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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lars on January 28, 2004, at 14:43:47
Well, before Thanksgiving I got the flu and was sick for about 7 days. I experienced a couple depersonalization or anxiety attacks during this time. My life was changing because I was about to start A new job dealing with graphic design. By the way I am 28. I had drank on weekends for about 7 years and never woke up before 10 besides maybe once a week for certain early classes. I was also going to bed at 1 or 2 a.m. for these previous 7 years. I was very anxious about my new job, not sleeping and trying to prepare myself by changing my sleeping patterns for this 8 to 5 job. I was having trouble but was getting a little use to it. My problem at this point was simply feeling depersonalization and extreme anxiety the whole time at my new job, feeling like I wasn't even me. Outer body like on top of changing sleep and still coming off the flu.
At this point I was simply a zombie showing up for week only because I had to. I was scared because I literally felt like someone else. I was sure I was dieing or going crazy. I couldn't shake it. I made my room my home base. If I left my room I felt like someone else.
I was confused and lost and simply didn't know what was happening. Christmas and New Years passed, but I really don't remember much because I felt extreme anxious having more depersonaliztion. Shortly after I got the flu again but this time with a temperature of 102 for 5 days. The fever and being really sick made me worse. I felt like this was it and was prepared to die because I felt that bad. I felt like I was out of my body and the environment was controlling me. I used certain TV shows and different repeating habits to help feel like me. I was really losing it I thought. I had an MRI of the head and neck because I thought something was wrong. I also had blood work done. Everything was negative.I didn't know what to do. My doctor prescribed Paxil and I took that for 4 days only to get worse and sink more into a depression and losing more of my identity. I was so scared. He then tried selexa and that even made me worse, sufferering from weird feelings in my head and severe tremors or seizure like activity. One night it was so bad, I almost went to the emergency room. I woke up the next morning feeling like my identity was erased. I had all of the information and memories but I didn't feel like me. I felt empty, no feeling or just brain dead.
I then went to a neuologist and he is now trying Zyprexa. I have taken 2 mg each night for 5 nights and it is really screwing me up. I wake up at night feeling numb in my mind and really emotionless and lost. I know who I am but I don't feel normal. It is hard to explain. I don't think the Zyprexa is doing any good except cutting the nervousness a little. What should I do? I feel like I am dieing and can' t explain what I have gone through. I have never been so scared in my life. I need some advice.
Thank you, Matt
Posted by winterbluez on January 28, 2004, at 15:15:41
In reply to Bad times, posted by Lars on January 28, 2004, at 14:43:47
hi matt,
i can totally relate to all you are saying here.
i too had my first bout of severe depression after my{band days} ended. i played guitar and was in a popular band for years and life was great. eventually those days ended and we all went our separate ways and i tumbled into the worst depression imaginable till now. you see
major changes in my life{and probably yours too}
cause everything to change inside of me. anxiety,ocd, and eventually depressiuon set in.
i had the same exact feelings of losing my identity and not feeling like myself at all anymore and i thought i was dying too.
eventually i went to a psychiatrist and we treated the depression and ocd with prozac and xanax. eventually i started to become my old self again.
my problem now is i replaced my guitar playing band days with gambling, gambling ,gambling. for the last 10 years that has been my biggest hobby/vice
and as long as i was gambling i was so euphoric/ busy/happy{winning or losing didn't matter}that depression was a distant memory. well now i am in bankruptcy court and have pissed away thosusands and thousands of $$'s. so now i've had to stop gambling, the bankruptcy has killed my self esteem
not to mention taken away the thing i have identified with for years now and needless to say i am now in the worst depression of my life!!
i keep telling myself it will get better and the old undepressed me will return but it's had to swallow. well i know this was long but hopefully you can relate to the fact that your not alone in this and it does get better..take care
Posted by KathrynLex on January 28, 2004, at 15:45:58
In reply to Bad times, posted by Lars on January 28, 2004, at 14:43:47
Hi Matt,
It sounds like you're in a really bad place right now. I've only experienced depersonalization a few times, but it was terrifying! To live with it for as long as you have must be very difficult.
The first and most important thing I can suggest is finding a good therapist or psychiatrist. (If you don't already have one.) A good pdoc is key to successful treatment. It's important that your illness is diagnosed correctly, because that ensures you're getting the right kind of treatment.
Unfortunately, a lot of meds like Paxil and Celexa have side effects that can make you feel a little "out of it" for several weeks before your body adjusts to the medication. There are ways to minimize the impact of the side effects like starting at a very low dose and some drugs have fewer side effects than others. Again, this makes it important to have a good pdoc. He/She can tell you which drugs will have more side effects etc...
I wish you the very best of luck and hope you can find the right treatment.
K.
Posted by Steve3211 on January 28, 2004, at 18:28:06
In reply to Bad times, posted by Lars on January 28, 2004, at 14:43:47
> Well, before Thanksgiving I got the flu and was sick for about 7 days. I experienced a couple depersonalization or anxiety attacks during this time. My life was changing because I was about to start A new job dealing with graphic design. By the way I am 28. I had drank on weekends for about 7 years and never woke up before 10 besides maybe once a week for certain early classes. I was also going to bed at 1 or 2 a.m. for these previous 7 years. I was very anxious about my new job, not sleeping and trying to prepare myself by changing my sleeping patterns for this 8 to 5 job. I was having trouble but was getting a little use to it. My problem at this point was simply feeling depersonalization and extreme anxiety the whole time at my new job, feeling like I wasn't even me. Outer body like on top of changing sleep and still coming off the flu.
>
> At this point I was simply a zombie showing up for week only because I had to. I was scared because I literally felt like someone else. I was sure I was dieing or going crazy. I couldn't shake it. I made my room my home base. If I left my room I felt like someone else.
> I was confused and lost and simply didn't know what was happening. Christmas and New Years passed, but I really don't remember much because I felt extreme anxious having more depersonaliztion. Shortly after I got the flu again but this time with a temperature of 102 for 5 days. The fever and being really sick made me worse. I felt like this was it and was prepared to die because I felt that bad. I felt like I was out of my body and the environment was controlling me. I used certain TV shows and different repeating habits to help feel like me. I was really losing it I thought. I had an MRI of the head and neck because I thought something was wrong. I also had blood work done. Everything was negative.
>
> I didn't know what to do. My doctor prescribed Paxil and I took that for 4 days only to get worse and sink more into a depression and losing more of my identity. I was so scared. He then tried selexa and that even made me worse, sufferering from weird feelings in my head and severe tremors or seizure like activity. One night it was so bad, I almost went to the emergency room. I woke up the next morning feeling like my identity was erased. I had all of the information and memories but I didn't feel like me. I felt empty, no feeling or just brain dead.
>
> I then went to a neuologist and he is now trying Zyprexa. I have taken 2 mg each night for 5 nights and it is really screwing me up. I wake up at night feeling numb in my mind and really emotionless and lost. I know who I am but I don't feel normal. It is hard to explain. I don't think the Zyprexa is doing any good except cutting the nervousness a little. What should I do? I feel like I am dieing and can' t explain what I have gone through. I have never been so scared in my life. I need some advice.
>
> Thank you, Matt
>Matt,
Kathryn is exactly right. Get to a psychiatrist and then do as he or she says!!! You did not give the Paxil near long enough to work. Not even close. Many of us on this board have been in your shoes right now, I know I have and I know how bad it seems. I am 35 and never took any kind of medication for my depressions and anxiety that always occurred as a result of life changes. I wish that I had because maybe I could have stopped this pattern occurring in my life earlier. I have been on Lexapro now for six weeks at a low dose and it is working. It worked pretty darn quick too. It would take me normally at least three months to shake the worst of the depression and now that I am older even longer if at all. Also get a good nights sleep, it is enormously important. I take Restoril and it works very well for now. I have cut down from 30mgs to 15mgs and will be going to 7.5mgs shortly. You are not losing it! Although "anxiety" sounds innocuous it can be a very difficulty thing. If you drink, stop or cut down immediately. I drank 4-5 glasses of wine or beers every night for many years. It made things worse believe me. It may be difficult for a month or so but your head will clear and your energy level increase and anxiety will subside. Don't drink coffee, don't smoke if you can. All stimulants. Make a sanctuary of your office or cubicle if you can. I am lucky in that I have a pretty low stress autonomous job but I still use my office somewhat as my refuge (i.e internet access, low soft lighting, soft music or talk radio) If you can confide in a co-worker. They are more understanding than you can possibly imagine. I know this is difficult. It is very important to try not to ruminate although it is hard. It just gives the anxiety more energy. If you need to cry it is a great release. Lastly eat well even though you don't feel like it. I take boost energy drink to keep my weight up and in the mornings take a vitamin c and multi supplement. In the evening take a fish oil capsule and magnesium supplement. Hang in there Matt, even though it is difficult now there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it can appear sooner than you think. You may be amazed at the difference even a couple of weeks makes. This is just the difficult phase, it will cycle down. Take it from someone who has been there and knows. Best-Steve
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