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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 52. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
I am considering ECT (electroconvulsive therapy); rather desperately, actually. My sense of hopelessness, inability to act, feeling trapped, and suicidal ideation are at their highest point since my suicide attempts 3 years ago. The buprenorphine I've been using for about a year probably still helps my mood somewhat, but at this stage I don't really notice it.
In order to get ECT, I would have to check into the hospital as an inpatient for at least 3-4 weeks; this is because I live alone and have no family support around me or transportation to & from the ECT site. I don't know what would happen to my business while I'm in the hospital. I'm semi-hoping my insurance company won't cover the treatment, because then I won't have to figure out how to manage it.
My sister (who lives near me) will be angry with me if I take this route, mostly because of how it could affect my business. She would be worried that I would make demands on her; she already does not respect me because I'm such a slacker. It is important (I'm reminding myself) not to place any demands on her at all, though it would be nice if she could bring my mail to me on the weekends. The hospital is about 60 miles away from us, alas. I think she doesn't believe in depression as an illness; she thinks I'm just not trying.
I offered to GIVE my business to my brother if he would take it off my hands. He lives 200 miles away and is looking for something new to do during the winter. He didn't reply but sent his wife to tell me they were open to it. Then when I get out of the hospital, *ASSUMING I'M CURED*, I could……? Do something else for a living? Yeah, sounds like a plan.
I had ECT in 1989; it was UNILATERAL (current goes in one side your head and out the front) and didn't help at all. I'm hoping BILATERAL (current goes straight through your head) will make a difference. What other options do I have? I even tried ACUPUNCTURE last month, for crying out loud.
I don't know why I'm posting this. There is no one in my life who's actually close enough and has the various resources to help me. Perhaps that is because I've been depressed for so long and have not built good, healthy relationships or built up a reserve of money and other supports. So getting cured of depression could be a helpful thing for me in the future. On the other hand, if I go into the hospital, I could end up bankrupt and sued by my few remaining clients for negligence or something. And there's a high likelihood that the ECT will not help anyway.
Like I said, I don't know why I'm posting this. Thanks to anyone who read so far; apologies if it's too pathetic for words.
Posted by lymom3 on November 2, 2006, at 12:28:18
In reply to considering ECT, posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
I wish I had an answer for you. I know there is nothing that I can do, heck I can't even help myself, but I'll be thinking of you at least. Feeling like you're about out of options is not a good feeling for any of us and I would venture to guess that most of us here have been there at some point or another.
My family thought my agoraphobia was just a cop out so I didn't "have" to go to family events, so I can relate to the feelings of your family. I wish you the best in trying to sort things out.
Posted by ronaldo on November 2, 2006, at 12:51:28
In reply to considering ECT, posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
> I am considering ECT (electroconvulsive therapy); rather desperately, actually. My sense of hopelessness, inability to act, feeling trapped, and suicidal ideation are at their highest point since my suicide attempts 3 years ago. The buprenorphine I've been using for about a year probably still helps my mood somewhat, but at this stage I don't really notice it.
>
> In order to get ECT, I would have to check into the hospital as an inpatient for at least 3-4 weeks; this is because I live alone and have no family support around me or transportation to & from the ECT site. I don't know what would happen to my business while I'm in the hospital. I'm semi-hoping my insurance company won't cover the treatment, because then I won't have to figure out how to manage it.
>
> My sister (who lives near me) will be angry with me if I take this route, mostly because of how it could affect my business. She would be worried that I would make demands on her; she already does not respect me because I'm such a slacker. It is important (I'm reminding myself) not to place any demands on her at all, though it would be nice if she could bring my mail to me on the weekends. The hospital is about 60 miles away from us, alas. I think she doesn't believe in depression as an illness; she thinks I'm just not trying.
>
> I offered to GIVE my business to my brother if he would take it off my hands. He lives 200 miles away and is looking for something new to do during the winter. He didn't reply but sent his wife to tell me they were open to it. Then when I get out of the hospital, *ASSUMING I'M CURED*, I could……? Do something else for a living? Yeah, sounds like a plan.
>
> I had ECT in 1989; it was UNILATERAL (current goes in one side your head and out the front) and didn't help at all. I'm hoping BILATERAL (current goes straight through your head) will make a difference. What other options do I have? I even tried ACUPUNCTURE last month, for crying out loud.
>
> I don't know why I'm posting this. There is no one in my life who's actually close enough and has the various resources to help me. Perhaps that is because I've been depressed for so long and have not built good, healthy relationships or built up a reserve of money and other supports. So getting cured of depression could be a helpful thing for me in the future. On the other hand, if I go into the hospital, I could end up bankrupt and sued by my few remaining clients for negligence or something. And there's a high likelihood that the ECT will not help anyway.
>
> Like I said, I don't know why I'm posting this. Thanks to anyone who read so far; apologies if it's too pathetic for words.Dear pseudoname,
It's not pathetic, on the contrary, it's positive.
You're trying to find help and that is a step in the right direction. I am not sure if I can offer any help, we do not know each other , I have only been on the board for a month, but I'll give it a shot...Isn't ECT a bit drastic, more like the very last resort? I don't know much about it, though I once did 8 months as a student psychiatric nurse and I witnessed/assisted on a couple of occasions. In those days, the early seventies, they did not give the patient any anaesthetic. My job was to hold the patient down so that he didn't fall off the table when the shock was administered. Thankfully things have changed today.
Are you sure this isn't just your depressed mood talking? This consideration of ECT might be a manifestation of your depression. Wouldn't changing your drug regime be a more positive alternative? ECT can be pretty risky, you are not assured of a positive outcome, and your recovery period can be lengthy.
Personally I would say give the ECT a wide berth. Maybe if you took a short holiday that would jog you out of your depression. A short holiday would work out less expensive than giving away your business, and a change of scenery might do you some good. Consider it. Consider an action holiday doing something or other if you are physically capable. You will be amongst strangers so it doesn't matter if you embarrass yourself. Go on give it a try. It's less drastic than ECT.
Another alternative would be to change your pdoc. A new pdoc might have some new ideas and a whole different approach. You sound pretty desperate right now so maybe this would work for you. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
....Alan
Posted by Phillipa on November 2, 2006, at 13:39:01
In reply to Re: considering ECT, posted by ronaldo on November 2, 2006, at 12:51:28
I'm at my wits end too. But not ready for ECT. I thought unilateral was better? But pseudoname what ever you decide I'm behind you. I know how it feels to be depressed and hopeless. Love Phillipa
Posted by ed_uk on November 2, 2006, at 14:51:05
In reply to considering ECT, posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
Dear PN
Are you still taking a 'break' from the bupe or have you restarted it? Did you stop the Abilify? I'm sorry things are so awful atm.
Take care
Ed
Posted by blueberry on November 2, 2006, at 16:17:50
In reply to considering ECT, posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
ECT can certainly work. For me I found 3 weeks of it to just about completely get rid of depression. There are other problems though...the forgetfulness from ECT is pretty intense. I find myself writing a lot of notes and reminders to myself which I never had to do before. Though I've never heard of sexual side effects from ECT, I have them pretty fierce, when no amount of any drugs ever gave me much problem. I've been doing 3 outpatient ECT sessions per week for 3 weeks, and now I am going to cut it back to just once a week for a while and see how that goes. All in all it seems like a very effective treatment, but I must admit the side effects of confusion and the sexual dysfunction side effects are pretty intense.
Posted by deniseuk190466 on November 2, 2006, at 16:37:51
In reply to considering ECT, posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
My heart bleeds for you. Your family sound so insensitive it makes me so angry, it scares me to think what I'd do without my mum and the few friends I have. I think you are very strong just to cope on your own and run a business on your own with this horrendous illness! What sort of business do you have? Is there no way that you can ask somebody just to manage things whilst you are in hospital.
I'm in no way to offer advice I was ready to jump off a cliff last week but the Zyprexa has helped (thank God).
I really hope you the ECT works for you if you did decide to go ahead with it. I wish there was somebody there to support you and offer you assurance that they'll take care of things whilst you are in hospital. Istn't there anybody else apart from your seemingly insensitive, intolerant, uncaring siblings?
Denise
Posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:16:29
In reply to considering ECT, posted by pseudoname on November 2, 2006, at 11:39:50
Thanks to everyone who's responded to my post. It really means a lot to me. I knew that I could come to Babble and not worry about how pathetic I sounded. I really appreciate the support.
I am considerably less desperate now. I increased my buprenorphine dose from about 0.25 mg/day to 1.5 mg/day. That pulled me out of that headfirst hole I was in. (When I first started bupe last fall, it took 3 mg/day to get a sustained antidepressant response. Maybe there's a seasonal component to my depression and I just need to take more bupe in the fall & winter?)
Anyway, despite the restored antidepressant response, I still get pleasure out of nothing, so I'm still considering ECT, although I can't imagine how I could manage it logistically.
I want to reply to everyone individually (HUGS all around!), but I may not have time on this public terminal…
Posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:39:43
In reply to Re: considering ECT, posted by ronaldo on November 2, 2006, at 12:51:28
Hi, Alan! Nice to meet you. Thanks for your really thoughtful post.
> Isn't ECT a bit drastic, more like the very last resort?
I think I qualify for the last resort. I have tried an awful lot of drugs and therapies over the last 19 years. My only sustainably effective drug so far (buprenorphine/Subutex®) is only a partial relief at its best.
> Wouldn't changing your drug regime be a more positive alternative?
I'm certainly open to specific med suggestions. Maybe I could give Provigil a shot while I'm waiting. --With bupe! Heh heh. That'll make the drug regulators uneasy. (Not that I mind that) ;-)
Also, it's been a while since I've had an MAOI; I could try one of those again. But with a history of ZERO response to all classes of typical ADs, there's not a lot to work with.
> Another alternative would be to change your pdoc. A new pdoc might have some new ideas and a whole different approach.
I got my current pdoc because my last one insisted on ECT. I've called around a little and the popular new ideas suggested by pdocs around here is VNS, which I rule out for myself as far more drastic than ECT.
I'm not sure where I could get another pdoc with great new ideas. The nearby major university pdoc program is where they insist on ECT. Also, my current pdoc is one of the very few in my state who is willing to prescribe buprenorphine to a non-addict for depression; a daring approach, actually. (For lurkers/info: Subutex, an opioid, is mostly restricted in the U.S. to opioid addicts in recovery programs.)
> Good luck whatever you decide to do.
Thanks much. Likewise. So, you're a nurse?
Posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:42:40
In reply to Re: considering ECT, posted by blueberry on November 2, 2006, at 16:17:50
Hi, blueberry. I've really appreciated following your ECT experience here. And I'm glad it's working out for you.
> Though I've never heard of sexual side effects from ECT, I have them pretty fierce
If you don't mind my asking, what sort of sexual dysfunction are you experiencing from the ECT? I haven't heard of that, either. Thanks very much.
Posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:50:59
In reply to Re: considering ECT, posted by deniseuk190466 on November 2, 2006, at 16:37:51
> My heart bleeds for you.
Thanks, Denise. I loved reading that line.
> Your family sound so insensitive it makes me so angry
As Alan said in reference to my ECT-thinking, this is probably my depression talking. If I weren't depressed, I would probably ignore my family more or disregard their "bad" (i.e., less good) aspects. It's hard to do that when you're head-first in a mental drainage ditch, though. In comparison to many others, they could be a lot worse, I guess.
> What sort of business do you have? Is there no way that you can ask somebody just to manage things whilst you are in hospital.
I can't post what the business is, exactly, but I'm self-employed and work out of my home, with a small client base. If I can have a cell phone in the hospital, it's just *possible* I could manage it for a while, with luck...
> I'm in no way to offer advice I was ready to jump off a cliff last week [metaphorically]
I'm glad you didn't! Good ol' Zyprexa.
> I really hope you the ECT works for you if you did decide to go ahead with it.
Thanks.
Posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 14:00:34
In reply to Re: considering ECT, posted by ed_uk on November 2, 2006, at 14:51:05
Hi, Ed.
> Are you still taking a 'break' from the bupe or have you restarted it?
I went back on it a couple weeks ago at the very low 0.25 mg/day, which was mildly effective. Yesterday, just before posting my "desperate" post, I took 0.6 mg. Exactly 90 minutes later, I suddenly felt a *lot* better. So -- good news -- bupe still works. Just sometimes it takes more, apparently. I guess I've got to get used to that and try more when needed. There's still room for quite a bit more per day to reach the 3 mg/day originally prescribed last fall.
> Did you stop the Abilify?
I got the Abilify up to 20 mg/day for 5 days without any benefit whatsoever. I quickly tapered down with it and had been taking about 5 mg every other day. Yesterday was probably my last day of Abilify (5 mg), unless I get withdrawal problems.
Thanks *so much* for paying such interest to my case and remembering my details over the last year, Ed. It really warms my heart. You've been a great help.
Hoping you are well,
PN
Posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 14:01:56
In reply to Re: considering ECT, posted by lymom3 on November 2, 2006, at 12:28:18
Posted by deniseuk190466 on November 3, 2006, at 14:37:01
In reply to Thanks » deniseuk190466, posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:50:59
I'm glad you liked the line, have to admit, it's not my own :-)
Anyway, I still think your family should be more encouraging and supportive but then they don't know what it's like do they but I think if they really loved you then they would try and understand. My mum does try and understand with me and so does my one true friend left.
If you do go and ahead with the ECT then please keep us updated, it seems to have helped blueberry so maybe it will help you.
Just wondering if you have tried any of the antipsychotics, they have helped me and I'm not psychotic just get very very depressed and I don't know why.
Denise
Posted by blueberry on November 3, 2006, at 14:38:53
In reply to What sexual side effects? » blueberry, posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:42:40
ECT sexual side effects...great difficulty in getting and maintaining an erection, impossible to reach an orgasm. I've tried nearly any drug you can think of over the years, I've had plenty of sexual side effects, but nothing anywhere near as dramatic as ECT. Viagra has always worked for me in the past when I needed it, but it was useless against ECT.
Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, I would have avoided ECT bigtime unless my life was in danger from possible suicide. ECT can definitely work, but not without paying some costs, which I'm sure vary a lot from person to person.
I think ECT is a lot more attractive and should be considered when you are aware upfront to keep an eye out for strange things. Nobody ever told me strange things might happen, and thus I got caught offguard.
> Hi, blueberry. I've really appreciated following your ECT experience here. And I'm glad it's working out for you.
>
> > Though I've never heard of sexual side effects from ECT, I have them pretty fierce
>
> If you don't mind my asking, what sort of sexual dysfunction are you experiencing from the ECT? I haven't heard of that, either. Thanks very much.
Posted by ronaldo on November 3, 2006, at 14:40:12
In reply to Thanks » ronaldo, posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 13:39:43
> So, you're a nurse?
No. LOL. I was a student male psychiatric nurse for about 8 months. That's as far as I got...
...Alan
Posted by ed_uk on November 4, 2006, at 14:13:14
In reply to Re: What sexual side effects?, posted by blueberry on November 3, 2006, at 14:38:53
From your last post:
>Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, I would have avoided ECT bigtime unless my life was in danger from possible suicide.
I think it was blueberry. You seem to have completely changed. Before the ECT, your posts indicated severe depression, have you forgotten?
eg. not long ago, you posted..........
It was cold and raining. I walked to the beach, took my shirt off, laid in the sand I figured I would die of exposure. If I could just get through the shivering part, I would enter that part where you actually feel warm and numb close to the end. Not sure how much time went by, but I was shivering with intense convulsions. Something told me to get up and go home. Could hardly walk. Six inch steps, very drunk-like, shaking uncontrollably, delirious. Went to bed. Woke this morning still crying. Never in my life have I been this bad.
Posted by ed_uk on November 4, 2006, at 14:17:31
In reply to current meds » ed_uk, posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 14:00:34
Hello PN :)
>I went back on it a couple weeks ago at the very low 0.25 mg/day, which was mildly effective. Yesterday, just before posting my "desperate" post, I took 0.6 mg. Exactly 90 minutes later, I suddenly felt a *lot* better. So -- good news -- bupe still works. Just sometimes it takes more, apparently. I guess I've got to get used to that and try more when needed. There's still room for quite a bit more per day to reach the 3 mg/day originally prescribed last fall.
I didn't realise you were currently taking such a small dose PN. There is certainly room for an increase. I definitely think you should increase your bupe dose before you consider ECT. Once your on a higher dose of bupe, you can try some rare combinations.
>Thanks *so much* for paying such interest to my case and remembering my details over the last year, Ed. It really warms my heart. You've been a great help.
Aww thanks :)
((((PN))))
Love
Ed
Posted by Declan on November 4, 2006, at 18:24:15
In reply to current meds » ed_uk, posted by pseudoname on November 3, 2006, at 14:00:34
Is the AD effect completely swallowed by tolerance (as seems to be the case with methadone)?
If you can maintain an AD effect from bupe in the face of tolerance that would be great.
Posted by JahL on November 4, 2006, at 21:27:34
In reply to Bupe » pseudoname, posted by Declan on November 4, 2006, at 18:24:15
> Is the AD effect completely swallowed by tolerance (as seems to be the case with methadone)?
I had a marvellous response to Bupe. Unfortunately it lasted just a matter of days.
In contrast low-dose Methadone has gifted me with consistent, sustained AD effects for some 6 years now.
I recently had to stop taking it due to supply problems and experienced no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. This may not the case with (ex-) heroin addicts who will typically take much higher doses, although my friends on Methadone are in the main satisfied with the help it provides.
My illness is highly responsive to any and all opioids.
J.
Posted by Declan on November 5, 2006, at 0:10:02
In reply to Re: Bupe, posted by JahL on November 4, 2006, at 21:27:34
Geez, I'm impressed that you could take it for 6 years and just stop. It's not like that for me.
But I agree with you about the AD effect of opioids.
Posted by linkadge on November 5, 2006, at 16:22:34
In reply to Re: Bupe » JahL, posted by Declan on November 5, 2006, at 0:10:02
Supposedly opiates induce similar electroencephalographic changes as do the TCA's in depression.
Posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2006, at 17:36:35
In reply to Re: Bupe, posted by linkadge on November 5, 2006, at 16:22:34
All I know is the first time a few months back I took a l percocet at night for pain presribed. I was laughing and my husband noticed. It was great as I haven't laughed in a long time. But I told the doc and he said you'll get addicted. Everythings addictive. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on November 6, 2006, at 1:10:48
In reply to Re: Bupe » linkadge, posted by Phillipa on November 5, 2006, at 17:36:35
(in another context)
I don't care if it's horse piss, it works.
Posted by pseudoname on November 6, 2006, at 11:20:56
In reply to Bupe » pseudoname, posted by Declan on November 4, 2006, at 18:24:15
> Is the AD effect completely swallowed by tolerance (as seems to be the case with methadone)?
In fact, there seems (for me) to be NO tolerance-development with buprenorphine to its antidepressant effects. Ironically, I think that's where I got into a problem: I was able, circa April-September, to take a much lower dose of bupe than I had previously required. Then, for the last couple months, when my depression was getting worse, I neglected to increase it back to what it was.
It may be that I don't experience tolerance to bupe because I don't get a buzz or high from it in the first place. It just removes the depressive agony and suicidal thoughts.
I also don't seem to get much if any tolerance to the mild but annoying side-effects (like mild cognitive fuzziness) at the higher doses, either.
I'm greatly relieved that bupe is still effective. As Ed notes, I had been taking a pretty small dose recently. I was trying to avoid the (as I say, mild but still annoying) side effects, and I started to consider myself a "0.3-per-day man". I wish there were a published set of guidelines for bupe's use as an AD.
In related news: My pdoc NEVER CALLED ME BACK about getting ECT. She was supposed to talk to the ECT clinic and then let me know who to call for an initial appointment. I even left another message with her answering service last Wednesday. Unless she's meanwhile been hospitalized herself, I think her silence is inexcusable! The only reason I'm keeping her on as my pdoc is that she's willing to prescribe bupe.
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