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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by voni on May 17, 2000, at 12:51:22
I am in a new relationship now. I made the desicion to stay here in Tx and not follow my mother to Baja California, this is the first time that I stay for a man see my familly moves around alot and I have always found it easy to leave a relationship no matter how long into it I had been. Well this time I am still not sure that I want this man to be that one for ever but I have 2 daughters and I am oviouslly a single parent to top it off I am 27 years old. I do suffer from depression and I have some real bad axiety attacks so bad that I hyper venilate, I am currently on Paxil and another deppressant that helps me sleep. Because of this disorder I find myself only wanting to be by my mothers side I feel like this little girl that is lost. My oldest daughter is 10 going on 11 thids Aug. I had her when I was 15 she looks like my little sister and sometimes acts like my mother, My baby is 7 and she is just a baby, she needs me and she is the reason why I keep going. My new boyfriend is a 34 yearsold man and he is so good to me, he is patient and is always making sure that I take my meds' he takes the kids off my hands when he sees that I am having one of my spazms...I have only known this beautiful stranger for like 5 months and he begged me to stay and give us a chnace at a new begining he is very responsible family oriented, he has his occasional drinks but is a wonderful father. So know I ask you did I make the right desicion? I mean I am origionally from L.A moved here to Tx to be cloose to MOM now that she s gone I stood for him very unsurely of my desicion I find that every day is an easier task.I am so use to the social scene and I really miss all of my frineds and especially my mom. Am I heading for a down fall? am I fooling myself? so I ask stroke of luck or gift from God?
Please reply
Posted by Kathie on May 17, 2000, at 14:48:03
In reply to Self-destructing again?, posted by voni on May 17, 2000, at 12:51:22
voni,
Unfortunately nobody but you can know if you made the right decision staying in Tx with your new boyfriend but you. It does, however, sound like he is a very supportive person and perhaps at your age it is time for you to break free of your mother. It is normal to miss her but in adulthood we generally try to cut the apron strings and strive for a little more independence. Be careful you don't substitute your dependence on your mother to your boyfriend. Perhaps making a new start for yourself and your family will be just the thing you need to feel better about yourself, to give you a little more self esteem!
Good luck to you!
Kathie
Posted by Noa on May 17, 2000, at 15:01:49
In reply to Re: Self-destructing again?, posted by Kathie on May 17, 2000, at 14:48:03
Yes, I think no matter what you decide, you might want to think about ways to build your confidence in yourself so that you do not always feel so dependent on others. It is not that I am knocking dependence. In relationships, people are interdependent, but it sounds like you never got the chance to go through that stage of life most of us do, at 16-25 when we go out on our own, one way or another, and discover who we are. You went right from childhood to parenthood, and it sounds like you do not feel very confident in yourself as an adult.
Are you in therapy? Sometimes group therapy is great for this kind of issue. Bottom line? How can you feel stronger, more self confident?
Posted by Nancy on May 17, 2000, at 15:31:58
In reply to Self-destructing again?, posted by voni on May 17, 2000, at 12:51:22
>Voni!
I am so proud of you for deciding to stay. Although you are probably scared without mom, it is time that you are on your own. Your mother must be wonderful; however, there is that safeguard with her. Now you are taking chances, but to you they seem extremem, but they are a part of moving on. If this man treats you nicely, is committed then that is great. Don't worry about the chances of being hurt. It is hard to move on and to take a chance and to trust someone, but you must.
I am glad that he helps yu through difficult times.
I hope that you feel stronger now that you have made this decision. I am sure that you will be lonely without your mom, but now it is time to focus on your children and your new relationshiop.
Good luck!Tx and not follow my mother to Baja California, this is the first time that I stay for a man see my familly moves around alot and I have always found it easy to leave a relationship no matter how long into it I had been. Well this time I am still not sure that I want this man to be that one for ever but I have 2 daughters and I am oviouslly a single parent to top it off I am 27 years old. I do suffer from depression and I have some real bad axiety attacks so bad that I hyper venilate, I am currently on Paxil and another deppressant that helps me sleep. Because of this disorder I find myself only wanting to be by my mothers side I feel like this little girl that is lost. My oldest daughter is 10 going on 11 thids Aug. I had her when I was 15 she looks like my little sister and sometimes acts like my mother, My baby is 7 and she is just a baby, she needs me and she is the reason why I keep going. My new boyfriend is a 34 yearsold man and he is so good to me, he is patient and is always making sure that I take my meds' he takes the kids off my hands when he sees that I am having one of my spazms...I have only known this beautiful stranger for like 5 months and he begged me to stay and give us a chnace at a new begining he is very responsible family oriented, he has his occasional drinks but is a wonderful father. So know I ask you did I make the right desicion? I mean I am origionally from L.A moved here to Tx to be cloose to MOM now that she s gone I stood for him very unsurely of my desicion I find that every day is an easier task.I am so use to the social scene and I really miss all of my frineds and especially my mom. Am I heading for a down fall? am I fooling myself? so I ask stroke of luck or gift from God?
> Please reply
Posted by Nancy on May 17, 2000, at 15:34:54
In reply to Re: Self-destructing again?, posted by Kathie on May 17, 2000, at 14:48:03
> Good advice Kathie.
I agree, it will be difficult not to depend on the new guy, but look at it as a dual relationship. He too probably has issues that needs working on.
I know this must be hard, but try not to focus on the events that occured i.e. mom leaving, but focus on the future.
Nancyvoni,
>
> Unfortunately nobody but you can know if you made the right decision staying in Tx with your new boyfriend but you. It does, however, sound like he is a very supportive person and perhaps at your age it is time for you to break free of your mother. It is normal to miss her but in adulthood we generally try to cut the apron strings and strive for a little more independence. Be careful you don't substitute your dependence on your mother to your boyfriend. Perhaps making a new start for yourself and your family will be just the thing you need to feel better about yourself, to give you a little more self esteem!
>
> Good luck to you!
>
> Kathie
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