Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
I believe I am in a panic right now. I feel as though I've just been scared and had a huge adrenaline surge, and now have wobbly legs, shaking hands, hard to breathe, heart beating fast, tight chest, not steady on my feet.
Panic is usually not one of my issues. Although, I''m no stranger to anxiety.
Any words of wisdom anyone?
I am going to be "released" at my job because I do not work fast enough (I coordinate training for businesses). Tomorrow is my last day. I don't know whether to resign (which I can) or let them fire me and try to collect unemployment. Shew!!! I am one scared, terrified person.
It's partly $$, and partly insurance, and partly security, and also self-esteem. They even have me convinced I'm not worthy. Never been "terminated" before.
What a drag. I know this will pass, and I know it won't be real easy, and I don't want to go through it, and here I go.
Onward through the fog. One wobbly step at a time.
Any words of wisdom anyone?
Shar
Posted by Renee N on May 30, 2000, at 22:29:38
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
I would quit. I believe it would be better when looking for a new job. Of course, I don't know your financial situation. You have got to find ways to keep your self esteem intact, so that you can go to interviews as a confident hireable (sp?) person. Best of luck to you. I think most people would feel some degree of panic in your situation. Please remember that this happens to many wonderful people. My husband was once fired for a rare but huge mistake at work, and found a job he liked much better very quickly. He told the truth at interviews. Most people can accept that everyone makes mistakes. How do you feel about your performance? Were they justified in their observationas and decision to let you go? Did they give you a chance to improve? Did they try to help you improve? Did you like the job? Best of luck to you. Don't feel pressured to actually answer any of my questions. Renee N
Posted by AndrewB on May 31, 2000, at 13:07:14
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
Shar,I hope I am not responding too late. I’ve been fired before....more than once. One time I was fired off a fishing boat. They didn’t even drop me off at a dock. The tide was out and they dropped me off in shallow water at the edge of some wide mud flats. I had to ‘slurp’ through the mud to get to shore. At that very moment, I felt like the lowest creature ever conceived on this earth. In fact, every time I’ve been fired I’ve felt like an utterly worthless outcast. You see, I’ve given the bosses I’ve had the power to pass judgment on my worth. People, like me, who don’t believe in themselves, who don’t have healthy self esteem, look outside themselves for validation. No job however, no amount of approval that you get from others, can replace a healthy belief you have in your basic value as a human being. And until a person stops looking outside for approval, they will be on an emotional roller coaster. Negative remarks people make about you, cut deeper and hurt longer, if you depend on others for validation. And being fired is the worst, because an authority figure has judged you to be unfit. It is emotionally crushing.
Don’t let others hurt you like this. This kind of thinking, of course, is just nonsense that echoes in one’s head, driving one to the depths of self reproach and fearfulness. Remember, jobs come and go, but we remain as human beings; vital, able to make a difference in the lives of others, imbued with inherent value. Most of the time people are fired because their skills or personality don’t match the skills or personality that the boss is looking for. We should look for jobs that are the right fit for us. Be realistic, nobody has the skills to do everything well or the skills that will appreciated by every boss. Conversely, basically everyone has certain things that they are good at doing. In reality, if you desire to work, it is not a question of whether you are a good or bad worker but whether the job is a good or bad fit. Believe me, there is a job and boss out there that is right for you, but what is really important, what you really need to ask yourself is whether you are going to be believe in yourself even as you go through the setbacks that we must all at time go through.
Beyond this, I have three other pieces of advice:
1) Unless you are assured by this company that they will recommend you to others, get fired. This way you can collect unemployment. There is little difference in the eyes of your future employers between the person who gets fired and the person who quits in unfavorable circumstances.
2) Ask your psychiatrist whether you are taking the optimal medication for your (social) anxiety.
3) It is natural to feel hurt by being fired. It helps in getting over the hurt to let your pain out. Tell your friends how hurt you are, anybody who will listen. Rent a sad movie and cry over the hurt. Put on a favorite CD and sing, wail and scream out the hurt.
4) Before you start looking for another job, go do something for yourself; something you can feel good about yourself doing, something that can get your head away from all this stupid job stuff. Go visit a friend, take a road trip, do a hobby project, take a long hike, anything that will improve your frame of mind and help put this nastiness in the rear view mirror.
Best of luck, I’m wishing you a speedy recovery.
AndrewB
Posted by Lurker on May 31, 2000, at 17:10:05
In reply to Re: EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by AndrewB on May 31, 2000, at 13:07:14
I'm new here but I have suffered from panic attacks since I was twelve. I've been on lots of different herbal stuff and even holistic and alternative meds. The only thing that helped was leaving my old job. The panic attacks went away completely so take heart--maybe you are going in the right direction by leaving. Just an opinion.>
> Shar,
>
> I hope I am not responding too late. I’ve been fired before....more than once. One time I was fired off a fishing boat. They didn’t even drop me off at a dock. The tide was out and they dropped me off in shallow water at the edge of some wide mud flats. I had to ‘slurp’ through the mud to get to shore. At that very moment, I felt like the lowest creature ever conceived on this earth. In fact, every time I’ve been fired I’ve felt like an utterly worthless outcast. You see, I’ve given the bosses I’ve had the power to pass judgment on my worth. People, like me, who don’t believe in themselves, who don’t have healthy self esteem, look outside themselves for validation. No job however, no amount of approval that you get from others, can replace a healthy belief you have in your basic value as a human being. And until a person stops looking outside for approval, they will be on an emotional roller coaster. Negative remarks people make about you, cut deeper and hurt longer, if you depend on others for validation. And being fired is the worst, because an authority figure has judged you to be unfit. It is emotionally crushing.
>
> Don’t let others hurt you like this. This kind of thinking, of course, is just nonsense that echoes in one’s head, driving one to the depths of self reproach and fearfulness. Remember, jobs come and go, but we remain as human beings; vital, able to make a difference in the lives of others, imbued with inherent value. Most of the time people are fired because their skills or personality don’t match the skills or personality that the boss is looking for. We should look for jobs that are the right fit for us. Be realistic, nobody has the skills to do everything well or the skills that will appreciated by every boss. Conversely, basically everyone has certain things that they are good at doing. In reality, if you desire to work, it is not a question of whether you are a good or bad worker but whether the job is a good or bad fit. Believe me, there is a job and boss out there that is right for you, but what is really important, what you really need to ask yourself is whether you are going to be believe in yourself even as you go through the setbacks that we must all at time go through.
>
> Beyond this, I have three other pieces of advice:
>
> 1) Unless you are assured by this company that they will recommend you to others, get fired. This way you can collect unemployment. There is little difference in the eyes of your future employers between the person who gets fired and the person who quits in unfavorable circumstances.
>
> 2) Ask your psychiatrist whether you are taking the optimal medication for your (social) anxiety.
>
> 3) It is natural to feel hurt by being fired. It helps in getting over the hurt to let your pain out. Tell your friends how hurt you are, anybody who will listen. Rent a sad movie and cry over the hurt. Put on a favorite CD and sing, wail and scream out the hurt.
>
> 4) Before you start looking for another job, go do something for yourself; something you can feel good about yourself doing, something that can get your head away from all this stupid job stuff. Go visit a friend, take a road trip, do a hobby project, take a long hike, anything that will improve your frame of mind and help put this nastiness in the rear view mirror.
>
> Best of luck, I’m wishing you a speedy recovery.
>
> AndrewB
Posted by shar on May 31, 2000, at 20:31:42
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
When I got home today, a wreck, I came right to my computer.
You guys are too good. After reading these posts and taking in the sharing, and honesty, and good advice...I feel really calmed down, able to think, not nearly as scared--or ashamed.
Thank you so much, I'm very glad you took the time.
They did not have all their firing forms done today at work, so I have to go back tomorrow. And now, after your words of encouragement, it won't be with my head hanging down!
xoxo S
Posted by Snowie on May 31, 2000, at 22:59:47
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
Shar,
I hate to admit this, but I've been fired ... twice. The first time was almost a year ago. Like the others said, the fit was totally wrong for me, but I continued with the job even though I hated it, and it hated me. A career is important to me, and I was never so miserable as I was in this job. Consequently, even though it was embarrassing to be fired, it also was something of a relief.
The second time was my very next job, and after only 3 weeks on the job. Having been through it the first time made the second time easier, even though I suspect there were other motives for my termination at this job. However, I'm not upset that it didn't work out.
Not surprisingly, my self-esteem at this point was non-existent and my anxiety was killing me. I had never been fired before; my other jobs were long-termers where my performance had always been praised, and my bosses had begged me not to seek other employment. I was totally unprepared that someone might one day not like me or my work. It was an eye opener, but not a bad thing in hindsight. Like the others said, you will eventually find the right job for you. What is more difficult right now is the unknown ... not knowing when, where, or even if, but you'll somehow survive, and this too shall pass.
Good luck ... I'm working at a job where my work is again praised. Nice to be wanted and needed ... again.
Snowie
Posted by Sara T on June 1, 2000, at 13:44:07
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
> I believe I am in a panic right now. I feel as though I've just been scared and had a huge adrenaline surge, and now have wobbly legs, shaking hands, hard to breathe, heart beating fast, tight chest, not steady on my feet.
>
> Panic is usually not one of my issues. Although, I''m no stranger to anxiety.
>
> Any words of wisdom anyone?
>
> I am going to be "released" at my job because I do not work fast enough (I coordinate training for businesses). Tomorrow is my last day. I don't know whether to resign (which I can) or let them fire me and try to collect unemployment. Shew!!! I am one scared, terrified person.
>
> It's partly $$, and partly insurance, and partly security, and also self-esteem. They even have me convinced I'm not worthy. Never been "terminated" before.
>
> What a drag. I know this will pass, and I know it won't be real easy, and I don't want to go through it, and here I go.
>
> Onward through the fog. One wobbly step at a time.
>
> Any words of wisdom anyone?
>
> SharShar-
I'm glad to see that you are facing this with courage and dignity, even thouogh its a situation that really digs into your dignity.It also touched on an issue that has been central to me almost all my working life. The fear of not being able to succeed. I fear that I cannot make it on my own. It has been one thing that has kept me from going back out there after 5 years (even though I have done so sporadically).
Like the others on this thread have pointed out, the job may not have been a good fit for you and getting fired maybe lead you to something better actually. I hope so.
I have been fired twice, and I have to admit that I was partially at fault. My career is at a standstill. I have also come to recognize that those jobs weren't a good fit for me, and during the time I have been out, I discovered my ADD.
I am talented, I am intelligent, and I can and have succeeeded in things. But fear often takes over and I freeze. Then I don't believe any of those things about myself and I wonder what good I am and why I even exist.
I will go back out there, and this time I will have a better understanding of myself and how I need to function. I am working on developing a more realistic appraisal of myself to take with me.
It hurts, no doubt about it. But again, I want to tell you how impressed I am with the way in which you're dealing with your fears. My thoughts are with you, keep us posted with your progress.
Good Luck,
Sara T.
Posted by shar on June 2, 2000, at 2:42:00
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
Thanks, you all.
I survived the day. They agreed to give me one month of administrative leave, and I signed an "i won't sue you" agreement.
It gives me a month of security, extra time to job hunt. Thanks be!
I really appreciate your encouragement. Otherwise it would have been this really horrible time. But I kept in mind the things you all said, and it helped a lot.
S
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 12:37:59
In reply to Re: EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on June 2, 2000, at 2:42:00
You sound more optimistic. Good. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Posted by shar on June 2, 2000, at 18:03:45
In reply to EXPLORING NEW TERRORTORY, posted by shar on May 30, 2000, at 20:26:10
I was rereading this thread, and there are so many strong people here. Not only facing depression or other issues, but hanging in through very rough times. Times that can attack what little self-esteem we may have.
I am really impressed with how much tenacity and will it takes to survive all that/this. When you have several people telling their experience it is plain to see what hard workers there are here.
It is hard work to be a survivor, and you posters are survivors. I am really glad to have the benefit of your perspectives and suggestions.
Thanks, and congratulations to us all.
S
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