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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
Would the following cocktail put me out of my misery? Please don't reply trying to talk me out of it or convince me there are always options, etc. I'm not a new poster to this board, but i'm now 'readytogo'.
I'm just sick and tired of it all. Exhausted of the fight, disappointed with the people in my life, fatigued from the experiences and tormented by the loneliness and failures. I believe in my heart my destiny is to die young and that God will accept me into his loving arms for what I've had to endure.
so don't bother responding unless you can offer some insight into this cocktail:
[xxx]
sounds pretty doable to me. looking forward to doing it in the next 2 weeks after i get things in order.
don't bother responding unless your responding to the cocktail. your wasting your breath if your trying to talk me out of it.
Posted by tepi on February 21, 2009, at 0:38:13
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
> Would the following cocktail put me out of my misery? Please don't reply trying to talk me out of it or convince me there are always options, etc. I'm not a new poster to this board, but i'm now 'readytogo'.
>
> I'm just sick and tired of it all. Exhausted of the fight, disappointed with the people in my life, fatigued from the experiences and tormented by the loneliness and failures. I believe in my heart my destiny is to die young and that God will accept me into his loving arms for what I've had to endure.
>
> so don't bother responding unless you can offer some insight into this cocktail:
>
> [xxx]
>wich is the cocktail you mean ?? Only looking XXX
calm down, same thoughts are in my head most of the time . I know what you mean with dont try to convince with words
Lets wait what the babblers comment
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 21, 2009, at 1:18:44
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
> I'm not a new poster to this board
>
> don't bother responding unless you can offer some insight into this cocktail:
>
> [xxx]Please don't use this site to exchange information that others could use to harm themselves. Also, please don't change your posting name without following these steps:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#names
I'm going to block this name. Please either return to your previous one or switch (following the above steps) to another new one.
Please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person. And I don't want anything bad to happen to you. In a crisis, please also get help in person. You may also wish to check out a listing compiled by a poster of helpful web pages on coping with crisis at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-tips/links/Coping_with_crisis_001012507973
More information about posting policies is in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Neal on February 21, 2009, at 5:19:45
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
We've all been there before readytogo.
But we all know that minds change, situations change, things change as they will for you my friend. Hold on
Neal
Posted by SLS on February 21, 2009, at 6:18:10
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
> don't bother responding unless your responding to the cocktail. your wasting your breath if your trying to talk me out of it.
Okay.
- Scott
Posted by manic666 on February 21, 2009, at 7:00:50
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself » readytogo, posted by SLS on February 21, 2009, at 6:18:10
i have flat lined, buddy an if you thing its better on the other side forget it, it, cold wet an lonley
Posted by linkadge on February 21, 2009, at 7:21:53
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by manic666 on February 21, 2009, at 7:00:50
Hey, I'm young and lonely too. Although, in my case, being gay, I find it almost impossible to overcome my state and meet people. The only reason I state my sexuality is because I know youth suicide is like 8x higher in this population.
Anyhow, this is about you.
All I am saying is that before you go, be sure you have made all attempts to connect. Whatever is at the core of your problem, there is somebody else in the same situation.
Linkadge (linkadge@hotmail.com)
Posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2009, at 10:52:17
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by linkadge on February 21, 2009, at 7:21:53
I missed this not sure of what old posting name is. But if I can continue fighting at almost 63 years old you can too. Please just know that we care and I didn't read the cocktail but please if you know my e-mail contact me. Love Phillipa ps I do know the feeling.
Posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2009, at 14:05:09
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
Please turn your babblemail on. We want to help. Phillipa
Posted by Neal on February 21, 2009, at 19:57:16
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
rtg,
can you tell more me about you? your life situation right now?
-neal
Posted by jim45 on February 21, 2009, at 20:00:29
In reply to I'm ready to off myself, posted by readytogo on February 20, 2009, at 22:09:05
Dear Readytogo.
MANY of us have been there.
NO God possibly won't be so welcoming or happy. Suicide is the ULTIMATE statement that one lacks Faith and Trust in Him.
Haven't you been through difficult times in the past when you considered suicide only to make it through them and have PRICELESS LIFE EXPERIENCES that you would've missed out on if you'd ended it back then?
What beautiful, wonderful, and priceless things are you gonna miss out on if you commit suicide this time?
THESE ARE TOUGH TIMES but you can make it.
Remember, if you commit suicide you're telling God that you don't trust Him to see you through all this (which will also allow you to help others - who can you help if you don't go through some "stuff"???) and you have no faith in Him either. In Jeremiah God says He knows the plans He has for you. Plans to prosper you etc. You're saying God is lying there. God cannot lie.
Remember Job too. Look what all he went through and his experiences were used to help countless others throughout the ages. He was also RICHLY blessed after he made it through it all.
Gosh I hope you read the things caring people who've been there have written you.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!!!!
Jim
Posted by uncouth on February 21, 2009, at 21:41:45
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by jim45 on February 21, 2009, at 20:00:29
this was me. i'm simply ready to go. there has been no joy, no priceless life experiences, simply enduring constant pain.
the humane thing to do to man's best friend is to put him out of his misery when he is in pain, right?
therefore why is it deemed so unrealistic to put oneself out of such constant misery?
the reality is that im always going to be sick and i cannot endure what depression has taken from me any longer.
Posted by yxibow on February 21, 2009, at 23:15:06
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by uncouth on February 21, 2009, at 21:41:45
> this was me. i'm simply ready to go. there has been no joy, no priceless life experiences, simply enduring constant pain.
>
> the humane thing to do to man's best friend is to put him out of his misery when he is in pain, right?
>
> therefore why is it deemed so unrealistic to put oneself out of such constant misery?No psychiatrist or individual can lock someone up forever and no amount of people can possibly monitor someone's going and coming their whole lives.
This may be a real shock and it isn't meant to be, but people will commit suicide if they really feel they cannot manage their lives and good citizens and good thought can convince people not to, but psychiatrists know that there is an ultimate risk that it could happen.
Do -NOT- construe this as a license to act one way or the other, it is a mere fact of human existence.
> the reality is that im always going to be sick and i cannot endure what depression has taken from me any longer.
...but you don't know that, or do you? And neither can I predict my future.
I do catastrophize at times -- some with an admittedly mind blowing number of symptoms and side effects I face, and some with a missing drive for the living that, give them extreme credit, people with terrible organic or physical birth defects strive to go beyond things.
Now it wouldn't be fair to anyone to say, after years to decades that I'm trying to say that people are malingering at all.
I wouldn't want anyone to take the above as accusatory at all, as I have after years had the inner drive and hope eroded.
Hope comes from within, its not something that other than by encouragement people can bestow on someone by some "divine intervention".
If one is still here online, and this is really not directed solely to your post, but the thread in general and others here, there obviously is something compelling someone to live.
- tidings
Jay
Posted by JadeKelly on February 21, 2009, at 23:44:14
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself » uncouth, posted by yxibow on February 21, 2009, at 23:15:06
RTG-2-3 years of complete hell for me where I'd given up hope of ever being happy again. I recently found the perfect PDoc, an excellent therapist, and for 2 months had been taking an anti depressant that did nothing but offer side effects. With my new Doc's increase in dose and an addition of an augment, I am a new person. I feel 85% or so of my old self and therapy will get me the rest of the way. Sometimes I feel really happy. Sometimes I'm pissed off. In other words, "normal". Because thats what needs to happen before you can make a decision like this!
You're depressed and have given up hope at getting well, right? How about some ideas from us? Whats another month or two? Unless you've never given one a good chance. Please tell me what you've been on and then maybe we can talk about the heavy duty a/d's THAT WORK. Please believe me. Its criminal that they go thru 20 a/ds before seeing your in trouble and bring out the heavy duty stuff. Its your life. But you got a couple more things to try. They may be a little dangerous, but, so is where you are.Hang in there,
Babblemail me to talk about your meds. ~Jade
Posted by SLS on February 22, 2009, at 5:33:28
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by uncouth on February 21, 2009, at 21:41:45
Hi.
> this was me. i'm simply ready to go. there has been no joy, no priceless life experiences, simply enduring constant pain.
Yes, I know. Most of us know. You are not alone.
Even while severely depressed, you can experience joy. You have to be prepared to recognize it when you encounter it, and not be resistent to the experience. For that encounter, you must live in the moment and ignore the depression. That's for joy. Joy is not an affect, it is a cognitive experience that resonates with your being. You are what you are inside. Good stuff, if you ask me. One thing that I doubt you will be able to do is like the way you feel. You can like small children at play, but you can't like the way you feel while watching them - unless you allow yourself the joy to penetrate you.
You feel worse than anyone can put into words. You are frustrated in a way that would be fair to no one. Many of us score high on the prisoner of war axis of personality inventory tests. Severe depression is traumatizing. You are traumatized right now. You need to rest. Quiet your mind. Relieve yourself of the anxiety. Allow your anger to pass.
> the humane thing to do to man's best friend is to put him out of his misery when he is in pain, right?
Sometimes. People have very specific criteria they use to come to that decision, though.
> therefore why is it deemed so unrealistic to put oneself out of such constant misery?
It is your right to do so, I believe. It is called autoeuthanasia. It is a rational suicide. However, I believe that one must be of sound mind to make this decision. You are not. It is a paradox with depression. It is the depression that prevents one from acting with a sound mind. Yet, I have had moments of clarity with my severe depression to know that at any time, I could choose to end and preempt what might have turned out to be a new beginning. I opted to fight on and search for that new beginning.
You are in a very bad place right now. You have layers of depression that are conspiring against you - more than just the biological disorder. It is too much for anyone to bear indefinitely. Fortunately, these worst of the worst often pass by themselves, and you will not feel about things like you do now. The bad time will pass, and your severely oppressed mind will find enough relief for you to carry on with life.
You will endure this worst of times. You will endure the depression while you are still bound by it. You must rest, though. Rest.
I basically agree with your premises on everything except this:
> the reality is that im always going to be sick
You see, I have been treated for depression unsuccessfully for 25 years. Some people here can attest to the severity of my depressive state. I won't go into my littany of agony, but suffice it to say that the NIMH (NIH) had not seen too many patients in worse shape than me. I endured, and there is nothing special about me. I just look at things logically. The permutations of drugs available are too many to neglect in making any decision to quit.
As prepared as I was for my suffering to come to an end, I did not want to leave life, as I believe that it is the only one we have. I could never enjoy life and make the whole thing worthwhile if I were to die. I do believe in God with all of my heart and soul. This has helped me a great deal. Spirituality is at the core of my being. I would be very happy to learn that you have some higher power that offers you comfort. Sometimes that is our last defense against throwing it all away.
Don't confuse the ending of pain with the ending of life. You can remain alive and end the pain. The catch is, you must know that you will not feel so great in the meantime. However, I believe that you can find self-esteem. I believe that you can find love. I believe you can experience joy. You don't have to find joy, it finds you - everyday. You just have to recognize what it is that brings you joy. Don't resist joy. Don't resist praising yourself for your achievements. You have endured one of the most hideous of diseases. That is a monumental achievement. You have my respect and admiration for choosing to continue with life.
I stayed alive. I won.
Stay alive. The logical odds are in your favor that you will find a treatment that makes life worthwhile. I want you to win, too.
I forgot to mention that I like you, for whatever that's worth. You are likable. You don't really have much choice in that. It is woven into the fabric of your being. I selfishly would like for you to remain alive.
- Scott
Posted by uncouth on February 22, 2009, at 10:18:28
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself » uncouth, posted by SLS on February 22, 2009, at 5:33:28
thank you to all who spent time to post such thoughtful responses. i can't put into words my appreciation. i know i'm not alone in this, although it feels that way so much of the time.
Posted by Phillipa on February 22, 2009, at 20:13:29
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by uncouth on February 22, 2009, at 10:18:28
Uncouth so glad you will continue the fight and I just have a feeling you will win the battle. Love Phillipa
Posted by JadeKelly on February 23, 2009, at 18:58:25
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by uncouth on February 22, 2009, at 10:18:28
Hi Uncouth,
Just thought I'd check in and see if you're feeling better today. I hope so. I'm just checking on a few posts, etc. Leave me a post if you need/want to talk. I'll be around for a while.
~Jade
Posted by Zyprexa on February 26, 2009, at 22:11:08
In reply to Re: I'm ready to off myself, posted by jim45 on February 21, 2009, at 20:00:29
Try Zyprexa!!! Perfect for feeling this way.
This is the end of the thread.
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