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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by FredPotter on March 27, 2008, at 22:51:53
My 18 yr old son has HOCD. That is he terrifies himself with the thought he's gay. I tell him there's nothing wrong with being gay so long as you're not promiscuous. But no matter how I or any web material give/s reassurance he can't can't stop it. He has loads of girlfriends and knows he's not gay really. Recently he's started frequent hand-washing. I didn't bring him into this world for him to feel like this. Any suggestions?
Thanks
Fred
Posted by dbc on March 27, 2008, at 23:20:15
In reply to HOCD, posted by FredPotter on March 27, 2008, at 22:51:53
Im going to assume this is a joke and even it isnt both of my answers apply. Clearly the best form of treatment will be exposure therapy so taking him to a gay bar (depending on laws this may not be possible) and or bath house and let nature resolve the situation. Either he's gay and will find some new and interesting friends to teach him things he's only read about or he will realize that he is quite straight.
Posted by Sigismund on March 28, 2008, at 0:54:54
In reply to HOCD, posted by FredPotter on March 27, 2008, at 22:51:53
Hi Fred
All kids are different.
I told mine early on that I would be delighted if they were gay.
They raised their eyebrows and rolled their eyes and looked as if they were about to tell me I sucked.
And nothing happened.
I doubt that reasurrance is of much use.
I suppose I would just say that gay people are great or whatever and that moreover it's not worth worrying about, which will likely be of no use at all.
Posted by sunnydays on March 28, 2008, at 13:23:46
In reply to HOCD, posted by FredPotter on March 27, 2008, at 22:51:53
Get him a therapist that specializes in the treatment of OCD and/or sexual identity issues? Seems the logical thing to me if you're truly concerned.
sunnydays
Posted by B2chica on March 28, 2008, at 13:32:36
In reply to HOCD, posted by FredPotter on March 27, 2008, at 22:51:53
has he tried seeing a therapist? i would suggest that. like someone else mentioned finding someone with experience with gender issues AND ocd issue would be the key.
it doenst' sound like it's the gay part that's causing the issue but the *fear* (of it) that is causing issues.
also with adding in the hand washing.there are also several medications (if thats a route you wanted to try) that could help out here.
best wishes.
b2c.
Posted by Quintal on March 28, 2008, at 13:54:06
In reply to HOCD, posted by FredPotter on March 27, 2008, at 22:51:53
I wonder why? I think this a phase a lot of young men go through when they're finding their adult identity. I remember reading somewhere that young men 18-28 were the most strongly homophobic, and this was something to do with defining the boundaries of their sexual identity. Obviously the last thing young heterosexual men want to be seen as is gay, hence the aggressive boundary marking, at least until the hormones settle.
Alledgedly most people have some degree of latent homosexuality, so perhaps that is what's bothering him? I remember being fondled by at least two of my male friends during puberty. I suppose they were just going through a phase. Curiously I was going through a heterosexual phase at the same time so never took advantage, and it's something I've regretted ever since. I know a few boys did indulge at least as far as mutual masturbation though. It was clear one pair of best friends had fallen in love at one point - I remember them gazing adoringly into eachothers eyes in English one summer's day. Presumably they all went on to be normal heterosexual blokes after puberty had finished its course.
Has he considered the possibility that he's bisexual rather than gay? Maybe he could reassure himself that a man who is attracted to women can't be gay, although he may be bisexual if he also finds himself attracted to other men. As a gay man I'm really curious about where the boundaries of heterosexual men lie. I tend to think of men as having a sort of pan-sexuality, or global sexuality, where almost anything with a hole looks sexually attractive after a certain point. I could imagine having sex with a woman, and sometimes I find my penis sort of throbs when I look at some of the women on page 3 and it annoys me since I'm about as strongly attracted to men as you can get. So if I can do that I'm sure a similar thing must happen to heterosexual men from time to time. I wonder if this is what's bothering your son? Casting a seed of doubt into his mind? Sounds as though he might have inherited your tendecy towards anxiety and this is what he's found to fix it on.
Q
Posted by FredPotter on March 30, 2008, at 18:03:06
In reply to Re: HOCD » FredPotter, posted by Quintal on March 28, 2008, at 13:54:06
Thanks everyone for their advice esp Quintal. As for dbc, jokes are funny. There's nothing funny about my post. Why not clear off until you have something helpful to say?
This is the end of the thread.
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