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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 18:33:30
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » Mark H., posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 18:25:29
Comments like that make things extremely difficult. I have personal communication that would shed light on this, offer another side to the story, I can't according to babble rules put it up for display. It's been forwarded to the proper authorities. Please don't jump to conclusions.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 16, 2005, at 18:34:54
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » Mark H., posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 18:25:29
Ok, I'm going to get myself into trouble here. Oh well. Gabbi, I just wanted to say that you have shown GREAT restraint and tolerance (and I am not just referring to the the post regarding the babblemail and the resulting dialogue here on Admin). I won't go into detail, but I feel that you have always been a model of tact and decorum.
Sorry, but I just had to get that off my chest.
Tamara
(formerly jujube)
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 18:37:02
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » Gabbi-x-2, posted by TamaraJ on February 16, 2005, at 18:34:54
Oh thank you Ju Jube.. thank you
I think you just made me start crying..
Posted by TamaraJ on February 16, 2005, at 18:41:26
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » TamaraJ, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 18:37:02
Oh no! Please do not cry. I didn't mean to make anyone cry. I just had to voice my opinion (albeit vaguely), based on what I have observed during the few months I have been on the board.
Take good care of yourself Gabbi. My thoughts are with you.
Tamara
Posted by partlycloudy on February 16, 2005, at 18:42:44
In reply to What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat, posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 17:23:41
And I offer this not as an explanation but to provide insight into the situation:
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/456139.html
if you follow this thread you will see that this post sparked some controversy, much to my dismay.
Posted by KaraS on February 16, 2005, at 19:11:53
In reply to What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat, posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 17:23:41
> "It would feel really good to kill XXX today :)"
>
> What if the message above, sent via Babblemail, had been initiated by a man and directed towards a woman, instead of the other way around? Would anyone predict that the person who wrote the message would be comforted and the person receiving it would be blocked for a week?
>
> Mark H.Hi Mark,
I'm not sure that gender is the issue here. If I didn't have any other facts but what Rod initially posted, then I would have reacted with complete support for him and against the poster who made that remark - regardless of the sex of either of them. I think that people have responded with support for Gabbi because they know her, trust her and believe her when she says that there is more to the story and that it wasn't meant as a threat nor was it ever intended that Rod read the remark. That is the only explanation that is consistent with her character.That being said, I do feel for Rod because that had to be a very disturbing message to read (particularly if he didn't realize that it was a figure of speech rather than a threat). I hope, for his sake, that in time he can accept that the message in question was not meant to scare or hurt him. I do feel bad that he has ended up being blocked.
K
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 20:03:51
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » Mark H., posted by KaraS on February 16, 2005, at 19:11:53
>> > Mark H.
>
> Hi Mark,
> I'm not sure that gender is the issue here. I think that people have responded with support for Gabbi because they know her, trust her and believe her when she says that there is more to the story and that it wasn't meant as a threat nor was it ever intended that Rod read the remark. That is the only explanation that is consistent with her character.Thank you. It's kind of bizarre. When a comment is posed like that, I mentioned to someone else, it feels like I'm a defendent in court who was overheard by a neighbor once saying
"I could strangle my husband!" and suddenly has it tossed back at her completely out of context, and as in court just a "yes or no" It's not permitted by Babble, nor do I really want to provide the elements that preceded that comment, or more importantly to me, what has happened since, which makes me fairly certain that fear was never the issue here.
Posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 20:37:48
In reply to What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat, posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 17:23:41
Hi Gabbi,
I haven't drawn any conclusions at all; if you look at what I posted, I simply asked two questions based on what I read above. I'm interested in understanding what happened from a group process perspective, and I wondered about the role of gender in people's reactions. Kara seems to have understood why I asked, and she answered accordingly. (Thanks, Kara!) Partly Cloudy offered some context that was useful but still has me scratching my head. (Thanks, PC!)
Please know that I respect you and appreciated your immediate apology to Rod, above, which in my opinion should have been the end of the matter. I, too, feel restrained by the civility rules from saying much more.
With kind regards,
Mark H.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 20:54:21
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat, posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 20:37:48
> Hi Gabbi,
>
Thank you Mark. Given It was difficult not to take that personally. I often ask questions like that with no hidden jab, really a question, and then have people assume I'm being judgemental.
I should have responded in the way that I would like people to see my questions.. as a question!I remember another such incident involving a man and a woman, on babble, where the woman felt threatened, and the responses were actually fairly supportive to both posters, which surprised me.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 21:10:32
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » Mark H., posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 20:54:21
As for the question..
Let's say you Mark, read a post of mine that hit a nerve with you personally. You babblemailed a friend and said " Hi so and so That post infuriated me so much I could Kill Gabbi right now!"
And I got wind of the post..Next thing you know, without any discussion with me, I've posted it on Admin, and babblemailed about 20 people saying that now the reunion is going to have to be cancelled because Mark may still want to kill me. Then I put a follow up post declaring you a threat to babble, and insinuating that you are not who you say you are.I honestly believe that the posters would be able to see that it was a matter of something being taken out of context, and being dealt with highly innapropriately male or female. If I recieved a warning about what I was posting
and continued to do so, I don't think anyone would be surprised to see me blocked, or see me as a victim. I believe I'm being objective here.
Posted by KaraS on February 16, 2005, at 21:11:03
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » KaraS, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 20:03:51
> >> > Mark H.
> >
> > Hi Mark,
> > I'm not sure that gender is the issue here. I think that people have responded with support for Gabbi because they know her, trust her and believe her when she says that there is more to the story and that it wasn't meant as a threat nor was it ever intended that Rod read the remark. That is the only explanation that is consistent with her character.
>
> Thank you. It's kind of bizarre. When a comment is posed like that, I mentioned to someone else, it feels like I'm a defendent in court who was overheard by a neighbor once saying
> "I could strangle my husband!" and suddenly has it tossed back at her completely out of context, and as in court just a "yes or no" It's not permitted by Babble, nor do I really want to provide the elements that preceded that comment, or more importantly to me, what has happened since, which makes me fairly certain that fear was never the issue here.
>
You're welcome. The meaning of many statements can be misleading when taken out of context - and if you're not allowed to divulge that context, then you can't fully defend yourself. Fortunately most people "know" you well enough here to understand.Take care,
Kara
Posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 21:42:34
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 21:10:32
Hi Gabbi,
Thank you for your thoughtful response. It's good to use hypotheticals to help communicate here. I certainly see your point of view.
I've tried to deal with certain posters through the use of humor and also with compassion and directness, and in most cases I've had no luck with either. You may have had similar experiences, perhaps even with the same poster(s).
I'm sorry for the turmoil and appreciate your taking the time to offer me additional information. It makes much more sense now.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 16, 2005, at 22:19:19
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 21:42:34
> Hi Gabbi,
>
> Thank you for your thoughtful response. It's good to use hypotheticals to help communicate here. I certainly see your point of view.
>Thanks, I really do think, if it were a female recipient, in a similar case, after an apology especially, my inner reaction would be "For heavens sake.. chill out" but I may not post that exactly : )
> I've tried to deal with certain posters through the use of humor and also with compassion and directness, and in most cases I've had no luck with either. You may have had similar experiences, perhaps even with the same poster(s).
Yeah, that's where the whiskey comes in..
(kidding)
> I'm sorry for the turmoil and appreciate your taking the time to offer me additional information. It makes much more sense now.
>
Thanks for listening Mark.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 9:55:07
In reply to What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Threat, posted by Mark H. on February 16, 2005, at 17:23:41
Mark - actually I've been (I think) supportive of both. Mostly by babblemail and email.
Forget gender - what we actually have here are two human beings that, agree with the reasons or not, are hurting. As fellow babblers I feel we should extend support to both and not take sides.
Gabbi and Rod - love to you both.
Posted by Mark H. on February 17, 2005, at 13:01:05
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Th » Mark H., posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 9:55:07
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 13:46:43
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Th » Mark H., posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 9:55:07
As fellow babblers I feel we should extend support to both and not take sides.
>That's the ideal vision you know, but there should be I believe sometimes be consequences for actions. Side-taking is not always a bad word(S) Some actions are not okay. Lying is not okay, harassment is not okay, threats are not okay.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 15:08:50
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Th » AuntieMel, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 13:46:43
You are right, of course. None of those things are ok, and there should be consequences for actions.
It's just that without having privy to the contents of the emails (except one line in one email) I don't think it would be fair or right of me (or any other babblers for that matter) to make a judgement.
I've always hated it when people make judgements about me without knowing all the facts and I'd hate to be guilty of the same thing.
I feel I should leave the judging to Dr. Bob.
Meanwhile you have my support. Truly.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 15:17:17
In reply to Re: I agree - mostly. » Gabbi-x-2, posted by AuntieMel on February 17, 2005, at 15:08:50
> I've always hated it when people make judgements about me without knowing all the facts and I'd hate to be guilty of the same thing.
>
> I feel I should leave the judging to Dr. Bob.Actually Dr. Bob doesn't deal with e-mail issues so I have had to go elswhere.
>
> Meanwhile you have my support. Truly.I know, and I'm sorry for getting all fired up.
I've been through something like this before
and I just dont'like it much
Your support means a lot to me
Thank you
Posted by Bobby on February 17, 2005, at 15:51:17
In reply to Re: I agree - mostly. » AuntieMel, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 15:17:17
Just please don't kill me :)
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 16:22:29
In reply to I support you too » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Bobby on February 17, 2005, at 15:51:17
> Just please don't kill me :)
*snort*
You only said that cause you were scared right?
Thanks Bobby, it means extra extra support because I know you don't like to make the trek over to the admin board.
Thank you
Posted by MCK on February 17, 2005, at 19:23:38
In reply to Re: I support you too » Bobby, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 16:22:29
I'm fed up with this. I've been the unwanted recipient of "Dr." Rod's e-mail barrages for a year, I'd heard about him before that. The first e-mail was at my behest. Gabbi was never a threat to anything but his delusions of grandeur. She pushed his buttons. Rod only knows how to patronize women, or control them. Gabbi's disinterest and her characteristic bluntness infuriated him. He would rant and rave about her. "One of these days" he'd say "She'll get what's coming to her" "She'll learn" Of course that's not a direct quote, Rod speak is unique, when he's trying to impress, but those words were in there. When I began to argue with him, he turned on me as well using words that would make a sailor blush. He's also called himself "King Rod."
Rod has a long history of e-mail abuse and harrassment, he knows all the tricks. He's extremely ill, far beyond the reaches of this board, and someone to avoid at all costs, until he can acknowledge his for himself, and I don't think that's likely, many have tried. He's a self-centred, sociopath, with no feelings of remorse for anything, though he can copy the empathy of others he does not have those feelings himself. He's potentially dangerous. His little freak out about Gabbi was just the opportunity he'd been looking for.
Posted by henrietta on February 17, 2005, at 19:30:40
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Th » AuntieMel, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 13:46:43
To Gabbi : In the interests of being direct, I believe that until the facts are in (and they apparently never will be in in this case), for most of us not taking sides is the honorable thing to do. I won't take your "side "just because you tell me to
(especially since the other "side" has been blocked). (And I keep wondering what consequences
the unnamed person who forwarded your email to Rod has had to face.) It does seem to me that since so much of this has been conducted off-board, behind the scenes, it may be somewhat unreasonable to insist that we choose "sides" (your side), and to imply that somehow there is only one right side to choose. It feels to me that you are saying anyone who supports both you and Rod is ... what? Well, whatever it is, it don't sound good. I maintain my support for both of you , I am sorry that you both appear to be in pain, and I refuse to believe that my choice to support you both is somehow ....not right?
Oh, yeah. That was direct. (Sarcasm, but self-directed. Do we get penalized for self-directed sarcasm?)
Posted by henrietta on February 17, 2005, at 19:40:14
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Th, posted by henrietta on February 17, 2005, at 19:30:40
I'm replying to my own post. I wrote mine before MCK's appeared. I don't know what to believe or whom to trust. Forget I said anything.
Good will to all who deserve it.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 17, 2005, at 20:29:45
In reply to Re: What Happened? Gender and the Perception of Th » henrietta, posted by henrietta on February 17, 2005, at 19:40:14
Henrietta, I apologized for that reply to Auntie Mel, and agreed with her that without knowing both sides, nothing more could be expected.
Auntie Mel:
I've always hated it when people make judgements about me without knowing all the facts and I'd hate to be guilty of the same thingMe:I know, and I'm sorry for getting all fired up.
I've been through something like this before
and I just dont'like it much
Your support means a lot to me
Thank youOkay?
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2005, at 21:39:52
In reply to Rod is desperate for attention, posted by MCK on February 17, 2005, at 19:23:38
> fear was never the issue here.
>
> Gabbi-x-2> Just please don't kill me :)
>
> Bobby> Rod is desperate for attention
>
> MCKPlease don't jump to conclusions about others, joke about death, or post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
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