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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 296 to 320 of 536. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on February 6, 2005, at 17:41:49
In reply to Re: I'll be taking one of them bout now... :-) » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2005, at 17:17:04
Posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2005, at 17:51:55
In reply to PS - with a red propeller??? (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 6, 2005, at 17:41:49
Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:26:57
In reply to Please refrain from posting to me » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2005, at 5:00:17
I most likely misunderstood what you were saying. And I'm a bit touchy about my integrity. My integrity, my friends, and the people I love.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 7, 2005, at 15:46:16
In reply to Alexandra, I rescind that, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:26:57
I'm back from a week of illness and at the same time being in the town my daughter goes to school in - trying to sort that mess out.....
I'm ready to join in the fray.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 7, 2005, at 15:58:16
In reply to Re: patriarchs, posted by Dr. Bob on February 3, 2005, at 0:42:11
>Do social phobics have an easier time with larger or smaller groups?
Picture this - you are a person who already feels constant guilt (for nothing), like you are worthless (for no reason).....tick off the symptoms of depression.
Add to this a huge - I mean really HUGE fear of rejection. Someone that imagines their doctors will leave them - heck may not have even got a doctor yet because of the fear. Someone that has trouble calling even a friend - or family because of the fear.
Now that you have the background - imagine yourself to be that person. You finally find someplace where you think you can be yourself. But when you look around there are all these groups of people and they are all acting like they've known each other for years.
They don't stay there all the time - sometimes they'll pop out to say hi to the rest of the crowd, but to get in you have to approach (Gasp!) them and ask.
The first group says sorry but we don't know you yet.
The second group is only open to people with pink hair.
and so on, and so on.........
NOW - HERE'S THE POINT:
That probably wouldn't happen. But it *all* happens in the mind of a social phobic. So, to guarantee that it won't happen the person just doesn't ask...
Posted by AuntieMel on February 7, 2005, at 16:02:13
In reply to Re: patriarchs, posted by Dr. Bob on February 3, 2005, at 0:42:11
Perhaps, instead of requesting to join a group, it is up to the group to do the inviting. I see one of two things happening in that case:
a) someone invites person A and person B feels left out
b) in fear of offending person B, person A (and C and F and so on) doesn't get an invitation either.
And what if person A declines? There will be hurt feelings there, too.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 7, 2005, at 16:03:44
In reply to Re: patriarchs, posted by Dr. Bob on February 3, 2005, at 0:42:11
In that case, what's the point? I doubt if it would be all that cozy.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 7, 2005, at 17:40:48
In reply to Alexandra, I rescind that, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:26:57
> I most likely misunderstood what you were saying. And I'm a bit touchy about my integrity. My integrity, my friends, and the people I love.
I really didn't mean to direct that your way.
I should have been clearer on that, though.
I don't think this would happen out of ill intention or malice.But I do still think that people may be afraid to join up fearing what others will think of them for doing so.
I really didn't mean that people would be purposely or maliciously ostrasised(?) in order to make a point.
:-)
I'm glad you forgave me.
Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 20:25:45
In reply to Count me in now!!! » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on February 7, 2005, at 15:46:16
I have quite lost my confidence in my ability to speak articulate English. Dr. Bob's responses seem so uncomprehending of what I was saying, which of his statements I was responding to, and what I consider basic concepts, that I have grown to think that I can't communicate at all.
I'm relatively certain that that is a faulty conclusion. No one else seems to suddenly be looking at me as if I'm speaking gibberish. But I just can't any more beating to my self esteem right now. I wonder if that is his overarching plan...
I do hope you're feeling better and that the mess is sorted out.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2005, at 22:59:25
In reply to I'll tag you » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 20:25:45
I think the Star-bellied Sneech room is the best on the board.
Any other Sneeches with stars on their bellies?
gg
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 8:58:03
In reply to Re: I just need a breather... » alexandra_k, posted by Angel Girl on February 6, 2005, at 8:18:03
> Please don't ever post to me again and I will extend to you the same courtesy.
>
> AGhttp://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050128/msgs/451928.html
> Last remark:
>
> Angel Girl - Atticus protested against the automated asterisking system...
>
> alexandra_khttp://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050128/msgs/452005.html
Sorry, but she asked you not to post to her, so I'm going to block you from posting for a week.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#harassed
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 8:58:38
In reply to What if first come, first serve??? » Dr. Bob, posted by AuntieMel on February 7, 2005, at 16:03:44
> In that case, what's the point? I doubt if it would be all that cozy.
The point would be to limit its size. Why don't you think it would be very cozy?
Bob
Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2005, at 9:17:16
In reply to Re: blocked for week » alexandra_k, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 8:58:03
You've got my email address, and I answered you on Relationships.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 10:51:23
In reply to Re: right, first come, first serve, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 8:58:38
Gee, Dr. Bob. Let's think about that.
The great thing about the 2000 board is that the people that can post there all have a long history together.
But that's not something that can be recreated, as nice as that might sound.
Even then, there was not a finite number of people that could join. It was just the way things developed that it started small and then grew.
First-come-first-served is (to me) the same as saying that my house is only so large, so my kids can visit but the grandkids or their kids can't come over. Even if one of my kids is temporarily out of town - because they will come back.
But to the coziness question? How can anyone feel cozy if there is someone that wants to join but they just-don't-fit-so-tough-luck-even-though-everyone-likes-you?
I know I couldn't. And I wouldn't want to get cozy with anyone that could.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 10:56:46
In reply to I'll tag you » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 20:25:45
You speak perfectly good English. Quite articulate actually.
And, thank you so much for asking, I *am* feeling better. But the mess isn't near sorted out. In fact the trip, except for showing support, was pretty much useless. Court: Come back March 3, goodbye. School: Here's the way the judicial review works, goodbye. The only thing accomplished was shedding myself of a few hundred dollars I apparently didn't need.
And the bird is still in the freezer. I've decided I'll keep her there in case I get hungry....
At least I can laugh about it now.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 10:58:12
In reply to Re: I'll tag you, posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2005, at 22:59:25
How about a separate (expandable) room for those that think there should be no walls.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 17:31:37
In reply to Re: I'll tag you, posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2005, at 22:59:25
> I think the Star-bellied Sneech room is the best on the board.
>
> Any other Sneeches with stars on their bellies?
>
> ggHey! Did you just figure that out your clever self or did you know that Dr. Seuss wrote "One Fish Two Fish" with Racism, specifically Anti-Semitism in mind?
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 8, 2005, at 19:00:22
In reply to Re: blocked for week » alexandra_k, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 8:58:03
I tried to email you but I guess since you were blocked I couldn't even babble email you.
bummmmmmmer.
Okay what I said.
I really care about you and hope your are alright.
I miss you on babble and wish I could chat with you.
in the future...I want your other email.
thinking of you dear person.Jai
Posted by Mark H. on February 8, 2005, at 19:44:53
In reply to Re: blocked for week ALEX....please read., posted by Jai Narayan on February 8, 2005, at 19:00:22
Ditto.
MH
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 19:54:41
In reply to Re: blocked for week » alexandra_k, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 8:58:03
> she asked you not to post to her, so I'm going to block you from posting for a week.
Oops, I didn't realize this was what I'd already addressed:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050128/msgs/452117.html
Sorry!
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 19:55:14
In reply to Re: I'll tag you » gardenergirl, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 8, 2005, at 17:31:37
Posted by alexandra_k on February 8, 2005, at 19:57:13
In reply to Re: unblocked » alexandra_k, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 19:54:41
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 20:15:03
In reply to Re: I'll raise you one » gardenergirl, posted by AuntieMel on February 8, 2005, at 10:58:12
> The great thing about the 2000 board is that the people that can post there all have a long history together.
>
> But that's not something that can be recreated, as nice as that might sound.
>
> Even then, there was not a finite number of people that could join. It was just the way things developed that it started small and then grew.That would be a difference, yes, but still each of them could start small and then grow...
> First-come-first-served is (to me) the same as saying that my house is only so large, so my kids can visit but the grandkids or their kids can't come over. Even if one of my kids is temporarily out of town - because they will come back.
OK, your house is in fact only so large, right?
We could have going out of town open up a spot... And you could go out if you wanted to have a larger get-together?
> But to the coziness question? How can anyone feel cozy if there is someone that wants to join but they just-don't-fit-so-tough-luck-even-though-everyone-likes-you?
It's not just tough luck, they could join another cozy room.
Is there anxiety is that some smaller boards would be "better" than others? That one might miss out? Or feel guilty if it their board were one of them?
> I wouldn't want to get cozy with anyone that could.
Sorry, but please be sensitive to the feelings of others and don't post anything that could lead them to feel accused or put down, thanks.
> How about a separate (expandable) room for those that think there should be no walls.
How would that be different from Social?
Bob
Posted by partlycloudy on February 9, 2005, at 6:46:17
In reply to Re: my house is only so large, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 20:15:03
Dr Bob, why do you feel we need more and smaller (read restrictive, though I dislike the concept for the reasons others have voiced) boards, again? Is it because the ones we have are getting so large (lots of threads, and long ones)?
pc
Posted by AuntieMel on February 9, 2005, at 12:37:51
In reply to Re: my house is only so large, posted by Dr. Bob on February 8, 2005, at 20:15:03
First start with :
> > I wouldn't want to get cozy with anyone that could.
>
> Sorry, but please be sensitive to the feelings of others and don't post anything that could lead them to feel accused or put down, thanks.By "get cozy" I mean "be in a cozy room with." All I said was I wouldn't want to share that cozy room with someone that didn't mind that others couldn't come in. I still stand by that.
BUT!!!!! That doesn't mean that I think that this person would be a bad person or that I wouldn't respect their feelings. And I would happily socialize with them outside the room. But I don't see anything insensitive about saying - in essence - "I wouldn't want to {be in a 'cozy' room with}
anyone that could {feel cozy with not allowing someone in.} I'm talking about how I feel, not anyone else.+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > Even then, there was not a finite number of people that could join. It was just the way things developed that it started small and then grew.
>
> That would be a difference, yes, but still each of them could start small and then grow...
>Well, actually they can't keep growing, can they? Isn't that the point?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > First-come-first-served is (to me) the same as saying that my house is only so large, so my kids can visit but the grandkids or their kids can't come over. Even if one of my kids is temporarily out of town - because they will come back.
>
> OK, your house is in fact only so large, right?
>
> We could have going out of town open up a spot... And you could go out if you wanted to have a larger get-together?
>An out-of-town opening would only be temporary, right? So that person would get kicked out when the first person comes back? That sounds (to me) a lot like "gee, nice seeing ya, but you were only a visitor, so don't let the door hit ya..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > But to the coziness question? How can anyone feel cozy if there is someone that wants to join but they just-don't-fit-so-tough-luck-even-though-everyone-likes-you?
>
> It's not just tough luck, they could join another cozy room.
>
> Is there anxiety is that some smaller boards would be "better" than others? That one might miss out? Or feel guilty if it their board were one of them?
>Well, actually, as one who was shoved into a "small town" environment {I was in third grade and had experienced better} where only third generation townies were accepted {this applied to the kids, too} I know only too well what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.
I swore that I wouldn't do that to others, or pre-judge anyone. So - for me ------ It's the principle!!!!! ------
But now that you mention it... crudely borrowing from Orwell, I *do* envision "All cozy rooms are created equal. But some cozy rooms are more equal than others."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> > How about a separate (expandable) room for those that think there should be no walls.
>
> How would that be different from Social?
>What's wrong with social?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And about the house - sure it's finite in size. But you wouldn't know it - I can always squeeze in more. One time, BD, I had a backyard BBQ and hubby comes home and says 'I hope you don't mind but I invited about 20-30 people and their spouses.' My answer? 'I guess I can't fuss at you 'cause I just did the same thing.'
Most of them showed up.
Mel
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