![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mark H. on May 16, 2000, at 10:46:08
Of all things, my high school (which I loathed) has an active forum (in which I participate, of course). The best mechanical features of that board are 1.) the same type of "review" screen we have here; and 2.) automatic recognition of the poster, so that anyone who has posted something may go back later and delete it.
As you might guess, I have used the second feature a number of times, for various reasons -- from just being silly, to having mentioned something inappropriately personal about someone else, to just being embarrassed by what I wrote when I read it later.
The only downside to having a similar system here (besides Dr. Bob having to figure out how to make it work with cookies, etc.), would be that all posts would not always be available in the archives. Considering the types of posts that would most likely be self-deleted, this seems a very small price to pay.
It also provides a no-fault way to improve one's own civility. It permits regret without public confession.
Just a thought....
Mark H.
Posted by bob on May 16, 2000, at 18:02:34
In reply to Self-Delete Would Be A Nice Feature, posted by Mark H. on May 16, 2000, at 10:46:08
Threaded messages like those in this board are certainly easy to delete, since as boBB mentioned they are just files on a hard drive somewhere.
However, it wreaks havoc on the nature of the threads.
As others have suggested, ignoring posts is simpler, effective, and in the long run just better for how these things work.
cheers,
bob
Posted by Mark H. on May 16, 2000, at 20:41:28
In reply to Re: Self-Delete Would Be A Nice Feature, posted by bob on May 16, 2000, at 18:02:34
> However, [deletion] wreaks havoc on the nature of the threads.I respectfully disagree. For example, I had just finished writing a response to Scott about when not to post, and while I was forthcoming in what I wrote, I struggled with whether to hit the "submit" button. Today, my post seems superfluous, unhelpful. It's served its purpose, which was to respond to a friend and get something off my chest. But leaving it up seems mean-spirited to me today. So I would choose to delete it if I could.
No sooner had I finished that post than someone was whining about Dr. Bob. My therapist says "Get a grip!" to someone at least once or twice in each weekly group. It's his way of saying, "Stop whining, you're jerking us around, you know better, and it's disingenuous." Fine. But to another poster -- a severely depressed poster -- it seemed that I had gone on the attack. Nevermind that I encouraged the person who was whining and leaving to stay; it scared or offended someone whose opinion I value. There again, I would like to be able to delete that post as a show of respect, if nothing else.
The self-delete feature is a good way to take something back, or to say something that needs to be said at the moment, without it being engraved in the archives. It's a way to erase one's mistakes.
What I would delete of my own writing would only strengthen the thread. Much of what I do involves paring other people's words down to help them achieve greater impact. It's the same idea.
We're all bobs. ;0)
Love,
Mark
Posted by bob on May 16, 2000, at 21:55:02
In reply to Re: Self-Delete Would Strengthen Threads, posted by Mark H. on May 16, 2000, at 20:41:28
> We're all bobs. ;0)
Ah, doncha know that there are two types of people in the world:
those who are bobs, and those who wish they were.or is it
"I'm all alone so are we all
We're all bobs
One are all and all are one
One are all and all are one"aCk! (name that b*st*rd*z*t**n of a tune!)
personally, I still would argue for the lack of revising what's been posted. you can always post a follow-up. if you're misunderstood or react rashly more than once (or maybe once is enough), you will learn a better way to communicate. for those of us with occasionally poor social skills in front of Real Live People in synchronous discussion mode (guilty as charged), perhaps it'll help us learn some transferable skills. when we're on the receiving end, maybe it will teach us to respond without anger.
cheers,
bob
Posted by Deb R on May 17, 2000, at 7:21:46
In reply to Re: Self-Delete Would Strengthen Threads, posted by bob on May 16, 2000, at 21:55:02
> personally, I still would argue for the lack of revising what's been posted. you can always post a follow-up. if you're misunderstood or react rashly more than once (or maybe once is enough), you will learn a better way to communicate. for those of us with occasionally poor social skills in front of Real Live People in synchronous discussion mode (guilty as charged), perhaps it'll help us learn some transferable skills. when we're on the receiving end, maybe it will teach us to respond without anger.
>
> cheers,
> bobHi bob and Mark,
Hope its ok to add a bit to this thread. I posted something about my Mum which I regretted 5 minutes later and would have given almost anything to take it back. Later I realised that perhaps I could have asked Dr Bob to delete it for me, as a special favour. The thing is that I learned something from posting what I did. For weeks I cringed when I thought about what I had done, how personal that information was and how much I had no right to divulge it. Today I have no regrets at all, because I have faced several scary memories and I am doing just fine...you bewdy!! Well, I am doing better than ok anyway, and thats pretty darn good hey!
My best wishes to you both...I love reading both your posts and have learned so much.Deb.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 18, 2000, at 9:05:12
In reply to Re: Self-Delete Would Strengthen Threads, posted by Deb R on May 17, 2000, at 7:21:46
> The thing is that I learned something from posting what I did. For weeks I cringed when I thought about what I had done, how personal that information was and how much I had no right to divulge it. Today I have no regrets at all, because I have faced several scary memories and I am doing just fine...you bewdy!! Well, I am doing better than ok anyway, and thats pretty darn good hey!
That's really good to hear, I'm glad it's worked out. :-)
Bob
Posted by Todd on May 18, 2000, at 18:18:34
In reply to Re: Self-Delete Would Strengthen Threads, posted by Dr. Bob on May 18, 2000, at 9:05:12
Wheeeeee! My eyes welled up a little again when I read this last post of yours, Deb, but this time it was for joy! I am so happy to hear your great news. Like I have said before, there are no accidents! When I read your regrets about that post a few weeks back and responded to you, I tried to imagine myself giving you a big ol' hug and telling you that it was OK, that there are no accidents, and that this is all part of your process. You've obviously been doing some GREAT work since then. What a wonderful payout so soon after your anguish. And you did it YOURSELF. Bravo. I am grinning from ear to ear. Keep on keepin' on, Deb. Peace and love.
Posted by Noa on May 18, 2000, at 18:24:12
In reply to To Deb R., posted by Todd on May 18, 2000, at 18:18:34
Yes, Deb, glad to hear you are feeling better. You have dealt with a lot in your life, and are continuing to do so. Allowing yourself to get the support YOU need seems to be helping you. You also have had to show lots of courage to grapple with the trauma you have been through.
Gday
Posted by Deb R on May 25, 2000, at 4:24:35
In reply to Re: To Deb R., posted by Noa on May 18, 2000, at 18:24:12
Hi Noa and Todd,
Thanks yet again for your support and kindness in posting - it does make me feel good. I find myself going up and down emotionally - extreme highs and deep lows - but I am hopeful I will settle to somewhere between the two one of these days. A big 'ol hug to you both...
Love,
Deb.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.