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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on February 6, 2007, at 14:10:58
Sorry,
I know I'm always asking for support on this board but I'm really worried about my state of mind lately.
I know that I wasn't doing too badly up until the middle of last year, when I was taking 40mg of Seroxat and ocassionally Mirtazapine. I know because I was still enjoying certain things and I felt sort of semi-human and I even managed to do a job where I could only have about five cigarrette breaks thoughout the day. However, I felt that the Seroxat had stopped working (like it did 2003 to 2005 and wanted to try something else instead. Since then it has been a downward spiral really.
I tried Mirtazapine on it's own with little success, just a lot of anxiety and then Nardil, which I thought was relaxing me but was actually making me just as depressed. I came off the Nardil and have been pretty much suicidal ever since. I'm now just about surviving on Zyprexa 10mg, once every 7 days. This is keeping me afloat but I feel flat most of the time (which is better than suicidal. If I leave it longer than 7 days (which I try to do) I go down and down. I get to the stage that my every thought is suicidal, this is even when I'm at work and I get to the state that I'm not scared that I'll do it, I'm scared that I won't.
So, at the insistence of my mum I took another Zyprexa last Saturday and this has sort of brought me back to a more rational state of mind but I know that I'm buying time and that in about 5 days or so I'll start to slip again. I hate being like this, I keep praying that I won't.
I'm now scared that I won't even be able to get myself back to where I was middle of last year. I'm worried that if I do go back on Mirtazapine and Seroxat, it won't work, even at least half as well. I was thinking of Lexapro but I sort of want to get back to a relatively safe place again. And my last memory of a safe place was on Seroxat and Mirtazapine, it wasn't ideal but it was better than where I am now.
I really wish I had just died five years ago, if someone had shown me a glimpse of the future back in 2000 and said this is what you've got ahead of you, you can have that or you can die now in your sleep. I would have chosen the latter, even with the relatively good period between 2003 and 2005.I know I get very melodramatic when I'm depressed but that's how I feel.
Denise
Posted by Phillipa on February 6, 2007, at 22:02:07
In reply to Scared - Need some encouragement, posted by deniseuk190466 on February 6, 2007, at 14:10:58
Denise you can do it I know you can. Love Phillipa
Posted by deniseuk190466 on February 7, 2007, at 7:20:46
In reply to Re: Scared - Need some encouragement » deniseuk190466, posted by Phillipa on February 6, 2007, at 22:02:07
Hi Phillipa,
Thanks :-) I'm just worried that I'm having to take Zyprexa 10mg again. When I start really needing to take it then I know things are bad.
Denise
Posted by lcat10 on February 7, 2007, at 22:56:21
In reply to Scared - Need some encouragement, posted by deniseuk190466 on February 6, 2007, at 14:10:58
Just remember if things were good once before, they can be good again. Really.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on February 8, 2007, at 13:49:32
In reply to Re: Scared - Need some encouragement, posted by lcat10 on February 7, 2007, at 22:56:21
Hi again,
Thanks it's nice to read, even though I often can't imagine ever feeling happy again.
I wish my psychiatrist would give me the same sort of encouragement.
Denise
Posted by Karen44 on February 8, 2007, at 14:41:28
In reply to Re: Scared - Need some encouragement, posted by deniseuk190466 on February 8, 2007, at 13:49:32
> Hi again,
>
> Thanks it's nice to read, even though I often can't imagine ever feeling happy again.
>
> I wish my psychiatrist would give me the same sort of encouragement.
>
> DeniseDenise
I don't know where you are and who is available to you, but your concerns sound like something to talk to you psychiatrist abou--let the person know you need encouragement and how you feel when you think you are not getting any from anyone. Also, describe what is going on with you and how it makes you feel. That's a start.
Posted by lcat10 on February 10, 2007, at 0:20:36
In reply to Re: Scared - Need some encouragement, posted by Karen44 on February 8, 2007, at 14:41:28
> > Hi again,
> >
> > Thanks it's nice to read, even though I often can't imagine ever feeling happy again.
> >
> > I wish my psychiatrist would give me the same sort of encouragement.
> >
> > Denise
>
> Denise
>
> I don't know where you are and who is available to you, but your concerns sound like something to talk to you psychiatrist abou--let the person know you need encouragement and how you feel when you think you are not getting any from anyone. Also, describe what is going on with you and how it makes you feel. That's a start.
>
>I am not sure how it happened, but the previous post came out under the old name I used. Can someone tell me how this happened???
This is the end of the thread.
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