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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 52 to 76 of 76. Go back in thread:
Posted by morgan miller on November 17, 2010, at 0:03:54
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » morgan miller, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 20:37:13
Sorry I keep mentioning therapy, I'm sure you are already frustrated as it is that you are having a hard time finding a free therapist. I hope you get in on this free counseling service soon.
Hang in there!
Morgan
Posted by floatingbridge on November 17, 2010, at 1:09:58
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » Maxime, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:04
Maxime, you are very brave for posting. I am so, so sorry to hear you were so brutally assaulted. I am blown away and feel a little ill, but that's o.k. I rather you post openly. I'm here.
I have so many questions, so much...anger and outrage. But this is not the time or place or even my business, because you need to tell your story in your own way and time to whomever you decide. But I firmly believe you must tell it. I feel that your life really does depend on it. And I value you. I want you here.
Oh my God, sweetie. You just are not at fault. Scott said it so well.
What does one do after living trough the nightmare? I don't know. I hope you
find out.Blessed hugs.
Posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 19:58:44
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » hyperfocus, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 19:48:22
REALLY bad day today. Got stressed and everything went downhill. Almost drove off the road ... but didn't see the point of that. Now driving off the road and hit a large tree at a high speed might work. Or I might just end up a vegetable. I wish there was someone to help me.
Posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 20:02:20
In reply to maxie » SLS, posted by floatingbridge on November 17, 2010, at 1:09:58
I don't want to tell my story any more than I already have here on the boards.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 18, 2010, at 20:16:54
In reply to Re: maxie » floatingbridge, posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 20:02:20
Hi Maxime,
I apologize for stating advice so dramatically. I feel everyone has the ability and right to find their own way. I can understand not wanting to discuss certain events--I really can :(
Sorry to hear your day was so awful. I wish for a better day for you tomorrow.
Posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 21:24:30
In reply to Re: maxie » Maxime, posted by floatingbridge on November 18, 2010, at 20:16:54
> Hi Maxime,
>
> I apologize for stating advice so dramatically. I feel everyone has the ability and right to find their own way. I can understand not wanting to discuss certain events--I really can :(
>
> Sorry to hear your day was so awful. I wish for a better day for you tomorrow.You have nothing to apologise for. I just saw this post. Prior to seeing it I just wrote you a long BM in response to the one you sent me. But when I finished I got the message that your BM was turned off. :( I will try again when and if you turn your BM back on.
Sigh. I wish the abbreviation wasn't BM.
Posted by Deneb on November 18, 2010, at 22:33:52
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 19:58:44
Hey Maxime,
I just wanted to give you some support. You sound like you're in a really bad place. It will get better. ((((Maxime))))
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 18, 2010, at 23:03:13
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by Deneb on November 18, 2010, at 22:33:52
Maxime - I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Is there anything that pulls you out of this, even temporarily -- work, exercise, TV, reading? Please try to hang in there and use distactions as they suggest in DBT. Do little things mindfully, Walk and focus on that. Count your steps. Breathe deeply -- count in for five, hold for five and exhale for five. I don't know if any of this will help. I had a hard time using DBT techniques when I was in the depths of it. But it might just give you a little breathing space.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 19, 2010, at 0:12:39
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by Deneb on November 18, 2010, at 22:33:52
Deneb, I so appreciate your presence here :)
fb
Posted by floatingbridge on November 19, 2010, at 0:28:35
In reply to Re: maxie » floatingbridge, posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 21:24:30
I'm sorry (wait, I'm apologizing!). I hate (really) losing a long babblemail after I've written one. I was feeling twitchy again, so I turned it off.
Yes, I alternately dislike and snicker at the abbreviation. My aggressive spell-check (that both you and Deneb have met) fills it in for me, so I don't need to abbreviate. The one praise I have for it.
I hope you can get some good rest tonight. I've been waking up at 2:30-3:00ish and take sonata. Or 4:30-5:00ish and, well, take nothing, because I would need to be up before it wore off.
Oddly, though, today the cymbalta rev'd me up. Good during the daytime, but not now :( Had less pain--and what I did have I could work with.
Posted by Maxime on November 21, 2010, at 16:15:24
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by Deneb on November 18, 2010, at 22:33:52
Thank you Deneb. Your kind words mean a lot to me. Things are still bad. Worse, because it's a Sunday. Everything is always worse on a Sunday.
I hope you job is going well.
M.
Posted by Maxime on November 21, 2010, at 16:19:14
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by emmanuel98 on November 18, 2010, at 23:03:13
Hi Emmanuel
Thank you for your post, and sorry for my delay in replying.
I find that if I practice my DBT skills that I don't get THIS bad. But once I am this bad, I can't seem to undue it. There is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now that just makes me want to check out ... forever.
Thank you for reminding me to be mindful.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 13, 2010, at 21:12:39
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
Well I did go to jump off the bridge. It's one of the 10 suicide bridges people are most likely to jump off in North America. Imagine that, in my own city! You cannot imagine how upset I was to find out that they had put up an suicide barriers! I just sat there and cried as traffic whized by me.
Posted by SLS on December 14, 2010, at 5:02:27
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by Maxime on December 13, 2010, at 21:12:39
Dear Maxime,
> Well I did go to jump off the bridge. It's one of the 10 suicide bridges people are most likely to jump off in North America. Imagine that, in my own city! You cannot imagine how upset I was to find out that they had put up an suicide barriers! I just sat there and cried as traffic whized by me.
I wish I could crawl inside your head in order to know the demons that plague you. I can't be sure, but I still suspect that your preoccupation with suicide has at least some psychological underpinnings that would still exist in the absence of your depressive disorder. While your medical treatment has you feeling somewhat better, you might elect to use this time to examine where in your psyche lies the need for escape. Considering your lack of funds for psychotherapy, you might want to use the Internet to look for suggestions on how to attack the psychological aspects of an obsession with suicide. I don't know if the Psycho-Babble Psychology board would be of use, but you might want to start a thread over there.
One thing that deserves a prominent position in evaluating all of this is that there is a neurobiological substrate for suicidality that usually presents with anger, hostility, aggression, or significant anxiety. There may be no psychological component to your focus on suicide at all. I wish I could somehow know wherein your best treatment lies.
If it helps, keep posting. If not, you might want to drop in every now and then just to say hello and let the community know that you are still alive and kicking. You might even want to post an announcement of your current need for taking a sabbatical.
Get well soon.
- Scott
Posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 20:49:05
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by SLS on December 14, 2010, at 5:02:27
Scott, I really appreciate your taking the time to respond to my post considering what you are going through now.
Actually, I am not doing well at now. This is quote from a post I made below:
"My depression is very bad. I force myself out of bed in the morning and I have my shower. In the shower I sob and sob and sob. Then I get on with my day. I go to work. I go to my car at lunch and sit in it and sob and sob. Wipe my eyes, and go back into work. Leave work, before putting the car into drive I have another crying session. Then the last one I have is when I first get into bed. No one has a clue of how bad I am doing with the exception of my pdoc. I'm still on the Parnate but clearly it is not working very well but there is nothing left for me try. So I stay on the Parnate."
I know that people think that because I can get up and go to work that I am ok. But the truth is that I am not.
I will still post from time to time here, but not as much as before because I don't feel safe here anymore. But my Babble Mail will always be so that people can contact me and so that I can contact them.
Maxie
Posted by emmanuel98 on December 14, 2010, at 21:03:30
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » SLS, posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 20:49:05
I hope you keep posting Maxine. I worried about you a lot when you were blocked. It sounds like you need all the help we can muster. Do try posting on the psych board. People might be able to help you get through this suicidality. I have been there and it is extremely painful.
But last summer, I came within seconds of killing myself, then turned back at the last minute. I might very well have been unable to turn back. It's just luck that I am still here. The other day, I thought about what I had done and began shaking and rocking back and forth and crying. It terrified me that I came so close. I can't beleive I felt that way. I am lucky to be alive and glad I still am. I hope you will feel that way soon.
Posted by SLS on December 15, 2010, at 4:24:28
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » SLS, posted by Maxime on December 14, 2010, at 20:49:05
Hi Maxie.
> Scott, I really appreciate your taking the time to respond to my post considering what you are going through now.
>
> Actually, I am not doing well at now.I can see that. I am really sorry to see that you are being tortured so.
Restart nortriptyline? This is an obvious choice.
Add Trileptal? Trileptal might do a nice job of mitigating anger and impulsivity and therefore reduce suicidality and self-injury.
I hope you come back to post soon. Safety is a matter of perception, I guess. Your perceptions are what matter most. Maybe with time, your wounds will heal and you will come back stronger.
Perhaps the construction of suicide barriers on your favorite bridge are providence. Is someone trying to tell you something? Perspective.
- Scott
Posted by hyperfocus on December 15, 2010, at 9:52:36
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by Maxime on December 13, 2010, at 21:12:39
I hope you keep fighting Maxime. All I can tell you is just take it one day at a time. Don't look back and don't try to look forward. Life does have meaning, even if you are in pain. Don't put any additional stress on yourself. If all you feel like doing is hiding under the covers and listening to music all day, then do that (I can't count how many days I've done that.) You can stand a telling off from your boss any day and vacuming the living room can wait. Don't get stressed out trying to do stuff you're just not able to do. Just try to make it through one day. If a day is too long try one hour.
One thing I've found that helped my depression was doing some kind of volunteer work. I know it can be stressful in its own right, but it made me feel a tiny bit better helping people.
Posted by Maxime on December 16, 2010, at 20:59:52
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by SLS on December 15, 2010, at 4:24:28
Hi Scott, I already take 600 mg of Trileptal. I don't feel like more would help. As for the Nortrip. I still can decide what to do. I would like try the Desipramine for I think. I don't know. I don't feel like anything can help me now.
Posted by SLS on December 17, 2010, at 4:48:50
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » SLS, posted by Maxime on December 16, 2010, at 20:59:52
Hi Maxime.
> Hi Scott, I already take 600 mg of Trileptal. I don't feel like more would help. As for the Nortrip. I still can decide what to do. I would like try the Desipramine for I think. I don't know. I don't feel like anything can help me now.
Read the abstract below. Interesting. Is there any chance that you are feeling worse because of Trileptal? Although this might not be a ubiquitous side effect, the potential for increased depression cannot be overlooked. Just like with traditional antidepressants, some people will experiencing a worsening of depression with some anticonvulsant drugs, but not others. There is more mention in the medical literature in favor of the use of oxcarbazepine for depression than there are contraindications. The drug does display antidepression-like behavioral effects according to some rat studies, and is theorized to increase DA and NE neurotransmission.
The combination of lithium and oxcarbazepine tends to work better than lithium alone to treat acute mania in bipolar disorder. Less is known about the statistical rate of success treating depression. If you suspect that an exacerbation of depression is linked to your taking oxcarbazepine, I would not recommend discontinuing it right now. A thorough discussion with your doctor should precede any self-medication that you may be tempted to perform.
I took oxcarbazepine for quite a few weeks. If anything, I found it mildly stimulating and not at all exacerbating of depression.
Have you tried the following drugs?
Topiramate(Topamax)
Clonazepam (Klonopin)
Lithium?
Sertraline (Zoloft)
- Scott
----------------------------------Neurology. 2010 Jul 27;75(4):335-40.
Use of antiepileptic drugs in epilepsy and the risk of self-harm or suicidal behavior.Andersohn F, Schade R, Willich SN, Garbe E.
Institute for Social Medicine, Epidemiology and Health Economics, Charité-University Medical Center, Berlin, Germany. frank.andersohn@charite.de
Comment in:
* Neurology. 2010 Jul 27;75(4):e12-5.
* Neurology. 2010 Jul 27;75(4):300-1.Abstract
BACKGROUND: A recent meta-analysis of randomized trials revealed that antiepileptic drugs (AEDs) as a class increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior. We conducted an observational study with data from the United Kingdom General Practice Research Database to investigate if an increase in risk for different groups of AEDs is also evident in clinical practice.
METHODS: This was a nested case-control study in a cohort of 44,300 patients with epilepsy who were treated with AEDs. Patients with self-harm or suicidal behavior were identified by predefined codes. We included 453 cases and 8,962 age-matched and sex-matched controls. AEDs were classified into 4 groups: barbiturates, conventional AEDs, and newer AEDs with low (lamotrigine, gabapentin, pregabalin, oxcarbazepine) or high (levetiracetam, tiagabine, topiramate, vigabatrin) potential of causing depression. Adjusted odds ratios (OR) were calculated using conditional logistic regression.
RESULTS: Current use of newer AEDs with a high potential of causing depression was associated with a 3-fold increased risk of self-harm/suicidal behavior (OR = 3.08; 95% [CI] 1.22-7.77) as compared with no use of AEDs during the last year. Use of barbiturates (OR = 0.66; 95% CI 0.25-1.73), conventional AEDs (OR = 0.74; 95% CI 0.53-1.03), or low-risk newer AEDs (OR = 0.87; 95% CI 0.47-1.59) was not associated with an increased risk.
CONCLUSIONS: Newer AEDs with a rather high frequency of depressive symptoms in clinical trials may also increase the risk of self-harm or suicidal behavior in clinical practice. For the most commonly used other groups of AEDs, no increase in risk was observed.
PMID: 20660863 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]
Posted by Maxime on December 17, 2010, at 20:22:06
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by hyperfocus on December 15, 2010, at 9:52:36
> I hope you keep fighting Maxime. All I can tell you is just take it one day at a time. Don't look back and don't try to look forward. Life does have meaning, even if you are in pain. Don't put any additional stress on yourself. If all you feel like doing is hiding under the covers and listening to music all day, then do that (I can't count how many days I've done that.) You can stand a telling off from your boss any day and vacuming the living room can wait. Don't get stressed out trying to do stuff you're just not able to do. Just try to make it through one day. If a day is too long try one hour.
>
> One thing I've found that helped my depression was doing some kind of volunteer work. I know it can be stressful in its own right, but it made me feel a tiny bit better helping people.Thank you for your advice. :) I work full time. I do 6 hours of volunteer work a week. And I do research for a university professor (I am not in school anymore). So despite my unrelenting depression, I do force myself to things. If I don't, I stay in bed all day which makes me feel worse.
Next week I am off from work for the holidays. I have the feeling I will be spending a lot of time under the covers. Although I do have to take care of my mom who has Alzheimers.
I am under a lot of stress that is for sure. I wish I could escape from everything for a while. I really don't know how much longer I can go on like this.
Thanks again for the thoughtful post.
Posted by Maxime on December 17, 2010, at 20:23:12
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by emmanuel98 on December 14, 2010, at 21:03:30
I am glad that you feel lucky to be alive. I wonder if I can ever feel that way?
Posted by Maxime on December 17, 2010, at 20:29:52
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by SLS on December 17, 2010, at 4:48:50
Hi Scott, I find that the trileptal does help with mood swings which is why I am taking it.
Answers below to your med questiosn
> Have you tried the following drugs?
>
> Topiramate(Topamax) ---- Yes, and twice it made me go psychotic. I will not try it again> Clonazepam (Klonopin) ------------ Yes, I was all the way up to 4 mg which is very high and I am now down to .5 mg
> Lithium? Lithium does nothing except make me fat. I have tried it about 4 times and it really does not help me.
> Sertraline (Zoloft) --- This was the last SSRI I took. I was combining it with Wellbutrin and took it on its own. All it did was make me apathetic.
>
>
> - Scott
>
>
> ----------------------------------
>
> Neurology. 2010 Jul 27;75(4):335-40.
> Use of antiepileptic drugs in epilepsy and the risk of self-harm or suicidal behavior.
>
> Andersohn F, Schade R, Willich SN, Garbe E.
>
> Institute for Social Medicine, Epidemiology and Health Economics, Charité-University Medical Center, Berlin, Germany. frank.andersohn@charite.de
>
> Comment in:
>
> * Neurology. 2010 Jul 27;75(4):e12-5.
> * Neurology. 2010 Jul 27;75(4):300-1.
>
> Abstract
>
> BACKGROUND: A recent meta-analysis of randomized trials revealed that antiepileptic drugs (AEDs) as a class increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior. We conducted an observational study with data from the United Kingdom General Practice Research Database to investigate if an increase in risk for different groups of AEDs is also evident in clinical practice.
>
> METHODS: This was a nested case-control study in a cohort of 44,300 patients with epilepsy who were treated with AEDs. Patients with self-harm or suicidal behavior were identified by predefined codes. We included 453 cases and 8,962 age-matched and sex-matched controls. AEDs were classified into 4 groups: barbiturates, conventional AEDs, and newer AEDs with low (lamotrigine, gabapentin, pregabalin, oxcarbazepine) or high (levetiracetam, tiagabine, topiramate, vigabatrin) potential of causing depression. Adjusted odds ratios (OR) were calculated using conditional logistic regression.
>
> RESULTS: Current use of newer AEDs with a high potential of causing depression was associated with a 3-fold increased risk of self-harm/suicidal behavior (OR = 3.08; 95% [CI] 1.22-7.77) as compared with no use of AEDs during the last year. Use of barbiturates (OR = 0.66; 95% CI 0.25-1.73), conventional AEDs (OR = 0.74; 95% CI 0.53-1.03), or low-risk newer AEDs (OR = 0.87; 95% CI 0.47-1.59) was not associated with an increased risk.
>
> CONCLUSIONS: Newer AEDs with a rather high frequency of depressive symptoms in clinical trials may also increase the risk of self-harm or suicidal behavior in clinical practice. For the most commonly used other groups of AEDs, no increase in risk was observed.
>
> PMID: 20660863 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]
Posted by Jeroen on December 19, 2010, at 16:37:35
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by Maxime on December 13, 2010, at 21:12:39
Hey Maxime, buddy,
someone as you already know killed herself in my group, i dont want you to do the same :(
xxxHUGSxxxx
Posted by Maxime on December 19, 2010, at 18:15:17
In reply to To Maxime urgent, posted by Jeroen on December 19, 2010, at 16:37:35
> Hey Maxime, buddy,
>
> someone as you already know killed herself in my group, i dont want you to do the same :(
>
> xxxHUGSxxxxHey Jeroen
I promise you that I will call the crisis centre if I feel like I am going to do something.
((( Jeroen))) I am so sorry about your friend.
This is the end of the thread.
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