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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by floatingbridge on May 5, 2011, at 21:57:21
In reply to Re: emsam is on the arm, update » floatingbridge, posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2011, at 21:23:15
It's off. Doc out for two weeks. I just f*cking quit. I can't take meds, can't live without them. I have no idea if this feeling just fades the way weirdness faded when I took first antidepressant and I became an almost fearless snri user.
I feel like everything is f*cked. Go meditate! Yes, if someone will hold my hand if I have a panic attack. Exercise! When I can stand up. You know I'm not yelling at you PJ. Right? I'm just shocked. Absolutely shocked.
Do you think this will fade into the background?
I'm beginning to think, what's wrong with xanax, with norco. When you're f*ck*d you're f*ck*d and some of us are f*ck*d. Auto asterisk do your job cause I ain't.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 5, 2011, at 22:25:32
In reply to Re: emsam is on the arm, update » Phillipa, posted by floatingbridge on May 5, 2011, at 21:57:21
Well, I went the entire day without xanax. Over 24 hours. What a ditz. I didn't pack my pill pack. I don't think it helped my symptoms, that and cutting back on norco.
So, I showered, took my 0.5mg xanax xr and 0.5mg regular xanax and my 2.5 mg norco. Am I still a member of the human race?
I could cry right now.
Do you think I should give up? It seems so unfair that the edge is closer to some than others.
Posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2011, at 23:34:47
In reply to tilt » floatingbridge, posted by floatingbridge on May 5, 2011, at 22:25:32
FB no wonder you felt so horrible you were in double withdrawal with a new med that can be stimulating. Hope now that things calm down a bit. Write down you meds and the times so this doesn't happen again. It's going to be okay. Love Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on May 6, 2011, at 0:12:49
In reply to Re: tilt » floatingbridge, posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2011, at 23:34:47
Phillipa, you are very kind. I neglected my med journal for two days. Also, I've cut back so much that I'd also not packed my daily pill pack. It's a small, clear plastic with four little compartments. Less than half the size of your palm.
Tonight it's all packed up for tomorrow, no cutting back. In fact, I've decided to
request my dosage norco be upped until I am seen either by a fibro-friendly doctor or ff pain clinic. I was kinda' cruising alright at 20mg per day. I was enjoying the lower dose, being able to
sense my pain but not be overwhelmed by it. 10mg is difficult. Too much white-knuckling lately. Wears me down.I'm sure I'm your basic nightmare for any provider. I didn't wake up and decide to be. I am trying the best I can.
Believe it or not, I slapped another half
patch on. If I get freaky again, I know what to do.Thanks for being a sensible friend.
Hugs.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 6, 2011, at 13:28:28
In reply to Re: tilt » floatingbridge, posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2011, at 23:34:47
> FB no wonder you felt so horrible you were in double withdrawal with a new med that can be stimulating. Hope now that things calm down a bit. Write down you meds and the times so this doesn't happen again. It's going to be okay. Love Phillipa
Phillipa, thanks again for your calmness. The half patch is back on. I actually feel
alright (relatively, you understand). I am also speaking to my gp about re-upping my norco dose back into a comfortable low of 20mg max until there is another plan in place, like an experienced
fibromyalgia doctor or a pain clinic that will work with me on the sum factors that
affect pain. Not just a taper for the heck of it. But I'm responsible for allowing the taper and going along with it (too far).You're a gem. I hope your day is going alright.
Hugs.
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2011, at 13:36:28
In reply to Re: tilt, and correction. better today » Phillipa, posted by floatingbridge on May 6, 2011, at 13:28:28
FB I've been worried about you relieved to know things are better now you are the calm one. Love Phillipa good game plan!!!
Posted by henryo on May 9, 2011, at 5:25:35
In reply to Re: tilt, and correction. better today » floatingbridge, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2011, at 13:36:28
keep posting. we are listening.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 9, 2011, at 9:58:56
In reply to Re: tilt, and correction. better today, posted by henryo on May 9, 2011, at 5:25:35
Hi henryo,
O.K. thanks :-)
Yesterday I cut my patch and an hour or so later, put the other half on. Did alright, no more odd episodes, and being mindful to count out my xanax and take the minimum dose.
My mood is better, and that is good, because there is yet to be any effect on pain (that was/is a long shot, but I do not suspect the emsam of making it worse, or making me feel 'blocked' the way doxepin did).
I did call my gp and said to raise my norco to 20mg until something better comes along. I think the emsam *might*
be helping my focus (like being able to decide and follow through on the above) and with the exception of the one episode posted about, no abnormal insomnia(!).This is all very interesting. I think I just
need medication. Had I had early therapeutic intervention and maybe select medication to deal with stress, I might not have developed MDD and had ptsd kick in. But here I am. So far, emsam has a very benign sx profile. No rash.Time to scrub up for today's patch.
henryo, how is your seasonal reset going? I find that fascinating.
fb
Posted by Phillipa on May 9, 2011, at 20:37:56
In reply to Re: better today » henryo, posted by floatingbridge on May 9, 2011, at 9:58:56
FB another emsam success? Wonderful wow is all I can say!!!! Love Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on May 11, 2011, at 10:56:48
In reply to Re: better today » floatingbridge, posted by Phillipa on May 9, 2011, at 20:37:56
Well, I guess it is working. I haven't become ill, and I had a realatively normal day yesterday. I was able to remain in good humor and muster when that flagged, visit a school with my son, and not feel like a complete secret agent--meaning acting normal while feeling nuts inside.
I'm at 6mg and hope, hope, hope to stay at this dose.
An abstract came to my mailbox on
tardive dysphoria. That deflated me a bit. But if I look back, my bouts of dysphoria predate any medication.So a pill or patch can only do so much
for me. Hopefully this emsam will prove a reliable helper. Maybe I can avoid the sx of ssri's and snri's that, I suspect, induced more intense mood shifting. Plus, as of week one, I still have a pretty good range of emotions, with the
exception of being less anxious and raw, and well, depressed. I folded laundry mountain yesterday, too.But this is the honeymoon.
Methinks the experiment can be concluded successful. Thanks to anyone reading along or listening. This board has walked me through things (and talked me down) many times. Thank you.
signing off for now, and with respect and gratitude,
fb
Posted by henryo on May 13, 2011, at 5:37:19
In reply to one week in, posted by floatingbridge on May 11, 2011, at 10:56:48
watching you, listening. Just taking it in. rooting for you.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 7:55:38
In reply to Re: one week in, posted by henryo on May 13, 2011, at 5:37:19
henryo, that's the nicest message to find. Thank you :-)
But you haven't mentioned your reset? Has it gone through alright?
You know I've got another piece that I'm working on. More of a health piece. Flat out crazy in bed fatigue, pain (fibromyalgic). The fatigue really gets me down. If it were just pain, I'd finally (and am about ready to) just say uncle and move to more serious medicine for that. I want to live without needing to achieve Buddhist sainthood first. (I'm still working the meditation/mindful part--it's good.)
I think the emsam is helping and not hurting. I do have better energy in the
morning. If I can continue this, and slowly push my energy envelope gently, because inactivity creates inactivity.My husband is worried (ongoing, of course). When I asked him how I was doing, he said good, but that the negative effects of AD's are cumulative and just sneak up, and that I have been more lucid off snri's. I know what he means, but so far, and at this dose, I haven't felt that.
Unless one counts more serious, but in a good way.
I see my pdoc in a week. More threshing This all out then.
Thanks for asking, henryo.
fb
Posted by poser938 on May 14, 2011, at 22:28:27
In reply to one week in, posted by floatingbridge on May 11, 2011, at 10:56:48
well its good to see that emsam is working right for you. my mom tried it before too. she said itmade her feel a bit numb yet stimulated.
i started the risperdal 3 days ago and am feeling a bit more numb and out of it, but iexpected it to make me feel like this. i plan on feeling worse before i feel better.
Posted by henryo on May 15, 2011, at 0:14:43
In reply to Re: one week in » henryo, posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 7:55:38
Reset is up and down but my mood or more precisely "mental anguish" is very good so the sleep schedule is not a big concern at the moment. It becomes one when painful emotions are overwhelming and weeks slip by- but I don't think about that lately, cause I don't need to.
So, are you into Eckhart Tolle at all? I am.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 15, 2011, at 9:51:57
In reply to Re: one week in, posted by poser938 on May 14, 2011, at 22:28:27
Hi poser,
I haven't felt numb yet, at 6mg, but I think numbness creeps up--on me, speaking of being on ssnr's, etc., and a round of abilify. Yet I didn't and don't see any recourse. So far, other than waking up in the middle of the night :( it's pretty transparent. I do forget to change the patch on time. Because I lollygag in the morning, and I either need to shower or wash a spot, usually my arm for best adhesion.
So the risperdal, it is feeling how you expected? Is your plan to take it short term, and is that your pdoc's strategy, too?
I hope you send updates--thanks for this one. And the for good wishes!
Posted by floatingbridge on May 15, 2011, at 10:20:24
In reply to Re: one week in, posted by henryo on May 15, 2011, at 0:14:43
> Reset is up and down but my mood or more precisely "mental anguish" is very good so the sleep schedule is not a big concern at the moment. It becomes one when painful emotions are overwhelming and weeks slip by- but I don't think about that lately, cause I don't need to.
That's good to hear! You have bouts of mental anguish? Like existential despair? That term makes me sound way more intellectual than I am, but I do know that type of despair. I hope your reset strategy works because good sleep is a wonderful ally.
>
> So, are you into Eckhart Tolle at all? I
am.Not really. I read one of his books, I think The Power of Now, but there was something, I can't recall, that I finally rejected. Maybe that it expected I should be all-powerful for my life, and yet I was suffering. I went back to my on and off again Buddhist reading. I like
Pema Chondron and Sharon Salzburg. I
am less utopian and more like 'sh*t happens so let's be good to each other.' It's better for my mental health :PWhat resonates for you with Tolle's writings? It's not that I absolutely disagree with him....
Posted by poser938 on May 16, 2011, at 20:43:30
In reply to Re: one week inch » poser938, posted by floatingbridge on May 15, 2011, at 9:51:57
to tell you thetruth, im not sure what my doctors startegy is exactly. i i never asked about her plan exactly and havent called her. i just have a theory on her strategy. taking it short term is probably the plan, untile my dopamine receptors upregulate, and when that happens hopefully i'll be feeling less numb. im for tolerance to the risperidone.
but you might not really get a numb feeling from the emsam, in one way it works is by raising dopamine and that should help keep you from getting numb. my mom got numb right away on it. but im pretty sure most people are less likely to get numb from taking the emsam.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 16, 2011, at 22:12:23
In reply to Re: one week inch, posted by poser938 on May 16, 2011, at 20:43:30
poser, how have you been doing with your start up? It's good to hear from you.
Emsam is good except for insomnia.
(Thanks for the encouragement.)
Posted by floatingbridge on May 16, 2011, at 22:35:48
In reply to Re: one week in, posted by henryo on May 13, 2011, at 5:37:19
henryo, do you work with regulating the light and dark in your day while working with the emsam
Posted by floatingbridge on May 17, 2011, at 8:25:00
In reply to Re: one week in, posted by henryo on May 13, 2011, at 5:37:19
henryo, do you work with regulating the light and dark in your day while working with the emsam
Posted by poser938 on May 17, 2011, at 22:08:35
In reply to Re: one week in » poser938, posted by floatingbridge on May 16, 2011, at 22:12:23
well today is my 7th day anddd i honestly dont feel much, just a but more timid feeling.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 17, 2011, at 22:38:51
In reply to Re: one week in, posted by poser938 on May 17, 2011, at 22:08:35
Hi poser,
I don't know. My knowledge of AP's is very limited. I'm not sure how to read the variety of start up symptoms. You mentioned numb before. Is that about the same right now? Could you be feeling more sensitive or vulnerable?
If you turn your babblemail on, you can write offboard anonymously to anyone who's name is written in blue, like mine. I would like to know you are in communication with your doctor.
Are you comfortable posting a thread? Some people here might have some helpful input with more experience.
Posted by henryo on May 20, 2011, at 16:07:22
In reply to light therapy » henryo, posted by floatingbridge on May 17, 2011, at 8:25:00
No I am terrible with light therapy. I know it works really well cause I have used it. But I have always been very sensitive to bright lights and I end up not using the box, visor or light. I know I should but my brain helps me to forget to. I hate bright light in my face.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 20, 2011, at 16:55:27
In reply to Re: light therapy, posted by henryo on May 20, 2011, at 16:07:22
Oh. I mispoke. I meant the opposite. Guess it's dark therapy when one uses total darkness.
I've been reading bits about that. Impossible for me to implement. Well not impossible, but with a dependent child, difficult.
I could have used a lightbox in the north east. Sunglasses?
Posted by henryo on May 22, 2011, at 1:11:59
In reply to Re: light therapy » henryo, posted by floatingbridge on May 20, 2011, at 16:55:27
I have never heard of darkness therapy. BUT every window on my house (even the arcadia doors) is fitted with "roll-a-shield" security shutters. I can make my entire house pitch black (total darkness) even at 2 in the afternoon on a July day here in Arizona. And I do exactly that. I love having that control. It is an absolute godsend sometimes. Sometimes I crave it. Whatever the reason, the interior of my house is usually somewhat dim. Those shutters have little holes between the slats when raised partially. So they can also just let in partial sunlight. Arizona can be a very bright place. Curiously I have the best night vision of any person I have ever met. I often wonder about that when I am avoiding light. My whole brain relaxes when the sun goes down.
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