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Posted by jealibeanz on May 3, 2007, at 13:52:06
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by Ines on May 3, 2007, at 13:32:04
>
> > HAHAHA! This is a funny/sad/frustrating situation I was in once:
> >
> > I went to see a GP for the first time. It was for anxiety and depression. I told him of the few drugs I've tried. I never said they didn't work, but that I stopped because of side effects.
> >
> > He looked at me after a long period of a"getting to know me question and answer session" and told me I wasn't depressed. (I was.) I told him I don't look depressed right now, but I definitely do go through recurrent depression. He said I was not ever depressed, but that many it was seasonal and that I should use tanning beds.
> >
> > You'd think almost any doctor would give you an SSRI.
> >
> > The reason why most people who meet me briefly think I'm terribly happy and have wonderful physical and mental health? My past accomplishments, future plans, I look very healthy and athletic annnnnd I smile a ton and am very polite and friendly. Doc's (any people in general) tend to judge based on their perception of you, not you're words... which gets me in trouble b/c nobody reallllly believes me, or at least believes the extent to which I complain of symptoms.
> >
> > So, then I played up the anxiety/panic and was given a *few* tabs of Xanax... to last about 6-12 months. (I never went back.)
> >
> > This was from a fairly well-respected and established family doc in my area.
> >
>
> I had a similar problem for a very long time. I'm outwardly very chilled, I smile all the time and chat to people, and I can even be very sociable if I'm in the right mood. I also do well jobwise for the most part (except during very bad patches). People often comment on how much I smile and how happy I look. I am actually very depressed most of the time- I tend to score very depressed or extremely depressed on depression scores, so it's quite heavy duty. But I can't switch off the act, it's part of me. I spent 8 years not being taken seriously by doctors. My family doctor would wave a hand and say that's 'just a mood, it'll go away soon, you're so obviously competent, so obviously comfortable' etc... I only got someone to take me seriously when I felt so desperate for help I burst out crying during an appointment with the GP and couldn't stop no matter how much I tried. Still, when I go to a new doctor they dismiss it as mild if I just talk them through the problem. It sounds like you've got the treatment you need in the meantime, but just in case this is helpful: what I do now when I go to a new doctor is to take things that I write (I write a lot about how I feel and that tends to be a bit of an eye opener for the doctor). I also take a chart with daily mood scores, and I do a depression scale test the day before and bring that along too. It has made a huge difference in the treatment I get.
> Ines
Good idea. I often write out feelings, moods, reactions to meds, and suggestions a few days before I go. I usually don't pull out the paper unless I'm with a new doc and am nervous and need them to really get the picture.I should think of specific things to say to my doctor. Like, most of the time I get so anxious, nervous, and overwhelmed about things that I can't breathe well, can't read or study, can't move my arms or legs easily.
I have problems staying on task and reading and completing assignments with my coursework, even when I am motivated, have ample time, and am in a good work environment. I do this all the time. It's annoying.
I can sit down with a text book with a certain chapter to read, but will not read from beginning to end. I might start in the back or middle of a section, or in a caption. I jump round and round until mayyyybe I finally get the entire thing read. Or, I'll just jump to a different chapter altogether for a while because something in it caught my eye. I waste so much time and energy getting off task, it's ridiculous.
Posted by Ines on May 3, 2007, at 14:55:21
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by jealibeanz on May 3, 2007, at 13:52:06
You sound like me!
Posted by jealibeanz on May 3, 2007, at 15:06:13
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by Ines on May 3, 2007, at 14:55:21
> You sound like me!
At least I'm in good company!
Posted by Ines on May 3, 2007, at 17:03:14
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by jealibeanz on May 3, 2007, at 15:06:13
> > You sound like me!
>
> At least I'm in good company!
He he :-) And ironical thing is, if we met in the big wide world we'd never know it!
Posted by jealibeanz on May 3, 2007, at 20:09:59
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by Ines on May 3, 2007, at 17:03:14
i just realized I'm going to run out of my Ritalin LA and Provigil on Sunday and Xanax XR on Monday. That means I either have to call Monday (or tomorrow, but they seem to be very hectic on Friday's and messages received are hit or miss) and ask for refills or make an appointment, which I wasn't really ready to do. :(
Posted by elanor roosevelt on May 4, 2007, at 21:57:26
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications... » Honore, posted by jealibeanz on May 3, 2007, at 12:21:18
hey
i get in "trouble" with my pdoc every so often
over making decisions without seeing him first
when i first started seeing him 7 or 8 years ago the theory was that AD's would stablize the brain chemistry after 6 months or so and the depression would go into remission for a while
ever-changing story on AD's
and the years of dismissal of side-effects
yikes
but every time i left my p-doc i ended up with an egotistical nutcase -- but wow -- the last one was truly evil
it is an odd relationship, patient to pdoc
find one who listens
move your lips slowly and speak up
hang in there
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 5, 2007, at 0:25:20
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by elanor roosevelt on May 4, 2007, at 21:57:26
Hey, I am like many of you: When I was first put on meds, I thought I was the only person in the world on meds for emotional issues. I thought I was "weak." I thought meds were a crutch. I was WRONG.
Until I accepted meds, I struggled mightily. My Sunday school teacher, who is also chief surgeon at a local hospital, finally said "God gives doctors the knowledge to make meds to help people." I have never looked back from that moment.
A couple of random thoughts:
1. When you start talking about meds, you find out at least half the ppl you know are dealing with the same issues and also taking meds.
2. People take meds for diabetes and heart disease. Emotional issues are a disease. What is the difference?
Be PROUD of your med. Be GLAD there is help out there. Man, I would hate to have to dealing with this stuff living in the 1800s or something. I guess I would be the No. 1 client of the potion man or whatever they called those cowboy drug dealers.
Posted by Jedi on May 5, 2007, at 2:35:31
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by elanor roosevelt on May 4, 2007, at 21:57:26
Hi,
Sometimes I feel like a walking pharmacy, but as a male in this society it still is not socially acceptable to be "mentally ill". So I hide it when I can and stay away from people when I can't. Only a handful of people, mostly family members, know I take any medications for my depression and anxiety. My current diagnosis is major atypical depression with social and generalized anxiety disorder. Before this I had undiagnosed dysthymia and social anxiety. My motto was, "Fake it til you make it". In public, I was usually able to put on a good act.The thing to remember, when you see your doctor, let the guard down. They have no clue what is wrong especially if you spend all of your energy covering up the problem. This treatment thing is so much trial and error anyway, try to give the doc a fair shot at seeing the real you.
Be Well,
Jedi
Posted by jealibeanz on May 5, 2007, at 4:53:02
In reply to Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds, posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 5, 2007, at 0:25:20
> Hey, I am like many of you: When I was first put on meds, I thought I was the only person in the world on meds for emotional issues. I thought I was "weak." I thought meds were a crutch. I was WRONG.
>
> Until I accepted meds, I struggled mightily. My Sunday school teacher, who is also chief surgeon at a local hospital, finally said "God gives doctors the knowledge to make meds to help people." I have never looked back from that moment.
>
> A couple of random thoughts:
>
> 1. When you start talking about meds, you find out at least half the ppl you know are dealing with the same issues and also taking meds.
>
> 2. People take meds for diabetes and heart disease. Emotional issues are a disease. What is the difference?
>
> Be PROUD of your med. Be GLAD there is help out there. Man, I would hate to have to dealing with this stuff living in the 1800s or something. I guess I would be the No. 1 client of the potion man or whatever they called those cowboy drug dealers.What your Sunday school teacher said was wonderful. I love when doctors these days still have a real fire and appreciation for the art of medicine.
Most doctors seems to lose that. Actually, I think my own doctor and my PA are some of the few who've in practice for a while that still have that fire. You can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voice.
They still think medicine is amazing and cool! Haha, it's like there's that little boy inside of them who loves watching the way things work.
I know they don't get many real questions about medicine and normally don't have the time to offer much information because they only have a few minutes with each patient. If I have questions, however, they take a little more time with me... haha, because they know I'm psycho and would freak out if I don't understand something. They love answering my questions though because it reminds them of where they came from and why they're doing this.
The others they practice with aren't like that at all. They are all very stressed and it's a business for them, not a passion any more.
It is so easy to think that I'm the only one dealing with these issues. I know I'm not. I'd say almost all of my friends and other people my age have a lot of anxiety and some depression. Most don't seek treatment though. A small percentage takes medication.
I am somewhat proud of my medications that work well. Lunesta, Provigil, and Flonase are all fairly new and novel drugs which work great for me. It's hard to be proud of Ritalin and Xanax though. I don't talk about those with my friends.
Posted by jealibeanz on May 5, 2007, at 5:14:42
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by Jedi on May 5, 2007, at 2:35:31
> Hi,
> Sometimes I feel like a walking pharmacy, but as a male in this society it still is not socially acceptable to be "mentally ill". So I hide it when I can and stay away from people when I can't. Only a handful of people, mostly family members, know I take any medications for my depression and anxiety. My current diagnosis is major atypical depression with social and generalized anxiety disorder. Before this I had undiagnosed dysthymia and social anxiety. My motto was, "Fake it til you make it". In public, I was usually able to put on a good act.
>
> The thing to remember, when you see your doctor, let the guard down. They have no clue what is wrong especially if you spend all of your energy covering up the problem. This treatment thing is so much trial and error anyway, try to give the doc a fair shot at seeing the real you.
> Be Well,
> JediOK, so, I'm not a guy... but I'll say this anyway. :)
I hear ya with the "male stigma" thing. I honestly think being a woman is fairly easy in our society. Forget about all the feminist ideas... we have it pretty easy and things keep getting better.
So we make a little less money on average and still are behind in politics. That's changing. Our current speaker of the house is a woman (who carried grandchildren in toe to her inaguration!) and we've got a strong female presidential candidate!
As a woman, I think I can get away with far more than men. It's OK for me to be sad, tired, depressed, lonely, scared, nervous, etc. I can be all of these things, plus make mistakes, and really not lose much professional credit or respect... although, this is partially due to the fact that men are the ones who've been my high-standing bosses, professor, mentors. Men are easy on women.
I know I need to let my guard down. I put on my biggest act when I'm at the doctor's office because I treat them like a future employer.
Posted by Ines on May 5, 2007, at 6:00:16
In reply to Re: Denial/Shame about Medications..., posted by Jedi on May 5, 2007, at 2:35:31
> Hi,
> Sometimes I feel like a walking pharmacy, but as a male in this society it still is not socially acceptable to be "mentally ill". So I hide it when I can and stay away from people when I can't. Only a handful of people, mostly family members, know I take any medications for my depression and anxiety. My current diagnosis is major atypical depression with social and generalized anxiety disorder. Before this I had undiagnosed dysthymia and social anxiety. My motto was, "Fake it til you make it". In public, I was usually able to put on a good act.
>
> The thing to remember, when you see your doctor, let the guard down. They have no clue what is wrong especially if you spend all of your energy covering up the problem. This treatment thing is so much trial and error anyway, try to give the doc a fair shot at seeing the real you.
> Be Well,
> JediI think atypical depression is that much harder... (I have it too), 1) because it's less straight forward to treat than 'regular' major depression, 2) because atypicals seem to have an uncontrolable urge to pretend everything is allright (it is a real effort for me to let guard down, as you day. First psychiatrist I saw sent me home with ridiculously low dose of cypralex and a pat on the back saying I would be absolutely fine. I've learned to take mood scores, things that I write, and depression scale results with me now. It's the only way I get taken seriously), 3) because people around, often including friends and family, take a long time to realise/believe you actually have a serious problem, you seem so OK. Even when it gets to breakdown point, and you desperately need help, you can still be very reactive to circumstances and feel much better temporarily when out with friends, even crack jokes; so even people who are genuinely supportive and drag you out and come round to keep you company just don't get how depressed you are. I think the fact that we outwardly cope so well undermines us!
Posted by Ines on May 5, 2007, at 6:24:50
In reply to Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds, posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 5, 2007, at 0:25:20
> A couple of random thoughts:
>
> 1. When you start talking about meds, you find out at least half the ppl you know are dealing with the same issues and also taking meds.That is so true. I've only recently started feeling more comfortable with talking about depression with some people. I found out that both guys I share an office with have struggled with depression in the past!
Funnily enough, I don't find this reassuring at all. I find it scary. The idea that we keep reproducing and putting new people in the world who would actually prefer not to be here if given the choice is scary. I really prefer to think that all the people out there are at least content and I'm just the odd one out. Or maybe it's just that different people experience depression in different ways. For me, even when I am going through a good patch and am reasonably happy and having fun, I would always choose not to have been born if I had the choice. For me the bad times are so bad, and they always come back time and time again, that I would always choose not to be here, even if I don't actively want to kill myself. Does anyone relate to this? I was recently discussing this with a depressive friend who didn't get it all- she said that when she is depressed she wants to die, and when she's not she wants to live and really values her life. Maybe it's got to do with the fact that my depression is chronic rather than purely episodic...
Ines
Posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2007, at 18:14:38
In reply to Re: Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds » UgottaHaveHope, posted by Ines on May 5, 2007, at 6:24:50
So is mine never had a remission always anxiety and then the depression with it. And most of my neighbors are on xanax and antidepressants. So what does this say about society? Or is it the chemicals? Love Phillipa
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 5, 2007, at 23:47:49
In reply to Re: Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds » Ines, posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2007, at 18:14:38
First of all, I agree, there are a lot of stigmas out there for both men and women taking medications for emotional issue.
However, when I open up to someone (I do it everywhere but work), 99-percent of the time they will say "You look like a picture of health. Wow, never knew that. So what else is going on?"
It's like they don't believe me. You know anxiety especially makes you lose weight. So I guess me being at a less weight = happiness in the eyes of the world. Cant figure it out. :)
Posted by Cecilia on May 6, 2007, at 6:05:45
In reply to Male stigma? When I tell ppl I am taking meds ..., posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 5, 2007, at 23:47:49
I wish my anxiety made me lose weight. Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect.
But why on earth do you tell people you take meds? What business is it of theirs? I wouldn't tell anyone about my meds for either physical OR psychological problems. Cecilia
Posted by Cecilia on May 6, 2007, at 6:21:09
In reply to Re: Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds » UgottaHaveHope, posted by Ines on May 5, 2007, at 6:24:50
I'm with you, Ines. I sure never would have been born if given the choice. Well, I've read that about half of all pregnancies are unplanned, but I don't comprehend the other half at all; half the people in the world apparently think life is so wonderful that they willingly choose to bring a child into this miserable world-incredible. Though I suppose it's mostly an instinctive, evolutionary desire to pass on their genes, not much to do with rational thought. Cecilia
Posted by emme on May 6, 2007, at 8:20:57
In reply to Re: Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds » Ines, posted by Cecilia on May 6, 2007, at 6:21:09
> Though I suppose it's mostly an instinctive, evolutionary desire to pass on their genes, not much to do with rational thought. Cecilia
Or the desire to give love and to nurture.
Posted by emme on May 6, 2007, at 8:29:29
In reply to Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds, posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 5, 2007, at 0:25:20
> 1. When you start talking about meds, you find out at least half the ppl you know are dealing with the same issues and also taking meds.
Yes, I've gotten a few surprises when I've told friends about it and they've told me about their own problems. They have ended up being great support.
I have a love-hate relationship with my meds. I mind them considerably less when I'm doing well and if the side effects aren't bad. I do feel some embarrassment when seeing a new doctor and having to list all my meds. I would somehow feel better if it were 1 or 2. But having to list several, well, I feel a little weird even though no one has ever made a comment about it. But it beats having no treatment and feeling horrible all the time.
emme
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2007, at 17:39:57
In reply to Re: Male stigma? When I tell ppl I am taking meds ... » UgottaHaveHope, posted by Cecilia on May 6, 2007, at 6:05:45
Maybe because I used to work in the field I am very comfortable discussing them. It seems that the moment I say I'm taking something they say oh I'm on this or that med. Just me an open book and hoping to extinguish the stigma of mental health meds. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on May 7, 2007, at 1:50:49
In reply to Re: Listening to the 'lies' about taking meds » UgottaHaveHope, posted by Ines on May 5, 2007, at 6:24:50
Isn't it just that we live in a culture where media images are entirely those of shiney happy people.....a kind of mind control has taken over our world.
In times past, in other cultures, they said things like 'no greater misfortune than ever to have been born'.
Half the problem is that (in our ignorance) we buy the idea of progress .
Posted by Cecilia on May 7, 2007, at 5:07:30
In reply to Re: Male stigma? When I tell ppl I am taking meds ... » Cecilia, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2007, at 17:39:57
I worked in a health care field for 27 years and my experience is that people in health care are even more judgmental than the rest of the world. I haven't worked in the mental health field, but you mentioned in one of your posts once (about choosing your user name) how all the nurses in the psych hospital you worked at used to laugh about the patients with MPD, so I suspect mental health workers are the most judgmental of all. Cecilia
Posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2007, at 18:39:49
In reply to Meds Stigma » Phillipa, posted by Cecilia on May 7, 2007, at 5:07:30
I feel that a joke with no ill intentions is totally differant from being judgemental. But that's just me. Love Phillipa
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 8, 2007, at 1:07:58
In reply to Re: Male stigma? When I tell ppl I am taking meds ... » UgottaHaveHope, posted by Cecilia on May 6, 2007, at 6:05:45
When I dont feel well, which has been most of the last 10 years with anxiety, I feel better when I talk to someone. Even though I may be repeating the same complaints I have made 100 times, it just makes me feel better. It's like an emotional release and sometimes even feels better than a pill. Just close friends and others who may be struggling.
Hope all is well with you.
Posted by Cecilia on May 8, 2007, at 9:56:39
In reply to Re: Meds Stigma » Cecilia, posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2007, at 18:39:49
Phillipa, I know you are a kind person who would never intentionally hurt anyone. Just wondering, if you were to become a patient in the hospital where you used to work, and overheard a "joke" about your psychological problems, would you still feel there were no ill intentions? I think that any time a person makes a joke about someone there are ill intentions. When someone laughs at me or makes a joke about me I feel overwhelmed with suicidal feelings, shame and self loathing. Cecilia
Posted by Phillipa on May 8, 2007, at 21:53:02
In reply to Re: Meds Stigma » Phillipa, posted by Cecilia on May 8, 2007, at 9:56:39
Funny I've been a patient too and spent a lot of time laughing with the nurses as they cracked jokes continuously to try and help relax me and the other patients. So no I don't have the same reaction or didn't. love Phillipa
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