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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mr. Scott on November 7, 2003, at 17:58:59
Well...
I am a recovering alcoholic and addict and I'm very depressed and have been for years on some level. At other times my behavior is probably hypomanic, always ending in drug use or erratic impulsive beavior. I currently take 37.5 mg of effexor, 7.5mg of Tranxene, 400mg of Neurontin and 4mg of Gabitril. The diagnosis is Bipolar 2, but I may also have a seasonal component. I'm recently out of a relationship, and I'm severely depressed right now. It seems now that for the third time in my life I have lost someone whom I've loved or thought I loved, or loved for maybe even the wrong reasons because of my depression which eventually I cannot conceal and it wears people down. In recent years every time I bump up the Effexor or whatever the Antidepressant is at the time I get very quick relief of my depression, but it is short lived and falls by the wayside to side effects mostly involving agitation and anxiety with a return to depressive symptomology as well. If anyone out there picks this up and has advice for me particularly if your symptoms resemble mine and you have found help please let me know. As it is, my doctor is out of town and I'm not sure he really gets it anyways. In any event I cannot help but envision the worst and seemingly inevitable solution right now. I know I should get off the pity pot, but I just can't function like a human being anymore. I'm so sad and feel so hopeless and that I've lost so much. I want to cry out, but I cannot.
Mr. Scott
Posted by helenag on November 7, 2003, at 19:06:59
In reply to I need some help please, posted by Mr. Scott on November 7, 2003, at 17:58:59
Dear Mr. Scott: Sorry that you are having such a hard time. A couple things caught my eye. The tranxene for one: it's a tranquilizer and I'm surprised that you are on it as an alky and an a substance abuser. Does your pdoc know your history?
Secondly, "the pity pot" sounds like terminology from an AA meeting where you are shamed for feeling bad about something. It never helps to make yourself feel bad about feeling bad. At least it never helped me.I also have substance abuse trouble and alcohol trouble; my pdoc would never prescribe any benzo for me for anxiety. While my diagnosis is not BP II, but depression with GAD, treatment for both is very similar. Having a dual diagnosis makes both afflictions harder to deal with.
Try to go easier on yourself. Someone once said that it is okay to sit on the pity pot, but not so long that you get a ring around your butt!!
You are not alone, my friend. Peace, Helen.
Posted by Harvester of Eyes on November 7, 2003, at 20:17:51
In reply to I need some help please, posted by Mr. Scott on November 7, 2003, at 17:58:59
I think we have some things in common. I have a few remarks to share.
I am four years sober. When I felt like you do now and the doctor was inaccessible I went to a meeting. If you have done AA you know meetings vary in mood and value, so it often takes more than one. I credit AA with helping me through many rough days. I was in shock after several months without drinking as I looked at the damage surrounding me and in my past. I don't know how long you have been sober but I am still learning how to live the sober life and my own road to recovery have been marked by episodes like you describe. Deep, dark, agony, but followed ultimately by real progress and increasing joy.
Anxiety does take one down the road to depression. I find cognitive therapy principles helpful. Learning to stop negative automatic thoughts, such as catastrophizing or tormenting myself with "I should have's," take time but eventually become reflexive.
As alcoholics, we live our lives in fear, and we become very skilled at living in fear with no one knowing, including ourselves. Learning how to live "normally" -- without a constant sense of doom, dread and despair -- takes time after failing to learn it earlier. We unlearn, then learn.
I credit Neurontin with correcting my brain chemicals so that I no longer felt an overwhelming desire to drink. I was on 4x the dose you are on, if that matters.
This is a personal observation, and many would disagree, but I find the people in AA meetings seem to be about one third people with psychiatric problems, such as depression. Fixing our brain and fixing our mind go hand in hand.
You have been focusing on loss. I understand. Consider mourning your loss and being done with it. Look at what you have now, and what you want (start short term). Work towards those goals and take stock over time. If you are like me you will suddenly discover you have gained traction and are moving through life with greater vigor and serenity than ever before.
Posted by Mr. Scott on November 8, 2003, at 11:58:13
In reply to Re:I need some help please, posted by helenag on November 7, 2003, at 19:06:59
Thank You Helen! I am tapering the tranxene and replacing it with better stuff that doesn't lead down the road to trouble. Apparently quitting too quick will not be any better than not taking it at all because of the withdrawal dicomfort I will feel after having been on the stuff for awhile. My Pdoc knows everything. I felt much better after reading your response. Thanks for listening and responding!
Scott
Posted by Mr. Scott on November 8, 2003, at 12:02:54
In reply to Re: I need some help please, posted by Harvester of Eyes on November 7, 2003, at 20:17:51
Thank you Eyes! I went to powerful meeting today and spent a couple hours with my sponsor who it turns out is a real class act. Your advice onmourning the loss, taking inventory, and getting on with it is exactly what I'm going to do. Thanks for putting my head back on.
Scott
Posted by helenag on November 8, 2003, at 17:31:01
In reply to Re:I need some help please » helenag, posted by Mr. Scott on November 8, 2003, at 11:58:13
Glad to hear that you are feeling a mite better. I have found that AA can help, but I also know that at times it can, depending on who and when, can help me beat myself up. It has been, for me, a slowwwww...road, very slow. With many a winding turn. One thing that pleases me about this board is realizing how many folks are out there who are in the same ballgame as me. Stay in the lineup, maybe that's the thing. About the only "saying" from AA that has helped me deal with things is this one: One day at a time. That one is literally true.
Hang in there, Mr. Scott. Helen.
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