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Posted by ShelbyLane on September 11, 2003, at 19:51:06
In reply to Re: Doc wants me to try Effexor XR » neecy1014, posted by quilter on July 6, 2000, at 22:40:03
Hi everyone :)
Two days ago my doctor prescribed effexor for panic attacks, we think ...(?) and for depression and a large amount of stress! I am a little scared about the side effects as I am a single mother, holding down two jobs. I have no time to be stressed or depressed, my children are very young 9 and 5, and i am a legal assistant who has to help others. I also waitress on the weekends, and have to be able to approach people. Plus i have been feeling really dizzy lately, the doc said it may be attributed to the panic attacks. I asked for a miracle and wanted something that was going to help me right away. However,she said that i must start on 37.5 mg per day. I will say that i was much calmer today, and able to "cope" much better than i had in the past. I haven't really noticed many side effects other than the calmness, and i think i can deal with that just fine. lol.
I guess basically my worry is the side effects, and how long it will take to notice an great change. Is this medication prescribed as prozac has been in the past, and is it similiar, I apoligize for the questions, however, this site is the first one i found with any info on effexor.
Thanks to all for any replys:)
Shelby
Ontario, Canada
Posted by pkls on September 11, 2003, at 20:50:48
In reply to Recently started taking Effexor xr, posted by ShelbyLane on September 11, 2003, at 19:51:06
Hi!
My doctor prescribed Effexor when I was under alot of stress helping my son through depression. That was about 8 months ago. I remember calling him the first week, wanting to "jump out of my skin", and he said "Stick with it". I am at 150mg, which I did gradually, and know I will have to gradually go off. Right now, it makes me "more normal"...I react to situations rationally instead of being agressive or crying or some other polarity. I really don't like to be on medication, but for now, I am having the best professional year I have had in a long time (as a teacher)and things at home are working out, and I am there for my kids and hubby.
Am I scared about going off Effexor?...you bet...but I have to admit its made a heck of a difference in my mental state.
Getting on and off is kind of like the takeoff and landing on a plane...hold on, cuz its a rough one.
Good luck...these drugs effect everyone a bit differently, and none are for everyone. Tweaking is a big word with my son's therapist, and its true...and you have to keep monitoring it.
> Hi everyone :)
>
> Two days ago my doctor prescribed effexor for panic attacks, we think ...(?) and for depression and a large amount of stress! I am a little scared about the side effects as I am a single mother, holding down two jobs. I have no time to be stressed or depressed, my children are very young 9 and 5, and i am a legal assistant who has to help others. I also waitress on the weekends, and have to be able to approach people. Plus i have been feeling really dizzy lately, the doc said it may be attributed to the panic attacks. I asked for a miracle and wanted something that was going to help me right away. However,she said that i must start on 37.5 mg per day. I will say that i was much calmer today, and able to "cope" much better than i had in the past. I haven't really noticed many side effects other than the calmness, and i think i can deal with that just fine. lol.
>
> I guess basically my worry is the side effects, and how long it will take to notice an great change. Is this medication prescribed as prozac has been in the past, and is it similiar, I apoligize for the questions, however, this site is the first one i found with any info on effexor.
> Thanks to all for any replys:)
> Shelby
> Ontario, Canada
Posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
In reply to Re: Just started Effexor Yesterday, posted by J9 on September 10, 2003, at 14:45:53
Someone help, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I am at my wits end. I am so melancholy, so tired, all the time. Just stopped Celexa, 3rd day on Efexor XR 37.5mg. I have no libido, hubby does not understand. He is ready to leave me. I feel that I cannot go on. Can't make it another day.
Have to go now. Not sure what do to or where to go. I try so hard to make a happy life for my husband and our 2 kids, but nothing seems to work. All I want to do for the past year is sleep. I want to sleep forever. To stop the pain and frustration.
My husband does not understand any of these feelings. He thinks I can just "get over it". He thinks I am not attracted to him and says that he will have an affair if things do not get better (in the bedroom). Can anyone help me? Or do I just go off on my own?
Please I need support.
J9 (Janine)
Posted by pkls on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
In reply to Recently started taking Effexor xr, posted by ShelbyLane on September 11, 2003, at 19:51:06
Hi!
My doctor prescribed Effexor when I was under alot of stress helping my son through depression. That was about 8 months ago. I remember calling him the first week, wanting to "jump out of my skin", and he said "Stick with it". I am at 150mg, which I did gradually, and know I will have to gradually go off. Right now, it makes me "more normal"...I react to situations rationally instead of being agressive or crying or some other polarity. I really don't like to be on medication, but for now, I am having the best professional year I have had in a long time (as a teacher)and things at home are working out, and I am there for my kids and hubby.
Am I scared about going off Effexor?...you bet...but I have to admit its made a heck of a difference in my mental state.
Getting on and off is kind of like the takeoff and landing on a plane...hold on, cuz its a rough one.
Good luck...these drugs effect everyone a bit differently, and none are for everyone. Tweaking is a big word with my son's therapist, and its true...and you have to keep monitoring it.
> Hi everyone :)
>
> Two days ago my doctor prescribed effexor for panic attacks, we think ...(?) and for depression and a large amount of stress! I am a little scared about the side effects as I am a single mother, holding down two jobs. I have no time to be stressed or depressed, my children are very young 9 and 5, and i am a legal assistant who has to help others. I also waitress on the weekends, and have to be able to approach people. Plus i have been feeling really dizzy lately, the doc said it may be attributed to the panic attacks. I asked for a miracle and wanted something that was going to help me right away. However,she said that i must start on 37.5 mg per day. I will say that i was much calmer today, and able to "cope" much better than i had in the past. I haven't really noticed many side effects other than the calmness, and i think i can deal with that just fine. lol.
>
> I guess basically my worry is the side effects, and how long it will take to notice an great change. Is this medication prescribed as prozac has been in the past, and is it similiar, I apoligize for the questions, however, this site is the first one i found with any info on effexor.
> Thanks to all for any replys:)
> Shelby
> Ontario, Canada
Posted by pkls on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:50
In reply to Recently started taking Effexor xr, posted by ShelbyLane on September 11, 2003, at 19:51:06
Hi!
My doctor prescribed Effexor when I was under alot of stress helping my son through depression. That was about 8 months ago. I remember calling him the first week, wanting to "jump out of my skin", and he said "Stick with it". I am at 150mg, which I did gradually, and know I will have to gradually go off. Right now, it makes me "more normal"...I react to situations rationally instead of being agressive or crying or some other polarity. I really don't like to be on medication, but for now, I am having the best professional year I have had in a long time (as a teacher)and things at home are working out, and I am there for my kids and hubby.
Am I scared about going off Effexor?...you bet...but I have to admit its made a heck of a difference in my mental state.
Getting on and off is kind of like the takeoff and landing on a plane...hold on, cuz its a rough one.
Good luck...these drugs effect everyone a bit differently, and none are for everyone. Tweaking is a big word with my son's therapist, and its true...and you have to keep monitoring it.
> Hi everyone :)
>
> Two days ago my doctor prescribed effexor for panic attacks, we think ...(?) and for depression and a large amount of stress! I am a little scared about the side effects as I am a single mother, holding down two jobs. I have no time to be stressed or depressed, my children are very young 9 and 5, and i am a legal assistant who has to help others. I also waitress on the weekends, and have to be able to approach people. Plus i have been feeling really dizzy lately, the doc said it may be attributed to the panic attacks. I asked for a miracle and wanted something that was going to help me right away. However,she said that i must start on 37.5 mg per day. I will say that i was much calmer today, and able to "cope" much better than i had in the past. I haven't really noticed many side effects other than the calmness, and i think i can deal with that just fine. lol.
>
> I guess basically my worry is the side effects, and how long it will take to notice an great change. Is this medication prescribed as prozac has been in the past, and is it similiar, I apoligize for the questions, however, this site is the first one i found with any info on effexor.
> Thanks to all for any replys:)
> Shelby
> Ontario, Canada
Posted by Salty_dog on September 11, 2003, at 20:53:08
In reply to Salty Dog-Effexor and my Foggy Brain, posted by Mattsit on September 11, 2003, at 12:52:52
Hello Mattsit,
You are felling the same side-effects (SE's) that most of this people had at the same time (4-21 days).A year and half is plenty if you are a women.
Either way, I would need to ask you questions which are not fit for public display. I have created an anonymous mail id for any personal e-mail: alconom@comcast.netOn the other subject of Effexor, eating some food and taking an anti-gas suppliment helps. Drink plenty of fluids - it helps wash out the residue.
I was once told (During Chemo) to drink 1 to 2 oz. for every pound of body weight. Wow !!! but I did it to releive the flu like feeling. It takes a day or two to feel some relief but it will not hurt you. Last but not least, you may want to be evaluated for Bi-Polar condition. If you are Bi-Polar it would explain the ups and downs you are going through. Drinking is one of the ways Bi-Polar's self medicate, but it takes it's toll as far as depression is concerned. The fact remains the you are currently depressed and agitated, which in my opion points a finger at Bi-Polar. Hers how it works: You are given anti-depresents which begin to work by bringing on the mania in the form of agitation and anxiety.
It works like giving a drunk a quart of coffee. You end up with an agitated, wide awake, drunk.
If you are diagosed Bi-Polar you would recieve medication for both the depression and the mania.
The words I used when I was first treated was: 'Peace at last'. I stopped chewing my figurnails and I stopped spending money without concern of the consequence. Graduly I saw changes without pain, little things at first, miracles to follow.
I still needed to stop the rolly-coasters. I lost my job, got divorced, moved, sold my home - all in a 2 month period. The Dr. said any of the actions could have been the trigger that sent me on a really bad depression. At some points my Dr. considered checking me in 'the you know what'. I remained sober as I have been for nearly 15 yrs.
It has been a frustrating year for me. Last but not least, my 5 yr and 7 yr old Children moved with Mommy to NC. I gave permission for the move.
We have joint custidy but and I spent all of last year with my children while I was looking for work. I got a job which didn't work out, so here I am looking for work again. I have rambled enough.
Hope I helped.
> Salty Dog,
>
> I need some advice from you...Having been an abusive drinker for that year and a half, I stopped last november...I had a rough time until about march, and gradually felt better and better. Now I think my depression/anxiety/hopeless thoughts are more related to unsure job security...I might be getting canned, im looking, but the economy is so horrible!
>
> Anyway, have other people on here had my side effects 4 days into Effexor? The foggy head was absolutely the worst...I feel like the sides of my head are squeezed at the top. I definately was also dizzy, chills, sweaty hands, and nasuea.
>
>
Posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 21:02:53
In reply to Re: Salty Dog-Effexor and my Foggy Brain, posted by Salty_dog on September 11, 2003, at 20:53:08
Posted by soccermom on September 11, 2003, at 21:38:45
In reply to Re: Increase in anxiety Effexor side effects » Jewels, posted by Krissy P on March 14, 2003, at 23:27:55
Hi! I am new to this group but have been reading a lot of the postings over the last few weeks. I am currently on effexor and this past week has been bad! My blood pressure went way up above my norm and I have been feeling sick all week. I called my psy. doc and he said to go down in dosage and I did that but only had 1/2 day of feeling ok. I read a lot of you saying that you had some or all of these side effects from either withdrawl or just from increased dosage. I wanted to find out if some or all of the ones I have been fighting for the last week are from that too and which you think it is. I have been very nauseaous and have vomited on several occasions, which is very out of character for me. Then I have been soooo achy and felt that each and every joint in my body hurt that you couldn't even touch my skin. I had such headaches that nothing would relieve(I get Migraines too and that medicine didn't help it). I have been exhausted, just wanting to lie in bed all day. I have been having awful dreams and such bad sleep at night. My irritability is up and so is the anxiety. I already suffer from anxiety and it is worse. I have had stomach problems as well. So, that is it I think. Enough for me. My husband is completely frustrated with me because I haven't been feeling well for all week. I still do what I have to do but any chance that I can rest I do. He doesn't like that! I have never felt so bad in all my life. No one can seem to understand that anxiety and depression and these symptoms are all physical problems and not something that I dreamed up in my head to try to get out of doing something. That is actually what my husband thinks sometimes. He wanted me to go to a psy. doc and thought that I would be given a miracle cure that would take all this anxiety and depression away just like that. How do you explain that it is a physical, chemical problem in your brain that is causing all that??? It is a physical problem right? I go to psychotherapy to to talk out any stress I have but the biggest stress I have is having to defend my illness. Oh well! Enough on me. Sure that you have heard enough. Anyone that can give me some insight I would greatly appreciate. I go to the psy.doc tomorrow and we will have to work out the medication deal. Wish me luck!
Posted by Sabina on September 11, 2003, at 22:09:06
In reply to Good Bye Life (nm), posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 21:02:53
Please call someone to talk before you do anything you may regret. I'm sure you want to be there for your children and they definitely need you. I'm sure you have a crisis hotline in your city. They might be a good sounding board to get some thoughts out of your head tonight. As for actual support, do you have a therapist? It can make a big difference to be able to have a relationship with a trained counselor. I wish you the best and hope you'll still be with us tomorrow!
Posted by willie on September 12, 2003, at 7:07:06
In reply to Re: anyone had weight gain?, posted by cathyhil on September 9, 2003, at 23:06:34
I've put on 17lbs since Christmas. This is my first year on effexor and I'm only taking 37.5.
Posted by soccermom on September 12, 2003, at 8:05:55
In reply to AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
Hi there Janine! I can't believe that today I am reading what sounds like me!! I too have the EXACT same problem with my husband. In fact, the last 2 weeks he has been just enraged that I can't just "get over it already". He too doesn't seem to understand that it is a physical problem that we can't just turn on and off. Last night he all but said he couldn't take it anymore and that he was done with me until I was a "normal" wife. He too has made the statement about having an affair because of my lack of interest. When I am making progress, he thinks it should be more and quicker and when it doesn't last he is furious and wants to know why! Does yours not believe that the doctor knows what he is doing? Mine doesn't and thinks that he is going to go with me and set him straight about how I am acting! I too have 2 kids and I do everything for them and go to everything that I have to. I haven't stopped all of that but because I am in bed when he gets home from work or in the middle of the day when he is home he feels that is all I do and I need to just get up and get moving. Yours too? I too could sleep all day just to relieve the pain. I am currently feeling so sick from going down on the pain meds to get off of it. Awful feeling!!! I know how hard it is for you and I too feel it each day too! It is good to hear that someone else out there feels the same as I do. I think that always help us to feel that we are not alone. That is why I joined this group so that I could see that I was not alone with things! I hope it will help you to know that I feel the same way and that there are probably others out there too. Please try to hang in there. You can e-mail me anytime you want if you need to talk. Or post and I will make sure that I check each day. I go to the psy. doc today and we shall see what he says this time! Please, know that there are others out there to help you!!! Anytime!!!
Posted by KimberlyDi on September 12, 2003, at 8:12:35
In reply to Recently started taking Effexor xr, posted by ShelbyLane on September 11, 2003, at 19:51:06
>I am a little scared about the side effects as I am a single mother, holding down two jobs. I have no time to be stressed or depressed, my children are very young 9 and 5, and i am a legal assistant who has to help others. I also waitress on the weekends, and have to be able to approach people.
>
No Anti-Depressant (AD) is going to make you SuperMom. You've got alot on your plate. I will say that I worked insane overtime hours when I first started Effexor, and I didn't miss a day of work. Any Side-Effect's (SE's) were manageable. I, like you, noticed a calming benefit right after the first dose.>Plus i have been feeling really dizzy lately, the doc said it may be attributed to the panic attacks. I asked for a miracle and wanted something that was going to help me right away. However,she said that i must start on 37.5 mg per day. I will say that i was much calmer today, and able to "cope" much better than i had in the past. I haven't really noticed many side effects other than the calmness, and i think i can deal with that just fine. lol.
>
Effexor might make the dizziness feel worse for awhile. Just a head's up on that. It'll go away as your body adjusts.
> I guess basically my worry is the side effects, and how long it will take to notice an great change. Is this medication prescribed as prozac has been in the past, and is it similiar, I apoligize for the questions, however, this site is the first one i found with any info on effexor.
>
Prozac was an entirely different experience for me. Not a pleasant one at all. Effexor, for me, was a life saver. Don't be scared by all the negative posts. It isn't wise to quit Effexor Cold Turkey. When you plan to stop taking it, taper off slowly.> Thanks to all for any replys:)
Welcome to Psycho-Babble!
KDi in Texas
> Shelby
> Ontario, Canada
Posted by oeps7 on September 12, 2003, at 8:23:06
In reply to Re: HI Kim... Going off Effexor...on Omega-3 » zinya, posted by KimberlyDi on September 11, 2003, at 16:15:07
> Glad you are out and about continuously trying to find what works for you. Hope you reach that 10 energy level status. With Strattera taking away the Effexor fuzziness to my thinking, i'm feeling as close to normal as i've ever been. I've been searching since 1997 for something that works right for me, and finally found it, and finally found myself.
>
> I do have some heart palpitations occassionally. From Effexor? I dunno, I've experienced them before. I only ONCE experienced the sweating. I had one severe crying jag that scared the you-know-what out of me and I was feeling some depression settle back down on me. Since adding Strattera to my mix, my spirits seem to have lifted some.
>
> Take care and hope to see you around more.
> KDi in TexasHi Kim,
Just wanted to let you know I experienced heart palpitations on effexor- usually if I was raising or lowering a dose.
I'm glad effexor works for you. It pulled me out of some pretty tough times and worked quickly.
Talk to you soon,
Mary
Posted by oeps7 on September 12, 2003, at 8:24:43
In reply to Re: HI Kim... Going off Effexor...on Omega-3, posted by oeps7 on September 12, 2003, at 8:23:06
> > Glad you are out and about continuously trying to find what works for you. Hope you reach that 10 energy level status. With Strattera taking away the Effexor fuzziness to my thinking, i'm feeling as close to normal as i've ever been. I've been searching since 1997 for something that works right for me, and finally found it, and finally found myself.
> >
> > I do have some heart palpitations occassionally. From Effexor? I dunno, I've experienced them before. I only ONCE experienced the sweating. I had one severe crying jag that scared the you-know-what out of me and I was feeling some depression settle back down on me. Since adding Strattera to my mix, my spirits seem to have lifted some.
> >
> > Take care and hope to see you around more.
> > KDi in Texas
>
> Hi Kim,
> Just wanted to let you know I experienced heart palpitations on effexor- usually if I was raising or lowering a dose.
> I'm glad effexor works for you. It pulled me out of some pretty tough times and worked quickly.
> Talk to you soon,
> Mary
>
>One ? What is strattera?
Thanks
Posted by KimberlyDi on September 12, 2003, at 8:33:40
In reply to AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
Get into some therapy please. My situation wasn't that much different from yours. Effexor plus my therapy helped me to become a much stronger person today. And I'm still with the hubby.
If your husband is threatening to leave you, he's a jerk. Though, I would be disappointed to know that he wanted you to get counseling but you refused to go. Either way, ignore his threats and concentrate on helping yourself! You can't control him, he's free to throw away your marriage if he so desires. Forget about that and HELP yourself. Depression is a disease that health insurance recognizes and covers treatment for. Help yourself, and then everything else falls in place. You'll be a better mother and a happier wife.
Good Luck!
KDi in Texas> Someone help, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I am at my wits end. I am so melancholy, so tired, all the time. Just stopped Celexa, 3rd day on Efexor XR 37.5mg. I have no libido, hubby does not understand. He is ready to leave me. I feel that I cannot go on. Can't make it another day.
>
> Have to go now. Not sure what do to or where to go. I try so hard to make a happy life for my husband and our 2 kids, but nothing seems to work. All I want to do for the past year is sleep. I want to sleep forever. To stop the pain and frustration.
>
> My husband does not understand any of these feelings. He thinks I can just "get over it". He thinks I am not attracted to him and says that he will have an affair if things do not get better (in the bedroom). Can anyone help me? Or do I just go off on my own?
>
> Please I need support.
>
> J9 (Janine)
Posted by oeps7 on September 12, 2003, at 8:42:15
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » J9, posted by KimberlyDi on September 12, 2003, at 8:33:40
> Get into some therapy please. My situation wasn't that much different from yours. Effexor plus my therapy helped me to become a much stronger person today. And I'm still with the hubby.
>
> If your husband is threatening to leave you, he's a jerk. Though, I would be disappointed to know that he wanted you to get counseling but you refused to go. Either way, ignore his threats and concentrate on helping yourself! You can't control him, he's free to throw away your marriage if he so desires. Forget about that and HELP yourself. Depression is a disease that health insurance recognizes and covers treatment for. Help yourself, and then everything else falls in place. You'll be a better mother and a happier wife.
>
> Good Luck!
> KDi in Texas
>
> > Someone help, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I am at my wits end. I am so melancholy, so tired, all the time. Just stopped Celexa, 3rd day on Efexor XR 37.5mg. I have no libido, hubby does not understand. He is ready to leave me. I feel that I cannot go on. Can't make it another day.
> >
> > Have to go now. Not sure what do to or where to go. I try so hard to make a happy life for my husband and our 2 kids, but nothing seems to work. All I want to do for the past year is sleep. I want to sleep forever. To stop the pain and frustration.
> >
> > My husband does not understand any of these feelings. He thinks I can just "get over it". He thinks I am not attracted to him and says that he will have an affair if things do not get better (in the bedroom). Can anyone help me? Or do I just go off on my own?
> >
> > Please I need support.
> >
> > J9 (Janine)J9,
Please listen to Kim. Your husband needs to be patient. No one can ever fully understand unless they have been through it themselves. Do the 2 of you get counseling together? - He needs to put himself in your shoes.
Since I have been on the zoloft I have not wanted to have sex at all. I have been very tired lately - celexa also made me sleepy.
Your husband is just saying those things out of anger - he needs to not be so selfish - concentrate on yourself and your children.
Please stay in touch.
Mary
Posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 9:26:37
In reply to Re: anyone had weight gain? cathyhil, posted by willie on September 12, 2003, at 7:07:06
I resurfaced yesterday here and looked for you -- I'm so glad to see you surface too :) although implied in your post is a huge amount of frustration that i can understand and see. I know your diagnosis only intended for you to be at 37.5 but -- in addition to the reasons i discussed in my earlier post (the one replying to Kim yesterday) for why i started tapering off Effexor last week -- i had a response to Effexor that was similar to yours at low levels. From the beginning, my appetite dropped off dramatically -- and yet my weight stayed exactly the same, which was already about 10 lbs more than i wanted or is my usual average... Nothing could drop those pounds even though i was suddenly eating so much less that normally i would have been. Only about a week after being at 150 mg level did i rather suddenly start losing weight -- about 5-8 lbs and have stayed in that range since then...
But as you can see from the earlier post, i'm trying going off -- a bit scary given possible w/d effects but so far okay (i'm back down to 100, but planning to go to 75 tonight)...
how are you otherwise, willie?
sending hugs,
zinya
Posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 9:52:54
In reply to AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
Gosh, Janine and soccermom (mary? i think),
My heart absolutely goes out to you. While every situation is unique, my husband -- eons ago, marriage itself ended eons ago too -- used to threaten me with having an affair, and when i read of someone else going through that very perverse and awful hell, i just die a little inside in empathetic grief from what it means you're going through.
Whether your husbands will go or not (mine refused to go to therapy for years - til it was too late and i finally left the marriage, after realizing i'd been dreaming of him dying, and realized divorce was better than that - but i had no kids ... Yet, even with kids, i urge you to find a therapist who can be an inner voice for the side of you that is buried -- the same one that is mired under depression -- which KNOWS that the disrespect and lack of understanding from your husband is compounding if not creating your depression itself. There are big problems in a marriage where that kind of response to a spouse's crisis occurs. Yes, men are more prone to a kind of macho attitude toward depression ("Get off your duff" stuff) that is not just irrelevant and impossible but even counterproductive (big time) in serious depression...
If he won't seek counseling/therapy help, i hope you'll go on your own... You first and foremost ... and for the sake of your kids if you can't yet fully see it for your own sake ... need to know that such talk is a sign of your husband's own limited understanding of marriage -- most men in this culture (and others) have totally unrealistic expectations of wives -- to be some ever-resilient combo of both madonna and whore ... and I would guess your husbands had or have fathers who gave poor models of what it means to be an ally and constant support as a spouse... But they're adults now and responsible for what they perpetuate and don't...And you too - probably had or have moms who took a fair amount of cr*p in stride... Know that there is the possibility of true alliance ... that it has a lot if not almost entirely to do with learning new and better communication.. For you, probably learning to voice boundaries, to say when something hurts and draw a line in the sand at garbage like threatened affairs -- which is only intended to bribe you into something you don't fully control yet - but he thinks you do ... cuz his notion is that everything is or should be controllable... And meanwhile his response is making you feel less and less in control, being threatened makes you just more vulnerable and unable to remotely start seeing your own light. It means that ideally you'd both be in a counseling/therapy situation, but if he refuses, don't let that control your own efforts to find new ways and means of finding yourself again ... In even the tiniest of ways, try to do something every day that gives you a sense of having control over something in your life - a way that doesn't involve another person - not asserting over another but just over yourself... That can be a first key step toward building back to a sense of being in control of your daily destiny instead of it being in control of you (through such nightmares as "Is today the day my husband carries out his threat?" That is verbal abuse. Blackmail. He needs to realize that, and i urge you to work toward being able to tell him that.)
sending hugs and the best of vibes, deep breathing, and growing strength day by day,
zinya
Posted by BJL on September 12, 2003, at 9:59:09
In reply to AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 11, 2003, at 20:51:31
Janine, I hate to say this, but if your husband is this big of a jerk, you deserve better. My husband has been "without" for months at a time because of my problems, and I don't excuse them, but we have worked on them together, and they are better because I didn't have the pressure from him of "performing."
I truly would like to get ahold of your husband and wring his neck for being such a jerk. Marriage is a commitment, for better or for WORSE. Remind him of that, tell him you love him, explain the situation, and that's all you can do besides keep trying to work on yourself. Remind him also that his pressuring you is not going to speed things up and that sex is more about you laying there spreading your legs so that he can get off. It's called making love....two people being together, not one being used.
Hang in there....my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm sorry gang, but this post upset me badly. I want to slap this guy.
> Someone help, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I am at my wits end. I am so melancholy, so tired, all the time. Just stopped Celexa, 3rd day on Efexor XR 37.5mg. I have no libido, hubby does not understand. He is ready to leave me. I feel that I cannot go on. Can't make it another day.
>
> Have to go now. Not sure what do to or where to go. I try so hard to make a happy life for my husband and our 2 kids, but nothing seems to work. All I want to do for the past year is sleep. I want to sleep forever. To stop the pain and frustration.
>
> My husband does not understand any of these feelings. He thinks I can just "get over it". He thinks I am not attracted to him and says that he will have an affair if things do not get better (in the bedroom). Can anyone help me? Or do I just go off on my own?
>
> Please I need support.
>
> J9 (Janine)
Posted by Susy on September 12, 2003, at 10:12:11
In reply to Re: Increase in anxiety Effexor side effects, posted by soccermom on September 11, 2003, at 21:38:45
This message goes to soccermom; I used to join this group but since I am not on effexor Daphne and Dr. Babble send us to Social Babble, still, I do understand how you feel, exactly. I don't feel all these symptoms in my mind I feel them in my body and feel them exactly the way you describe them.I was feeling the same way as you with Paxil but the doctor gave me Xanax along with it to relieve the anxiety and nervousness.
Maybe you should tell your doctor this medicine is not working for you and give you another instead? Don't give up soccermom, keep trying you will find something that will help you to feel good again.
Yours, Susy
Posted by KimberlyDi on September 12, 2003, at 10:15:20
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!soccermom and » J9, posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 9:52:54
Posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » J9, posted by soccermom on September 12, 2003, at 8:05:55
> Hi there Janine! I can't believe that today I am reading what sounds like me!! I too have the EXACT same problem with my husband. In fact, the last 2 weeks he has been just enraged that I can't just "get over it already". He too doesn't seem to understand that it is a physical problem that we can't just turn on and off. Last night he all but said he couldn't take it anymore and that he was done with me until I was a "normal" wife. He too has made the statement about having an affair because of my lack of interest. When I am making progress, he thinks it should be more and quicker and when it doesn't last he is furious and wants to know why! Does yours not believe that the doctor knows what he is doing? Mine doesn't and thinks that he is going to go with me and set him straight about how I am acting! I too have 2 kids and I do everything for them and go to everything that I have to. I haven't stopped all of that but because I am in bed when he gets home from work or in the middle of the day when he is home he feels that is all I do and I need to just get up and get moving. Yours too? I too could sleep all day just to relieve the pain. I am currently feeling so sick from going down on the pain meds to get off of it. Awful feeling!!! I know how hard it is for you and I too feel it each day too! It is good to hear that someone else out there feels the same as I do. I think that always help us to feel that we are not alone. That is why I joined this group so that I could see that I was not alone with things! I hope it will help you to know that I feel the same way and that there are probably others out there too. Please try to hang in there. You can e-mail me anytime you want if you need to talk. Or post and I will make sure that I check each day. I go to the psy. doc today and we shall see what he says this time! Please, know that there are others out there to help you!!! Anytime!!!
I am so happy to know that there are others out there like me. My husband really is not a jerk, he is actually very good to me and the kids. He is just a jerk when it comes to this situation. My hubby does not believe what the doctor was doing is right for me. He made an appointment for me to see his pdoc and he was the one who suggested that I go on Effexor. I have been on this for 4 days now. I have NO SEs, but neither have I felt and "relief". I have been on ADs for most fo my adult life, it all started with post-partum when my first was born 17 years ago. But have yet to find an AD that works for me.
I am so happy to see all the support here. I got up this morning and saw this support and I have a somewhat better outlook on life.
Thanks everyone
Posted by Music on September 12, 2003, at 12:04:12
In reply to Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by jp on October 24, 1999, at 14:59:14
Z,
Thank you for your post. I know I need to take some control back in my life. I used to be so assertive, but now the depression is so bad and dark it is hard. I put on this "everything is okay face" at work, but inside I am dying. I want to reach out for help more but it is hard for me. I was the person who had the stuff together all the time. But it is hard to be perfect all the time. I am very tired. I think that is why I want to die. My poor husband tries to understand but is so clueless. I am going to therapy in about an hour so maybe I'll tell her that I am really struggling. My PsyDoc upped my Effexor XR to 300mg per day. 150mg in the AM and 150 mg at 3:00p.m. I wonder if I will ever get better and if I will have to be on meds forever. I ask my PsyDoc yesterday about the med part and she said as long as I am feeling the way I do I will have to be on meds. She said I need to get my life together with therapy and work out issues of the past to off my meds. I just started my med in June 03' and I have never been on any other med before. I always thought I was just stressed out I never knew that I was really sick with an actual illness. Anyway, please post me back. Thanks again for your post.
Music
Posted by Music on September 12, 2003, at 12:28:47
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
A,
Hey I am looking forward to getting a post from you when you get back. I am going to my therapist in about hour. She wanted to see me 2 times this week, because of my dark thoughts. Of course you know I not have seen her much the last 3 weeks because her mom died so she was out of the office. I hate having to go back to work after a session because usually I have an appointment after work where I can go straight home afterward. Oh well, I plan on for this weekend going and getting a massage my husband bought me a 90 minute one and I am very excited about the massage. I need it after the week I have had. Anyway, post me soon. Maybe we could exchange e-mails if you want too, just let me know.
Music
Posted by zinya on September 12, 2003, at 12:40:04
In reply to Re: AT MY WITS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by J9 on September 12, 2003, at 11:42:18
hi again Janine,
It's too soon to feel Effexor effects. I hope it works for you. One possibility to try if it doesn't is something i discussed in a post yesterday that has Omega-3 in the title... The new study where Omega-3 proved significant for people who had found no success with any other a-d might mean you too could find benefit...
One other thing: Since it started in postpartum, have you had a really full hormonal workup (FSH levels included, and testosterone levels too) to see if there might be something hormonal instead that needs redressing??
wishing you well,
zinya
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