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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on August 15, 2000, at 17:27:46
Hi Gang: I just need to rant. i just took a long walk trying to clear my head about a few things and I ended up in a field where they are going to build new houses. I looked up and saw the builder's sign and walked over to it and laid into it like it was a heavy bag at the gym. Then I walked over to a pile of hay bales and beat the crap out of them too and then the wall of a sand and gravel pit. Basically I have screwed up my right hand nicely and it is swollen really nicely. Didn't break any bones though. What confuses me is that I see this as a failure. Once I got started, I wanted to break every bone in my hand but the fact that I didn't makes me feel like I failed somehow. I was also trying very hard to make my hand bleed profusely but couldn't manage that either and regard that as a failure. How crazy am I???
I just out of the blue got so enraged that I HAD to hit something and I had every intention of doing real damage. Don't really have a question, just wanted to whine and vent. Funny thing is, I'm still angry.
Just me, thanks for listening
Posted by Phil on August 15, 2000, at 18:57:53
In reply to Real Problem with Anger where None is Warranted, posted by tina on August 15, 2000, at 17:27:46
Hey Tina,
Next time come to Texas and knock the hell out of me...kill two birds w/ one stone.
I hit a door the other day but not intentionally to harm myself. Although the sting felt pretty good!
I know I have a lot of anger these days and am taking steps to get back to counseling. Lately, I feel like I've just f*cked up everything and, as is my style, I am really hard on myself!!!
Gotta go, there's doors to be hit.
Take care Tina..
PJ
Posted by Sandi Pantalon on August 15, 2000, at 19:25:03
In reply to Real Problem with Anger where None is Warranted, posted by tina on August 15, 2000, at 17:27:46
Hi Tina:
I'm new to posting here - and I'm sort of hesitant to "jump right in" - but I used to have the sort of anger you have now...
I used to laughingly say that "I generated enough energy with my anger to power a small city"...road rage was almost a daily occurrence for me...arguing over (really minor) things with my husband and children until the veins bulged on my forehead...screaming and yelling and absolutely, positively having to have the "last word"...I used all the curse words in the book and wanted to make-up NEW ones because the others had lost their "oomph"...
I look back on it now and realize it was a waste of energy for me. Most of the time I really didn't feel any better afterwards and was even more isolated from my husband and children...the drivers that I shook my fist at and honked must have given me a pass and decided not to retaliate and possibly hurt (or even kill)me...I had daily migraine-type headaches...
Things with me reached a crescendo the last week of June of this year...what seemed like just another argument escalated to the point that I sort of "snapped" - my mind really left me for about 10 minutes...I ripped the cords to my computer and monitor out of the wall and was well on my way to tossing the monitor in the hallway (my son caught it)...I wrote a suicide note...and was fully intending to wash quite a few Xanax and Ambien tablets down my throat with a shot or two of Tanqueray...
INSTEAD, my husband called my neurologist who wanted me to be dragged kicking and screaming to our local psychiatric hospital...this would not be easy for anyone to do as I am a hell of a fighter about things I don't want to do - so it turned into 2 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy...
The therapy helped but adding Seroquel 25mg at bedtime has smoothed those razor-sharp edges and frayed nerves...
I can still become angry about things - but the Seroquel helps me to stop and consider the consequences, instead of going from calm to raving bitch in .06 seconds ;)
I also take Celexa 40mg daily and Dexedrine 5mg spansules twice a day...I have been taking the Seroquel for 3 weeks now and hope to work my way up to 50mg nightly...it puts me to sleep within 1 hour of taking it (reminds me of the Quaaludes I took in the late 70's!)and I sleep very, very soundly...I rarely have to take Xanax for anxiety or Ambien for insomnia now...
I'm still a "work in progress" and always, always looking for that "magic bullet" of a medication combination that will make me whole again...
I hope in some way this helps.
Tangentially yours,
Sandi*
(Bipolar II/ ADHD / ENFP / Aquarian)
This is the end of the thread.
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