![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4195 to 4219 of 8406. Go back in thread:
Posted by lil' jimi on August 28, 2003, at 20:11:33
In reply to re: New Userjim, posted by Esmarelda on August 28, 2003, at 17:10:26
Posted by trucker on August 28, 2003, at 20:20:46
In reply to Re: koko !---catching up..I got lost in the thread, posted by koko on August 28, 2003, at 9:20:57
SEE IF YOU CAN TAKE IT AT NIGHT FOR THE FIRST MONTH OR SO, THAT WAY THE SIDE EFFECTS OCCUR WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING AND YOU DON'T REALIZE THEM AS MUCH. THIS IS WHAT I DID FOR A MONTH AND IT WORKED WELL FOR ME!!!
TAKE IT EASY
TRUCKER
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////> Thanks Gal! That really helps. And you are right, I get so caught up focusing on the SE's that I may be making them worse than they would be otherwise. But this forum helps, and reading about everyone's experiances help. And most of all, knowing that everyone else seems to have experienced this or some SE's simular to this and lived!...that helps too.
> So, I'll keep reading and hope that they get better soon. Today is day 4! So far, I've stuck to taking the full 10mg. I'll keep you posted...
> Thanks again and I wish everyone a happy and productive Thursday!
>
Posted by trucker on August 28, 2003, at 20:34:52
In reply to New User to any type of med., posted by shay on August 28, 2003, at 12:41:33
I WOULD LOOK FOR A COUSELOR AT YOUR COUNTY MENTAL HEALTH, THEY WORK ON A SLIDING SCALE SOME OTHER PLACES DO TOO BUT THIS SEEMS TO BE THE EASIEST TO ACCESS. THE MEDS AND THE COUSELING GO HAND IN HAND,******PLUS ITS LIKE GOING TO A FOOT DOCTOR FOR A HEART PROBLEM***** WHEN YOU HAVE DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, BY-POLAR, ETC. COUNSELORS ARE SPECALISTS IN THE DEPARTMENT FOR DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ETC... SO DON'T GO TO A GENERAL PRACTITIONER FOR DEPRESSION. HE IS A JACK OF ALL TRADES MASTER OF NONE. TAKE IT AT NIGHT IF YOU CAN. ANY AND ALL SIDE EFFECTS OCCUR A COUPLE HOURS AFFTER TAKING IT. WHILE YOU ARE ASLEEP YOU WON'T NOTICE THEM AS MUCH.
DON'T LET THESE POSTS SCARE YOU. I FEEL TERRIFIC ON 20 MG OF LEXAPRO, I HAVE A SEXUAL HUNGER OF MY YOUNGER YEARS, AND I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME. I LIKE IT BETTER THAN ZOLOFT, AND WELBUTRIN. FIRST COUPLE WEEKS YOU ARE ADJUSTING TO IT. HANG IN THERE, YOU WILL LIKE IT.
TAKE IT EASY
TRUCKER//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////> I have never been on any medications for depression but feel like I've had some level of depression pretty much since I was a little girl. I've tried some for a few days but couldn't stand how they made me feel. I don't feel like I have major depression so I'm always leary of starting something because of side effects, I don't want to feel worse, since I've also dealt with anxiety. I read some of these posts and wonder if it's even worth getting into taking Lexapro, which I got samples of yesterday. The doc told me to break in half and take 5mg. I'm worried though because I do drink socially and don't want to feel all "wacked out" and "weird." Like I said, no one would even think of me as depressed but I am sometimes. And sometimes it's really bad and sometimes not. I never not do anything or not go anywhere and work a 9-5 so what should I do... I feel like I read these posts and I want to read something like "Lexapro makes me feel great, I'm so happy now, it definitely worked so well!!!!!!" And I'm not reading this, am I going to feel happy and normal or what??? Any suggestions or help... I don't want to be on something for the rest of my life and feel worse. I already feel tired and sad sometimes, w/o feeling sick and weird. Anyone???? Also, I haven't had counseling but wonder if this is more what I should do or if this low dose will be ok for me??? The docs never listen to my symptoms so I don't know who to ask for advice. You all seem to know best! :) Thanks!
Posted by trucker on August 28, 2003, at 20:43:14
In reply to Re: New User to any type of med., posted by koko on August 28, 2003, at 13:50:19
YES IT WOKE UP AND STARTED SCREAMING FEED ME AND THE OTHER HALF IS STILL ON THE MODE I WAS ON BEFORE. HE THINKS ITS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
TRUCKER
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////> This brought up a really good point...One of the other reasons that I decided to switch to Lex is because I heard that the sexual SE's were reportedly less than with Celexa. Has anyone else experienced any sexual side effects from Lex, positive or negitive?
>
Posted by BLKVETTES on August 28, 2003, at 20:46:42
In reply to New User to any type of med., posted by shay on August 28, 2003, at 12:41:33
Hi Shay, first of all happy lexapro users are not going to wake up and decide to search for this board. Anyone who comes to any kind of board like this is hurting in some way. When they get here they either get better and leave, or they change meds and leave or maybe they just give up and leave. Ive been coming to this board for 6 or 7 months. Why do I stay, I have my reasons!!! When I got here I was suicidal, housebound, afraid to be alone, could not drive, I was shaking, I had tremors, muscle pain, muscle spasms, I cried at one point 70 days in a row. I could keep going, I suffered from panic, anxiety and depression. Lexapro was my 3rd med and I really did not want to take it. I started at 5mg and went down to 2.5mg and then back up to 5mg. You start at what makes you comfortable. Does not matter how fast you get there as long as you get there and thats my opinion. Since you posted I think you have seen some happy stories from others. To me my recovery is a miracle!!!!!!! Lexapro wiped out my panic, my anxiety and my depression. My problem now is just moving on and trying to forget those memories of the hell I lived through. I probably go to way to many boards. Im beginning to wonder if this is good or bad because it keeps my memories alive like it was yesterday. You came to this board for a reason. I think that reason was because you dont like the way you feel. Can lexapro make you better, the answer is yes!!! Is it the right med for you, no one knows!!! You have nothing to lose by trying!!! Doesnt work you try something else or live like you have!! I wish you luck!!!!!!!! TAKE CARE!!!!!!!
WAYNE
Posted by hog80ci on August 28, 2003, at 20:47:33
In reply to re: Lexapro - increased dose » hog80ci, posted by lil' jimi on August 28, 2003, at 5:48:07
Thanks for the support , Jim. I wasn't so sick to my stomach. So, if the physical stuff is getting better, does that the mean the mental health should start improving too? Still feel pretty cranked up.
The Harley's great...you caught that did you?? lol I love the bike.
Jim
> hey Jim ~
>
>
> > Hi all
> > I go up to 20mg tomorrow. I've been pretty jittery on 10. I keep telling myself to be patient and not to flush it all down the toilet. Reading your posts always helps. thank you.
> > Jim
>
> just wanted to say ...
> Hang In There, pardner!!
>
> take care,
> ~ jim
>
> p.s. how's the Harley doing, man ?
> Good luck with the 20 !
Posted by theump on August 28, 2003, at 20:53:01
In reply to New User to any type of med., posted by shay on August 28, 2003, at 12:41:33
Your story sounds VERY similar to mine. I haven't read all the posts between your original and this one but I wanted to say that I had the same reservations you did. I felt like the Zoloft commercial and told my primary care physician just that. He recommended Lexapro. A couple friends of mine had started anti-depressants recently also and I figured if they could admit to it and do it, so could I. So I talked to my doctor and he put me on Lex and that afternoon I took my first 10mg dose without any knowledge of what the side effects could be. Then I found this site and realized I might have a long haul before feeling better.
Well, about 3 months later I'm still on Lex and gradually going up to 20mg. I'm at 15mg now. I've been very lucky with side effects and do still drink socially every so often. I've never felt "wacked out" or "weird".
I was tired and unmotivated going into Lex. I can say I got over some of the tiredness but now that I just went up in does it's back. At least for now. I however am feeling more motivated than I have in a number of years. Fluke or fact from Lex I'm not sure, but I'm not going to complain. I also work 8+ hours a day and still go and do things although like I said the motivation to do what should be done instead of only what had to be done had waned.
I have not talked to a counselor either. My doctor mentioned that if I still don't feel like Lex is making a difference for me that he'll refer me to a psyciatrist to help me figure it all out. I'm currently dealing with the end of a 5 year relationship and someone at work quitting and having a lot more stressful time there. I have also started exercising again, thanks to a knee problem, and that may be helping also.
I'm still not sure if Lex is making a difference or if my attitude has changed. But it hasn't been a bad choice for me. I'm one of the lucky ones as far as side effects and as I said I'm just now moving up my dose and feeling a difference. My doc wants me up to 20 and I have about a month to get there to see if it makes a difference.
Whatever your decision, I've found that letting others know what your going through is a great form of support.
Renee
> I have never been on any medications for depression but feel like I've had some level of depression pretty much since I was a little girl. I've tried some for a few days but couldn't stand how they made me feel. I don't feel like I have major depression so I'm always leary of starting something because of side effects, I don't want to feel worse, since I've also dealt with anxiety. I read some of these posts and wonder if it's even worth getting into taking Lexapro, which I got samples of yesterday. The doc told me to break in half and take 5mg. I'm worried though because I do drink socially and don't want to feel all "wacked out" and "weird." Like I said, no one would even think of me as depressed but I am sometimes. And sometimes it's really bad and sometimes not. I never not do anything or not go anywhere and work a 9-5 so what should I do... I feel like I read these posts and I want to read something like "Lexapro makes me feel great, I'm so happy now, it definitely worked so well!!!!!!" And I'm not reading this, am I going to feel happy and normal or what??? Any suggestions or help... I don't want to be on something for the rest of my life and feel worse. I already feel tired and sad sometimes, w/o feeling sick and weird. Anyone???? Also, I haven't had counseling but wonder if this is more what I should do or if this low dose will be ok for me??? The docs never listen to my symptoms so I don't know who to ask for advice. You all seem to know best! :) Thanks!
Posted by trucker on August 28, 2003, at 21:09:44
In reply to SHAY AND LEXAPRO, posted by BLKVETTES on August 28, 2003, at 20:46:42
wayne
i missed your post on the memories. can you share or not? i was always told once sharesd twice devided. meaning if you talk about it. it is a healing process, share and those who aren't to close to the forest to see the tree can some times shed light into a dark and dreary area of ones life. and in which case also understand and maybe have suggestions. if you can share please do... if you would like to keep it between me and you, e-mail me.
meadbabybug@catskill.net
in any case take it easy!
trucker
>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Hi Shay, first of all happy lexapro users are not going to wake up and decide to search for this board. Anyone who comes to any kind of board like this is hurting in some way. When they get here they either get better and leave, or they change meds and leave or maybe they just give up and leave. Ive been coming to this board for 6 or 7 months. Why do I stay, I have my reasons!!! When I got here I was suicidal, housebound, afraid to be alone, could not drive, I was shaking, I had tremors, muscle pain, muscle spasms, I cried at one point 70 days in a row. I could keep going, I suffered from panic, anxiety and depression. Lexapro was my 3rd med and I really did not want to take it. I started at 5mg and went down to 2.5mg and then back up to 5mg. You start at what makes you comfortable. Does not matter how fast you get there as long as you get there and thats my opinion. Since you posted I think you have seen some happy stories from others. To me my recovery is a miracle!!!!!!! Lexapro wiped out my panic, my anxiety and my depression. My problem now is just moving on and trying to forget those memories of the hell I lived through. I probably go to way to many boards. Im beginning to wonder if this is good or bad because it keeps my memories alive like it was yesterday. You came to this board for a reason. I think that reason was because you dont like the way you feel. Can lexapro make you better, the answer is yes!!! Is it the right med for you, no one knows!!! You have nothing to lose by trying!!! Doesnt work you try something else or live like you have!! I wish you luck!!!!!!!! TAKE CARE!!!!!!!
> WAYNE
Posted by lil' jimi on August 29, 2003, at 1:00:35
In reply to re: Lexapro - increased dose, posted by hog80ci on August 28, 2003, at 20:47:33
> Thanks for the support , Jim. >
you're welcome ... everyone benefits ... reading this thread got me through my SEs ... ...
> I wasn't so sick to my stomach. So, if the physical stuff is getting better, does that the mean the mental health should start improving too? Still feel pretty cranked up. >
>i read of some who have had benefits from the first dose, and had that to sustain them through the SE stage ... pretty rare i'd say ... ... i remember being hacked that i'd made it through the SEs, but i wasn't really feeling any different ... ... i'd guess that most have a significant lag between end of SEs and beginning of benefical effects ... typically a week or more ... ... i guess i was on lex for more than a month before i began to feel therapeutic benefits and for two months before i was sure i was getting relief ... but i think i was slower than usual ...
>
> The Harley's great...you caught that did you?? lol I love the bike. >helps fight depression, it's an antidepressant ... ... 80 cubic inches plus 20 milligrams sounds like a therapeutic combo to me
... ... kind of support for the neurotransmitters i could use ...you might consider taking your 20mg when you could sleep through some of the SEs ...
... ... might want to look for some calming agents for the jitters ... do a web search or hit up the folks in the herbal section of the health food store maybe ... .. i've read valerian helps some people ... ... omega-3 oils and niacinamide (sp?) should help ... get LOTS of water ... exercise ... ... cut down on the coffee for a while maybe ...SEs are mother nature's way of telling us the meds are on the way ... ... _Sometimes_ she can be a real bitch about it, man!
... ... (but i can't complain, i got off light) ...
... hang in ...
and
let us hear from you ...
take care,
~ jim>
> Jim
>
> > hey Jim ~
> >
> >
> > > Hi all
> > > I go up to 20mg tomorrow. I've been pretty jittery on 10. I keep telling myself to be patient and not to flush it all down the toilet. Reading your posts always helps. thank you.
> > > Jim
> >
> > just wanted to say ...
> > Hang In There, pardner!!
> >
> > take care,
> > ~ jim
> >
> > p.s. how's the Harley doing, man ?
> > Good luck with the 20 !
>
>
Posted by galkeepinon on August 29, 2003, at 1:10:44
In reply to Re: New User to any type of med., posted by koko on August 28, 2003, at 13:50:19
no difference here.
> This brought up a really good point...One of the other reasons that I decided to switch to Lex is because I heard that the sexual SE's were reportedly less than with Celexa. Has anyone else experienced any sexual side effects from Lex, positive or negitive?
>
Posted by BLKVETTES on August 29, 2003, at 1:17:13
In reply to Re: SHAY AND LEXAPRO » BLKVETTES, posted by trucker on August 28, 2003, at 21:09:44
Hi trucker, my memories are the pain I went through in the last year. I was never depressed until the last year. All the hospital visits, all the tests, all the fear, all the pain. Thoughts of dying and wanting to die are not going away anytime soon!!!!!!!!!!!! This is why some call me the clown man!!!!!!!!!!
The Man With The Clowns Eyes
Do you ever wonder about clowns. They look so sad!!!! They look like tears are flowing from their eyes. But they seem happy and act happy. But they look so sad!!! I want to tell you about the man with the clowns eyes. He really has been happy all his life. He really cant complain about the way he was raised. But things went wrong and he does not know why or how. One morning he was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for his wife and daughter to leave for the day. He was very sad but hid this from his little girl. Well the time came for them to leave and he wished them a good day and kissed his daughter good bye. He then went back to his room and sat on the edge of the bed staring at a tv with no sound. He did this everyday, he did not eat, he could not sleep and the pain in his aching body was unbearable. As he sat there tears began to flow from his eyes. He did this everyday and saw no reason to live. He felt he was a burden to all. He thought of many ways to end his life. Why was the man with the clown eyes so sad. He began to recall his childhood. His parents were divorced when he was very young. But his dad was always there and was a good father. But he missed his father because he was no longer there everyday. He had a great mother who sacrificed to make his life a happy one. So it could not be his childhood. He became a teenager, he had lots of friends, the girls were attracted to him. He was very popular!!!!! So it could not be because of his teenage years. He got married very young and had kids that he loved very much. There was a time when he did drugs that nearly destroyed his family and himself. He sought help and quit the drugs and became his old self again. Years went by and the man with the clowns eyes was really very happy. He had everything a person ever dreams of in life. But one day this all came to an end. He no longer cared how he looked. He quit eating, he could not sleep and was very depressed. He lost interest in all that made him happy. So now the man with the clowns eyes just sits in his room with fear as the tears flow from his eyes and down his cheeks. He went from doctor to doctor and no one could make him feel happy again. All hope was gone, but he looked at the picture of his daughter that was next to the bed. This always made him cry harder and his body shake and tremor. He could not end his life!!!! Even though he no longer wanted to live he could not do this to his family. This was the low point for the man with the clowns eyes. Everyday he sat there and cried never wanting to leave his room. I wonder if the man with the clowns eyes will be ok. Will he always be sad!!!! Will he be happy!!!! Will he live or die!!!! I really cant say!!!! But as I look in the mirror at the man with the clowns eyes. Tears begin to flow from my eyes and down my cheeks. I get the feeling he will be ok. I get the feeling he will be happy again. Well we can only hope that this is true!!!!
THE END
Posted by galkeepinon on August 29, 2003, at 1:30:55
In reply to SHAY AND LEXAPRO, posted by BLKVETTES on August 28, 2003, at 20:46:42
Posted by Esmarelda on August 29, 2003, at 12:43:46
In reply to Re: SHAY AND LEXAPRO, posted by BLKVETTES on August 29, 2003, at 1:17:13
Thanks for sharing that with all of us. I think we can all feel or have felt your pain. I was never suicidal, but the pain was the same. I have lived a blessed life as well and have everything a person could ask for, good family, great friends, nice doggies, beautiful home, boat, cars, etc. I don't know what ever started my first depressive episode -- just stress of life, I guess. This last go around was the worst -- lost my grandmother who was my rock, anchor and world! I was luckey to have someone like her, but when she left, I was left with a shaken up world and huge hole in my heart. Then, the boyfriend apparently was not getting enough attention and couldn't handle my depression and he bailed 3weeks later. Then, ... Well, you know the story. I still have a hole in my heart, but the world sure seems to be treating me better since I started on Lex. For anyone who reads this, I truly believe it is a wonder drug. Throughout the years, I had tried others and none made me feel this good or got rid of the occasional depression. I am tired alot in the mornings, but no more depression or anxiety. I'll take the trade or any of the SE's any darn day. BTW - Jim says you're the funny one. I don't know, but you guys both sure are good ones and I appreciate all the posts I have read from you. I read the posts for about a month before I ever posted myself. This has helped as much as my therapist. Take Care, Dude!
Posted by EmilyC on August 29, 2003, at 13:47:54
In reply to Re: Sun sensitivity » Donia, posted by oldhand on July 27, 2003, at 23:53:47
> > Hello, I am a redhead with blue eyes and have not noticed any sensitivity to the sun. I did start the lex in the winter, but have been in the sun alot this summer with baseball games and also a vacation to Florida. I have to wear sunscreen to slowly build up a tan, but now dont burn hardly at all. I do tan better than most redheads but was worried the med may make me more sensitive.
>
>I'm blonde with blue eyes and I burn pretty easily. Usually sunscreen takes care of it but in the last month since I've started Lexapro, I've definitely noticed that I'm more sensitive to the sun. I've gotten burned with SPF 15 on and I've gotten burned on just by being outside for 15 minutes at noon without sunscreen. None of that happened before Lexapro. I asked the doctor about it this morning and he confirmed that sun sensitivity is definitely a side effect. Although I consider it a small price to pay for feeling like a real person again!
Posted by Esmarelda on August 29, 2003, at 13:56:15
In reply to Re: Sun sensitivity, posted by EmilyC on August 29, 2003, at 13:47:54
Just FYI - I have been on Lex since about mid - late June and spend every weekend on the lake and most of the time without any sunscreen and have not noticed any sensitivity. For what it's worth!
Posted by hog80ci on August 29, 2003, at 19:29:44
In reply to 80 c.i. PLUS 20 mg = Good formula ! » hog80ci, posted by lil' jimi on August 29, 2003, at 1:00:35
Thanks Jim. I come home every day and check the threads here. It's helped a lot. Had a good talk today about a couple of character defects I try and deal with...self centeredness and an aversion to delayed gratification. I think seeing the words from other people give me hope, put me in some gratitude, and help me be patient.
I might be seeing signs of benefit already. I have a pretty short fuse. Meds help keep it under control. Today, I was in a situation where I should have blown my stack, but the lid seemed to stay at least part way on. Thanks again for your support and encouragement.
Jim
Posted by theump on August 29, 2003, at 19:43:04
In reply to Re: Sun sensitivity, posted by EmilyC on August 29, 2003, at 13:47:54
I noticed when I was in Chicago of all places that I burned very easily after starting Lex. Infact it stayed burned for over a week, usually I'll turn tan in a day or two. Not this time! And that was the first prolonged sun with Lex. I'll be a lot more careful next time. So I'm with you, it seems worse.
Renee> > > Hello, I am a redhead with blue eyes and have not noticed any sensitivity to the sun. I did start the lex in the winter, but have been in the sun alot this summer with baseball games and also a vacation to Florida. I have to wear sunscreen to slowly build up a tan, but now dont burn hardly at all. I do tan better than most redheads but was worried the med may make me more sensitive.
> >
> >
>
> I'm blonde with blue eyes and I burn pretty easily. Usually sunscreen takes care of it but in the last month since I've started Lexapro, I've definitely noticed that I'm more sensitive to the sun. I've gotten burned with SPF 15 on and I've gotten burned on just by being outside for 15 minutes at noon without sunscreen. None of that happened before Lexapro. I asked the doctor about it this morning and he confirmed that sun sensitivity is definitely a side effect. Although I consider it a small price to pay for feeling like a real person again!
Posted by theump on August 29, 2003, at 19:53:06
In reply to Re: 80 c.i. PLUS 20 mg = Good formula !, posted by hog80ci on August 29, 2003, at 19:29:44
Hello all, but especially lil jimi...
I have been on 15mg from 10 for a week now and today I just plain feel happy. Not sure why...just do. I increased my dose, am trying to eat better and started exercising more and now I just feel good. Is this "the light"?
The last 2 mornings I have even woken up an hour before my alarm, which I NEVER do, I usually oversleep. I don't get out of bed an hour earlier -haha - but I'm actually up. Now I just have to get myself out of bed.
I'm feeling much more motivated and have a long list of things to do this weekend. I really think I'll do them. I even feel like I'd actually say hello to strangers I pass on the street. Which I never do. I even found myself whistling on my way back from another office at work.
I'm feeling like a new person and in another week I'll try the 20 that the doc wanted me to go to if this is just a passing phase, but geez I hope it isn't.
So...to little jimi and all others wondering if you should move up your dose or get off of Lex because it's not making a difference...go for it! If this feeling continues, it'll be awesome.
I'll keep you updated!
The Ump
aka - Renee
Posted by bran on August 29, 2003, at 20:25:36
In reply to Re: New User to any type of med., posted by Esmarelda on August 28, 2003, at 14:55:43
Posted by bran on August 29, 2003, at 20:43:43
In reply to confused (nm), posted by bran on August 29, 2003, at 20:25:36
Hey guys,
i really appreciate all the information. you all have been helping me out. i'm a 20 year old female with dysthymia/anxiety (i suppose). i use to use prozac and effexor back in the day, but discontinued those after i felt they didn't do anything. i've been using lexapro for about 4 months now. the initial side effects were horrible, severe headaches and insomnia. they passed, but now i'm extremely tired all the time and my ability to orgasm/sexual drive is non existent. does anyone relate?
thanks again,
bran
Posted by galkeepinon on August 29, 2003, at 21:57:12
In reply to Re: SHAY AND LEXAPRO, posted by BLKVETTES on August 29, 2003, at 1:17:13
Posted by trucker on August 29, 2003, at 22:14:34
In reply to Re: SHAY AND LEXAPRO, posted by BLKVETTES on August 29, 2003, at 1:17:13
i wish i had something i could say or do to make thinks better, some special magical healing of the tears and fears. i remember feeling this way as well. the only thing that kept me from suiside was my religious beleifs. if you comit suiside you won't go to heaven. and see since my baby boy was born dead i know he is in heaven with my LORD and KING. and if i ever want to see my boy i must tow the mark to reach heaven. i hope that all of us here are one day happy and healthy again. and we can all laugh at our fears and tears.
take it easy,
i always thought it was the evil one trying to take me out. so i'd burn in hell.
trucker
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////> Hi trucker, my memories are the pain I went through in the last year. I was never depressed until the last year. All the hospital visits, all the tests, all the fear, all the pain. Thoughts of dying and wanting to die are not going away anytime soon!!!!!!!!!!!! This is why some call me the clown man!!!!!!!!!!
>
> The Man With The Clowns Eyes
>
>
> Do you ever wonder about clowns. They look so sad!!!! They look like tears are flowing from their eyes. But they seem happy and act happy. But they look so sad!!! I want to tell you about the man with the clowns eyes. He really has been happy all his life. He really cant complain about the way he was raised. But things went wrong and he does not know why or how. One morning he was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for his wife and daughter to leave for the day. He was very sad but hid this from his little girl. Well the time came for them to leave and he wished them a good day and kissed his daughter good bye. He then went back to his room and sat on the edge of the bed staring at a tv with no sound. He did this everyday, he did not eat, he could not sleep and the pain in his aching body was unbearable. As he sat there tears began to flow from his eyes. He did this everyday and saw no reason to live. He felt he was a burden to all. He thought of many ways to end his life. Why was the man with the clown eyes so sad. He began to recall his childhood. His parents were divorced when he was very young. But his dad was always there and was a good father. But he missed his father because he was no longer there everyday. He had a great mother who sacrificed to make his life a happy one. So it could not be his childhood. He became a teenager, he had lots of friends, the girls were attracted to him. He was very popular!!!!! So it could not be because of his teenage years. He got married very young and had kids that he loved very much. There was a time when he did drugs that nearly destroyed his family and himself. He sought help and quit the drugs and became his old self again. Years went by and the man with the clowns eyes was really very happy. He had everything a person ever dreams of in life. But one day this all came to an end. He no longer cared how he looked. He quit eating, he could not sleep and was very depressed. He lost interest in all that made him happy. So now the man with the clowns eyes just sits in his room with fear as the tears flow from his eyes and down his cheeks. He went from doctor to doctor and no one could make him feel happy again. All hope was gone, but he looked at the picture of his daughter that was next to the bed. This always made him cry harder and his body shake and tremor. He could not end his life!!!! Even though he no longer wanted to live he could not do this to his family. This was the low point for the man with the clowns eyes. Everyday he sat there and cried never wanting to leave his room. I wonder if the man with the clowns eyes will be ok. Will he always be sad!!!! Will he be happy!!!! Will he live or die!!!! I really cant say!!!! But as I look in the mirror at the man with the clowns eyes. Tears begin to flow from my eyes and down my cheeks. I get the feeling he will be ok. I get the feeling he will be happy again. Well we can only hope that this is true!!!!
> THE END
Posted by BLKVETTES on August 29, 2003, at 22:55:42
In reply to Re: SHAY AND LEXAPRO » BLKVETTES, posted by trucker on August 29, 2003, at 22:14:34
Hi Trucker, hey I think I have confused you somehow. I have recovered and maybe feel better than I have in years in many ways. What I went through makes me look at life and people differently. I eat better and I take better care of myself. That story I wrote was written months ago. Jim asked me to share why people on other boards call me the clown man. Lexapro like someone said I believe Gail if Im wrong Im sorry is a miracle drug. What has happened to me from November 1st of last year till now is truly a miracle. But at the same time when anyone has something really bad in life happen to them those bad memories fade away slowly. When I go from board to board other people are living my story. I feel their pain everyday I read a post. But Im better at putting the info out to help and moving on without getting emotional. Example Im getting emails from a single mother with one child. She suffers from panic and anxiety. She thinks she may be crazy, she thinks she is a bad mother. So I send her lots of info to read and convince her that she is not crazy. She is 4 months into her med in another couple of weeks GOD willing it should start to work. I get emails from teenagers, people in their 20's, 30's 40's 50' and even 60's everyday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am fine, besides Jim thinks Im the funny one!!!!!! TAKE CARE TRUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL SEE YOUR SON ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!
WAYNE
Posted by lil' jimi on August 30, 2003, at 2:38:17
In reply to Re: 80 c.i. PLUS 20 mg = Good formula !, posted by hog80ci on August 29, 2003, at 19:29:44
i thank _you_, man ... great post!
reads like you're getting a handle on some heavy issues there ! ... that IS great!> Thanks Jim. I come home every day and check the threads here. It's helped a lot. Had a good talk today about a couple of character defects I try and deal with...self centeredness and an aversion to delayed gratification. I think seeing the words from other people give me hope, put me in some gratitude, and help me be patient.
>
> I might be seeing signs of benefit already. I have a pretty short fuse. Meds help keep it under control. Today, I was in a situation where I should have blown my stack, but the lid seemed to stay at least part way on. Thanks again for your support and encouragement.
> Jim >
>you have reminded me of how much i must be benefiting from lex ... ... ... i used to have to struggle against my internal undirected rage, especially in the mornings ... i haven't really felt that at all for a while ... i am a lot cooler now ...
best to you ... keep posting ... hang in there!
~ jim
Posted by lil' jimi on August 30, 2003, at 3:53:02
In reply to Good news...the light seems near, posted by theump on August 29, 2003, at 19:53:06
hi Renee!
that is great news!
wonderful to hear you're feeling better ...
and very encouraging!
i am so hoping this is the beginning of better things to come for you ... and me and all of us ....
.... i'll be trying my (absurd?) titrating up plan ... ... as soon as i get a handle on my technique for making measured 1mg doses ... once heard about liquid lexapro! ... that'd be the tiket! ... too bad it's the labor day weekend ... tuesday i'm shaking down my pharmacist, my gp and my health insurance ...
... ... OR my plan's back to pill smashing and measuring powder into tenths: no fun ... ... the only real fun is to kid about snorting the powder ... (the junk they probably use to make the lex into a pill probably ruin the remains of my allergy plagued sinuses!) .... .... i suppose i could try to dissolve the powder into water and measure that ... ...
... ... unfortunately for my little titrating trail experiment, jim is one lazy scientist ... ... i am definiteely turning this into a hobby !
... ... HA HA !!take care, renee ... _please_ keep me (us) posted! .... .... i'll be waiting to hear how it's going and good luck!
~ jim
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