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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 83. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
I can't take it anymore. All the people trying to feel normal. Used to be that people thought meds would make them well. Now everyone or a lot of posters are regretting every taking meds. They feel worse than they ever did. Is there no hope? I'm losing mine very fast. So what if you are gone in 20 years or 50years it's all the same. I'm so confused. Where do I go from here? Love Phillipa the biggest pain that ever lived!!!!!
Posted by jaclinhyde on September 23, 2006, at 21:47:37
In reply to Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
Well I for one know what works for me and what doesn't. The problem nowadays is that there are so many damn choices. I was put on MAOI's when the only other choice were the tricyclics. I went through Tofranil, Elavil and Sinequan before realizing that the only thing those drugs were doing to me were making me sicker. Many people feel that they should be the last drug of choice and not the MAOI's and I agree.
What I am getting at is that there is hope out there in medication land. I can tell you that I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for the MAOI's but your magic bullet may differ. We are all different and it can take awhile before you find what works for you. But it IS out there, I promise that. Refresh my memory have you tried the MAOI's? I know you are considering Emsam but have you been on any of the others?
Much love,
Terri
Posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 23:05:03
In reply to Re: Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by jaclinhyde on September 23, 2006, at 21:47:37
No and all the negative threads on meds are the problem. Babblemail me and I give you my e-mail address. I prefer things in private. I can fill you in on my history. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jost on September 23, 2006, at 23:31:06
In reply to Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
Phillipa, everyone here has moments when it gets to be too much-- but that's not the final word. It's a moment.
People sometimes come here when things are bad, disappointing, not working. They look for advice, support, information, new directions. They may express great bitterness, regret, hopelessness. But I'm betting that as real as those emotions are, they aren't the only ones for most people.Try not to take literally what someone writes as a sober assessment of how good/bad/helpful/harmful drugs have been. The equipoise, and insight to make those judgments is hard to achieve-- & knowing how much a drug or drugs has helped or hurt, compared to no drugs, or others-- requires perspectives that we often don't have on events that haven't happened. I don't mean to dismiss the reality of the let-downs and discouragements. They are real. All I mean is: they aren't the whole story.
So: Please, please take a deep breath-- and remember that you've decided to go forward. Your plan is a good one. Let it happen, one step at a time--
Jost
Posted by exquilter on September 23, 2006, at 23:44:56
In reply to Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
Dear Phillipa,
I have to tell you that I have no great liking for all the meds I need to take, but I have no doubt whatsoever that they have saved my life several times. I am currently doing better than I was a decade ago in many ways. I believe that there is hope as long as we can manage to keep breathing because new things are being discovered all the time. There are always new combinations of meds even if monotherapy proves inadequate, and new off label uses for drugs are being discovered all the time as well.
More effective psychological interventions are being developed and alternative supplements and therapies like meditation and exercise have been useful as adjuncts too.
Do you think it might be that people forget how bad they were feeling before taking medications or perhaps blame their Rx meds for problems brought on by other factors like age or substance abuse or co-morbid conditions that would have developed anyway?
I don't think there is much use to regret. We all choose what seems best as we go along and beating ourselves up when it doesn't come out the way we wanted it to is destructive to our poor, fragile, little egos.
Jan, you are one of the more caring members of this community, you make it a better place. Where you go from here is forward, one baby step at a time, not looking behind you.
Exquilter
Posted by yxibow on September 23, 2006, at 23:56:14
In reply to Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
> I can't take it anymore. All the people trying to feel normal. Used to be that people thought meds would make them well. Now everyone or a lot of posters are regretting every taking meds. They feel worse than they ever did. Is there no hope? I'm losing mine very fast. So what if you are gone in 20 years or 50years it's all the same. I'm so confused. Where do I go from here? Love Phillipa the biggest pain that ever lived!!!!!
Life is for living. That's the only thing one can make of what we cannot explain.Hope comes from within, it doesn't come to you, you create it with the very strength that pushes yourself to get you out of bed.
You will see a lot of postings from people who have difficult treatment resistant depression, but you will probably see a lot less success stories. That's because the thousands if not millions are not on here. They don't need to have the warmth of the community here. We need to have your warmth and strength.
Don't base someone's misery upon your own problems. Everybody has a different set of psychiatric and biological issues. Treat what you see as a case report, something that is useful to know, but may not apply to you.
Hang in there, Jan.
-- Jay
Posted by notfred on September 24, 2006, at 0:02:17
In reply to Re: Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!He » Phillipa, posted by Jost on September 23, 2006, at 23:31:06
I find http://www.remedyfind.com/ gives a move balanced view on meds. http://www.crazymeds.org/
seems to have a core group of people who have done well on meds.Others success or failure with a med does not predict your results very well.
Posted by tizza on September 24, 2006, at 3:39:49
In reply to Re: Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!! » jaclinhyde, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 23:05:03
Just hang in there hon, you're in my thoughts. You are a very special person to me and many others in babble, I just wanted that comment "on the record!!!!!!!!!!"
Posted by johnnyj on September 24, 2006, at 9:57:52
In reply to Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
Are you not weaning off Luvox? Maybe it was benefiting you more than you realize?
Posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:10:41
In reply to Re: Can't Take it AnyMore! - Time for an MAOI » johnnyj, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:07:55
Perhaps after all of this time, Nardil is the drug best suited to hit depression + GAD. What do you think?
Yes. Negativity. It is an evil creature that lurks in the shadows, ready to pounce on you when you are most vulnerable to listen to it. Depression speaks negativity all of the time. It is difficult to rise above it and create positivity. Unfortunately, we are a community of treatment-resistant depressives. Those are the people who are attracted to this website. Even the most positive of people are going to share negative experiences of their failure to respond to past treatments. What you, Jan, do with that information will determine how you feel about it. The depression will, of course, try to tell you that this is a calamity of the worst proportions, and that no one ever gets well. This is called catastrophization. There have been success stories here, but the depression refuses to recognize them. This is called filtering. Anyway, the job is yours to understand that by its nature, Psycho-Babble attracts the worst cases, and that there are success stories if you are willing to remember them when you come across them. It is your job. You must create the positive despite the negative. So, what do you do with the information regarding that person's previous history of treatment failures? You chalk it up to the law of averages of this website and move on. You learn what you can from that person's history. Perhaps there was a treatment there that you hadn't tried yet. Following the person, you learn of a brand new treatment strategy to be tried. Positive stuff is here. You just have to be receptive for it and look for it and remember it. And now that you are at your worst, you won't. And that's ok. That's the way depression works. It is winning the current battle, but it will not win the war. This bad time will pass, and you will move forward once more.
Avoid people who speak with negavitity. Avoid cynicism. They are sinkholes and will drain you of your positive energy. They are depressogenic and will rob you of your vitality. You need every bit of it to fight this war.
Drugs work.
I pray that one exists that will work for you.
Time for a real MAOI. What do you think?
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 11:24:53
In reply to Time for an MAOI - Sorry - Above For » Phillipa, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:10:41
Every day I wake up I'm more depressed and get up later and later and yes think about the fact that over the l0 years no remission at all and each day it gets worse. Love Phillipa
Posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:29:24
In reply to Re: Time for an MAOI - Sorry - Above For » SLS, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 11:24:53
> Every day I wake up I'm more depressed and get up later and later and yes think about the fact that over the l0 years no remission at all and each day it gets worse. Love Phillipa
Yes. You are spiralling down into a deeper and deeper depression. It seems to me that there are psychological things going on that are causing this. Can you identify them?
What was it prior to 10 years ago that allowed you to feel better?
- Scott
Posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:33:57
In reply to Re: Time for an MAOI - Sorry - Above For » SLS, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 11:24:53
> Can you identify them?
I don't ask that you mention them here necessarily. I am asking whether or not you can identify the issues, thoughts, triggers, or memories that are causing you to feel depressed. Having this insight is a great first step in managing this emotional crisis.
- Scott
Posted by Jost on September 24, 2006, at 11:38:35
In reply to Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Help!!, posted by Phillipa on September 23, 2006, at 21:33:16
uilter, yxibow, notfred, tizza, me and so many others, Phillipa.
There IS HOPE. I know it's hard to get hold of it. But there's so much goodness and kindness in you, I can't believe there isn't some to spare for yourself.
Maybe I just don't want to believe it, but I don't. I think you need to try the Emsam, and other MAOIs-- and maybe some new drugs that will come fairly soon.
You've just got to close your eyes and jump (or dive) into the water. You'll be able to swim-- even if you get some water into your nose, or the noise underwater is scary at first.
Maybe you're getting more frightened, cause you're getting closer to taking that step. Maybe the anxiety is a sign that you can do it-- not a sign that you can't-- maybe it's you making that final attempt to protect yourself from the unknown-- because you really can go there.
Jost
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 12:26:22
In reply to Re: Time for an MAOI - Sorry - Above For » Phillipa, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:29:24
Scott I'm not scared to post them here. As you guys are the only people I feel that care at all. l0years prior I was living in VA Beach working as an RN. I met my current husband, sold my house, my boat, left my pool behind and a job I loved and moved to NC. At the time I was taking.125mg of xanax and not really drinking. But okay he was alchoholic and I started with the 5-6 beers a night and the xanan.5 at night. It was a very stressful year as he'd had no relationships longterm before. So I also recongnized that him being l3years younger meant I would age ahead of him. And I discussed it with him. He said it didn't matter. But One year later my thyroid went and that was the beginning of the decline. See my Mother had been sick since I was 2years old and blamed me for this. I raised myself. I buried the blame and moved onward thinking I was doing great. Now I'm 60 and that's old. I never thought I would be old and my body is letting me down . First the thyroid that seemed to trigger the depression or worse anxiety then the latest crisis the diverticulistis and elevated liver enzymes I'm terrified of dying. And you say go to psychology but I don't want to have an affair with my therapist and I'm not 20 some odd years old. Doesn't anyone here but me realize that by the time there are better drugs available I'll be dead and buried and I'm terrified of death.. My worst fear is dying. Love Jan ps you all know my real name anyway.Oh I said my body would never fail me. And when I paid my bills from my medicaire I was proud as writing out bills scares me too. I said to Greg phewww that's done. We got home he said oh by the way you owe me $269 for the pups ER visit. My heart plummmeted as I thought I'd have enough left to buy hairspray. I'd been waiting for my check.
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 12:32:44
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi-- Listen to SLS, jaclin, exq, posted by Jost on September 24, 2006, at 11:38:35
I see the pdoc tuesday and maybe since I trust the luvox I should go up higher? I'm so confused. Love Jan ps my husband just runs away from me. Why can't he comfort me? I'm so lonely.
Posted by willyee on September 24, 2006, at 12:49:48
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi-- Listen to SLS, jaclin, exq » Jost, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 12:32:44
> I see the pdoc tuesday and maybe since I trust the luvox I should go up higher? I'm so confused. Love Jan ps my husband just runs away from me. Why can't he comfort me? I'm so lonely.
Im confused,are you going to axe the maoi plan and stay on your ssri?
Is this wise considering how bad you have been latly,or at least what i gather you to be projecting?
Anyway regardless you know your body and i do follow a rule over everthing which is i listen to mine,and if its telling me something over and over i follow.
If you really dont feel you should transer to the maoi,then i dont think you should,on the same note i would not imagine this still blockades you into staying on luvox,there are still options.
Posted by Jost on September 24, 2006, at 12:59:30
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi-- Listen to SLS, jaclin, exq » Jost, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 12:32:44
You have to do what feels right.
But you've been wanting to try Emsam. I would urge you not to pull back out of fear.
I know you're afraid of new medications because of your history-- and that it takes extra courage to try something.
You have to do what feels right. None of us can make that choice for you.
I'm trying to remind you, based on what I've seen here-- that you've said so many times that you'd like to take the Emsam, but are afraid to. That you're not satisfied with Luvox.
Don't listen to one person, who doesn't know your recent history-- about taking more Luvox. Don't let that, and your fears, confuse you.
That's not what you've been talking about. Rather, you've wanted to stop, and have reduced your dose of Luvox-- isn't that what I've been reading? I don't want to give you mistaken advice, but that was what I thought you'd said.
What do you have to lose? yes, it could be scary, it might not work-- yes, that would be really upsetting, really sad. But it might work, it might help. And you can't know until you try.
It's really whether trying is too hard right now. If it is, then let's try to think about what else you could do. But going back to a drug that hasn't helped-- does that make sense, Phillipa?
I don't know what will happen-- but we all, me included, want only the best for you. This drug, Emsam, will not kill you. You do know that, don't you? You'll start really slow, and be careful, and it will not hurt you.
Jost
Posted by bassman on September 24, 2006, at 13:00:18
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi-- Listen to SLS, jaclin, exq » Jost, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 12:32:44
You always write such comforting notes to people...esp., I notice, when not many other people have responded. Anyone reading what you've written would know you as a caring person-which, BTW, the world is very short on at the moment. See the pdoc, see what can be done, and most of all, hang in there and try to see the presnet moment as "just a bad time"-I KNOW how hard that is, but it may well be realistic. And keep us all updated on what's happening with you!
Love,
bassman
Posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 13:00:28
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi-- Listen to SLS, jaclin, exq, posted by Jost on September 24, 2006, at 11:38:35
> You've just got to close your eyes and jump (or dive) into the water. You'll be able to swim--
"even if you get some water into your nose, or the noise underwater is scary at first."
This is a great statement. Some of the drugs that work the best can feel the weirdest when you first start taking them. Be prepared for this. Just take things one step at a time with these drugs. Side effects that appear early in treatment often disapper later or lessen in intensity. For me, Nardil was sedating at first and left me feeling foggy, but became energizing and produced clarity of thought later on.
If you feel more comfortable with Emsam right now, that's ok. It has demonstrated both energizing and anxiolytic effects. These are the things you need. If after giving Emsam a full trial of at least 3 weeks at a dosage of at least 9mg/24hr, you do not feel any better, you can move on to one of the other MAOIs. Because of your GAD, I would suggest making Nardil your next stop. There are people who respond to one MAOI and not to another, just like all the other antidepressants. No one knows why. That's just the way it is. In a way, that will always offer hope whenever you come across a drug that you haven't tried yet. I'm sorry to have to spoil your depressed mood. :-) There is hope for you in MAOIs. No guarantees, but hope.
Don't neglect your emotional and psychological health. Medication doesn't deal with issues, people do. Medication corrects the affective environment within which issues exist and makes them much easier to process and deal with. A biological depression creates psychological and social issues as it destroys one's life. Unfortunately, when this depression disappears, these issues don't disappear with it. It takes work to clean up the mess. Psychotherapy and counselling can be a big help in accomplishing this. Things are much harder while the depression is still present, but progress is not impossible. Sometimes, accomplishment is simply to learn ways to cope with depression and anxiety, and to live in the moment. Since you're not doing anything anyway, why don't you start cleaning up the mess while you're waiting for these drugs to work and get a head-start on things?
- Scott
Posted by notfred on September 24, 2006, at 13:11:52
In reply to Time for an MAOI - Sorry - Above For » Phillipa, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 11:10:41
>
> Avoid people who speak with negavitity. Avoid cynicism. They are sinkholes and will drain you of your positive energy.Agreed. Seek out those who have the skills you wish to aquire. If you are looking for a sucessful outcome then what is to gain by focusing on others
negative outcomes ?
>Time for a real MAOI. What do you think?Totally. Being consertative, everyone should try several MAOI's once the usual suspects of meds has been tried. At least in the context of depressives
and anxiety problems.After 10 years of no remission I think a consult with a top psycoharmacologist is well worth it.
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 13:16:14
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi--, posted by Jost on September 24, 2006, at 12:59:30
Jost if Greg were home with me I wouldn't be so afraid. I have to take care of the pups. And when he goes to work I go right after him as I'm afraid of being alone. Then once there I'm bored but afraid to leave. I hate myself. See when I was talking a lot with Robert David he used to even call me on the phone from California and talk me through things. He's doing well and may even give it up sometime. Oh well he's not me. See making decisions is the hardest part. And the last time at the pdoc she asked if I wanted the hospital . I said no as the last time there they put in geriatrics and pulled all the benzos out from under me and put me in withdrawal sent me home what a mess. So I can never go into a hospital again. As you can see this is a parmount decision for me. I'm still at 25mg of luvox per the pdoc. So that's two more weeks. Oh why does life have to be so hard? Love Jan
Posted by jaclinhyde on September 24, 2006, at 13:17:54
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi -- Other stuff too. » Phillipa, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 13:00:28
Honestly Phillipa, I would skip Emsam and just go for the big MAOI guns like Nardil, Marplan or Parnate. Emsam doesn't pack the powerful punch that the others do. I am on it now and although I know it is working I wasn't that bad before taking it. I did need something but could get by albeit miserably without it. You however need to start on something that has a proven successful track record for almost everyone who takes it. Like me Phillipa serotonin probably isn't your problem or isn't the only brain chemical that needs tinkering with. There is dopamine and norepinephrine too. An Maoi hits them all. If I were your doctor I would go with Parnate as it is the quickest acting and won't produce any sleepiness like Nardil and Marplan usually do at the beginning. Plus you would have the added bonus of no weight gain (normally) and in fact some weight loss is possible. Don't know if you need that bonus or not.
Sounds to me like you need to get off the SSRI rollercoaster.
I will babblemail now that I have figured out how to change my email address here :-)
Hugs and much love,
Terri
Posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 13:26:45
In reply to Re: Time for Maoi -- Other stuff too. » Phillipa, posted by SLS on September 24, 2006, at 13:00:28
After reading what you wrote last, perhaps you can disregard most of my previous post.
I don't want to shove psychotherapy down your throat, but I know it sounds like I am. If you are worried about sexual tension in psychotherapy, find a woman therapist. I don't know, Jan. It is a lot of work. If it is not right for you at this time, then it just isn't.
I know it is hard for you to decide what to do.
Depression and anxiety are contributing to this.
Just know that I care.
Some people are telling you not to do anything that doesn't feel right.
Jost is giving you a gentle nudge.
I don't know what to tell you.
* Definition of insanity:
"Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
Do the Luvox thing or give it up. Work up to 300mg as tolerated for 6 weeks. Don't waste any more time with this thing. Do it or don't do it. If you did it already, move on.
Refresh my memory: How high a dosage did you reach and how long were you at that dosage? How did you feel at that dosage?
- Scott
Posted by linkadge on September 24, 2006, at 14:48:58
In reply to Re: Can't Take it AnyMore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!He, posted by notfred on September 24, 2006, at 0:02:17
I didn't find the ratings for meds on crazy meds particularly encouraging.
Linkadge
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