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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 5:33:36
Has anyone ever felt this way? I just spent a week in a short term facility for my depression, bipolar and suicidal idealization. I'm just as bad if not worse now. They started me on 1000 mg of Depakote and it's only been 4 days since starting it and I know it's too soon to expect anything but I feel so dead inside now. I'm void of all feelings except for pain. Being locked up in there for a week and listening to everyone else's pain has made me even more depressed. I now am having constant dreams and nightmares of the place. I have come more in contact with the inner pain that I've been supressing over the years and don't know what to do with it. There's no where to hide from the hurt. I wish they would believe in humanly euthanizing people in my condition because their "help" is no help at all. My family hoped I'd come home a new better person, but here I am a complete wreck. My family looks so hurt and disappointed that I'm not any better but worse. All the noise and constant cussing and bitching and moaning from 60 other people was just not helping. Not to mention the extremely manic bipolar patients that would follow me around jabbering 100 miles a hour about nothing that I could not escape. There were violent patients in our ward that should've been in the other ward that would lash out violently and scream, cuss, and punch walls and eventually crack and would have to be slammed to the ground by 8 techs. If you had any concerns or voiced any concerns that the staff did not feel up to dealing with, they would threaten to send you to "east" the psycho ward. I went 3 days there at first where they didn't even allow me the meds my home pdoc had prescribed me. When I was feeling so suicidal and would start looking at how I could reach the light bulbs to break out of the ceiling so I could hopefully cut my throat and escape the hell, I would finally ask for one of my PRESCRIBED Klonopin and they would treat me like an addict. I'd only been on Klonopin for one week and would have to explain the whole story and get the whole lecture about Klonopin. My pdoc only gave it to me because he new I needed some immediate relief. One bad instance, actually the first one where I was feeling bad suicidal there, I went to the pharmacist asking for my Klonopin that was on a prn basis. I was crying and shaking and she gave me the whole speech about the Klonopin and I was so desperate to hurry and get it in my system that I chewed it up in front of her and swallowed my water to wash it down. She looked at me horrified and asked me," Did you just chew that up?!" (It's not like they taste bad, they're sweet and hell people take nasty BC powders so they go into the system faster) I told her yes that I needed it to work right away. She said," Are you an addict!?!" I said no, I'd only been on it for a week but that I've been living suicidal for three months waiting for something to work and my pdoc gave me this for some immediate relief and I needed it bad now. She then said," Well, I think we may need to revaluate you and make sure you're in the right ward." Just because I chewed it up, I was being threatened to be sent to the psycho ward! I tried to just stop asking and would crawl in my bed and hide when I would feel so bad. Now I have a $3600 bill all for nothing. I thought inpatient was suppose to help a person? Now what? I don't know. I guess I'll pray for a good electical storm and climb the roof and hug the tv antena. Nothing more to do now.
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 6, 2006, at 11:22:22
In reply to Just hospitalized and feel worse!!, posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 5:33:36
CEK:
My heart goes out to you.
Please hang in there. There are new medicines and treatments all time, and something will help you.
Please keep expressing yourself. There are others in this room who have gone through the same thing or may be at this minute. They can help you.
Michael
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 13:32:34
In reply to Re: Please hang in there, posted by UgottaHaveHope on May 6, 2006, at 11:22:22
That is horrible. I feel for you. Where did this take place not that it matters . I thought I wanted to work in psych again Wow post the recent posts I don't think I'd ever want to work in a hospital again. So sorry for you Love Phillipa
Posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 13:39:22
In reply to Re: Please hang in there, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 13:32:34
> That is horrible. I feel for you. Where did this take place not that it matters . I thought I wanted to work in psych again Wow post the recent posts I don't think I'd ever want to work in a hospital again. So sorry for you Love Phillipa
I stayed at Lakeside Mental Health in Memphis Tn. They are affiliated with Charter in some sort of way. I now see why so many people are messed up on street drugs. It's easier to self medicate than to go through all of this. CEK
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 13:45:29
In reply to Re: Please hang in there » Phillipa, posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 13:39:22
Believe it or not Charter was around in VA Beach maybe l5 years ago I think they got run out of therer. Seriously not making it up their reputation was horrible think it's a chain or used to be. Love Phillipa
Posted by Bonnie_CA on May 6, 2006, at 20:40:41
In reply to Just hospitalized and feel worse!!, posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 5:33:36
I really hope you feel better. I've never been hospitalized, but my uncle is a schizophrenic, and he had such horrible things like they chained him to a floor and left him there for a whole weekend (he almost died). Reading your experience makes me want to avoid being hospitalized at all costs. Hang in there. ((hugs)) -Bonnie
Posted by addinbc on May 7, 2006, at 0:27:47
In reply to Re: Just hospitalized and feel worse!! » CEK, posted by Bonnie_CA on May 6, 2006, at 20:40:41
Hi there;
I agree....please hang in there. There will be something that will help you. I know right now, the waiting for something to work, and feeling worse due to side effects etc... is trying to say the least! But please hang in there...it will get better.
I'm soooo sorry to hear of your experience in the hospital! As far as I'm concerned, the current state of psychiatry is bordering on barbaric in some places. It is my belief that something seriously needs to be done about it.
Know that there is someone who is thinking about you and saying a few prayers for you. I wish you all the very very best and a speedy recovery! Remember to be patient and gentle with yourself.
Posted by blueberry on May 7, 2006, at 18:06:33
In reply to Just hospitalized and feel worse!!, posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 5:33:36
What hospital were you in? I've heard several bad stories of hospital stays and maybe just a couple good stories.
I've felt the need to check in to the hospital hundreds of times but never quite did because I was afraid to find out my place of last resort might not be a good place to be.
Posted by bassman on May 7, 2006, at 19:23:06
In reply to Just hospitalized and feel worse!!, posted by CEK on May 6, 2006, at 5:33:36
CEK, that an awful story-I can't imagine you being treated that way in a place that is supposed to be helping you. Who the Hell are they to lecture you on Klonopin? Are they the ones that are hurting? It sounds like a trauma center to me-they cause traumas! What a nightmare. And you feel like you've let people down because you didn't come out all "fixed" and it cost $3600. Please try to just hang in there and forget about the morons at the hospital-seems like the first task will be to get over the fear resulting from your hospital experience. This is a hard time-hang in there, and hard as it is to believe, things will get better. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by CEK on May 7, 2006, at 19:26:32
In reply to Re: Just hospitalized and feel worse!! » CEK, posted by blueberry on May 7, 2006, at 18:06:33
> What hospital were you in? I've heard several bad stories of hospital stays and maybe just a couple good stories.
>
> I've felt the need to check in to the hospital hundreds of times but never quite did because I was afraid to find out my place of last resort might not be a good place to be.I was in Lakeside in Memphis, Tn. I hated to do it since I was admitted to another hospital for the same reason on Jan 31. I hate the whole group hospital thing. I had hoped that this experience would be better and that I would come home feeling at least a little bit better, not worse. There were some nice people there, but it was the next thing to prison. The violent people in there scared me to death and the staff threatening everyone with putting us in the ward with the rest of the unsafe ones did not help my anxiety. During the few good group discusions that we had, my heart (what was left of it) was tore out and I would bawl forever over other peoples stories of their painful experiences. Again, definitely did not help my depression. I thought I would get counciling while I was there but we only get to meet with a therapist once every seven days. The rest is entirely group therapy which was filled mostly with people that were disruptive and would not cooperate. I found out that a lot of the people there were only there because they had no where else to go. They were junkies and homeless. They would bounce from facility to facility until their check would come in then demand to be discharged so they could get back on the street and buy drugs, spend all their money and go back in. The whole time the government is paying for all of this. Here I am, struggling to survive and support my family wanting real help just to waste my time and money trying. What options do we have when you can't get help being hospitalized? I thought that was the ultimate last resort for real care. Once again, I guess I was wrong.
This is the end of the thread.
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