Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:14:29
Ok,
What i am about to say i have never told anyone before. So this is coming out.
Alot of times i get this feeling of homocidal (i have never had these thoughts before) to people that blow me off, say something like "thats your problem" and dont want to be around. I get horrible thoughts almost pleasure what i am going to do them.
Picturing me cussing them out in public, at church there was this guy that was a leader, but wanted to call him a damn hippocirite piece of sh*t.
What i am talking about is varies people that are in church, or that i know in life, not here on psychobabble. Even though i have felt....never mind. Sometimes people seem like they have the wrong impression, well maybe its the way i interpret it.
Do i have multiple personalites? I never, well that couldnt because i know im still me. Not someone else.
But how can i come from this smiling generous guy to Jacylnhyde, personality switch because i feel i was humilated by someone, and i want to torchure them with a smile on my face. No, no no no no im not going crazy. this isnt happening.
Ok, to go more into detail, i feel im not socially well know what to say. And i feel rejected, but i get mad about it. Its my fault im like this. I just want to stick my head in the toilet. Well one time i thought about dragging a and beating the HELL out of a person.
I am NOT like this, NO please dont get the wrong impression on me. I am not anykind of psychotic person. This is just an abnormality.
I just really need some advice, im a very nice guy.
Here this is my picture: http://mmcconathy87.tripod.com/matt_mcconathys_photo_album/index.album?i=15
Willyyee i need to talk to you, just about this, here's my email address
dorktionary1@aol.com
yes i know its a .........ROFL crazy posting name, my other one isnt working.I just think you maybe a person to talk to about this. I've read your posts.
Anyways, this is it.
Please dont think anything diffrent about me. I just had to come out.
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:19:24
In reply to homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:14:29
Posted by curtm on June 12, 2006, at 19:27:26
In reply to homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:14:29
Yes, you look ok (in the photo)
I think our moods are a major factor in how we react to other people. When I am feeling down on myself or my situation, I tend to become more defensive and take it out on other people. If I can manage to give a split second to realize that before I open my mouth, I can sometimes keep what's left of my dignity. Because if I don't, I have only made matters worse for myself.
Don't get me wrong, I can blow up as good if not better than anyone. Hey! I am good at something! Well if we can hold one tiny thread of rational thinking that what anyone else says or does really doesn't matter one fkn bit to us, Then they have won nothing. We win. We keep our dignity and shrug them of with disgust.
Yeah, they're hippocrates! Even worse they don't even know it! ...and even if I told them, they still wouldn't get it! So I'm not going to waste my breathe on them. Ha!
Stay cool Matt
Curt
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2006, at 19:54:34
In reply to Re: homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people » rjlockhart, posted by curtm on June 12, 2006, at 19:27:26
Matt can you ignore them? Love Phillipa
Posted by heaven help me on June 12, 2006, at 22:25:04
In reply to homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:14:29
Matt,
You are right, people in church are (well, not all, but lots of them) hypocrites. If this makes any sense...What a better way to destroy TRUE Chrisitanity than to make the "church" a bunch of hypocrites? Turns YOU off, right? Turns most of us off. The truth is that the church is NOT the bunch of people going to that building on Sundays. They are just people going to buildings and calling them "churches". The TRUE church is the body of Christ and by that, I mean those people who believe that Christ is who he says He is, and they are committed to following Him and to BEING JUST LIKE HIM.. Read any of the gospels. He was NOT a hypocrite. In fact, he condemmned them for being just that and turned instead to the prostitues, homeless, addicts, and fools to be His followers. Don't let what happens to you on Sunday mornings define your idea of church. That is just what THEY call it, doesn't make it so. Christ himself is the church, and anyone who professes Him as true and surrenders to being Him to the world around you. I am so sorry that you have these experiences at those Sunday buildings.....hang in there, maybe ask Him to show you who He REALLY is? Hang in there.
blessings
mary
Posted by KayLen on June 14, 2006, at 13:03:31
In reply to homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:14:29
Hi, The first thing that came to my mind ..was i want to ask you Are you a people pleaser at the exspense of pleasing you? are you always putting others needs above your own and do you have resentments about it..and then feel guilty because you feel like you should help whe you can. When you do feel trampled on ..do you confront the trampler?..or seeth inside about it?
im very curious to find these things out im no stranger to rage..thank you for posting
kaylen
Posted by frizzaldizzal on June 14, 2006, at 22:03:49
In reply to Re: homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people » rjlockhart, posted by KayLen on June 14, 2006, at 13:03:31
I dont know what you have been diagnosed with, so I cant tell you if you are that way possibly due to your illness, but I do the same thing. I have homocidal thoughts about people and yes it gives me pleasure. I dont feel bad about it. I am Bipolar II. I used to fight the illness, but now I just go with it. I used to be very upset because I was so differant than anyone else I knew. I was like, Whats wrong with me? Now I know whats wrong and I enjoy being different. I actually think it is funny because most people that look at me would not think that I would ever have the thoughts that I do. While I am talking to someone I am thinking, If you only knew. Keeping it to myself is part of the fun. I have educated myself about the illness, and now I am totally comfortable with it. I read all the time about the illness, and medication and so on. The more I know, the more I understand myself and life is easier. Dont trip out about it to much. It absolutely does not mean that you are a bad person. I totally know I am a good person. Besides, think about it, if you where a bad person, would you be worring about being a bad person? No, I doubt it.
Posted by KayeBaby on June 16, 2006, at 10:30:26
In reply to homocidal thoughts to misunderstanings to people, posted by rjlockhart on June 12, 2006, at 17:14:29
Hi Matt,
A thought causes no one harm. We have all kinds of thoughts-good and bad.I have had thoughts of being angelic, kind and loving well beyond my true capacity. I have had thoughts of seething hatred. I have had thoughts of murder and creatively torturing people I feel hatred towards.
The point is that these are just thoughts. They do not effect anyone. They only effect you when you are judging yourself based on them. You ACTIONS are what counts. Thoughts are air-nothing unless you act on them.
Friend of mine said once "Well, that's one thought. I'll have different one soon."
That statement helped me so much in putting the thoughts in thier rightful place.
how can we control where our minds wander?
I can control where my body goes but my mind can wander where it wants.peace,
Kaye
This is the end of the thread.
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