![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by zonked on October 14, 2011, at 2:52:54
Hi all.
Cluster of bad news lately: My mom's (now former) oncologist was incompetent. We were told there was "nothing to treat", then at the consult at the #1 brain tumor hospital in the state today, we were told that it had grown aggressively in a short period of time.
Also, I bombed my last interview. It's been so long since I've worked that things listed on my resume no longer belong there. I have to re-write it; or somehow re-learn what's been lost without taking a class (I have a hard deadline for re-employment due to financial reasons.)
A big zonked fault: Depressed or not, and likely because I've been depressed so much, I'm terrified to return home later this morning (it's 12:42AM here). I know me. I'll hit the bed.
So illogical. I am now terrified of losing my closest family member quicker than anyone thought; and homelessness if I can't secure a job by the end of the year.
Pills don't cure these things; at least, if they help, I am not on the right ones. (Half joking.)
I have lost or let stagnate so many friendships due to MDD, I don't have really anyone in my life besides my Mom, who's working tomorrow, my Dad, who's doing the same, and my best friend, also working tomorrow.
This is where I wonder if I have something in Axis II that developed due to years of depression, I want to bury my head in the sand even though I know, logically, avoidance and oversleeping make things worse and increase my guilt.
I suppose if I had money to spend, I might do that instead. The challenge of enduring the most stress I can remember having at once while slowly emerging from depression is the biggest one I can remember having.
Maybe I'll book a massage. I had a tiny bit of extra income this week. Whenever anyone's touched my back or shoulders I usually get a shocked response.. "your back is like concrete" is the one I remember most. I carry my stress in my back and shoulders.
Sorry this is rambling. When it rains, it pours.
Posted by SLS on October 14, 2011, at 6:28:59
In reply to Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs', posted by zonked on October 14, 2011, at 2:52:54
What you are now having to deal with in life usually evokes what most people call "depression". If you were to break it down, you might find that sadness and fear are now prominent emotions. Most people would be overwhelmed by this. Why not you?
Yes, the psychosocial stress that you find yourself subject to can cause medication breakthrough or relapse of MDD. However, if you were to evaluate the presence of the vegetative features of MDD, you might find that they have not reappeared. Have your thoughts slowed? Do you have difficulties with concentration when reading. Short term memory? Libido? GI symptoms? Situational depression feels somewhat like MDD, but usually without the extreme anergia or psychomotor retardation. Heaviness in your limbs (leaden paralysis)?
I guess the bottom line is, does the depression that you are experiencing now match exactly that which you have experienced in the past with MDD?
You should expect to experience the same type of depression that an otherwise healthy person would experience given your situation.
I have no advice for you other than to accept your situational depression as being normal, and to eat and sleep as regularly as possible.
I am very, very sorry to learn of your mother's illness. When I lost my father last year, I made a conscious effort to compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings in reaction to my loss when I needed to focus my attention on other critical matters. Don't expect to be able to do this right away. Grieving takes time and is a cognitive and emotional process. Allow it to happen.
I hope you find in Psycho-Babble comfort and support during this most difficult time.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on October 14, 2011, at 11:00:08
In reply to Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs', posted by zonked on October 14, 2011, at 2:52:54
Zonked so sorry about your Mom. Will they now do other treatments? Since she's still able to work I bet there is some treatment not yet used. I've found that anger is a great motivator and keeps depression and anxiety away. And in your situation to me anger would be normal and of course fear and confustion. What next you say. Is your Dad living with you also? Maybe the two of you can help each other through this. Take some time to let the bad news settle so to speak in your mind. I agree with Scott let babble help you. Love Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on October 14, 2011, at 13:46:06
In reply to Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs', posted by zonked on October 14, 2011, at 2:52:54
Zonked, I am At a loss for words right now. I am a little stunned by the news of your mom's situation.
I'm assuming that during this time, your father will not allow you to lapse into homelessness. Though I understand independence is your aim.
Remove whatever stressors you can. Like Scott said, depression would be a very normal human response. Please take the axis ll off the table. We all have maladaptive behaviors to varying degrees. You are just getting your legs after a major depression. Try to remember all you are doing and recall your priorities.
I am very sorry for this turn of events. Will you be able to see your friend after work today?
Posted by zonked on October 14, 2011, at 19:33:21
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » zonked, posted by floatingbridge on October 14, 2011, at 13:46:06
Thank you, all, for your responses. It's more weird than even I have indicated. (My Mom's illness). It may be no worse than last December, for reasons I won't go into too much after I did some thinking about it.
The neurosurgeon we consulted yesterday never got my Mom's ongoing MRI series history. What I have to piece together now is was he basing his opinion on one MRI (the last one)? How could he know any changes if the other hospital never sent over the images for comparison?
There's nothing urgent. She is able to work, but stayed home today.
This doesn't feel like my normal depressions, no; I am still able to enjoy myself as much as one would expect and all that. Simply an explosion of stress I was unprepared for.
I have had trouble getting out of bed (at times) throughout my entire recovery, except if I have something planned for early AM the next day. Now is no exception.
I don't actually want to go home, but that's the only way back to picking myself up. I don't sleep in here (at my Mom's) because I can't.
I am afraid of oversleeping tomorrow morning, but given my history, I guess, who wouldn't be?
I'm a weird duck. I don't like being alone, but I don't like roommates either. I prefer living with family, but that's not feasible because of size constraints.
Posted by violette on October 14, 2011, at 20:56:38
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » zonked, posted by SLS on October 14, 2011, at 6:28:59
What you are now having to deal with in life usually evokes what most people call "depression".
-------------------
Maybe it is depression for most people. It's not a term people just refer to. And you do not sound like a person who is cognitively stunted. At all.
Actually, I think Zonked is on to something here. Depression, yes MDD, can often be just a symptom of Axis II, especially if you've had it for years. Just like anxiety. Just like lack of motivation. Just like ahedonia. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is no line drawn between biological and psychological depression. Maybe only in Psychobabble Land. Maybe only for you SLS, in your world. Maybe only in theory, which certainly does not match reality.
Just because doctors these days don't diagnose on the second axis doesn't mean people here don't have Axis II health problems.
Zonked, sorry to hear you are having a rough time, and sorry to sound like such a bitch but sometimes people need to wake up. I am glad your eyes are open despite everything you've gone through.
Posted by Phillipa on October 14, 2011, at 22:02:14
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs', posted by violette on October 14, 2011, at 20:56:38
Violette think axis II is for personality disorders, and Axis III is for health. But as my Mother used to say if you lose your physical health you have nothing and that is when she became depressed with anxiety died age 48 from blot clot. Phillipa
Posted by SLS on October 14, 2011, at 23:02:53
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs', posted by violette on October 14, 2011, at 20:56:38
> I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is no line drawn between biological and psychological depression.
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
My guess is that you don't see a line because you experience only one type of depression; or perhaps you experience both, but never have done so separately; or perhaps you experience neither type. Do you envy people who have reached a healthy place without needing psychotherapy as an intervention, even though you might?
I have experienced depression in the absence of MDD. Having experienced both types of depression separately and both together leaves me in the unenviable position of being able to know the difference between the two and how they often interact. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but these two beasts are of different species.
Thank God scientists are finally starting to get it right. I have volunteered myself as a research subject to further man's efforts to understand the biology of MDD and BD. My blood, urine, cerebrospinal fluid, and PET scan images are archived at the NIH. I place more faith in the conclusions of the neuroscientists who sucked these fluids out of me than I do in those of psychologists intent on proving them wrong.
Regardless of the interactions that do exist between mind and brain, they are indeed separate phenomena that depend on each other. Quite simply, the brain determines the mind as the mind sculpts the brain. A mind can damage a brain. Once damaged, a brain can damage a mind.
I hope this helps.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on October 15, 2011, at 0:19:02
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » violette, posted by SLS on October 14, 2011, at 23:02:53
Scott I don't think I would place that much faith in man. I've had docs make big mistakes and seen a lot of misdiagnoses of both mental and physical. So for me I trust me most as only I know my body and mind and how symptoms differ. I guess for me anxiety since all family members have had it is better than depression as one pdoc said as long as your leg is twitching or shaking up and down I know you are okay. Phillipa
Posted by SLS on October 15, 2011, at 5:20:51
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » SLS, posted by Phillipa on October 15, 2011, at 0:19:02
> Scott I don't think I would place that much faith in man.
Thanks for the advice.
So, there is nothing that the science of man can do for us? I guess nursing is nothing more than voodoo, then? Just because one nurse makes a mistake doesn't condemn the entirety of nursing as being bogus, does it? Did you have faith in your own ability to help heal people when you were nursing? Where did the information come from that allowed you to accomplish this?
Is the current state of psychiatry omniscient and the people who practice it infallible? Unfortunately, they are not. However, this does not indicate complete ignorance.
I guess we have different opinions because our experiences in life have been different.
Which of the genetic markers now identified as being associated with MDD do you know to be invalid? Are the images produced by PET and MRI scans showing morphological and functional changes in most cases of MDD mistakes of man?
The world was once flat.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on October 15, 2011, at 19:43:20
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » Phillipa, posted by SLS on October 15, 2011, at 5:20:51
I didn't heal anyone. The mind and body connection helped people heal themselves. Physical illnesses I worked with a lot and surgical patients also. In those instances medications for infections, cardiac etc were needed to help but if a person no longer wished to live the mind seemed to win. In psych I watched quite a few manipulative patients in order to be admitted to hospitals literally fake symptoms or suicide attempts. Excluding schizophrenia and acute bipolar patients. Who required medications and theraphy. No imaging was used at the time. I certainly was never a God just followed instructions and held groups etc. Not sure where you are going with this. Just on computer posted ebay late then gone all day?
Posted by SLS on October 15, 2011, at 20:32:13
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » SLS, posted by Phillipa on October 15, 2011, at 19:43:20
> I didn't heal anyone. The mind and body connection helped people heal themselves.
What exactly did you do to facilitate this?
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on October 15, 2011, at 22:07:08
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » Phillipa, posted by SLS on October 15, 2011, at 20:32:13
Depends on what the condition was are we specificially talking psych? If so gave and offered a lending ear and support. As a Charge RN didn't give meds. That was delegated to LPN's. Corrborated with the docs as to what the diagnosis might be and proper treatment. We worked as teams. Phillipa
Posted by SLS on October 15, 2011, at 23:23:16
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » SLS, posted by Phillipa on October 15, 2011, at 22:07:08
> Depends on what the condition was are we specificially talking psych?
No. We are talking about your advice to me that I should not place so much faith in man.
> Corrborated with the docs as to what the diagnosis might be and proper treatment.
How did man come to know what the proper treatment is? Why did you follow the doctor's orders if you had no faith in him (man)? Obviously, I am not taking your advice. But thanks anyway.
- Scott
Posted by zonked on October 16, 2011, at 0:00:27
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis, situational 'bombs' » violette, posted by SLS on October 14, 2011, at 23:02:53
Thanks so much, every one of you. I didn't mean to cause a stir;
The worst of the shock is over. I'm back to my baseline-since-the last few months.
I am thankful, also, for a friend in real life who put the embarassing job interview in perpective: they were asking me questions that were far too advanced for the job I was applying for. I tend to blame myself first, but he's right. Would I really want to work in such a place? I don't know, now.
My Mom's diagnosis, in a way, clears things up. One: I will make personally sure that she ONLY sees neurooncologists now, not run of the mill ones. Three separate "regular" oncologists have given her erroneous information now. We are lucky to live near one of the best brain cancer treatment hospitals in the US, and definitely on the West Coast. While it wasn't pleasant to hear what we were told, this man's credentials are infallible, and moving forward we'll be sure she sees only brain cancer specialists.
I am increasingly turning towards the government and nonprofit sectors in my employment search. A friend of mine said recently 80% of his depression went away when he found work. I hope the residual depression I have clears up similarly. I am pretty sure biologically I have done all I can.
If anyone here has successfully looked into "Schedule A" employment with the US Federal governmment, would you post or babblemail about it? The process seems complex (that's our government for you!) but I would like to take advantage of this if there are any federal jobs that I am qualified to work for. They have to fill quotas.
Look at the government-ease on USAJOBS.gov, and I can't find much more on the Internet... (To those in other countries: Is your government as ridiculous as ours with regards to navigating services?):
http://www.usajobs.gov/IndividualsWithDisabilities
Through Schedule A: People with Mental Retardation, Severe Physical Disabilities, or Psychiatric Disabilities who have documentation from a licensed medical professional or other entity may apply for noncompetitive appointment through the Schedule A (5 CFR 213.3102(u)) hiring authority. Applicants with documentation may apply directly to agencies' Selective Placement Program Coordinators (SPPC) or equivalent to receive placement assistance. Simply send a resume plus the proof of your disability and job certification documentation to the agency's SPPC or equivalent. A Sample Certification Letter can be downloaded for your provider's use.
NOTE: Indicate "5 CFR 213.3102(u)" on your resume or state you are a person with a disability eligible for a Schedule A appointment when applying for Federal positions on USAJOBS or through an agency's SPPC. A Sample Cover Letter is provided for your use.
Great, I have to cite the Code of Federal Regulations to take advantage of this! Ridiculous eh?!
Sigh. Life is so weird.
-z
Posted by SLS on October 16, 2011, at 5:51:57
In reply to Re: Urgent: In a crisis.. to my friends here at PB, posted by zonked on October 16, 2011, at 0:00:27
> Look at the government-ease on USAJOBS.gov, and I can't find much more on the Internet... (To those in other countries: Is your government as ridiculous as ours with regards to navigating services?):
>
> http://www.usajobs.gov/IndividualsWithDisabilities
Thanks for the reference. I hope to begin looking for work next Spring.
- Scott
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.