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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 4WD on July 27, 2005, at 22:55:08
I hate having to take Klonopin. I don't like the way it makes me feel. I have no issues of abuse with it. And yet, I am scared to death that at some point my doctor is going to take me off it. I want to be off it. I hate depending on it. But it feels like my lifeline - the only thing standing between me and the fear that can become unbearable.
Is it weird to feel this way? I get very uncomfortable if I don't have at least a month's worth stashed away. I often take less than prescribed, kind of like I'm saving it up for a time when I might not have enough.
I just keep remembering the times that the fear/terror was so horrible and I had taken myself off Klonopin because I was determined to learn to deal with the fear myself. I remember crawling in the floor, crying and screaming. And I remember Klonopin stopped that.
And yet, I'm terrified of having to take it for the rest of my life. Or even long term. (I've been on it off and on since last October). I'm scared to take it and scared not to.
I take anywhere from .5mg day (usually) to 1mg (rarely) day to none at all if I feel I can get through a day without it.
Anybody else feel like this about their meds?
Marsha
Posted by JenStar on July 28, 2005, at 0:28:14
In reply to No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by 4WD on July 27, 2005, at 22:55:08
hi Marsha,
I think I get what you're talking about. I was on Xanax for a while before my Lexapro stopped working. Now I was THRILLED to be off the Xanax - happy not to need it, happy because I didn't like the way I felt on it, happy because in general I dislike drugs and want to be on as few as humanly possible.BUT...despite all that...I hoarded my extra Xanax, too! Every time I get a prescription for Xanax or anything similar, I take less than prescribed and save it. I have about 5 old bottles, some years past the due date, of old "stuff" I never took, but that I still save. And it's silly, because my doctor is understanding and prescribes me a few pills here and there for flying (a big fear), or other issues. And I never want to actually take them, I just want to SAVE them just in case.
It's what you said - I remember the horrible, awful, terrifying fear, and how Xanax numbed me out of it. So even though I don't have that fear now, and even though i don't like Xanax, I worry in the back of my mind that I might get that way again, and need the X. to get thru it. So I save the stuff. And feel bad about it. But I still save it.
I guess if I was completely 'well' I would be able to throw it all out without a backwards glance. But I'm not there yet...
For you, I'd say just to take it as you need it. Hoard if you need to (to have that 'safety stash', and keep refilling your prescription as needed. It sounds like you're not saving it for any nefarious purpose -- just in case of emergencies (like the bottle is lost, or stolen, or contaminated, or melted...then you'll have extras until you can get a refill!)
I think the hoarding thing is related to self-preservation. We all know that doctors are understanding, and pharmacies are 24/7, and the med supply in the US is non-stop...but just in case...it's good to know that you have a little stash in case part of the system goes awry.
So I don't think it's weird, anyway. And I hope things are going well for you! Don't worry about taking the med. If you need it, take it. If and when you're ready, you'll know -- and then you can wean off it. Until then, don't give yourself a hard time. You're not abusing it, you're not addicted, and you want to use as little as possible. Be kind to yourself and take it if you need it!
take care,
JenStar
Posted by willyee on July 28, 2005, at 7:03:28
In reply to No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by 4WD on July 27, 2005, at 22:55:08
No i think your feelings towards it,and your reaction of it id bet are more common than you can imagine.
Klonopin seems ideal for stopping what is or even appear to be a mental break down....crying bouts,anger,self pity,loathing,racing thoughts,unbearable sinking fear and anxiety.
It seems once klonopin is taken,soon after the tears stop and u can actualy form reasonable sentances again,sound familiar?
I find this good in a way because first it...can prevent what seems to be a all blown breakdown from bringing one to a hospital or worse yet an ambulance to one,where chances are all the hospital can do at the *moment* is sedate you anyway.So having klonopin handy might save that ambulance call.Also for people around u,who want to help but dont know what to do with a person screaming and crying there head off,klonopin can allow u to be able to sit down and tell them whats going on,and any plan that can be made with there help can be much better achieved with u having ur senses about u after a klonopin dose opposed to u (i say u in general,not "u")being in a complete erratic state.
Last it is said that people on klonopin,and benzos period are **LEAST LIKLY**** to abuse the medication,or have trouble with addiction of it.
I guess people forget why they began taking it in the first place when they notice worsened anxiety from it when they attempt to discontinue,we cant forget some form of anxiety brought most of us to ever even considering ingesting this drug,i think we do forget that in our quest to be fearful and critical of any benifit they might have.
Aside from all that,i also have the same worries,with depression and anxiety being what im plagued with,i find it EXTREMLY difficult to understand if klonopin is helping me in the LONG RUN or making progress harder.Sometimes i feel i just want to never touch it again,and then the above paragraphs will apply to me and ill be EXTREMLY thankful theres klonopin in the house and im not OUT!
Also i worked in computer sales during xmas,it was very very high volume non stop people and i truly doubt i would have been able to get through it not having klonopin.Instead although i suffered internally i did my job without a hitch.
When u think of all the people who sel medicate with alcholol or other harder drugs,or even use benzos irresonably,i think it then seems more reasonable that we take our anxiety meds often but yet we unlike self medication can achieive some type of limitations.Sorry for the long post,i wish i knew myself if stopping a benzo would achieve progress more rapid,but because anxiety is a key issue i dont see how ill eve know that.Good luck
Posted by Glydin on July 28, 2005, at 8:12:35
In reply to No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by 4WD on July 27, 2005, at 22:55:08
I think your reaction is quite common.
I use K rarely but still find I do want a supply around *just in case*. I think the reason for is, at least for me, I know how well it will WORK for me. It's pretty much as simple as that and no other hidden agendas --- except for the thought the bad rep they get will impact my ability to obtain them. That feeling for me also makes me angry when I do hear of abusive use or antibenzo movements..... it places an irrational fear that one day, folks who truely benefit from benzo use and use them approiately will find them either taken away or have huge difficulties and regulations to obtain.
Toxic pathological anxiety is very life impacting and debilitating. I believe it doesn't always get the credit it deserves for ruining lives and often takes a back seat to other cormobid disorders or disorders with more "media time". Therefore, if one finds a decent treatment, assuring you have that available sounds very sane.
Posted by MidnightBlue on July 28, 2005, at 10:29:31
In reply to No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by 4WD on July 27, 2005, at 22:55:08
Yep,
I feel this way about Ambien. Course I guess it is with good reason since a few years ago I lost insurance and had to go a year on a 90 day prescription. I almost always take less than I could. I just need to know it is there and I can get a decent night sleep sometimes.MB
Posted by linkadge on July 28, 2005, at 15:58:02
In reply to No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by 4WD on July 27, 2005, at 22:55:08
I too do the same thing with drugs. I took less clonazepam than prescribed, so that I could build up a stash of it.
Rainy day supply. You never know when a extra benzo will come in handy. I don't feel guilty for it, because my doc is a benzophobe.
Linkadge
Posted by Phillipa on July 28, 2005, at 19:24:36
In reply to I hoarde clonazepam, posted by linkadge on July 28, 2005, at 15:58:02
I have a whold Rx of xanax which I haven't taken since last summer. I also have some trileptal. The luvox I'm taking now is the original not generic because I hoarded a whole Rx of it a few years ago. Just in case. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Colleen D. on July 28, 2005, at 19:48:27
In reply to I hoarde clonazepam, posted by linkadge on July 28, 2005, at 15:58:02
Posted by 4WD on July 28, 2005, at 21:43:43
In reply to Me Too, posted by Phillipa on July 28, 2005, at 19:24:36
Thank you all so much. I was beginning to scare myself. Wondering why I felt such a need to have "extra" klonopin around. I had a visit with my new pdoc today (whole other post) and I told him about it. He said not to feel guilty - it was a common feeling. I told him I was just afraid that one day some doctor was going to refuse to give me a prescription or too small a prescription and then the terror might come back and I didn't know what would happen. I feel much better now.
And he gave me a prescription for 60 1mg klonopin and told me I had been taking it responsibly and not to worry about it. I still worry about dependence. But I worry more about terror. For now I will take it as prescribed .5mg - 1mg once or twice a day as needed. I'll probably end up only taking a max of 1mg a day.
Anyway, thank you all so much. You've relieved my fears.
Marsha
Posted by MM on July 29, 2005, at 2:37:29
In reply to Re: Me Too, posted by 4WD on July 28, 2005, at 21:43:43
I get kind of scared if I'm close to running out of Klonopin, but I feel that way about Trileptal and Wellbutrin too because I know I'm going to feel crappy that day if I don't have them. I think the benzos sometimes get an unfair bad rap because I had the worst withdrawl from Zoloft and Paxil and Prozac and Depakote and people seem to have an easier time accepting that they have to take those for the rest of their lives...so if that's what the fear about benzos is, I just don't see why they're the only ones that people talk about when it comes to withdrawl etc. Of course if you're abusing them it's different. Just my babbly opinion.
MM
Posted by Joy on July 30, 2005, at 1:56:04
In reply to Re: Me Too, posted by 4WD on July 28, 2005, at 21:43:43
Me Too. I hoard Xanax. Can't help it; don't take it too much and also take less of a dose so I will have a lot left over.
Posted by Declan on July 31, 2005, at 15:39:07
In reply to Re: No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by willyee on July 28, 2005, at 7:03:28
In 30 years I have made a point of *never* running out of benzos. My current bottle of diazepam is down to what looks like 15.
I'm planning to do something about it.
Declan
Posted by KaraS on July 31, 2005, at 17:45:50
In reply to Re: No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin..., posted by Declan on July 31, 2005, at 15:39:07
It makes perfect sense to me to hoard benzos. They're restricted and dispensed very cautiously yet we would have a terrible time if we ran out of them. It seems to me that it is only prudent to ensure a steady supply in case of an emergency.
Posted by 4WD on July 31, 2005, at 22:11:44
In reply to Re: No abuse, but still want to hoard Klonopin... » Declan, posted by KaraS on July 31, 2005, at 17:45:50
> It makes perfect sense to me to hoard benzos. They're restricted and dispensed very cautiously yet we would have a terrible time if we ran out of them. It seems to me that it is only prudent to ensure a steady supply in case of an emergency.
I told my new pdoc about wanting to hoard my Klonopin and he told me not to worry about it. He said it was normal and okay. Not to feel guilty.
Marsha
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