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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emme on July 7, 2003, at 20:34:21
Hi Dr. Bob,
I'm not going to post on the main board anymore. I think a few months off is in order.
Issue no. 1:
In an exchange between me and another poster, he used the word "crap" in a way that was clearly directed at me in anger.http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030701/msgs/239777.html
I know "crap" isn't a swear word and I wouldn't mind it being used in another context, but I didn't like the way he used it towards me. I understand the guy's got a lot of anger, but I used civil language in my post - he can do the same.
In response, I asked him not to throw words like that at me again. He responded that he'd use "crap" if he wanted to.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030701/msgs/239959.html
Issue no. 2:
A few weeks ago someone responded to one of my posts in a totally inappropriate, sexually offensive way. Only ONE other person stuck up for me. I did post again after that, and even posted something helpful to that person, and he hasn't done anything like that since. So it's history and there's no point in saying anything to that person now. But it has kind of left me skittish.
You know what? I hate to be a tattle-tale, but I'm upset. I try to go out of my way to use civil language even if I disagree with the person. And I just don't feel safe on this board anymore.
I'll stay on Psycho-social babble for a while because no one's been nasty to me over there.
Emme
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 7, 2003, at 23:27:56
In reply to Dr. Bob, I have to leave the main board, posted by Emme on July 7, 2003, at 20:34:21
> I'm not going to post on the main board anymore. I think a few months off is in order.
Whatever you think is best. It's important to feel safe.
> Issue no. 1...
I agree, those posts weren't civil, and I'm sorry I didn't get to them sooner. But at the same time, I wish you hadn't referred to him as rigid...
> Issue no. 2:
>
> A few weeks ago someone responded to one of my posts in a totally inappropriate, sexually offensive way... I did post again after that, and even posted something helpful to that person, and he hasn't done anything like that since. So it's history and there's no point in saying anything to that person now. But it has kind of left me skittish.Thanks for sticking that one out. I'm glad that didn't happen again. It may be history, but if you like (and give me the URL), I'd be happy to take another look. IMO, it's generally very supportive here, but it can be unpredictable, too, so some degree of skittishness is reasonable.
> I'll stay on Psycho-social babble for a while because no one's been nasty to me over there.
Great, and I hope that continues to be the case. Best wishes,
Bob
Posted by Emme on July 8, 2003, at 0:16:44
In reply to Re: I have to leave the main board, posted by Dr. Bob on July 7, 2003, at 23:27:56
> But at the same time, I wish you hadn't referred to him as rigid...
I'm afraid I respectfully disagree with you on this one. Given the intense tone of the post, I thought I was being very circumspect by using "rigid". I thouht very carefully about the best word I could use that fit the picture. I'm sorry you don't approve.
> > Issue no. 2:
> >
> > A few weeks ago someone responded to one of my posts in a totally inappropriate, sexually offensive way... I did post again after that, and even posted something helpful to that person, and he hasn't done anything like that since. So it's history and there's no point in saying anything to that person now. But it has kind of left me skittish.
>
> Thanks for sticking that one out. I'm glad that didn't happen again. It may be history, but if you like (and give me the URL), I'd be happy to take another look. IMO, it's generally very supportive here, but it can be unpredictable, too, so some degree of skittishness is reasonable.It was really really demoralizing, not to say really really bizarre - different from the usual disagreement type things that happen. But it was long enough ago and wasn't repeated, so I'm not sure there's anything to be gained by pursuing it. I guess it just took me by surprise and now I know it CAN happen.
I'll take time away from the main board and then think about returning.Thanks,
Emme
Posted by Emme on July 8, 2003, at 1:07:47
In reply to Dr. Bob, I have to leave the main board, posted by Emme on July 7, 2003, at 20:34:21
Dr. Bob, now that I think more about it, I suppose I wouldn't like to be called rigid. It could have been phrased better. I wasn't trying to flame - I actually was trying to be moderate.
Emme
Posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 5:49:16
In reply to Re: I have to leave the main board, posted by Dr. Bob on July 7, 2003, at 23:27:56
You guys that know me are probably aware that I'm not a suck-up, never have been, otherwise in my personal life I'd be a 5-star general by now. But that's another story.
Regarding the thread that Emme referred to which started with a debate over the use of
anti-psychotics, the discussion got a little heated. Usually I'm quite willing to accept, along with another poster, that we've agreed to disagree - we don't actually SAY that of course,
but after some jousting we sort of give each other a high-five in our boxing gloves and retreat to our opposite corners in the ring, nobody really won OR lost. Nothing wrong with that, game over, mutual respect, chalk it up to experience.But every once in awhile you feel so strongly about a particular subject that you let yourself get carried away with another poster who feels just as strongly about his opposing view. It's perfectly acceptable to present your side of the argument, there aren't any rules here that require you to be loving and to soak up insults from other posters without a reply. But you must understand that there HAS to be a referee to keep the game going - opposition is more than allowed, it makes for interesting & intelligent debate that leaves everyone a little smarter. But the debate must stay within acceptable bounds to prevent a free-for-all, and anyone vaguely familiar with any sport knows this to be true.
Maybe I see this more clearly after 20 years of intense exposure to professional hockey thanks to the guy who can't wait to get rid of me. Hockey is not a sport for the faint of heart. You can knock out a whole row of teeth on an opposing player, you can do so with the intent of hurting him & you can get away with it without penalty, AS LONG AS you adhere to the specific rules that keep the game from dissolving into anarchy. If you permitted high-sticking or other maneuvers that allowed you to use this game piece as a weapon, why bother with rules at all? Just send everybody into the arena like the Romans did and watch them hack at each other until possibly one person was left standing in a sea of gore.
Time after time I've seen people announce their departure because they felt picked on and singled out and misunderstood and warned or blocked due to "favoritism". They're overwhelmed by the injustice of a PBC and hyper-focus on an issue that's not really a big deal. I suspect that we do this because if we're really pissed off at another poster, we don't have to think about the people in our lives who truly caused a great deal of injury to our emotional well-being.
I've been here for quite awhile now (but NOT long enough to gain entrance to PB2000, thank you) & I've come a long way in my journey towards recovery, using PB as a sort of journal while I was still sailing all over the map trying desperately to chart a course.
PB is a tool that you can take advantage of during your own journey towards recovery or destruction - nothing more, nothing less. No website - or song or book or whatever you're blaming disaster on - is directly responsible for your actions. I laugh rudely when anyone tries to blame subliminal messages or any other vague unspecific crap as the reason for a hateful, destructive, focused & viscious crime towards another human being.
Have to go now...
Gracie
Posted by Emme on July 8, 2003, at 8:29:57
In reply to To Emme and others regarding posting policies, posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 5:49:16
> but after some jousting we sort of give each other a high-five in our boxing gloves and retreat to our opposite corners in the ring, nobody really won OR lost. Nothing wrong with that, game over, mutual respect, chalk it up to experience.I was shooting for game over. 'Fraid I don't box well... My last sentence was a request not to be addressed a certain way in the future. Nothing more, nothing less. I was angry at the moment but tried to phrase my request as simply as possible.
> But you must understand that there HAS to be a referee to keep the game going - opposition is more than allowed,
I do understand. I may not always agree 100% with the referee, but I've never debated the existence and purpose for the referee.
> But the debate must stay within acceptable bounds to prevent a free-for-all, and anyone vaguely familiar with any sport knows this to be true.
Agreed. I initially disagreed with Dr. Bob about my use of the word rigid, but when I thouht it, I agreed that for my part, I used a bad turn of phrase. I think the other poster was heated and I was uncomfortable with the level of anger emerging and I'm not sure he was playing within bounds himself. I probably have a lower tolerance for that sort of thing than many people. Everyone debates differently. I prefer it to stay a little cooler. I probably should not have posted on that thread and gotten into a situation I wasn't prepared for.
> Time after time I've seen people announce their departure because they felt picked on and singled out and misunderstood and warned or blocked due to "favoritism". They're overwhelmed by the injustice of a PBC and hyper-focus on an issue that's not really a big deal.
I'm backing off for a while from the main board because I think it's in my best interests. I don't think Dr. Bob singled me out, but my defenses are down and I think it's sensible at the moment. (Actually, judging from Psycho-social it seems lots of people are having a rough time, which is too bad, but that's off the point...)
> I suspect that we do this because if we're really pissed off at another poster, we don't have to think about the people in our lives who truly caused a great deal of injury to our emotional well-being.
Nah...I think about them! :)
> using PB as a sort of journal while I was still sailing all over the map trying desperately to chart a course.
Hmm...probably not a bad use. I use the main board mostly for meds advice and to give it when I'm able to. Psycho social has been incredibly supportive in the path finding way.
> PB is a tool that you can take advantage of during your own journey towards recovery or destruction - nothing more, nothing less. No website - or song or book or whatever you're blaming disaster on - is directly responsible for your actions. I laugh rudely when anyone tries to blame subliminal messages or any other vague unspecific crap as the reason for a hateful, destructive, focused & viscious crime towards another human being.Ah, you speak generally. Yeah, I survived growing up with Road Runner and didn't turn violent. :) LOL. I don't think I did any major crimes in this arena. Misdemeanor maybe.
Yep, gotta get some work done myself. Have a good day. Or at least an acceptable one. :)Emme
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 8, 2003, at 9:35:32
In reply to Well..., posted by Emme on July 8, 2003, at 1:07:47
> Dr. Bob, now that I think more about it, I suppose I wouldn't like to be called rigid. It could have been phrased better. I wasn't trying to flame - I actually was trying to be moderate.
I understand, and appreciate, that. Thanks for giving it some more thought. I agree, the golden rule is a great guide:
http://www.silcom.com/~origin/sbcr/sbcr233
Bob
Posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 15:10:18
In reply to Re: To Emme and others regarding posting policies » whiterabbit, posted by Emme on July 8, 2003, at 8:29:57
I shouldn't have used your name in the subject line, that was a mistake. It made it sound like I was directing my post to everybody & you in particular, but that wasn't my intention. I only used your name because it sounded to me like you might be making your way towards the exit & I got upset because we just lost Shar in the same manner, she got offended & went away & it's a terrific loss for all of us if she doesn't come back. So I was just afraid you were going too, that's the ONLY reason I used your name in the subject line, otherwise my post was just kind of a public announcement, looks like a misfire.
You have every right to post on whichever boards you please, recently I started posting over on PB again after not using that board for a long time, I might just drop it again myself. And you also have every right to point out if you've been offended by another poster, I was offended by the same poster with his continued use of the term "zombie pills" which seemed to imply that I'm a zombie myself as I need this medication to function, and I was also concerned that he might convince other posters to stop taking their prescribed medication. But I admit that I did cross the line with the psychiatrist crack and earned the PBC I got for it.
I'm really sorry if I offended you myself, I didn't mean to imply that you're being overly sensitive although I'm sure that's how it sounded.
Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up, I'm pretty manic these days with everything going on at home.
-Gracie
Posted by Emme on July 8, 2003, at 18:50:55
In reply to Awwww Emme I didn't mean anything.., posted by whiterabbit on July 8, 2003, at 15:10:18
Hi Gracie,
> I shouldn't have used your name in the subject line, that was a mistake. It made it sound like I was directing my post to everybody & you in particular, but that wasn't my intention.
Don't worry about it. I confess, I thought it was directed at me, but no harm done. I figured whatever was going on was coming to a satisfactory end.
> I only used your name because it sounded to me like you might be making your way towards the exit & I got upset because we just lost Shar in the same manner,
Yeah, I was running for the exit door, but not for good and not for all of the sub-boards. I'll post on the main board again in a while, probably next time I'm prescribed something weird. :) I do hope Shar doesn't stay away. That would really be too bad if she didn't come back.
> So I was just afraid you were going too, that's the ONLY reason I used your name in the subject line,
Hey, that's really nice that you care if I leave. Seriously.
> I was offended by the same poster with his continued use of the term "zombie pills" which seemed to imply that I'm a zombie myself as I need this medication to function, and I was also concerned that he might convince other posters to stop taking their prescribed medication.I understand your concern. I think it's the nature of the board that with so many treatment-resistant people, issues will emerge that might make people even more afraid of their medications. In this particular case I was concerned by the labeling of drugs as "good" or "bad" and talking *so* broadly about who should and should not take APs. I wish he didn't come across as so very angry and that he phrased things more gently. It's hard to have discourse.
> I'm really sorry if I offended you myself,
You did't.
> I didn't mean to imply that you're being overly sensitive although I'm sure that's how it sounded.
I'm sensitive. Overly? Dunno about that, but I've been named to the Flaming Amygdala Group over on PSB. :)
> Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up, I'm pretty manic these days with everything going on at home.
Well, I know your plate is pretty full with stressful things. I hope you're holding together okay.
Emme
This is the end of the thread.
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