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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
I really want to write strongly worded posts toward other posters when they say things that imply that mental illness is not legitimate, or when they are dismissive and/or devaluing of methods individuals employ to manage their symptoms
How can I respond to them? or should I not respond to them? Every type of response I can manage to come up with is likely "uncivil"- although I don't believe totally inaccurate
Posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 0:01:49
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
Posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 0:15:39
In reply to oh the sarcasm I could employ............ (nm), posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 0:01:49
Posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 0:25:50
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
problem: sometimes people may just intend to antagonize
2nd problem: sometimes it takes a while to appreciate that possibility while one is feeling annoyed/insulted/angry etc.
3rd problem: you can't state that you feel someone is just trying to be antagonistic without "accusing" said person and being "uncivil"
So what to do?
Posted by ClearSkies on January 29, 2006, at 0:47:31
In reply to for example, posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 0:25:50
Use "I" statements as much as possible:
i.e., when you say "xxxxxx". I feel that "xxxxxx". write the post so that you are not making a Blanket Statement about someone's post, but rather what your individual response to it is.
Try to avoid personal insults about views being "stupid" or "ignorant". More about How The Posts Make You Feel "stupid" or "igorant"...And when in doubt, run the post by (via babblemail) a deputy or another babbler (like myself), just for feedback.
ClearSkies
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 29, 2006, at 9:31:13
In reply to Re: for example » sleepygirl, posted by ClearSkies on January 29, 2006, at 0:47:31
Posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 10:25:58
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
I suppose though that certain people are likely to run amok for a while antagonizing people until they are just "uncivil" enough to get blocked.
In the meantime however, it is hard to tolerate such a poster. It is hard to meet such disrespect with dispassion, and to respond to them in ways that are all about you owning your own feelings and not about how provocative they might be........but, I suppose that might be the point in these cases
I guess I'll just throw things at the monitor ;-)
Posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 10:26:50
In reply to Re: for example » sleepygirl, posted by ClearSkies on January 29, 2006, at 0:47:31
Posted by ed_uk on January 29, 2006, at 14:30:52
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
Hi Sleepybabes :)
I tend to avoid replying to such threads these days. They're always so repetitive, I've heard it all before. Deja vu. I'm kind of immune to it all now. Threads like this have been 'done' MANY times before in babble land.
Ed
Posted by ed_uk on January 29, 2006, at 14:32:21
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by ed_uk on January 29, 2006, at 14:30:52
Sleepy,
Just to clarify, I wasn't referring to your thread! I was referring to the threads you were referring to!
Ed
Posted by thuso on January 29, 2006, at 16:00:51
In reply to how do other people deal with it? (nm), posted by sleepygirl on January 29, 2006, at 0:15:39
I verbally say it to my computer screen. That way none of you guys can hear it. hahahaha! There is a reason I have yet to get in trouble here. ;-) I don't even want to think about how many times I would have been blocked if I wrote even half the stuff in a reply that I've said out loud. hahaha!
Posted by sleepygirl on January 30, 2006, at 1:35:14
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
I seem to believe lately that a lot of people have bad intentions, and I'm super-sensitive to it. IRL at the moment I feel really taken advantage of, and I'm having a hard time with it. I seem to want to call EVERYONE on their behavior and assert some serious limits regarding what I can tolerate - it's not necessarily appropriate and perhaps just some displacement of all the frustrations I'm experiencing in real life lately.
I just know I usually don't care this much about whether or not some poster is provocative.
People will do what people will do right?
Posted by sleepygirl on January 30, 2006, at 1:41:16
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do? » ed_uk, posted by ed_uk on January 29, 2006, at 14:32:21
Posted by sleepygirl on January 30, 2006, at 1:42:28
In reply to Re: how do other people deal with it? » sleepygirl, posted by thuso on January 29, 2006, at 16:00:51
Posted by Tomatheus on January 31, 2006, at 1:44:44
In reply to sensitivity to provocative? posts, posted by sleepygirl on January 30, 2006, at 1:35:14
Sleepygirl,
Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive to provocation as well, but I too think that the number of provocative posts on these boards (well, at least on the meds board) has reached an unhealthy level as of late. I say this partially because I've felt quite upset by some of these messages, but also because I think this provocation has caused the Psycho-Babble community to deteriorate to some extent. When several veteran members get PBCs over some posts that were made by brand-new members (unless they just changed names), then yes, the posts made by these new members are overly provocative. Maybe it's just me, but I think there's been a departure from support and education on the meds board over the last few days, and I too am frustrated.
So, Sleepygirl, I'm not sure that you'll find this helpful, but I wanted to let you know that you're not the only one feeling frustrated by the provocation here.
Tomatheus
> I seem to believe lately that a lot of people have bad intentions, and I'm super-sensitive to it. IRL at the moment I feel really taken advantage of, and I'm having a hard time with it. I seem to want to call EVERYONE on their behavior and assert some serious limits regarding what I can tolerate - it's not necessarily appropriate and perhaps just some displacement of all the frustrations I'm experiencing in real life lately.
> I just know I usually don't care this much about whether or not some poster is provocative.
> People will do what people will do right?
>
Posted by teejay on January 31, 2006, at 8:45:34
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
Hi sleepygirl
I can understand your angst! Someone clearly posts in a provocative manner and when you say "Oi, behave yourself", YOU are the one that gets pulled up for not being civil. Seen it happen a thousand times around here sadly.
A piece of advice if I may be so bold....find the people that have advice or information which helps YOU, and ditch the rest in the cyber dustbin as they will only be negative influences on you.
Another thing, try and avoid the admin board like the plague! Its probably one of the most depressing and negative places I've ever been to. I'm only here at the moment as i'm angry that declan got banned for some ridiculous length of time for suggesting George dubya is incompetent! (as if??? LOL)Declan is an asset to the alternative board (which is where i normally hang out) and want to see him back pronto :-)
Regards
TJ
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2006, at 9:42:41
In reply to Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do?, posted by sleepygirl on January 28, 2006, at 23:54:40
I find my greatest tool in dealing with feeling provoked is to get up and walk away from the computer for a while. Sometimes a bit of distance is what I need to put a post in perspective or to figure out why I'm responding so strongly.
A civility buddy is often quite helpful. Not only can they help you choose what you should or shouldn't say on board, but you can blow off all the steam you wish to them off board. You don't even have to asterisk the naughty words.
I often write scathing replies which I never send. Gotta be careful on that one and not out of habit hit submit. Writing it in Word would be safer, but doesn't seem to have the same cathartic appeal.
And I sometimes contact Dr. Bob by email and try to convince him that the posts in question *do* violate the civility guidelines or are not supportive. But off board, so that I am not violating the civility guidelines myself by characterizing them as such on board. If he ever implements the "report this post" button, that will be an even easier option.
I sometimes decide to reply, but write and rewrite until I'm sure that my post reflects only I statements, and run it by my civility buddy to doublecheck.
Sometimes I go have a good cry. Or sputter to my husband or therapist.
Those are my techniques for dealing with what I do when I feel provoked.
I also (occasionally) realize that sometimes I might feel provoked but the other poster might have completely different reasons to post than to provoke me. Perhaps thay believe something very strongly because it worked for them, or because of something in their own background. And that whatever my assumptions are about their intentions, I should at the very least not describe them on board, which could be seen as a violation of the civility guidelines.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 31, 2006, at 14:48:50
In reply to Feeling provoked, posted by Dinah on January 31, 2006, at 9:42:41
mmmm.......yes I think distance is at times very much called for in my case
Perhaps I will try to enlist a civility buddy for those times when I'm likely to be overly candid about my responses. I like that possibility.
Sometimes people might not realize they are offending others. I don't know why I sometimes feel it is my personal responsibility to let them know. (Sleepygirl goes on uncivil rampage to ensure civility- news at 10 - ha ha)
thanks for the response :-)
Posted by tealady on February 1, 2006, at 19:29:30
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob....what is a sleepygirl to do? » sleepygirl, posted by teejay on January 31, 2006, at 8:45:34
> Hi sleepygirl
>
> I can understand your angst! Someone clearly posts in a provocative manner and when you say "Oi, behave yourself", YOU are the one that gets pulled up for not being civil. Seen it happen a thousand times around here sadly.
>I agree sleepygirl. Best to just ignore it, it's a pity they not only get away with it, but are encouraged and enpowered by it.
The important thing is though, just be yourself and don't stoop to(what you get the impression of at least) their posting style.
I personally think this is where the civility guidleines fall down .. over and over again, by encouraging and rewarding this style of writing.
I realise Dr Bob's intentions though, and I have no easy answer. I do think it's a sad outcome though, and in my book at least, I much prefer an open, more direct style of communication, without personal attacks of course.
Of course, as you say, you could have just been misinterpreting the meaning, due to background differences :-)> A piece of advice if I may be so bold....find the people that have advice or information which helps YOU, and ditch the rest in the cyber dustbin as they will only be negative influences on you.
>That's the only way I can cope too
> Another thing, try and avoid the admin board like the plague! Its probably one of the most depressing and negative places I've ever been to. I'm only here at the moment as i'm angry that declan got banned for some ridiculous length of time for suggesting George dubya is incompetent! (as if??? LOL)Declan is an asset to the alternative board (which is where i normally hang out) and want to see him back pronto :-)
>
me too, though I don't think he's incompetent actually ;-).. but that's politics.. and I ain't getting into it!!LOL (after 3 days of trying to calm down, LOL. )Cheer up sleepygirl, run your posts by a buddy as was suggested if you want to respond.
Usually I don't bother to respond, and rarely bother to read posts by some either.. that way I don't waste my time upsetting myself.
If I want to waste my time, I want to enjoy myself doing it:)Jan
This is the end of the thread.
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