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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 351 to 375 of 536. Go back in thread:
Posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 0:28:01
In reply to sorry dr b, i lost my cool, posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 0:05:34
i might've offended..i mean i'm *really* sorry..i think just being over here on this board triggers anger in me, as i've had such bad experiences over on this board in the past, and i just can't believe all of this is happening and i had no idea, and now it may be too late. i feel terrible for losing my temper.
amy
Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 0:50:07
In reply to Re: my vote » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on April 24, 2005, at 23:55:28
> ok, so are you saying that these private rooms will be in *addition* to the main social board?
Yup. That is indeed my understanding. The rest of the boards would continue as normal.
>could you go in a little more detail please? your post leaves me with a lot of questions..
Hmm. I'm not too sure what your questions are. I guess nobody really knows how they are going to work exactly except Dr Bob and maybe he hasn't even worked out all the details yet. I think the idea may be first come first served or something like that. And the number of posters to the board will be restricted to a certain number (not sure how many). If people don't post for a couple of weeks or whatever then they lose their place and someone else can join up. I'm not too sure but I think the idea is to have as many of them as there are people who want them so if one is full then another may be set up. I think the idea is that some people would feel more comfortable in a smaller group.
IMO I don't think it would change the current boards much. But some people have been worried that it would change things because some of the people off social might prefer their smaller board. I don't know. I just know that in my case I would probably like to be a member of a smaller board - but I'd also keep posting to social as usual because I wouldn't want to miss out on my friends there and also all the new people who come along and all the old people who I don't know very well yet.With respect to civility...
There was some concern about people saying that small boards were exclusive and stuff like that. The concern was that posters might not feel comfortable joining up to the small boards (if they ever get underway) because posters might think that other posters think they are being exclusionary in joining.That was what that was about.
You can say you don't like them etc.
But I think you aren't really supposed to call them 'names'.
Posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 1:23:16
In reply to Re: my vote » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 0:50:07
> > ok, so are you saying that these private rooms will be in *addition* to the main social board?
> Yup. That is indeed my understanding. The rest of the boards would continue as normal.
thanks, alex. well, great. i don't have a problem with the private rooms then. wish i'd known this from the beginning, lol..that's a real load off....phew! now that idea actually sounds like a win-win to me. i want everybody to be comfortable here, and happy. i think it's great to be able to choose.
amy:)
Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 1:38:58
In reply to Re: my vote » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 1:23:16
> thanks, alex. well, great. i don't have a problem with the private rooms then. wish i'd known this from the beginning, lol..that's a real load off....phew! now that idea actually sounds like a win-win to me. i want everybody to be comfortable here, and happy. i think it's great to be able to choose.
I agree...
Though I should probably point out that me and you and Dr Bob might be the only three people who are willing to admit that on admin ;-)
Posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 1:47:08
In reply to Re: my vote » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 1:38:58
oh dear..shoot, i don't want ppl to hate me for feeling that way..i know how divisive this admin board can be..i just want peace. hope everyone understands. man, i need to go to bed, lol..i think i'm having a rough night being alone..:(
amy
Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 2:05:32
In reply to Re: my vote » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 1:47:08
peace.
I don't think people will hate you
Even though they may hate the idea of small boards...
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 8:02:34
In reply to Re: my vote » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 1:38:58
> Though I should probably point out that me and you and Dr Bob might be the only three people who are willing to admit that on admin ;-)
If you think that people really are happy at the idea of getting to play behind a glass wall where all their friends can watch and listen, but only some of their friends are welcome to join in, and are afraid to say so for fear of negative input from posters like me, then this poster like me will remove herself from the equation.
It's clear that more people than you would think are happy with the idea of boards where all can see but only some can play or join in or be helpful, and I'm not quite sure I fit in.
Don't worry Dr. Bob, I've blocked myself for a week.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 25, 2005, at 9:17:12
In reply to Re: my vote » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 1:38:58
Well, ummm, I agree with you both.
I'll admit it on admin.
(if I am supposed to be scared to say this...too dense to realize it, I guess...)
Ignorance is bliss? ;-)
Posted by 10derHeart on April 25, 2005, at 9:30:35
In reply to Re: my vote » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 8:02:34
Gosh, this seems pretty upsetting to you.
Guess I didn't recall the extent of that feeling about this from the original discussion.I'm sorry it's so intense, but only because it might take you away or make you censor yourself too much :-( (Not because intense feelings or convictions are *bad* or have no place here. They aren't and they do.)
I think your reasons are sound for being so opposed, having been here in this 2nd home of ours for so very much longer than me, you have a broader base to operate from in forming an opinion. I could be totally off in thinking it sounds okay to try, and end up feeling just as you do. I just can't seems wrap my head around the idea, or envision how it might feel as well as you can.
I'm not bothered if we might disagree on this, that or the other thing. Unless it immediately gets personal or hurtful, I guess. I can't see that. It's not you.
Please don't remove yourself, Dinah.
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 25, 2005, at 9:39:31
In reply to Re: my vote » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 2:05:32
I'm for them too.
Though, I don't like the idea that everyone can see, but only few can post.. If they're gonna happen, then only the people who can post on them should be able to read them in my opinion.
I would like somewhere safer to post without the whole world seeing my posts..
Though I also prefer a community smaller than what social is now, at the end of the day, there are a number of long term posters here threatening to leave if that happens, and I would hate to see that happening, and to be honest, the whole thing is causing so much stress to some that I think it should just be shelved.
I can understand why people are against them in a way, but the sites I use most have had the "private room" way of running for the last 10 years, and its worked great for them (though I don't claim to have been there the entire 10 years, only 8 of them!)..
Ach.. I better shut.. too full of drugs today (pethedine, valium and two other things too) so likely to say something uncivil if I continue!!
Nikki
Posted by AuntieMel on April 25, 2005, at 10:00:47
In reply to Re: my vote » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 2:05:32
Actually there are several of us that get distressed when this topic comes up - and the threads get long and hard to avoid.
Since Alesta needs catching up, could I (pretty please) ask you two to do it by babblemail? I know you both have rights to your opinion, but currently it's catch-up info, not new info.
Please don't take this as being rude. I'm really trying to come up with something that benefits all of us.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 25, 2005, at 10:11:17
In reply to Re: my vote, posted by NikkiT2 on April 25, 2005, at 9:39:31
> I'm for them too.
>
> Though, I don't like the idea that everyone can see, but only few can post.. If they're gonna happen, then only the people who can post on them should be able to read them in my opinion.
>That's a crucial difference though, and it's not happening. We did suggest that they either be *private* or not exist at all.
I'm really dissappointed.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 25, 2005, at 10:12:33
In reply to Re: alex and alesta, posted by AuntieMel on April 25, 2005, at 10:00:47
Awww Cr*p!
Posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 10:33:34
In reply to smaller groups--need thread explaining, posted by alesta on April 23, 2005, at 22:28:28
i didn't know who would be able to tell me the info when i started this post, or i would've babblemailed..i regret causing any harm here. alex and i have already finished our discussion..it's nice to know ppl care when you're having a rough night..later
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 25, 2005, at 10:44:30
In reply to Re: my vote, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 25, 2005, at 10:11:17
Dissapointed with me??
Posted by AuntieMel on April 25, 2005, at 12:18:43
In reply to i'm sorry i brought it up, posted by alesta on April 25, 2005, at 10:33:34
No worries. Just a suggestion.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 25, 2005, at 14:26:36
In reply to Re: my vote » Gabbi-x-2, posted by NikkiT2 on April 25, 2005, at 10:44:30
> Dissapointed with me??
No, no, no, Nikki dear, that was an overall sigh of dissappointment. Sorry, my communication skills are sadly lacking these days.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 18:27:45
In reply to Re: alex and alesta, posted by AuntieMel on April 25, 2005, at 10:00:47
Yeah, that was a good suggestion AuntieMel. I should have Babblemailed. Whoops.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 18:31:13
In reply to Re: my vote » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 8:02:34
> If you think that people really are happy at the idea of getting to play behind a glass wall where all their friends can watch and listen, but only some of their friends are welcome to join in, and are afraid to say so for fear of negative input from posters like me, then this poster like me will remove herself from the equation.
No Dinah, I'm not happy at that idea. But I don't see small boards in that way. If I saw them in that way then I would be opposed to them as well.
Please don't go Dinah. Nobody wants that. We don't even want you to shut up with your opinion. I like reading your posts and always respect what you have to say.
In fact some people are quiet about what they think and some people are opposed to them because they can see how much this is upsetting you.
That shows just how much people do care about you and your hurt. So please don't go. I'm sorry I didn't think to Babblemail what I had to say.
Posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2005, at 18:35:25
In reply to Re: my vote » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 18:31:13
What? I don't usually go to Social, but that sounds a lot like being Bocked to me. You know you can read but not post. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 19:52:47
In reply to Re: my vote » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 18:31:13
> > If you think that people really are happy at the idea of getting to play behind a glass wall where all their friends can watch and listen, but only some of their friends are welcome to join in, and are afraid to say so for fear of negative input from posters like me, then this poster like me will remove herself from the equation.
>
> No Dinah, I'm not happy at that idea. But I don't see small boards in that way. If I saw them in that way then I would be opposed to them as well.I don't understand how they can be seen any other way. Assuming that a poster posts on both glassed off and open boards:
1) You are having conversations, playful or meaningful, which can be read by your friends from all boards.
2) Some of those conversations can not be joined by friends unless they are members of a limited size, and thus restricted, board.
3) It logically follows from 1 & 2 that you are engaging in " play behind a glass wall where all their friends can watch and listen, but only some of their friends are welcome to join in"Can all friends watch and listen? Yes. Are all friends welcome to join in? No. Only some are welcome to join in those conversations.
What other possible way can 1 & 2 be joined?
The other alternative is that people participate in only restricted boards in which case
1) People who they do not consider friends can watch and listen.
2) People who they do not consider friends are not welcome to join in.
That is at least internally consistent to me, but not really in keeping with what the boards mean to me.
The first scenario, where people considered friends are not allowed to join in conversations they are allowed to watch and see, is totally beyond my conception.
> In fact some people are quiet about what they think and some people are opposed to them because they can see how much this is upsetting you.
>
> That shows just how much people do care about you and your hurt. So please don't go. I'm sorry I didn't think to Babblemail what I had to say.
>
Alexandra, do you really think that's what I want? Do you know me so little that you think that I would find that a good thing? Do you think I want this to be about me? Do you really think I'm like that?I don't want people to side with me because they don't want to hurt me. I don't want people to shut up about their opinions because they don't want to hurt me.
I sort of would like that people wouldn't want to hurt anyone on this site by having conversations openly and then overtly or covertly (through restricted boards) asking others not to join. How would I feel if you and Damos were having a bantering conversation on Social and when I tried to banter with you, you told me it was a private conversation and I wasn't welcome. How is a publicly read board where I wasn't allowed to post any different? And I don't just mean me. I wouldn't even read a board I can't post on. Because I would know I wasn't welcome there. But how would people who didn't realize they weren't welcome feel about it?
I don't want people to not post their opinions because of me. I don't want people to oppose the idea because of me. That idea is REPUGNANT to me. It is contrary to everything I believe in. It's contrary to the very thing I am trying to say in this argument.
Which is that EVERYONE is important. And that EVERYONE should feel welcome. And that feeling like your nose is pressed to a glass wall and there are people laughing and joking or crying and commiserating behind it and YOU AREN'T WELCOME is not a very Babble-like idea. Not the Babble that I love anyway.
And I keep coming smack into the realization that I don't want to be a part of a Babble where that's the way things are.
I'm going back to self imposed block. Dr. Bob can make it official if he likes. Or he can make me step out of the white robes of PBC virginity if he likes.
I can't sell my ideals for virginity.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 25, 2005, at 20:09:48
In reply to Re: my vote, posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2005, at 18:35:25
> What? I don't usually go to Social, but that sounds a lot like being Bocked to me. You know you can read but not post. Fondly, Phillipa
How very succinctly put Phillipa, thanks.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 20:10:24
In reply to Re: my vote, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 19:52:47
> I don't understand how they can be seen any other way. Assuming that a poster posts on both glassed off and open boards:
> 1) You are having conversations, playful or meaningful, which can be read by your friends from all boards.
> 2) Some of those conversations can not be joined by friends unless they are members of a limited size, and thus restricted, board.
> 3) It logically follows from 1 & 2 that you are engaging in " play behind a glass wall where all their friends can watch and listen, but only some of their friends are welcome to join in"
> Can all friends watch and listen? Yes. Are all friends welcome to join in? No. Only some are welcome to join in those conversations.
> What other possible way can 1 & 2 be joined?
> The other alternative is that people participate in only restricted boards in which case
> 1) People who they do not consider friends can watch and listen.
> 2) People who they do not consider friends are not welcome to join in.
> That is at least internally consistent to me, but not really in keeping with what the boards mean to me.
> The first scenario, where people considered friends are not allowed to join in conversations they are allowed to watch and see, is totally beyond my conception.Hmm. I think... I think...
I finally see what you mean.
Dare I say
(Dare I say)
When you put it like that...
I change my mind.
I don't like the idea either.
> Alexandra, do you really think that's what I want? Do you know me so little that you think that I would find that a good thing? Do you think I want this to be about me? Do you really think I'm like that?No Dinah. I didn't think you would want or like that. But I do think that that is what has happened nevertheless.
> I don't want people to side with me because they don't want to hurt me. I don't want people to shut up about their opinions because they don't want to hurt me.I know you wouldn't want that.
But I do think...
I do think...
That when people see you get so very upset about this
Then that is what happens.
I'm just stating the fact.
I don't think you would like that
I don't think you would want that
And I'm not trying to hurt you
But I do think that happens.
I'm not trying to silence you
But I do think that when people see you getting so very upset then that is what happens.
I liked your last post.
I liked it very much.
You said how you saw it.
And when you explain it like that...
Well...
I can see what you mean.
And I think I do.
And I agree.> I'm going back to self imposed block. Dr. Bob can make it official if he likes. Or he can make me step out of the white robes of PBC virginity if he likes.
> I can't sell my ideals for virginity.
Good for you :-)
But...
Please don't go.
Come back.
I don't think that warranted a blocking Dinah.
Maybe (maybe) a PBC (if that).Don't go.
Please.
Think of the consequence of that...
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 20:30:58
In reply to Re: my vote » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 20:10:24
Thank you for that, Alexandra. For saying that you know that I don't want people's opinions to be influenced by me. Well, maybe by the brilliance of my persuasive arguments, but not by me. I never like that idea.
I'm sorry if I overreact. I run smack dab into two opposing forces that are very important to me. My love of Babble, which is fierce, and my ideals of community, which is equally strong. It distresses me a great deal when something like that happens.
I didn't say I'd leave Babble forever. I actually made the decision to stay at Babble regardless. But whenever this topic comes up, it so disorders my world and the natural order of things that I need to step away for a while. Especially when the new Babble regulations about this board inexplicably (to me) seem to require that I remain silent.
I do wish Dr. Bob would have a community expert weigh in on the idea. My therapist happens to be a community expert...
Posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2005, at 20:36:59
In reply to Re: my vote » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 20:30:58
Perhaps I'm naive, but I just figured if Dr Bob actually ever set them up, not too many folks would even use them. Kind of a if you build it, they won't come? I don't know. But then I still get tripped up when I assume folks think like I do. :)
gg
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