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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 10:01:33
Suddenly my life is like a messed up soap opera.
I went to a nightclub with a friend last night and everything was going okay. Late at night, I got a phone call from another friend saying that my boyfriend (who I hadn't heard from in 3 weeks after he got kicked out of his house) had just lost his job which was coincidentally just a block down from the club we were at.
So me and my friend decidd to go down there and see what was going on. It turns out my boyfriend had been working at a gay bar as a "jello shot girl" and was the only straight person there. And he lost his job after someone spiked his drink with illegal drugs. And the bartender he was staying with kicked him out, so he was out on the streets again.
I tried talking to him and offered him a place to stay at my house, but he was upset and wanted to be alone, even if it meant sleeping under a bridge. We both spent 2 hours arguing and yelling at eachother, and he eventually got into a car with a stranger and they sped off. Now our relationship is officially over.I think he has borderline personalilty disorder, he has all the symptoms. And this got worse when he went off his antipsychotic medication.
Everyone says I shouldn't be upset, but Im' still shaken by everything that happened. You couldn't make this stuff up even if you were trying to write a fictional novel. Does this happen to normal people?
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2007, at 11:47:35
In reply to Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 10:01:33
Sounds strange to me but then I am not out there too old. Love Phillipa
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 11:56:34
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2007, at 11:47:35
It was just so surreal. I feel like I should be upset because this guy broke my heart, but the situation in which it happened was just so bizarre, it's sort of comical.
Posted by Honore on May 6, 2007, at 12:33:35
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 11:56:34
Not knowing any normal people, I'm not sure. But all sorts of weird things happen-- so I wouldn't be surprised. They don't say, "life is stranger than fiction" for no reason.
Sounds like he was very upset.
Believe me, though, it doesn't sound all that strange--just one of those things that happens when people are upset and not thinking entirely rationally.
Honore
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on May 6, 2007, at 13:09:34
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Honore on May 6, 2007, at 12:33:35
Seriously, it doesn't sound strange to me at all.
I've done stranger things than that. And it was only one night of madness - its not like your whole family is odd.
I was just musing last night that its not entirely 'normal' to go to a nudist beach with your gay brother. But hey ho, we both didn't want to get tan lines! That wasn't even the strange bit -- being chatted up whilst nude was!! But I'm European, so we can get away with things like this.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 13:32:08
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on May 6, 2007, at 13:09:34
I'm slowly beginning to feel better now. I'm still sad about the relationship ending because it was the best one I've ever had in my life. We knew eachother for a while and were friends before getting involved, so we were very close. It hurts to lose him as a friend more than anything else.
He told me we were definitely going to see each other again and still be friends, but after last night, I somehow have trouble believing him.
I think the weirdest part about last night was when we were standing on the sidewalk outside the bar, talking about our private problems and some old homeless crack addict came up to us and tried to get involved and give us relationship advice. This sort of stuff doesn't happen regularly in my life, that's for sure.
Posted by Racer on May 6, 2007, at 13:45:29
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 13:32:08
>
> I think the weirdest part about last night was when we were standing on the sidewalk outside the bar, talking about our private problems and some old homeless crack addict came up to us and tried to get involved and give us relationship advice.I'm sorry, *that* part is so funny you should write a book just so you can include it. I hope you get to where you can see the humor in it soon.
As for your friends saying you "shouldn't" be upset, what does that mean? If you are upset, then you should be upset -- what you feel is what you feel. Emotions just are, there's no right or wrong to it.
My guess, not knowing your friends, is that they didn't know how to help, except to say, "Oh, don't be upset, he's not worth it." That's not so unusual, but it's also not helpful. I'm sorry your friends weren't able to find something more helpful, but I'm pleased that they seem to care about you enough to want to comfort you -- even if they didn't quite know how.
I'm sorry that this happened to you. It sounds very upsetting, and I hope you have a chance to grieve for your relationship, so that you can move forward.
Good luck.
Posted by devunea on May 6, 2007, at 17:00:01
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by Racer on May 6, 2007, at 13:45:29
if it makes you feel any better it sounds like a page out of my own diary.
everyone i know is like "only you" when the most craziest things happen.
recently a guy i dated was on the national news for putting a bomb at a womens clinic in austin tx.
wtf?
i feel bad for you and what you and he are going through. but i do also see the humor in it.
we should swap stories, ive had an interesting crack head intervention myself.
take care.
Posted by Ines on May 6, 2007, at 17:11:32
In reply to Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 10:01:33
Hey Cynthia,
It does happen to normal people- when they fall in love... relationships can be the weirdest, contorted things. I'm pretty mellow and 'normal' on a day to day basis and have been in a similar situation during a wonderful/messed up turbulent relationship. The break up of which happened outside a tube station in a big city, with me shouting and sobbing whilst pelting at full speed round in circles, and boyfriend running around after me trying to appease me, and people trying to get out of our way. Surreal... It made me feel like some trigger for madness had gone off in an otherwise uneventfull life; I still can't believe that was me. I'm sorry about the breakup, I know how painful it can be- I hope you will feel better about it soon.
Ines
Posted by Ines on May 6, 2007, at 17:27:28
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on May 6, 2007, at 13:09:34
That wasn't even the strange bit -- being chatted up whilst nude was!! But I'm European, so we can get away with things like this.
>That must have been thoroughly weird!! (going to a nudist beach with gay brother sounds pretty normal to me though)
Someone I know went out with a guy on a first date, and he took her to a nudist beach where all of his friends were hanging out. She got introduced to his ex girlfriend and other friends- all stark naked!- who then proceded to insist they stayed for a BBQ so they could get to know her. She said she had never felt more awkward in her life! Needless to say they didn't make it to a 2nd date but boy was that a hilarious story!
Ines
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 8:58:40
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by Ines on May 6, 2007, at 17:11:32
> Hey Cynthia,
> It does happen to normal people- when they fall in love... relationships can be the weirdest, contorted things. I'm pretty mellow and 'normal' on a day to day basis and have been in a similar situation during a wonderful/messed up turbulent relationship. The break up of which happened outside a tube station in a big city, with me shouting and sobbing whilst pelting at full speed round in circles, and boyfriend running around after me trying to appease me, and people trying to get out of our way. Surreal... It made me feel like some trigger for madness had gone off in an otherwise uneventfull life; I still can't believe that was me. I'm sorry about the breakup, I know how painful it can be- I hope you will feel better about it soon.
> InesThat's exactly how I felt that night. Maybe part of it was because I was sleep deprived, but I just felt like I was completely going to lose it. I feel bad because I've never cried that hard in a public place before.
I'm feeling okay about the relationship ending. I have no clue if he's going to ever call me again as a friend, but I would definitely talk to him if he wanted to. I just wish the last time I saw him could have been under better circumstances.
Posted by Ines on May 7, 2007, at 15:19:55
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 8:58:40
I just wish the last time I saw him could have been under better circumstances.
>Yes, I know that feeling very well. If it's of any help, that particular feeling (that things didn't end the way they should and somehow that detracts from the relationship) completely went away with time - after a while you seem to remember the relationship as a whole, and the details that make you cringe fade into the background... And don't feel bad about the crying- everyone can act very out of character when in a turbulent relationship, it messes with you. With hindsight I just see those behaviours as a sure sign he wasn't the right person for me, even if the good moments were very good (not that that makes it any easier, I know). Stay well x
Posted by Shortstop on May 7, 2007, at 15:29:52
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 8:58:40
Rx for Cynthia: Listen closely to a crushing breakup song. May I suggest "Monopoly" by Shawn Colvin or "Late for the Sky" by Jackson Browne or "All the Ways I Want You" by Bruce Cockburn. Use it to induce one good cry, but only one. Mourn the loss but don't wallow in the mourning. Cut yourself off from it the very next day. The next day, soon as you wake up, tell yourself: "Nothing will happen today that God and I can't get through together." Do this every day until it /feels/ like you've moved on because, just like that, you will have. Grace and healing are not far behind, I assure you. Nearly all of us on this board have been where you are right now. Take heart in the knowledge that we can all relate. Love life!
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on May 7, 2007, at 15:59:22
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Ines on May 6, 2007, at 17:27:28
> Someone I know went out with a guy on a first date, and he took her to a nudist beach where all of his friends were hanging out. She got introduced to his ex girlfriend and other friends- all stark naked!- who then proceded to insist they stayed for a BBQ so they could get to know her. She said she had never felt more awkward in her life! Needless to say they didn't make it to a 2nd date but boy was that a hilarious story!
Well (to talk like an American), I think that would cross my boundaries of what I am comfortable with too!! Its one thing to go to a beach with said brother on holiday where we don't know anyone and chances are, we won't ever see them again, but ummm, first date terrority? Nonononono!Although everyone here goes nude in the sauna (this is Finland!) but its always single sex. I find it quite refreshing to be honest - its really nice to see proper female bodies how they really are. We get all these stupid media images of bodies (all of which have been manipulated digitally!) bombarded at us, its easy to forget what real bodies look like! Although when I was a kid we all had family saunas -- uncles, aunts, cousins all in together -- even the dog!! Some people find that strange.....but anyway it wouldn't be first date material!
Anyway.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by Dianne Hammond on May 7, 2007, at 16:23:01
In reply to Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 6, 2007, at 10:01:33
I think YOUR life has not been messed up. Your BF life has been messed up.
Keep your sanity and stay away from the situation. Focus on keeping YOU healthy. Your (ex) boyfriend will just have to find his way out of his own situations. If he is over 18, he is a man and should be on his own anyway. Don't tke him in. Don't have sex with him. If you have kids with him, everyone's life will be a big pile of dog poop.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 17:15:57
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Dianne Hammond on May 7, 2007, at 16:23:01
I just don't know how I'll ever find someone else in the future. He was the only person I've been involved with that I ever loved. I've been involved with other guys, but I never enjoyed it because there was no passion. With him, I felt like nobody has ever made me feel before. I think about all the years it took to get that and can't imagine finding someone else like that.
And he was so unique. He always dressed well, has his nose and bottom lip pierced, he has his hair cut into soft waves that frame his face, and always wears as blend of scented oils. I really have never been attracted to average guys, I do like the hippie types. Not to mention, he was very attractive without all of that stuff, but it just made him even more attractive for me. I don't think I'll ever find someone unique like that again.
Posted by Dianne Hammond on May 7, 2007, at 17:23:58
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 17:15:57
Cynthia, I have felt that same way when I was younger. I even felt that way with my first husband (only 1-1/2 year marriage). I felt like that with several people I dated after I left the first one.
Trust yourself. You are a strong person. You will find the right one. He will make you feel that way, and more.
I found my "Mr. Right". We have been together, now, for 35 years.
Posted by Ines on May 7, 2007, at 17:33:33
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by Dianne Hammond on May 7, 2007, at 17:23:58
> Cynthia, I have felt that same way when I was younger. I even felt that way with my first husband (only 1-1/2 year marriage). I felt like that with several people I dated after I left the first one.
>
> Trust yourself. You are a strong person. You will find the right one. He will make you feel that way, and more.
>
> I found my "Mr. Right". We have been together, now, for 35 years.What a lovely post Dianne. I too have only ever been really in love with people who made me intensely happy and intensely miserable at the same time, and sometimes it's difficult to not fall into the trap of thinking those are the only people you will ever feel like that about. Thanks
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 18:07:18
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Ines on May 7, 2007, at 17:33:33
I know I'll eventually meet someone I'll feel that way about, and it'll actually last. I just wish it would happen sooner.
Posted by Dianne Hammond on May 7, 2007, at 18:46:48
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 18:07:18
Patience, sweet girl. Patience. All things in time. Maybe he is not quite ready for you?! Give him time to get over HIS "today life". Then he can start looking for you. In the meantime, keep yourself only for him. The last thing he will want is "used good", especially one who might have a baby tagging along.
Keep your eye out for a guy looking for you. You will know him when you see him.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on May 7, 2007, at 19:17:15
In reply to Re: Does this happen to normal people?, posted by Dianne Hammond on May 7, 2007, at 18:46:48
> Patience, sweet girl. Patience. All things in time. Maybe he is not quite ready for you?! Give him time to get over HIS "today life". Then he can start looking for you. In the meantime, keep yourself only for him. The last thing he will want is "used good", especially one who might have a baby tagging along.
>I'm absolutely obsessive compulsive when it comes to using protection, so there will be no baby tagging along.
Right now, I have no interest in sex. I'm sure it will return eventually, but I should definitely remain celibate temporarily until I'm over him and emotionally stable.
This is the end of the thread.
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