:55
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions, posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 9:23:18
Dinah,
You wrote,[...I meant nothing unkind or sarcastic..I saw that people were getting upset...].
Could you write a statement here that you are rulling out that others could have a legitimate cause to think that I am any cause for others here to get upset? If not, could you post what in your opinion could give a legitimate cause for other to be upset by whatever it is about me?
Lou
Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 9:57:18
In reply to Lou's request to Dinah » Dinah, posted by Lou Pilder on August 19, 2006, at 9:38:55
No, that was not my point.
I thought I made that clear.
Posted by wildcardII on August 19, 2006, at 10:31:52
In reply to Re: if these posts are triggering anyone, why read, posted by SLS on August 19, 2006, at 6:50:49
but when it is a continuing thing, some do not seem comfortable with it and it becomes like wildfire :-)
Posted by laima on August 19, 2006, at 17:24:44
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions, posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 9:23:18
Wow, you are lucky to find DBT therapy. I've been trying, but the groups I've located have not been accepting new people.> Ok, my best shot at defining it is that it is accepting reality for what it is, without judgement. It doesn't mean approving of reality. It just means accepting that it *is* reality.
>
> It doesn't even mean that you can't take realistic steps to change the present reality. But it does mean evaluating those steps in terms of reality.
>
> As an example, and hopefully those with Eastern philosophy training or DBT training would correct me if I was wrong, suppose you have a mother who you have never been able to have a good relationship with. Radical acceptance would mean accepting that your mother is who she is, and that she's not the mother you wish to have, or that you might deserve to have, or that it would be fair to have. And no matter what you do, or how well you treat her, or how much you beg her, she will always be who she is. Just like the wind will always blow and the sun will always shine.
>
> It doesn't mean that you approve of getting a mother who isn't the mother you want.
>
> It doesn't mean you can't try to change the rules of your engagement with your mother.
>
> It just means that you accept that what is, is.
>
> Nothing terribly profound. I meant nothing unkind or sarcastic by it. I just saw that people were getting upset and was suggesting alternatives, that's all.
Posted by Jost on August 19, 2006, at 18:21:08
In reply to Re: if these posts are triggering anyone, why read, posted by SLS on August 19, 2006, at 6:50:49
> I guess you don't find out they trigger you until after you get done reading them. Besides, it feels good to get emotionally engaged sometimes, even if the primary emotion is anger. It is stimulating.
>
>
> - Scott----- Guess you have to decide if, on balance, the likelihood of being triggered is outweighed by the desire to know whether you'll be triggered, and ifso, how much?
Jost
Posted by Toph on August 20, 2006, at 11:47:54
In reply to I have two general admin suggestions, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 19:12:08
What would happen if the administration practiced this philosophy also, radical acceptance of all posts? Chaos, I suppose.
Posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 11:49:51
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions » Dinah, posted by Toph on August 20, 2006, at 11:47:54
It's more of a zen thing than an administrative procedure, Toph. I practice radical acceptance all the time on admin. :)
Posted by Toph on August 20, 2006, at 13:38:47
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions » Toph, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 11:49:51
> It's more of a zen thing than an administrative procedure, Toph. I practice radical acceptance all the time on admin. :)
>
>
I think I understand what you are suggesting, Dinah. But it sounds like you are advocating extreme acceptance of posters. God knows you have exhibited acceptence of me over the years, despite my labile moods. But I don't believe that you have always exercised radical acceptance of posts; a block and other sanctions I view as radical rejection of a post.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 20, 2006, at 14:13:05
In reply to Re: I have two general admin suggestions » Dinah, posted by Toph on August 20, 2006, at 13:38:47
Radical acceptance doesn't mean anything goes. It means cognitively accepting that the reality and operating conditions you are in ARE the ones you are in. Wishing something was different or beating your head against the wall about it or directing a great deal of your energy trying to change reality would mean you are not accepting the conditions. And you would be investing a great deal of emotional, cognitive, and perhaps physcial energy that can cause increased stress or could be used in ways that are more meaningful to you. (hypothetical "you") It's more of a way to manage emotions when there are things that are outside of your control.
So as a deputy on admin, radical acceptance could involve accepting that even though you wish that no one ever posted anything that put anyone else down or otherwise did not follow the rules of the site, these things DO actually happen. Getting upset about it sucks up emotional energy that would be freed up if I accepted that this was going to continue to happen, and I was going to continue to have to take administrative actions as long as I am a deputy. Even if I don't like something I have to do. Even if I wish sometimes that somebody (hypothetical "somebody") would just stop or just "get it". Radical acceptance would help me realize that someone is NOT stopping and may not EVER "get it". Or chooses to act they way they do. Despite how much I might wish things were different.
Hope that helps.
gg
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