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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 17, 2002, at 13:33:25
Coming from a "gentrified" family, I could have posted a very nasty reply to a recent thread. But I Didn't!! And I didn't even take a walk! :)
- KK
Posted by Mark H. on March 17, 2002, at 13:50:40
In reply to Dr. Bob - I refrained!!, posted by Krazy Kat on March 17, 2002, at 13:33:25
KK,
Way cool!
It took me ssoooooo long to learn to walk away from certain types of posts on this board.
Thank you for remembering there are *always* others here who need your positive energy and support. Nevermind the rest.
BTDT,
Mark H.
Posted by Willow on March 17, 2002, at 14:10:08
In reply to Dr. Bob - I refrained!!, posted by Krazy Kat on March 17, 2002, at 13:33:25
Posted by IsoM on March 17, 2002, at 14:59:51
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I refrained!! THANK YOU! » Krazy Kat , posted by Mark H. on March 17, 2002, at 13:50:40
I apologise to all & sundry for what happened (whatever it was???). I had no idea what was going on. When I came back to PB Admin & saw my post & pre-my messages deleted, I got the idea much was posted afterwards & I'm glad I didn't see it.
Talk about me sticking my foot into my mouth!! - I still don't even know what happened. Which is why I think it's much easier to give info & facts, but not feelings via the internet. I'm not a mean or malicious person at all - I have no idea what got started & hate to hurt others (even my ex-).
Posted by IsoM on March 17, 2002, at 15:03:33
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I refrained!! THANK YOU! » Mark H., posted by IsoM on March 17, 2002, at 14:59:51
You know what bothers me so much? That I offended beardedlady. I never meant her to take it that way. I thought/think she's got a great viewpoint & wit. I always liked to read her posts & thought we had something in common. I really, really like her from what I've read of her through the forum.
If you're reading this, beardedlady, I apologise in buckets!!! I've never found it hard to say I'm wrong & I'm sorry. And I really am. I feel like such an interfering idiot to have written that message to you.
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 18, 2002, at 8:16:09
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob - I refrained!! THANK YOU! » Mark H., posted by IsoM on March 17, 2002, at 14:59:51
IsoM:
I wasn't referring to you at all and should not have posted something so cryptic. I've never noticed a hateful or harmful thing in your posts.
- KK
Posted by Willow on March 18, 2002, at 10:53:20
In reply to MYFault » IsoM, posted by Krazy Kat on March 18, 2002, at 8:16:09
Iso (Heart)
I agree with Kat!
I'm kinda in cyclone right now. But do wish well and much joy in your hearts. Gees I had something else I wanted to add, but I think a little bird came along and grabbed it.
Whistling Willow
Posted by Mark H. on March 18, 2002, at 11:23:38
In reply to Just A Bit Extra, posted by IsoM on March 17, 2002, at 15:03:33
Dear IsoM (and not just IsoM),
You may be mistaking the natural roll-over of auto-archiving for the removal of your posts. I don't think you've been censored. Dr. Bob sometimes combines threads (and more rarely edits or removes posts), but chances are that what you wrote was simply moved into the archive by the server automatically. You can always check by clicking on a post in the thread and looking below the current text, where it lists all postings in that thread, even if they are archived.
Still, if you are worried that one of your postings was inappropriate, it is wonderful that you've taken time to publicly apologize for it. Making mistakes is part of the learning process. I've made more mistakes here than most people.
There are three things I've learned here that I'd like to pass on.
One is that it's important for me not to let Psycho-Babble become an obsession or my principal source of communication and strokes. I've made most of my mistakes here when I lost my objectivity and started writing as though I was in the same room with everyone. It just doesn't work, and the potential for hurt feelings and misunderstandings rises exponentially.
Second is to take occasional breaks, vacations from Psycho-Babbling, lasting from a few days to several weeks or even months if needed. What I noticed by doing so was that my presence, though appreciated (by some), was far from essential -- there are always really intelligent, warm, caring, skillful people here ready to pick up any slack. Also, since PB tends to re-cycle the same medication questions endlessly, fresh voices are needed to answer questions without the exasperation that can creep into my writing unintentionally when I've answered the same questions about Effexor withdrawal for the 10th time. :-)
Third, I find I can stay here longer, with fewer needs for "vacations," if I remember only to respond to threads where I feel a genuine heart connection with the poster. At first this felt like I was unfairly ignoring people whose personalities triggered upset, anger, or strong disagreement in me. But especially in this written format, where hugs and spontaneous laughter and ironic statements and humor cannot be utilized as effectively as they can in person, it's really better just to move on to the next post, rather than inject negativity or righteousness into a thread.
As I've said before, learning to walk away from a thread that makes me want to engage in intellectual battle was the hardest thing for me to learn. Dr. Bob (and other VERY patient and forgiving regulars) have taught me that saying nothing -- NOTHING! -- and focusing on being supportive, positive and helpful elsewhere is the best way to go.
Even if the bid to argue or fight comes in the middle of a thread in which I'm deeply involved, it's best for me and for everyone else if I just pretend it isn't there. It's the only way I've found to protect everyone's dignity here, including my own.
With fond regards,
Mark H.
Posted by mair on March 18, 2002, at 14:11:50
In reply to OK to Make Mistakes -- Wonderful to Apologize! » IsoM, posted by Mark H. on March 18, 2002, at 11:23:38
Mark
Are you the same Mark who was around over a year ago when there was alot of acrimony over a lenghthy thread involving PB posters calling themselves lumptonians? Do you remember this? Just curious.
Mair
Posted by IsoM on March 18, 2002, at 14:15:11
In reply to OK to Make Mistakes -- Wonderful to Apologize! » IsoM, posted by Mark H. on March 18, 2002, at 11:23:38
Thank you, everyone who responded though I didn't expect a response.
Whatever it was, Mark, it was removed. Maybe my post was just the tip of the ice-berg & things got nasty after that - I don't know & don't want to know. Dinah doesn't need me protecting her, she's a grown-up herself, & may have even resented my posting anything but I have a son who is similar to her in some ways, & it set off my protective "mothering" instinct.
Every once in a while I see a post that an instant response jumps from me. I'm learning to say "hey, not a good idea - somone may take my response wrong". Then I close the reply window & move on.
I live in the "banana belt" region of BC Canada. Our weather's similar to Seattle which is just below us a bit. Crocuses & primulas are blooming, cherry blossoms are opening & spring should be here, but I woke this morning to find the ground & trees covered with snow! Where did spring go? What idiot wrote Jingle Bells - "dashing through the snow"? Our outdoor garden centre is all set to open in 2 weeks!!!!
Posted by Mark H. on March 18, 2002, at 14:20:07
In reply to Mark - A Question, posted by mair on March 18, 2002, at 14:11:50
Hi Mair,
I was here, but I wasn't active in that thread, except perhaps tangentially. There are at least two other Mark's that have been active, and perhaps more.
Mark H.
Posted by mair on March 18, 2002, at 15:53:20
In reply to Re: Mark - A Question » mair, posted by Mark H. on March 18, 2002, at 14:20:07
Mark
I wasn't thinking of you so much in the context of that thread as I was that time period which I remember rather distinctly (and not at all fondly). I went back to some archived posts to check my recollection. You are the same "Mark" I was recalling and the tenor of the messages you now post to this Board are so very different - in a really good way. I'd like to have whatever it is that you've been drinking. (:
Mair
ps: I used to post under a different name so you won't find me back there
Posted by Mark H. on March 18, 2002, at 16:29:57
In reply to Re: A Question » Mark H., posted by mair on March 18, 2002, at 15:53:20
Hi Mair,
Thank you for the compliment. I'm quite serious when I say I've made a lot of mistakes here, that it was hard for me to learn to walk away from triggering posts without comment, and that I had to learn the hard way that the techniques I had been taught in therapy in terms of confronting people with their stuff simply *do not work* in an on-line forum.
When I finally read the compiled "please be civil" notes a few weeks ago (linked from the top of each page), I winced to realize that I had probably contributed to the need for half of the rules that Dr. Bob lists.
I hope to make up for some of those mistakes now. Even so, I'm still learning continuously from others here who interact in ways that I truly admire and respect.
I appreciate your participation and implied forgiveness, Mair.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
This is the end of the thread.
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