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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 9:52:54
In reply to AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
Gosh, Janine and soccermom (mary? i think),
My heart absolutely goes out to you. While every situation is unique, my husband -- eons ago, marriage itself ended eons ago too -- used to threaten me with having an affair, and when i read of someone else going through that very perverse and awful hell, i just die a little inside in empathetic grief from what it means you're going through.
Whether your husbands will go or not (mine refused to go to therapy for years - til it was too late and i finally left the marriage, after realizing i'd been dreaming of him dying, and realized divorce was better than that - but i had no kids ... Yet, even with kids, i urge you to find a therapist who can be an inner voice for the side of you that is buried -- the same one that is mired under depression -- which KNOWS that the disrespect and lack of understanding from your husband is compounding if not creating your depression itself. There are big problems in a marriage where that kind of response to a spouse's crisis occurs. Yes, men are more prone to a kind of macho attitude toward depression ("Get off your duff" stuff) that is not just irrelevant and impossible but even counterproductive (big time) in serious depression...
If he won't seek counseling/therapy help, i hope you'll go on your own... You first and foremost ... and for the sake of your kids if you can't yet fully see it for your own sake ... need to know that such talk is a sign of your husband's own limited understanding of marriage -- most men in this culture (and others) have totally unrealistic expectations of wives -- to be some ever-resilient combo of both madonna and whore ... and I would guess your husbands had or have fathers who gave poor models of what it means to be an ally and constant support as a spouse... But they're adults now and responsible for what they perpetuate and don't...And you too - probably had or have moms who took a fair amount of cr*p in stride... Know that there is the possibility of true alliance ... that it has a lot if not almost entirely to do with learning new and better communication.. For you, probably learning to voice boundaries, to say when something hurts and draw a line in the sand at garbage like threatened affairs -- which is only intended to bribe you into something you don't fully control yet - but he thinks you do ... cuz his notion is that everything is or should be controllable... And meanwhile his response is making you feel less and less in control, being threatened makes you just more vulnerable and unable to remotely start seeing your own light. It means that ideally you'd both be in a counseling/therapy situation, but if he refuses, don't let that control your own efforts to find new ways and means of finding yourself again ... In even the tiniest of ways, try to do something every day that gives you a sense of having control over something in your life - a way that doesn't involve another person - not asserting over another but just over yourself... That can be a first key step toward building back to a sense of being in control of your daily destiny instead of it being in control of you (through such nightmares as "Is today the day my husband carries out his threat?" That is verbal abuse. Blackmail. He needs to realize that, and i urge you to work toward being able to tell him that.)
sending hugs and the best of vibes, deep breathing, and growing strength day by day,
zinya
Posted by BJL on September 12, 2003, at 9:59:09
In reply to AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
Janine, I hate to say this, but if your husband is this big of a jerk, you deserve better. My husband has been "without" for months at a time because of my problems, and I don't excuse them, but we have worked on them together, and they are better because I didn't have the pressure from him of "performing."
I truly would like to get ahold of your husband and wring his neck for being such a jerk. Marriage is a commitment, for better or for WORSE. Remind him of that, tell him you love him, explain the situation, and that's all you can do besides keep trying to work on yourself. Remind him also that his pressuring you is not going to speed things up and that sex is more about you laying there spreading your legs so that he can get off. It's called making love....two people being together, not one being used.
Hang in there....my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm sorry gang, but this post upset me badly. I want to slap this guy.
> Someone help, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I am at my wits end. I am so melancholy, so tired, all the time. Just stopped Celexa, 3rd day on Efexor XR 37.5mg. I have no libido, hubby does not understand. He is ready to leave me. I feel that I cannot go on. Can't make it another day.
>
> Have to go now. Not sure what do to or where to go. I try so hard to make a happy life for my husband and our 2 kids, but nothing seems to work. All I want to do for the past year is sleep. I want to sleep forever. To stop the pain and frustration.
>
> My husband does not understand any of these feelings. He thinks I can just "get over it". He thinks I am not attracted to him and says that he will have an affair if things do not get better (in the bedroom). Can anyone help me? Or do I just go off on my own?
>
> Please I need support.
>
> J9 (Janine)
Posted by Susy on September 12, 2003, at 10:12:11
In reply to Re: Increase in anxiety Effexor side effects, posted by soccermom on September 11, 2003, at 21:38:45
This message goes to soccermom; I used to join this group but since I am not on effexor Daphne and Dr. Babble send us to Social Babble, still, I do understand how you feel, exactly. I don't feel all these symptoms in my mind I feel them in my body and feel them exactly the way you describe them.I was feeling the same way as you with Paxil but the doctor gave me Xanax along with it to relieve the anxiety and nervousness.
Maybe you should tell your doctor this medicine is not working for you and give you another instead? Don't give up soccermom, keep trying you will find something that will help you to feel good again.
Yours, Susy
Posted by KimberlyDi on September 12, 2003, at 10:15:20
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!soccermom and » J9, posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 9:52:54
Posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » J9, posted by soccermom on September 12, 2003, at 8:05:55
> Hi there Janine! I can't believe that today I am reading what sounds like me!! I too have the EXACT same problem with my husband. In fact, the last 2 weeks he has been just enraged that I can't just "get over it already". He too doesn't seem to understand that it is a physical problem that we can't just turn on and off. Last night he all but said he couldn't take it anymore and that he was done with me until I was a "normal" wife. He too has made the statement about having an affair because of my lack of interest. When I am making progress, he thinks it should be more and quicker and when it doesn't last he is furious and wants to know why! Does yours not believe that the doctor knows what he is doing? Mine doesn't and thinks that he is going to go with me and set him straight about how I am acting! I too have 2 kids and I do everything for them and go to everything that I have to. I haven't stopped all of that but because I am in bed when he gets home from work or in the middle of the day when he is home he feels that is all I do and I need to just get up and get moving. Yours too? I too could sleep all day just to relieve the pain. I am currently feeling so sick from going down on the pain meds to get off of it. Awful feeling!!! I know how hard it is for you and I too feel it each day too! It is good to hear that someone else out there feels the same as I do. I think that always help us to feel that we are not alone. That is why I joined this group so that I could see that I was not alone with things! I hope it will help you to know that I feel the same way and that there are probably others out there too. Please try to hang in there. You can e-mail me anytime you want if you need to talk. Or post and I will make sure that I check each day. I go to the psy. doc today and we shall see what he says this time! Please, know that there are others out there to help you!!! Anytime!!!
I am so happy to know that there are others out there like me. My husband really is not a jerk, he is actually very good to me and the kids. He is just a jerk when it comes to this situation. My hubby does not believe what the doctor was doing is right for me. He made an appointment for me to see his pdoc and he was the one who suggested that I go on Effexor. I have been on this for 4 days now. I have NO SEs, but neither have I felt and "relief". I have been on ADs for most fo my adult life, it all started with post-partum when my first was born 17 years ago. But have yet to find an AD that works for me.
I am so happy to see all the support here. I got up this morning and saw this support and I have a somewhat better outlook on life.
Thanks everyone
Posted by Music on September 12, 2003, at 12:04:12
In reply to Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by jp on October 24, 1999, at 14:59:14
Z,
Thank you for your post. I know I need to take some control back in my life. I used to be so assertive, but now the depression is so bad and dark it is hard. I put on this "everything is okay face" at work, but inside I am dying. I want to reach out for help more but it is hard for me. I was the person who had the stuff together all the time. But it is hard to be perfect all the time. I am very tired. I think that is why I want to die. My poor husband tries to understand but is so clueless. I am going to therapy in about an hour so maybe I'll tell her that I am really struggling. My PsyDoc upped my Effexor XR to 300mg per day. 150mg in the AM and 150 mg at 3:00p.m. I wonder if I will ever get better and if I will have to be on meds forever. I ask my PsyDoc yesterday about the med part and she said as long as I am feeling the way I do I will have to be on meds. She said I need to get my life together with therapy and work out issues of the past to off my meds. I just started my med in June 03' and I have never been on any other med before. I always thought I was just stressed out I never knew that I was really sick with an actual illness. Anyway, please post me back. Thanks again for your post.
Music
Posted by Music on September 12, 2003, at 12:28:47
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
A,
Hey I am looking forward to getting a post from you when you get back. I am going to my therapist in about hour. She wanted to see me 2 times this week, because of my dark thoughts. Of course you know I not have seen her much the last 3 weeks because her mom died so she was out of the office. I hate having to go back to work after a session because usually I have an appointment after work where I can go straight home afterward. Oh well, I plan on for this weekend going and getting a massage my husband bought me a 90 minute one and I am very excited about the massage. I need it after the week I have had. Anyway, post me soon. Maybe we could exchange e-mails if you want too, just let me know.
Music
Posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 12:40:04
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
hi again Janine,
It's too soon to feel Effexor effects. I hope it works for you. One possibility to try if it doesn't is something i discussed in a post yesterday that has Omega-3 in the title... The new study where Omega-3 proved significant for people who had found no success with any other a-d might mean you too could find benefit...
One other thing: Since it started in postpartum, have you had a really full hormonal workup (FSH levels included, and testosterone levels too) to see if there might be something hormonal instead that needs redressing??
wishing you well,
zinya
Posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 12:48:49
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
Are you going to see your husband's pdoc again? If so, I would tell him/her that your husband is threatening you with having an affair. *That* is something HE needs to work on, badly.
I hear you not wanting us to overreact to him, but that is a bad-news sign you should not underestimate nor internalize into your own level of self-esteem - it's a VERY toxic thing he's doing which, if he's depressed too, is indicative of things he needs help with...
in my 2c opinion
wishing you peace of mind, j9
z.
Posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 13:00:46
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » J9, posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 12:40:04
Z
Had a FULL workup on Tuesday, included all hormone levels including thyroid. All were in the normal range. Sugar was up a little, I am not diabetic, and potassium was low. I have to have a fasting blood test done on Monday. Tuesday I start 75 mg.
I was also wondering when I boost up to 15 mg in two weeks, I will be taking two 75mg, should I take both capsules in the morning or 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon?
Thanks again for everyone's support
Janine
Posted by EmmaL on September 12, 2003, at 23:52:44
In reply to Re: anyone had weight gain? cathyhil, posted by willie on September 12, 2003, at 7:07:06
Yes, yes, yes! After 2 years and 4 months on Effexor XR, I gained approximately 30 pounds. Two doctors (my primary and my new-found, thank goodness! for her!!!) cannot understand why I may have gained weight on a med that I was, supposedly, supposed to lose weight on. Go figure! Our bodies are all very different. Some doctors do not understand this, from my experience. This med just played a major game with my metabolism. I had the same reaction when I took Paxil 8 years ago (for about 6 months). I am currently going off Effexor XR (1 week on 75 mg and 1 week on 37.5 mg). It has not been bad so far. I had the white noise in my ears (gone, now), but am now at the point where I am weak and a bit disoriented. I am not hungry, at all. As a result, I have lost some weight (10 pounds), but I am eating like a bird! However, my sleeping patterns are in total disarray. I find it very difficult to get to sleep at night, or should I say, in the morning?? I am in serious danger of losing my job right now, which is probably helping me with weight loss. Just put it this way, I slept in a too few many times. Effexor is definitely not my friend. So, I am losing some of the gained weight I had on Effexor XR, but it is all due, I think, to anxiety. Take care, and let me know how you, and anyone else following this thread, are doing.
Sincerely,
EmmaL
Posted by EmmaL on September 13, 2003, at 3:22:36
In reply to For Zinya, posted by Music on September 12, 2003, at 12:04:12
Dear Music,
Since I have been following this thread for some time for information about Effexor XR, I have read your messages. I feel your sadness and hope that you will soon feel better. I am presently being weened off of Effexor and hope that I will find something better for myself. It made me way too tired, although it did take care of the anxiety. Also, I am still sweating buckets. Hopefully, this, too, shall pass. Take care! I am thinking of you and praying for you. Sincerely,
EmmaL
Posted by Salty_dog on September 13, 2003, at 3:53:25
In reply to Anyone Had Success on Effexor XR?Message For Music, posted by EmmaL on September 13, 2003, at 3:22:36
To All on this BB,
I am still here. Saw my Dr. today (Yesterday) and all is as planed. I am taking 600mg Effexor XR each day with Nuerontin at 1800 - 2400 and last but not least, Zyprexa 15mg avg. I have been on this dosage a little more than a week.I have already lost everything due to my Bi-Polar: My marrige, My home, My job. My Children moved to NC from NJ putting a huge distance on my relationship with them (5 and 7 years old). I am looking for work and need to be at the top of my game. Every time I get a 'snag' I go through a 'technical interview' which is done on the phone and lasts for hours. I am not currently depressed, nor am I manic. I was awakened at this time due to a Fire alarm (which was false but loud). I fixed the Fire alarm and had a compulsion to check my e-mail. I have started to integrate Omega III into my regime. I have questions about the dosage of Omega III (the bottle say 1-2 three times a day - 1000 mg capsuls). I am trying the Omega III as a subsitute for the Effexor XR. I will be hard to compete with 600 mg of Effexor XR. I wish all of you a speedy and happy recovery.
> Dear Music,
> Since I have been following this thread for some time for information about Effexor XR, I have read your messages. I feel your sadness and hope that you will soon feel better. I am presently being weened off of Effexor and hope that I will find something better for myself. It made me way too tired, although it did take care of the anxiety. Also, I am still sweating buckets. Hopefully, this, too, shall pass. Take care! I am thinking of you and praying for you. Sincerely,
> EmmaL
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 13, 2003, at 16:12:26
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » J9, posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 12:48:49
> Are you going to see your husband's pdoc again? If so, I would tell him/her that your husband is threatening you with having an affair. *That* is something HE needs to work on, badly...
Sorry to interrupt, this is a good discussion, but since it doesn't have to do with medication, I'd like to redirect it to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/259707.html
Bob
Posted by ShelbyLane on September 14, 2003, at 5:21:43
In reply to Anyone Had Success on Effexor XR?Message For Music, posted by EmmaL on September 13, 2003, at 3:22:36
wow, your not kidding about the sweats! Although i am not quiting effexor, i have just started taking it!!....Is this a normal side effect? gosh i hope it goes away, lol it is a bit embarrassing! I also have a question about taking effexor.... If i started taking effexor say at 6:30 each morning, should i continue taking it at the same time? I have noticed a bit of a change but nothing drastic... how long before i notice a difference?
ShelbyLane
Ontario, Canada
Posted by BJL on September 14, 2003, at 8:57:59
In reply to Excessive Sweating, and Effexor... is this normal?, posted by ShelbyLane on September 14, 2003, at 5:21:43
Yeah, the doctor stressed that I take it at the same time each day...if you decide that time of day isn't going to work for you then I was told to move it an hour either direction each day until the desired time is reached. Good luck!
Posted by Angelina on September 14, 2003, at 14:17:11
In reply to For Angelina, posted by Music on September 12, 2003, at 12:28:47
> A,
>
> Hey I am looking forward to getting a post from you when you get back. I am going to my therapist in about hour. She wanted to see me 2 times this week, because of my dark thoughts. Of course you know I not have seen her much the last 3 weeks because her mom died so she was out of the office. I hate having to go back to work after a session because usually I have an appointment after work where I can go straight home afterward. Oh well, I plan on for this weekend going and getting a massage my husband bought me a 90 minute one and I am very excited about the massage. I need it after the week I have had. Anyway, post me soon. Maybe we could exchange e-mails if you want too, just let me know.
>
> Music> I only have a second-running out the door to a birthday party. Since I've bendadryl'd myself off Effexor, I probably shouldn't post here anymore. Feel free to email me: abogart99@aol.com.
More later,
Angelina
Posted by EmmaL on September 14, 2003, at 16:45:25
In reply to Excessive Sweating, and Effexor... is this normal?, posted by ShelbyLane on September 14, 2003, at 5:21:43
Re the sweating phenomenon with Effexor: apparently some people do have excessive sweating from what I have read and heard about. For me, it never did go away or improve. C'est la vie, I guess.
Posted by soccermom on September 14, 2003, at 20:08:34
In reply to Redirect: AT MY WITS END!, posted by Dr. Bob on September 13, 2003, at 16:12:26
To all who helped with their thoughts thanks a bunch. I went to the doctor Friday and he decreased the Effexor to try to wean me off of it and added Klonopin to it and increased my Lexapro. So far as long as I take the Effexor once a day I don't have as bad withdrawls but still don't feel right and the bp is still high. The Klonopin seems to work as long as I take it enough time before I have to be somwhere that make the anxiety and panic worse. It doesn't relieve it all the way and I still feel bad. I questioned my psy doc about the side effects of withdrawl from Effexor and he said that they don't exist and that what I was feeling was just the result of high blood pressure. I told him that I had read a lot of research on it and he said no that just wasn't true. So,how do you tell him he is wrong? Well, hope all is feeling! Thanks again and hope to hear from you again! Brenda
Posted by Snorpes on September 15, 2003, at 3:08:17
In reply to withdrawl and anxiety from effexor » Dr. Bob, posted by soccermom on September 14, 2003, at 20:08:34
Sometimes I think Drs. should try to switch themselves instead of reading so much of the pharmacudical literature! I just switched from Effexor to Lexapro, about a week ago. I felt awful - nausea, dizziness, a little panicky. I thought it was the Lexapro and that possibly I couldn't take it --- I'm hoping to loose some wt. that I have gained on other anti-depressants over the years. Anyway, my dr. told me that it wasn't the Lexapro side effects I was feeling, that it was coming off of the Effexor (225 mg). A week later, I feel much much better, since my body has adjusted to the Lexapro.Without getting chemical about it, my dr. says that Effexor does have more "stuff" in it that makes one hold on to weight--- so why wouldn't it have other side effects like the ones you are experiencing? I never had sweating with Effexor, however, I am really hot all the time! I just don't happen to sweat much!
> To all who helped with their thoughts thanks a bunch. I went to the doctor Friday and he decreased the Effexor to try to wean me off of it and added Klonopin to it and increased my Lexapro. So far as long as I take the Effexor once a day I don't have as bad withdrawls but still don't feel right and the bp is still high. The Klonopin seems to work as long as I take it enough time before I have to be somwhere that make the anxiety and panic worse. It doesn't relieve it all the way and I still feel bad. I questioned my psy doc about the side effects of withdrawl from Effexor and he said that they don't exist and that what I was feeling was just the result of high blood pressure. I told him that I had read a lot of research on it and he said no that just wasn't true. So,how do you tell him he is wrong? Well, hope all is feeling! Thanks again and hope to hear from you again! Brenda
Posted by willie on September 15, 2003, at 7:23:20
In reply to Re: hi Willie » willie, posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 9:26:37
Hi Zinya...glad to see you again. Other than the weight gain which I believe is drawing me into a bit of depression, I'm doing well. I've emailed my doctor and explained the situation and advised we will discuss my either going off effexor or increasing the dosage at my next appointment (October). I don't want to change anything yet as my husband and I are going away with friends in early October to Florida so I want to wait until after I return.
How is the coming off of Exexor going? Are you experiencing any side effects?
Good to talk with you...Willie
Posted by Music on September 15, 2003, at 9:00:35
In reply to Anyone Had Success on Effexor XR?Message For Music, posted by EmmaL on September 13, 2003, at 3:22:36
Thank you for your prayers and support. I had a pretty good weekend I guess. My husband bought me a 90 minutes massage on Saturday. That was really needed. And church went well on Sunday. Not only am I the pastor's wife but I also lead the praise singers. My PsyDoc upped my dose of Effexor XR to 300mg and I hope and pray that it helps relieve my depression. And bring me some normality back into my life. I went to the Christian Bookstore on Staurday and I bought myself a silver ring that has the word "Peace" on it this mentor that I had in my life use to tell me to do this relaxation techniqe "Breath in PEACE and breath out Distress..." It actually does help some so that is why a bought this ring to remind me of that.
P.S. Angelina I will e-mail you at your personal e-mail AOL box today. Okay. Thanks and have a great day!
Posted by laughingisgood on September 15, 2003, at 11:03:56
In reply to withdrawl and anxiety from effexor » Dr. Bob, posted by soccermom on September 14, 2003, at 20:08:34
I am currently withdrawing from effexor. It really helps to know that the symptoms I'm experiencing are similar to other people's. It's too bad that doctors who prescribe them are not aware of it! I weaned myself down for about a month and have not taken any for a week! Each day gets a little better. Headache is gone, nausea is almost gone, "brain buzz" or "brain shivers" are less frequent and less intense. I have set aside this time for this purpose, and am taking things really easy and am avoiding stressful situations . I'm spending most time with my dog, who has unconditional love for me and I for her. I just keep telling myself that these are uncomfortable sensations, but I CAN do it , and I'm worth it. The withdrawal symptoms SUCK, but I am happy to be getting my emotions back. The meds mask the problems, the meds don't cure them. I intend to deal with "social anxiety" and the ensueing depression by non drug means.
Posted by Jeb on September 15, 2003, at 11:08:02
In reply to Re: withdrawl and anxiety from effexor » soccermom, posted by Snorpes on September 15, 2003, at 3:08:17
Pardon while I jump in here. I took Effexor XR for 5 years. It worked wonders for my anxiety. I also lost 40 lbs during the first 4 months I took it, although that is probably the result of the "anxiety eating" I do. After 5 years of taking it, it didn't seem to work for me anymore... my anxiety was back up and I was becoming depressed. Curiously, when I was going throught withdrawl, my anxiety dropped...go figure. The withdrawl was not too bad after the first month or so :) lightheadedness, dizziness... But I swore I'd never go back on it just because I didn't like the withdrawl effects. (yes, I tapered off -can't imagine going "cold turkey"). Well, here I am, 3 years without any antidepressants and I am starting to feel overwhelming sadness. My doctor thinks this is part of menopause, and has put me on Evista for calcium uptake, and Lexapro for the emotional end of menopause. (HRT didn't seem to help) Has anyone taken Lexapro and then gone off? Is the withdrawl the same as Effexor? I have to say that I am feeling not as weepy as I did before I started, but I do seem to have a motivation problem that has developed over the two weeks I've been on it. Like I sit and read all day. On the up side, I don't eat as much -not that it has resulted in any weight loss as of yesterday. Is this lack of energy/motivation typical with Lexapro? Does it go away after a while? If you take Effexor for years, then go off because it doesn't seem to work any more, will it work after a few years of abstinence? (I would consider going back on it, if this is the case...but the Lexapro just doesn't seem to be doing anything much for me.)
I would appreciate any comments you all may have.
Posted by BJL on September 15, 2003, at 16:40:35
In reply to Re: withdrawl and anxiety from effexor, posted by laughingisgood on September 15, 2003, at 11:03:56
Laughing.....how soon after your last dose did you start experiencing withdrawal symptoms? Since I am weaning off, I want to make sure that I semi-sort of plan for the "just in case" scenario and make sure I have some down time if I do experience withdrawals. Any advice is greatly appreciated. BTW, did you try Benadryl for your withdrawal symptoms?
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