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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 949 to 973 of 1838. Go back in thread:
Posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 13:28:58
In reply to Re: topamx question » headachequeen, posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 11:17:45
> Ah, Kat, kind words will get you, what? not a day off tegretol, I'm afraid. Are you tolerating the Tegretol any better now that you've been on the new stuff that supposed to counterat the side effects for awhile?
> In truth, yesterday I did make mistakes, of course, because it was the first groupmeeting. I've facilitated groups before, but it's been awhile and I was essentially a newbie. I was so focued on making sure that all ten people had a chance to talk that the discussion never got off the ground, so we are swinging the so called discussion over to the next meeting.
> The only time I may have been "Toped" was when I couldn't find the closing words I'd so carefully chosen and read instead some sort of gibberish that nobody understood. That's OK, we were all of the age where senior moments occur and a couple of people have hearing problems. It's over.
> And I talked too much at check in, where we go around and say what's on our mind at the moment. I think I'm on the verge, if not into hypomania, so that I may need more than 300 mgs of Topamax, especially since last night I fell flat on my face into dark, dark depression. (That makes no sense at all!) This morning I was re reading posts (instead of grocery shopping, this is bad) and I came across one of yours where you cried, "Somebody make it go away!" at the end. This was when you were going through all that torture with the neurologist and the sleep deprivation and the eegs. Anyway, that's how I felt last night--it being the flat black dark.
> What do you guys know about provigil? Anybody been on desyrel (generic trazodone)? The trzadone is what I've got for depression right now. Not enough.
>
> Also, Merry? Are you still with us? How's it going for you?
> rainy
>Rainy, at this point I am having an awful tegretol time... every thing is blurry in my head.. or around my head... I am not having a seizure and have not had one for five days if my count is right but I am not sure what day this is...thought it was Friday was told it is not... the person told me it was not Friday but did not tell me what day it was... delightfully helpful...
having a hard time reading... and I know my husband is tired of it all...
he has to be...
the support med has been discontinued, the one that stops the nausea, but I am still on the one that stops any oh what is it called, they talk about it all the time advertising stuff for it on television during sports on television... I want to call it post nasal drip but it is not...
having a great day, can you tell?
something about acid... and it apparently affects the vocal cords too so that is why I am on it... but it is not helping much, oh it helps the vocal cords because I am singing again, and singing properly and that is a major thing in my life, but I have to be able to read to read the music... this sentence originally read rqzd...
acid reflux that is it...
I do not have problems with heartburn, I am dizzy and afraid to move or go outside on my own because the sidewalk is not where I think it is... and I am not sure where the street is... things like that.. how on earth does one make these medical people understand these things?
oh well, the seizures are not hsppening during the dways at leaset... that has to be a positive thing...
I am waiting now for the sleep clinic people to call and set up an appointment... apparently if I can get this erratic sleep under control things will be better... sleeping properly will make me feel better and I will be less tired during the day and less likely to feel the stress that leads to seizures...
the new neurologist is determined to find the cause of the seizures as well as to control them... but can they just make them go away??as for the people at the session and your closing remarks, don't worry so much, Rainy... most of them will not remember... they are too busy worrying about things they said that they wish they had not said... and worrying that they were not intelligent enough to understand the deep things YOU said to close the session...
Next session relax and you will be fine...you are fine here...
pretend it is this group...and Merry, whre are you and L, where are you???
and what is this zopiclone they have given me to help me sleep...
I have not taken it yet...
I have this paranoia about meds that make me sleep... it will make my brain shut down is what they said... apparently it keeps going even when I want to sleep is what they said....
so what is this stuff....do I really want to use it?
kat
Posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 13:50:15
In reply to Re: topamx question, posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 13:28:58
Oh I wish so much that I could use so called swear words on this board. I wanted to just now when I read your opening words, and then that "just make it go away" just doesn't seem to happen, does it?
It's Thursday, midafternoon, and L is probably still at work since I think she's a teacher.
Kat, I would like to babble mouth you or whatever it's called with one small question about a post, if you're up to it. It's nothing emotionally provacative or even very interesting. If not, I understand.
I'm sorry you're having such a crappy day.
rainy
Posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 16:33:21
In reply to Re: topomax » NeNe, posted by headachequeen on October 24, 2004, at 10:52:27
This is for NeNe. My sense of time is all screwed up so it seems like ages since you posted. How are you doing?
I was cognitivly bonkers at 400 mgs and mean as can be, but I blamed it on the medicine, not me. Moods were, well, more or less irritable. But then I was on Lamictal, too, and felt immediately better when I stopped that supposedly effective drug. That was more than a year ago, so my memory is sort of foggy. I do remember that 400 mgs of Topamax was not a fun time in my life. It's working now, at 300.
You wrote on the 24th, I think, that you get yourself all depressed when your moods go bouncing around. Are you taking Topamax as a mood stabilizer? From what you wrote, things were a little topsy turvy in your life at that time.
How now?
rainy
Posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 16:40:12
In reply to Re: topamx question, posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 13:28:58
What is going on?? Is anybody else but me sick of seing my name on this board? Holy cow!!
This is not a publicity stunt.
My Goodness!! Ick!
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 17:20:01
In reply to Re: topamx question » headachequeen, posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 13:50:15
> Oh I wish so much that I could use so called swear words on this board. I wanted to just now when I read your opening words, and then that "just make it go away" just doesn't seem to happen, does it?
> It's Thursday, midafternoon, and L is probably still at work since I think she's a teacher.
> Kat, I would like to babble mouth you or whatever it's called with one small question about a post, if you're up to it. It's nothing emotionally provacative or even very interesting. If not, I understand.
> I'm sorry you're having such a crappy day.
> rainy
Thank you, rainy... knowing what day it is may seem such a minor thing to others on this board but when I lose track of the days because of a seizure... it is one that happened some night past... it is a huge thing to me... I missed an appointment with my speech pathologist last week because I was convinced Friday of last week was Thursday (we have no appointment this week).. but this week is a total muddle to me... and I do not want to ask my husband AGAIN what day it is...
he has been reading things to be all morning...
and it upsets him when I lose it so to speak...
not angers him in that sense but it worries him because he is unable to fix it for me and he believes he should be able to fix it, the way he took me home and fed me...go ahead and do the babble post, rainy... I can read now.. that phase has past... and anyone who will take a moment and tell me the day, I would delight in hearing from....
thank you for caring... it matters so much
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 18:05:37
In reply to Re: topamx question, posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 16:40:12
> What is going on?? Is anybody else but me sick of seing my name on this board? Holy cow!!
> This is not a publicity stunt.
> My Goodness!! Ick!
> rainySometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there... there are days when there are no posts at all...
another thought that crosses my mind and that is that I want to point out that I was totally serious when I posted about mothers of teenage drama queens being so incredibly capable...
ask any of them... they are skilled negotiators and managers...
kat
Posted by redscarlet on October 28, 2004, at 18:10:36
In reply to Re: topamx question » rainy, posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 17:20:01
If you have Microsoft as your operating system on your computer you can just double click on the time at the bottom right hand corner and it will bring up a calendar & clock.
Today is Thursday Oct. 28th
Posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 18:36:07
In reply to Today's date..., posted by redscarlet on October 28, 2004, at 18:10:36
> If you have Microsoft as your operating system on your computer you can just double click on the time at the bottom right hand corner and it will bring up a calendar & clock.
>
> Today is Thursday Oct. 28th
Never thought of that... and now that I think of it...
I have a clock and date running on the computer all the time and a big calendar in the kitchen and one in the bedroom the problem is that if I have a seizure I live the day over and over so that say for instance, now that I know today is Thursday, I have a seizure today, I will stay in today until someone tells me that it is not today... tomorrow morning I will get up and relive Thursday and Saturday will be Thursday and Sunday will be Thursday and so on, until something happens to draw it to my attention that it is not Thursday...
a missed appointment as a rule...
my doctor and vet are good, they understand, so is my orthopaedist. They have their receptionists call and remind me that we have an appointment that day and thus I don't mess up their calendars too...
but somehow today really was a blur. I had no idea what was happening around me. I wish I could describe it because the neurologist is going to want a description and I would too if I were he.. heaven knows I want to describe it so I understand it...
as for the clock and calendar... I cannot read until my system kicks into some sort of acceptance of whatever and decides that it is going to let me function...
there we were in a book store yesterday and my husband reading the information on the back of a book to me so I could decide if I wanted to read it.. one woman muttered to her companion that it was a waste of time for me to buy the book anyway as I obviously was illiterate or blind...
wanted to throw something at her...
I am neither illiterate nor blind, I am merely temporarily unable to read... it will pass...This is giving me a strong understanding of so many disabilities... I am developing a stronger sense of compassion... and a stronger sense of loathing those who make snap judgements too...
and I feel so deeply for those who have full blown epilepsy and never know when to expect a full blown seizure. My form of epilepsy is so mild in comparison; I whine about the aftermath and its discomforts; they have to live with such horrid and constant ongoing fears...
meanwhile, I am going to find a new way to keep my days sorted...
not knowing what day it is let alone what part of that day was really disorienting...
oh well, one good thing about it, I no longer have any great interest in eating... maybe I will start to lose weight again...
would like to lose another ten pounds, maybe fifteen...
always a positive side to look for???kat
Posted by stresser on October 28, 2004, at 20:18:51
In reply to Re: Today's date... » redscarlet, posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 18:36:07
I'm thrilled that you all missed me!! I must say, you have been quite busy and I should fill you in on what has been going on here. My daughter was driving to school yesterday with my son, and rear ended one of her friends. It had nothing to do with the topamax, the girl in front of the two cars slammed on her brakes to turn. We got the estimate today, 3,500.00 or so for that mishap. No one was hurt, but she is really upset about the car being buckled up. It will be in the shop for several days, maybe a week, and that means me or dad driving her around. I wasn't working today, I mostly have my classes in the morning at the gym. I am taking another certification course and have been studying for that. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to take that on just now, but what the heck, it can't hurt. My mind probably needs that distraction, and it won't hurt me to learn something new these days. I must be finished with it by the end of December to be hired for the job, and that has me a little worried. My mind isn't as good as it was years ago, but being 42, I should expect that to start to happen.
Rainy- happy to see you are posting and doing a fine job with it.
Where is Bridgey? Iris II?
Kat- I REALLY love to eat, and only wish I didn't care about it. Chocolate, just keeps calling my name until I give in. Help me.........-L
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 28, 2004, at 20:20:19
In reply to Re: Today's date... » redscarlet, posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 18:36:07
You know it really angers me when people are so cruel to someone that they know nothing about. That woman didn't know your circumstances and yet she assumed you were some moron who could not read for yourself. I had my 10 year reunion this past weekend and I saw a guy whom I had known since we were 11. He had a horrid stutter ever since I knew him. Since all of us pretty much all went to the same middle and high school, we all kinda grew up together. He is such a nice guy and no one ever made fun of him or made him feel less of a person because he stuttered. The teachers asked him to read, even though it felt like it took an eternity to get through sometimes, but I think in the long run this really helped his self esteem and by graduation he hardly had the stutter. I spoke to his wife and said, You know, I don't think I heard him stutter at all. With that, her eyes started welling up with tears and she recounted for me about their wedding day when he spoke their vows without a single "hang" on any word. She said she was so proud of him. I told her that none of us ever made fun of him and that he was such a sweet guy. I thought it was cruel for anyone to do that and he was just a normal guy and because we treated him as such it helped him to get over his stutter. He just felt more and more comfortable and not so stressed about it, and it just sort of dissapeared. Now, it hasn't gone completely away, but if you didn't know he had one, you couldn't hardly tell at all. It's amazing that when you treat people like people, the things that they can accomplish.
Posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 20:44:01
In reply to It wasnt' the topamax, posted by stresser on October 28, 2004, at 20:18:51
> I'm thrilled that you all missed me!! I must say, you have been quite busy and I should fill you in on what has been going on here. My daughter was driving to school yesterday with my son, and rear ended one of her friends. It had nothing to do with the topamax, the girl in front of the two cars slammed on her brakes to turn. We got the estimate today, 3,500.00 or so for that mishap. No one was hurt, but she is really upset about the car being buckled up. It will be in the shop for several days, maybe a week, and that means me or dad driving her around. I wasn't working today, I mostly have my classes in the morning at the gym. I am taking another certification course and have been studying for that. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to take that on just now, but what the heck, it can't hurt. My mind probably needs that distraction, and it won't hurt me to learn something new these days. I must be finished with it by the end of December to be hired for the job, and that has me a little worried. My mind isn't as good as it was years ago, but being 42, I should expect that to start to happen.
>
> Rainy- happy to see you are posting and doing a fine job with it.
>
> Where is Bridgey? Iris II?
>
> Kat- I REALLY love to eat, and only wish I didn't care about it. Chocolate, just keeps calling my name until I give in. Help me.........-LOh dear, she will feel terrible especially as she thinks she is about to lose the car rights anyway...
I trust that she knows you and her father know it was not her fault... as in he has calmly and matter of factly told her that he understands that she could not have done otherwise and he is glad she was not hurt...as for learning after 42... I am learning Gaelic (when I can read that is <g>) and if I can do that and I am MUCH older than 42 you can do this...
there is a whole age between now and December... go for it... and have your daughter help you study or practice or whatever it is you need to do...
rely on her for help in this...
she needs to know that you are not always able to do it right just because you are an adult... and it will help her build self-esteem...
one of the things I wish I had known to do when my girls were growing up...
do it for me...as for chocolate... put your daughter to work again...
ask for her help...
you cannot resist the siren call of chocolate... and you need help resisting for whatever reason... are you gaining weight that is a problem with your work? think of a reason... ask for her help to get past this problem....
they can help in these problems we have...
we do not have to be perfect...oh I wish I had known that when my girls were growing up....
on the bright side...
my youngest girl is in the midst of an unplanned high-risk pregnancy... the baby is 20 months old this is REALLY unplanned and she does not do deliveries well... finding a high risk ob-gyn has been difficult, the only one readily available is the one who made such a disaster out of the last one... we almost lost our little girl... either a dead baby or a baby severely physically and mentally handicapped was the prognosis because of some mistakes he made...
we were blessed and there is answer to prayer...well a friend of hers and the baby's godmother decided enough was enough and called her baby's delivery service, he was also high risk... and we now have a delivery man and a high risk delivery man and all is well... so things look brighter tonight...
maybe tomorrow I will wake up knowing it is morning...
and everything will be greatkat
Posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 21:28:09
In reply to Re: Today's date..., posted by bridgey1128 on October 28, 2004, at 20:20:19
> You know it really angers me when people are so cruel to someone that they know nothing about. That woman didn't know your circumstances and yet she assumed you were some moron who could not read for yourself. I had my 10 year reunion this past weekend and I saw a guy whom I had known since we were 11. He had a horrid stutter ever since I knew him. Since all of us pretty much all went to the same middle and high school, we all kinda grew up together. He is such a nice guy and no one ever made fun of him or made him feel less of a person because he stuttered. The teachers asked him to read, even though it felt like it took an eternity to get through sometimes, but I think in the long run this really helped his self esteem and by graduation he hardly had the stutter. I spoke to his wife and said, You know, I don't think I heard him stutter at all. With that, her eyes started welling up with tears and she recounted for me about their wedding day when he spoke their vows without a single "hang" on any word. She said she was so proud of him. I told her that none of us ever made fun of him and that he was such a sweet guy. I thought it was cruel for anyone to do that and he was just a normal guy and because we treated him as such it helped him to get over his stutter. He just felt more and more comfortable and not so stressed about it, and it just sort of dissapeared. Now, it hasn't gone completely away, but if you didn't know he had one, you couldn't hardly tell at all. It's amazing that when you treat people like people, the things that they can accomplish.
Bridgey, it is good to hear from you... we were worried about you...
and yes, it is important to treat people as we wish they would treat us...
had I not been feeling the effects of the stress that this strange sense of being creates I know that I would have let these women have it with both barrels as we used to say... and I have to admit that I am sorry now that I didn't...
how many others have they belittled, not knowing the actual circumstances?
I used to do a radio call-in show and I remember one day when a woman called in because the topic of the day mattered so much to her that she simply felt she had to call and state her feelings. She had a severe stutter, but she called anyway. It would have been so easy to complete her sentences or to finish the word that was giving her trouble, but some inner sixth or seventh sense told me not to do so, even though it seemed at the time that it would be a kindness. A few days later a woman I met in a restaurant told me that she was a friend of the caller, and how kind the caller thought I had been to let her have her say in her own words and to let her finish her thoughts...
I learned such a valuable lesson that day...
now I hope that someday someone is going to make mincemeat out of those two because they do not have an inner extra sense working for them...
I know, turn the other cheek... well I am out of patience and out of other cheeks...
and I wonder how many people are simply battered into submission by these people
kat
Posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 6:05:51
In reply to Re: Today's date... » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 28, 2004, at 21:28:09
Good morning. Yesterday, when I was glued to this board and typing rather addictively, it occured to me that perhaps people occasionally come on to start an argument (troll?) or to tease, or for some other less than valid reason.
Has this been your experience? Of course I don't mean Iris2 or Merry or NeNe.
Yesterday was my first day at 200 mgs of provigil and I'm pretty sure I've been hypomanic for the last few days--slower this AM, thank goodness.Stresser, my compliment drawer is actually full, thanks in a large part to you and Kat. I think I won't need any more until March 17 or so. I'm sorry about your daughter's car--does she have a bike?
Thanks for your babble mail response Kat, it's nice to have one's hunches confirmed--or shared.
rainy
Posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 8:03:40
In reply to Re: Today's date..., posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 6:05:51
Good morning everyone, things are going smoothly here so far. Knock on wood. M can't ride her bike to school because we live 10 miles away and the snow would start to cause a problem for her within the next month or so!!! Rainy- do you live in a warm climate? It's been raining here on and off for several days now, and the leaves are falling in clumps! What a mess, the dog drags in leaves, so now I feel like I should rake the carpet! <G> Have you tried to babble mail me agian? I haven't seen anything. I feel that I can easily become addicted to this site. I get on here and lose track of time, then I'm late to my morning "coke meeting" with my friends. (Several of us meet for a "real" fountain coke, syrup, soda water, the old fashioned thing. I'm ADDICTED to them.)
Kat- Thanks for the suggestion to ask M for help, I never thought about that for helping her self-esteem. What a wonderful idea, thanks once again. I am not gaining weight that will effect my job, thank heavens!!! Whew. YET. If I don't stop with the candy and COOKIES, I'm sure I will put on some. I know I have about five pounds I need to take off, because I don't like the way my cloths feel. I WILL NOT GET ON THE SCALE, until I know it's off. Haaaaaa I'm not fooling myself, I just don't want to see it. I'm taking the course so I can work more, I have also been thinking about it for around a year or so because it looks like something I would love to do. Must go, I think today I will make that coke a diet. Ewwwww. Better than nothing. -L
Posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 9:12:37
In reply to Re: Today's date..., posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 8:03:40
Well, yeah, I think I babbled you twice yesterday and I know for sure that I e-mailed you once (I typed d-mailed!)
We live in a swamp. At least that's what someone who grew up in the midwest, most of it in Minneapolis, thinks of the area around NYC that isn't New England. I wanna go home and I'm not sure where home is--if it's an era or an area.
When we retire we have to have mountains or at least significant hills, moving water, and for David, trains. For both of us, winter with real snow.
Ten miles is a long way to hike, that's for sure--I walk about three miles a day and that's enough for me.
Stresser, I don't want to use this board to talk about eating disorders since it isn't really medication related. (Rigid? Me? Oh no.) We seem to be having trouble getting in touch off the board. Are you not getting babble mail notices? I didn't get a message that my e-mail didn't go through. If you'd rather just barge ahead on the board, that's OK with me, but we might get redirected anyway.
This is medication related--I can't remember much else about what you wrote. The stupids. You probably know that that's what some people call the cognitive impairment that sometimes comes with Topamax.
Apparently Kat suggested that you ask M what she wants from you? That sure seems like a good idea to me. The C word. As I recall, if my mom had validated my strong need to be in control of myself, I would have felt a little better.
This is a cool, cloudy day, perfect for a quick walk...but before...
Bridgey, you mentioned talking a lot as a sympton of hypomania. I'm wondering if writing more than usual might be one too? It seems like after I stopped the wellbutrin I got flat out depressed and hypomanic at the same time. I guess I should call the old pdoc whom I'll see on the 10th of Nov. I don't want to. She told my therapist that I intimidate her and that she can't understand me. Steamroll? Talk in run on sentences that end up like a plate of spaghetti? Or am complicated? @#$&#
rainy
Posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 12:53:53
In reply to Re: Today's date... » stresser, posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 9:12:37
I don't think you are getting the babble mails from me either. I sent you one yesterday with my e-mail address, and when I checked my mail there was nothing there from you. I don't know what is going on, because I'm set up for it and when I use it, everything seems to go through on my part.
I am was also taking welbutrin, but it makes me very anxious, so I took myself off it slowely, and I am asking my doc. for something else. It also increased my heart palpatations, and that's a scary feeling. I went to the doc for that several years ago and she said everything is fine, just palpatations. ( I had to wear a heart monitor for 24 hrs. Try teaching fittness classes with one of those on.....ick!)
As for asking M what she wants, I have done that endlessly. Her pdoc. has also done that when she's by herself and with us in there with her. She says "I don't know", and we ask "what do you mean?" She then says "I don't know" I just keep waiting for her to let me know, but for now things are going smoother.
We are deffinatly retiring in out West. I love mountains, and love to climb them. I don't think there's anything that's more fun than doing a scramble or climbing. In fact; just being in the fresh air and smelling the Cedar Trees, Pine Trees, etc. is instantly calming for me.
I get into phases where I type alot and then have some where I don't, and I'm not bipolar. Maybe it means nothing that you're very social on here these days. I'm enjoying getting on here and seeing posts from everyone. Take care all.-L
Posted by merry on October 29, 2004, at 14:45:23
In reply to Going off Welbutrin also..... » rainy, posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 12:53:53
Hi everyone, I just spent the morning catching up reading the postings of the past few days. Wow, everyone has been busy! It was nice that I was missed. I feel that since I am just the new one and you guys seem like such close friends, I am an outsider. I guess that is kind of dumb to think that way, huh? It's just my low self esteem talking.
Well, I've been on a mini-vacation. :) One of my few friends invited me to go with her and her husband to stay with them in a cabin in the local mountains for three days. I didn't want to go at first but my daughter and ex-husband insisted that it would be good for my soul. So I went. I'm so glad I did. It was beautiful there.
An early winter storm came through and dropped 11 inches of snow. I rarely get to see snow. I live in Southern California. LOVED IT!!!
Even though I am still adjusting to the topomax, I did pretty well. I am not very hungry anymore, so I'm not eating as much. I used to drink Mountain Dew every day...that is a thing of the past. I still have several liters of the "precious nectar" that I so dearly loved waiting in my cupboards to be opened. I have no desire to do so. Oh well. Water has become my drink of choice. By the gallon! Better for me.
Anyway, I need to rest now. I am exhausted from my trip.
merry
Posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 14:57:13
In reply to Going off Welbutrin also..... » rainy, posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 12:53:53
Rats, what a mystery. Let's try a babble again--maybe I'm doing it wrong. I have to say I'm disappionted, practically my entire life story was there for you to see although it was definatly more than you probably wanted to know. Maybe we're being protected. Halloween for the traditionalists, Sanheim--not sure about the spelling there-- for the Pagans among us is just around the corner.
You must sometimes feel like banging your head against several walls, or as if you are
doing that already. My mother used to roll her eyes up in her head and murmer "So help me, god" at which time I would stomp out of the room, slamming and banging. Yet another drama queen.
Our arguments were over everything, not just food and my weight, which was over the top. Hair style, bra straps (mine kept falling down) friendships, everything was up for judgment. The underlying issue seemed to be that I wasn't in charge of my own body or really any other aspect of my life. Also, that I wasn't quite good enough. I don't get the sense that that's how it is with you and M.
When I discovered that I could starve myself and then keep my weight down by barfing it up, I for once felt good about myself for awhile. I could be in charge of this part of my being and she couldn't do a thing about it.
You guys have already figured out that I'm a combination of insecurity and assertivness. Also depending on his mood, David calls me either determined or relentless. So the more involved Edna got with my eating habits, the more determined I was to keep her out of this arena. I lied, I fed the cats my poached eggs, all sorts of stuff.
I did take stimulants that were available in the early 60s--dexedrine, that kind of stuff to suppress my appetite--people with anorexia are usually hungry bears, and no-doz to keep my metabolism going. My only thought was being thin and that, eventually, took control of me. Poor body--it's amazing that I'm as physically healthy as I am.
I didn't figure out a name for what ailed me until I was in my late 20s with two kids--still at odds with Edna, although she didn't realiaze I was still struggling with bulimia.
I somehow latched onto a copy of Hilde Baruch's (sp) book on eating disorders and remember still the feeling of creepiness I felt at recognizing the symptoms she descibed as my own. I don't know why it's lasted so long--I don't blame my parents, but then I've never relly dealt with it either.
I guess what I want to say you already are well aware of. You already know it's a family thing and you are already involved with M's pdoc. Does she have a therapist, too? I didn't.
Everything I've read suggests family therapy as an adjunct to medication in treating eating disorders.
You and your husband must be going through a purely horrible time where almost everything you do seems to be the wrong thing and then when you do have a breakthrough, it lasts for about 20 seconds. I'm sorry, I speak in hyperbole.
I mean, we can shore you up here on the board, and listen, but I'm no expert, dispite being one if you know what I mean, and I'm not sure others are either. I hope you have somebody who knows what he/she is talking about and can give you real good professional advice.
In the long run, what happens is in M's court. I mean you can't solve this problem for her. You just can't. I think, and this is opinion, that what she needs is good steady non judmental support from you and her dad-- and a therapist and her doctor. Expensive as hell.
I don't mean to say that M can help herself or is deliberately choosing bulimia. Not true. But I do think that she needs somebody outside the family to enable her to understand what's going on. And to help her deal with whatever medication side effects pop up--they might be different in a young woman than an older person.
And here's a wild hope: if you aren't doing it already, I wish you could take up tennis or hand ball or racquet ball or something where you get to legitimately hit something and maybe have a good time, too. Not just in class. I wish you could do something wonderful for yourself.
And even though I don't know you and may have just stepped all over your toes, unless you are adverse to hugs, here's a big one.
rainy
Posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 15:28:39
In reply to Re: Still on topomax....., posted by merry on October 29, 2004, at 14:45:23
Hi Merry. I think that funny feeling is just like being a new kid in school or new worker, or new person anyplace. In fact, I felt so funny about posting last year just after I started Topamax that I quit. Posting.
But here I am again, three weeks on the board, just getting to know people too. So keep on posting. I'm really glad to hear from you. You'd been having such a crummy time when you first started on the board that we were wondering how things were going with you.
It sounds like OK--how can you lose with mountains and snow? Our kids live north of San Fransisco, Cotati, so they see the mountains but have to go to the snow.
Darn it, I read your post too fast and can't remember what you said. How are you doing now? 400 mgs? It's good to hear from you.
rainy
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 30, 2004, at 1:34:18
In reply to Re: Still on topomax..... » merry, posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 15:28:39
> It sounds like OK--how can you lose with mountains and snow? Our kids live north of San Fransisco, Cotati, so they see the mountains but have to go to the snow.
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups not about medication to Psycho-Babble Social. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/408991.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by rainy on October 30, 2004, at 6:27:11
In reply to Redirect: mountains and snow, posted by Dr. Bob on October 30, 2004, at 1:34:18
OK.
rainy
Posted by rainy on October 30, 2004, at 7:59:40
In reply to Re: Still on topomax....., posted by merry on October 29, 2004, at 14:45:23
Whoopsie. I didn't mean for that last post to go to Dr. Bob--it was for the consumption of this board. I still don't know how to direct posts. It will get redirected for sure! I'm sorry.
rainy
Posted by lorilu on October 30, 2004, at 9:37:15
In reply to Re: topomax, posted by rainy on October 28, 2004, at 16:33:21
> This is for NeNe. My sense of time is all screwed up so it seems like ages since you posted. How are you doing?
> I was cognitivly bonkers at 400 mgs and mean as can be, but I blamed it on the medicine, not me. Moods were, well, more or less irritable. But then I was on Lamictal, too, and felt immediately better when I stopped that supposedly effective drug. That was more than a year ago, so my memory is sort of foggy. I do remember that 400 mgs of Topamax was not a fun time in my life. It's working now, at 300.
> You wrote on the 24th, I think, that you get yourself all depressed when your moods go bouncing around. Are you taking Topamax as a mood stabilizer? From what you wrote, things were a little topsy turvy in your life at that time.
> How now?
> rainy
>
>
Hi,
I also take 400mg.of Topamax and it wipes me out cognitively. I also take 200 mg. of Provigil but if I have some big reports or meetings with parents planned (I am a special ed. teacher)I will drop down to 200 mg. of Topamax. Last May I had 10 parent meetings and there was no way I could be in a "fog". On 400 mg. I sometimes say the wrong word or call a kid by the wrong name. I can't look stupid at these meetings, especially when my boss comes and sometimes an advocate for the kid. The day the last meeting was over I was back on 400 mg! I can feel a difference from 400 to 200. The provigil really helps stay focused, though. P.S. I take Topamax as a mood stabilizer and I also take Effexor.
Posted by rainy on October 30, 2004, at 10:22:41
In reply to Re: topomax, posted by lorilu on October 30, 2004, at 9:37:15
Hi Lorilu. It sounds like we're on similar medication regimes except I'm on desyerl. Forgetting names and words is so awful--everybody does it, but Topamax seems to exaggerate it way beyond funny. It doesn't happen as much for me at 300 mgs if I'm looking at a person, but if I'm under social stress, like in a face to face conversation, I often have to ask the other person for the word I want. Or more often than not, I say the wrong thing.
I've only been on provigil for a little more than a week so I can't tell about positive effects. I've certainly been focused on this board like I wish I were on other projects since I began it, but the only other thing I've noticed is an intermittent full body tremor. The shakes. How long did it take for you to notice the positive effects? Do you see any antidepressant effects or "mood brightening effects" as the literature says?
You say you go from 400 to 200 mgs as you need to--do you just zoop up and down or do you taper yourself? I've gone up and down at 50 mg increments and been mean as a snake going up.
Consensus on this board is that that's too fast. Patience isn't one of my strengths.What other cognitive jokes do you notice at 400? Any negative stuff with provigil? Does the Topamax help keep the effexor weight gain to a minimum?
Sorry. This isn't the Inquisition but you wrote an interesting message.
thanks for writing
rainy
Posted by redscarlet on October 30, 2004, at 10:51:37
In reply to Re: topomax, posted by lorilu on October 30, 2004, at 9:37:15
Does the provigil help with the fatigue ? My pdoc will not give me any kind of stimulant, I guess because I'm bipolar but I'm so tired all the time from the meds (I guess), not sleepy just tired. In fact I can't sleep without taking something to make me go to sleep. I'm no longer on topamax but take zonegran now, very similar drug. I was going bald, loosing tons of hair while on the topamax, and I was on it for at least two years and took all the vitamins to try to help stop/slow down the hair loss but it never helped. I'm also on geodon and wellbutrin. I was also on seroquel but I weaned myself of it, thinking it was making me tired but I'm still tired and now I have to tell the pdoc that I stopped the seroquel...ugh! The wellbutrin doesn't give me energy like it does for some, I was hoping it would and I even take 450mg of the stuff! I really need to have more get up and go. I get up every morning and first thing I do is at least one hour of cardio exercise everyday but that does not give me any more energy either but just good for my general health. There's just so much I want to do but just don't feel like doing it. I really think I need something to help me out a little. Is anyone else on stimulants? If so how are they working for you and are you bipolar.
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