Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pretty_paints on February 16, 2005, at 9:43:55
Hello. It's difficult to write as I feel weird. And also bcoz I don't know what to write. You want me to write about things I am experiencing but I have always experienced them. and besides, they are true. Although people THINK these things arn't true, they are probably not as clever as me. because for me they are true. I am used to it. I must be someone special.
so what to write about. i feel weird. i feel like im special and honoured. I feel like im magical, and have magic inside me. Everyone looks at me everywhere i go, every bloke i meet fancies me BUT they have to pretend they don't. Actually wait i don't believe everything. I don't believe that 100%, well I do believe about the blokes and everyone being there just for ME. everything stops when im not around, did you know. they wait for me, like the truman show. anyway, i dont believe the magic thing as much. that is why i am TELLING YOU ABOUT IT! People are so stupid, they ask me what's wrong. like I KNOW what's wrong. if i believe it i am not gonna tell you! if i question it, then i will post it. and tell you. so that's how it works you see. DUH. I am seeing bugs out of my eyes, but i knnnooow they are not real as when i look at them, they dissapear. so you see, i can tell you about that! la de da, i see bugs. but what do you expect me to tell you about things? well, i am getting my old brain back. hmm. coming quickly back to me.
so let me see, a ha. well if u want to know then maybe i should just tell you about what my week has been like. monday, gardening group was cancelled which really sucked. tuesday, ooh went to get some more money. then today, well my knobby doctor got me today. you see, I can feel what people are thinking. seriously. I ALWAYS have been able to, as long as I can remember. don't be liked 'oh katie whatever' coz that really p*sses me off. i have a talent for it. whenever i meet them i just KNOW what they're feeling. and a lot of people don't like me you know. my stupid social worker got this out of me yesterday when we were on our way to a finance meeting. stupid fran the finance lady had to ask me loads of dumb questions about EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, to try and get me disability allowance or something. she asked me how i feel when im in town and i said dizzy. and she said, panic attack? and i said no, i feel dizzy with everything coming at me. and overwhelmed by everyone's feelings. coz i can feel all their feelings, and in town, thats a lot of feelings! it can be overwhelming. so then stupid social worker starts asking me about how do I know what people are thinking, trying to catch me out. And then my GP this morning tried to do the same, as he asked when i was gonna go see a doctor and i said this week, as helen my social worker has decided to arrange a doctor this week, but my normal appoinment is in 2 weeks. he was like "so what am i thinking then?", stupid man. And everyone always goes "oh that's not what im thinking". well it is!! they just don't want to admit it. god.
anyway i am feeling a bit magical. i have just been doing the ironing.it wouldn't burn if i put it on me, but i didn't anyway, coz that is not SAFE. and my tulips are all dieing in my room.
anyway, bye for now. and I am fine, i am taking my meds, etc etc.xx
Posted by ed_uk on February 16, 2005, at 10:08:22
In reply to hello, posted by pretty_paints on February 16, 2005, at 9:43:55
Hi Katie :-)
Please tell me, what dose of Seroquel are you on now, have you reduced the dose since we last talked? Are you still on 10mg Abilify?
>I am fine.
You seem very different to when we last spoke, I don't think the Abilify is working, I think you may be relapsing, perhaps you should try Solian or go back on Seroquel.
Ed xxxx
Posted by pretty_paints on February 16, 2005, at 11:26:53
In reply to Re: hello » pretty_paints, posted by ed_uk on February 16, 2005, at 10:08:22
Hi Ed,
I'm so sorry, my post was really rude. it was meant at loads of my mates who are being annoying. not at you. ((hugs)) will you forgive me?
I was in an annoyed mood and i had called everyone and told them things were getting weird but no-one was in.so I was annoyed. and i took it all out on beautiful babble and all of my friends here. i am so sorry. will you forgive me? especially you Ed, you have been nothing but caring and i was completely rude. ((v ashamed))
i am feeling much actually caaalmer now. i felt wound up like a spring earlier
anyway i am on 100mg seroquel and 15mg abilify.
i don't know what is going on. i just feel a bit at odds.please please do not take my bitchy comments to heart. i don't want to loose my babble friends.
((hugs))
Posted by pretty_paints on February 16, 2005, at 12:06:58
In reply to Re: hello » pretty_paints, posted by ed_uk on February 16, 2005, at 10:08:22
Hi guys,
me again.
I'll appreciate your replies on this thread, but i just wanted to say to people that i think i'm going to take a break from babble. I've spent all week trying to sort out what's real from what's not, and I find that the process of updating everyone on how I'm doing actually makes me go over everything again and makes me feel even more confused.
I think babble is great, but i think there are some moments where it's very useful, and some when it is not. At the moment I don't think it is because the things I truly believe in, I tend not to write about as i think they are normal. And the things I'm starting to doubt, like the stuff i posted today, writing about it brings it back to the forefront of my mind and i start believing it again.
Anyway im just gonna take a short break. I just want to thank majorly to Ed for being so great, and so caring, and constantly asking after me. You're wonderful. And too, to Phillipa, you've been really great. im sorry if todays post was bitchy, like i said it wasn't against you lot at babble.
im aware that things arn't right, but i have my parents here to look after me. i have tried to call my social worker today but she was out. but i am already feeling a lot better than earlier. i will look after myself.
anyway, lots of love, katexxxxxx
Posted by Phillipa on February 16, 2005, at 13:42:19
In reply to Re: hello, posted by pretty_paints on February 16, 2005, at 12:06:58
Kate; I'm so sorry you are having a bad time. I think a lot of others on Babble are as well from reading their Posts. I'm so glad you have your parents right there for support. You can feel "safe". I won't try and confuse you further, I just want to tell you I care very much about you, and want you to do whatever it takes to get well. I know Ed feels the same. So, until you feel able to talk, I'll just keep you in my thoughts, and know I'm there for you if you need to Babble. Love PhillipaXXXX
Posted by ed_uk on February 18, 2005, at 11:37:41
In reply to Re: hello » pretty_paints, posted by Phillipa on February 16, 2005, at 13:42:19
Hi Katie,
I've sent you a babblemail.
Ed xxxx
This is the end of the thread.
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