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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 13, 2005, at 22:21:24
In reply to Frustrated ********Trigger*************, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 21:43:33
Deneb,
I think that you got some good answers about your post. I want to address something else:
It is absolutely essential that you get regular (at least weekly) therapy. Brief pdoc appts every few weeks are not enough. I know you had some difficulty getting a counselor at the counseling ctr, but you need to make this happen. Perhaps they will take you now that you are on meds. Your pdoc can probably help you match up w/ someone. You should ask abt DBT.
You are very unhappy. You need to do something abt it.
Please respond to this post. I try to be helpful, but you rarely respond to my posts. I don't know if you don't like what I have to say...?
Best,
EE
Posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 22:26:38
In reply to Need to understand triggers and suicide, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 20:42:10
Try reading this thread, it might help you understand.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/566169.htmlJust for sh*ts and giggles, let's put the shoe on the other foot for a while, shall we?
How would you feel if your mother killed herself? Would you like to walk into the house and find her dead body? Would you like to have to clean up the mess that came from the struggle of her body fighting for its life? Would you like to cut the rope her body was hanging from and hear the thump of it falling to the floor? To see her in a lifeless heap of rotting death, with her blue face and purple bloated tounge reaching out to you?
Would you like to have to deal with planning her funeral? Figuring out what to dress her in? Figuring out how to cover the bruises around her neck where the rope was? Having to look at her disfigured face while she was lying in a coffin? Figuring out out how to pay for this very big unexpected expense?
Would you like to have to tell people for the rest of your life that your mother killed herself? Would you like to wonder for the rest of your life if there was something else you could have done to have helped her? Would you enjoy her selfishness if she did all of this TO YOU?
I don't think you would, Deneb. And I'm sure your mother wouldn't enjoy doing all of those things either. And to some extent, all of us at babble would have to deal with some of the same feelings if you killed yourself.
What I don't understand it why you insist on threatening suicide every other week.
Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 22:29:56
In reply to Re: Frustrated ********Trigger*************, posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 13, 2005, at 22:21:24
Hi Emily
Sorry I didn't respond before. Sometimes I write a general response to everyone.
I think I need help too. I'm pretty messed up. I see my p-doc every 2 weeks, but he doesn't teach me things. He doesn't really talk much. I will try to remember to ask.
Thanks Emily Elizabeth
Deneb
Posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 22:32:41
In reply to Frustrated ********Trigger*************, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 21:43:33
> I find myself getting a little angry because it feels like people are saying it is not OK for me to kill myself. I feel like saying, "I'll kill myself if I want to!" I want to show people I can do it, that I'm not kidding.
This is something a young child would say because she didn't get her way. I don't think you want to die, you're throwing a temper tantraum!
Posted by Nickengland on October 13, 2005, at 22:33:21
In reply to Frustrated ********Trigger*************, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 21:43:33
Hi Deneb
Its the middle of the night here in England so you'll have to excuse me if I dont make much sense, i've just woken up as im having some trouble sleeping...
>I'm not joking about suicide Nickengland, I'm not sure how that relates to what I'm asking about now.
Your subject title said:
Need to understand suicide and triggers
In the link I provided it says
>I think that I "get" why people were so upset at what I wrote.
I thought there was a relation somewhere.
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 13, 2005, at 22:38:06
In reply to Need to understand triggers and suicide, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 20:42:10
>>Why do many get angry? I really don't get this.
I can't answer this. But, IMO anger is the wrong word. I think it hits people really hard in a sore spot. can you really not understand this? Im sorry if I sound insensitive but I feel like you have had so many explanations given to you. I give up, Im tired and I feel I already gave you an explanation as well.
It was just a favor, just a friendly request for a trigger without making a big deal of it. Or maybe I'm being selfish or maybe Im being too sensitive or maybe Im too vulnerable. Sorry. Im out of here for now so dont worry about it.Deneb, it feels awful when you are triggered..maybe that helps to understand.
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 13, 2005, at 22:48:02
In reply to Need to understand triggers and suicide, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 20:42:10
i stood in a room filled with people living with cancer.others that lost..
i asked..."i have cancer..i am in pain..i hurt..i struggle..and i can not understand why you do?".. i was pushed to the white brick wall, smacking the back of my head against its coolness..i heard it so clear "you do not need to understand me ..respect my torment..or turn and look for the exit"
sit and listen on this nimble bar stool..careful.
do not fall and hit your face on the sticky floor of inlightenment..
Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 22:48:06
In reply to How stupid of me! » Deneb, posted by rainbowbrite on October 13, 2005, at 22:38:06
Are you angry with me?
I'm sorry.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 13, 2005, at 22:49:27
In reply to Frustrated ********Trigger*************, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 21:43:33
>>I find myself getting a little angry because it feels like people are saying it is not OK for me to kill myself.
i can't speak for others but this isnt what Im saying. Im not talking about *you*, Im saying just be sensitive to others' emotions. think about when you feel bad, do you like when others feel bad too? see where Im going with this? Im not saying kill youself. I dont think anyone should! Im just saying that a lot of the time it isnt about *you*, but you view it about *you* its how you phrase things. Its feels to me that it is done in a mocking way. I recall one post where you thought it was funny listening to the way some people tried to kill themselves. thats all.thats it.
Posted by Nickengland on October 13, 2005, at 22:53:50
In reply to Re: Need to understand ** Trigger warning » Deneb, posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 22:26:38
Hi teresa,
>What I don't understand it why you insist on threatening suicide every other week.
Thought this link might be of some use..
>Someone with a personality disorder will engage in a certain behaviour pattern that usually causes more problems than it solves - if not for them, then for the people around them. This behaviour will usually be the result of a deeply held belief - often to do with the way that they view the world. Their belief in this world view is so strong that any evidence to the contrary is discounted.
And..
What professional help is available?
There are many treatment approaches to personality disorder. Research into the use of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and variants of this called cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) and dialectic therapy have shown promising results.Psychodynamic group therapy also seems to have some effect. This can often be in the setting of a therapeutic community (TC). This is a residential unit where patients take part in a lot of intensive group therapy. There are only two or three such units in the country, and referral to them is usually via a local mental health team. The TC will then do its own assessment which may not result in the patient being accepted.
Some people with personality disorder get the treatment they need after coming into contact with the police and courts, and being assessed as suitable for treatment by a forensic psychiatrist.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/disorders_person.shtml
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 23:04:29
In reply to Re: Need to understand ** Trigger warning, posted by Nickengland on October 13, 2005, at 22:53:50
Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 23:07:29
In reply to Re: Need to understand ** Trigger warning, posted by Nickengland on October 13, 2005, at 22:53:50
...are you saying I should be in jail?
I didn't do anything illegal.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 23:13:22
In reply to Re: Nickengland..., posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 23:07:29
I have some insight I think. My p-doc said so. She said I have a mild borderline personality.
I scored low for anti-social personality in this quiz I took, so I'm not sure why you think I will go to jail.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051007/msgs/564659.html
Deneb
Posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 23:37:58
In reply to Re: Nickengland..., posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 23:13:22
The article said some people don't get the help they need until they go to jail. The courts are forcing them to get treatment.
As opposed to going and getting the NEEDED help on your own, before things get way out of control and the police are forced to intervene.
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 13, 2005, at 23:47:07
In reply to Re: Nickengland..., posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 23:13:22
good golly ..
being brief..
repeat explainations...
honest..
caring..
love..
tell us where to go from here...
Posted by gardenergirl on October 13, 2005, at 23:47:17
In reply to Re: Nickengland..., posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 23:13:22
Deneb,
Nothing in Nick's post says anthing about you going to jail. His post was not about you, it was about treatment and patterns of behavior and events often seen in people with personality disorders.I'm worried about you.
Are you still taking your medication as prescribed? Are you getting regular sleep and nutrition? Are you doing at least one thing you enjoy everyday? Do you do at least one thing you are capable of doing (even if it's tying your shoes) every day?
These are things than can help people cope with mood disruptions, or affective dysregulation as Linehan refers to it in her work on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You mightalso find some interesting exercises in learning to cope with and manage distress at www.dbtselfhelp.com Perhaps this approach could help you discover choices in ways to cope while you wait for you pdoc to return from her leave.
And the issue about talking about suicide and how it affects others is an issue of courtesy. We have rules here at Babble to help us extend courtesy to one another. When there isn't a rule, we try to be sensitive to others' feelings, even if they do not match ours. Sometimes that means we can't talk about certain subjects in the manner we would like to here.
I like to talk about my political beliefs, and I often make jokes about the other political party and some of its leaders. It's a habit I have that might hurt others who's views are different from my own. It's both a rule here and a courtesy I extend (at least I try to be consistent with it) to my fellow Babblers to refrain from discussing politics in that manner. That's something I have to live with in order to participate here.
Please stop to consider others' feelings before you post about something triggering. I appreciate that you are putting a trigger warning in your subject lines.
gg
Posted by Deneb on October 14, 2005, at 0:11:38
In reply to Take a deep breath and read Nick's post again,plz » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on October 13, 2005, at 23:47:17
> Deneb,
> Nothing in Nick's post says anthing about you going to jail.I'm sorry Nickengland, I read the post and I thought you were talking about how I should be in jail. Also, I have insight, I really do. I suspected I had a borderline personality even before my p-doc mentioned it.
> Are you still taking your medication as prescribed?
I kinda experimented with taking 0.25mg Risperdal yesterday(?) instead of 0.5mg. I think it helps me be more hesitant to act on my thoughts.
>Are you getting regular sleep and nutrition?
I think so. My sleep is never truly regular so it is normal for me.
>Are you doing at least one thing you enjoy everyday?
I may as well. I just realized my life is over.
> Do you do at least one thing you are capable of doing (even if it's tying your shoes) every day?
I went to class instead of buying a you-know-what. I like to sleep a lot. I sleep til 3pm.
>You mightalso find some interesting exercises in learning to cope with and manage distress at www.dbtselfhelp.comThanks for the website GG
> Please stop to consider others' feelings before you post about something triggering.
I will try very hard to remember GG. I'm going to take Rainbowbrite's word that triggers hurt people and make them feel like when I'm feeling really horrible.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 14, 2005, at 0:40:40
In reply to Re: Thanks GG *trigger?* » gardenergirl, posted by Deneb on October 14, 2005, at 0:11:38
Here's some good info on borderline personality disorder
=================================================
http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic270.htm"BPD is considered to have a condition on the border between psychosis and neurosis."
"The disorder is characterized by marked instability in functioning; affect; mood; interpersonal relationships; and, at times, reality testing."
"Patients with BPD might manifest overwhelming anger when in a state of crisis."
"Psychotic symptoms, when present, are short lived, circumscribed, or accompanied by good reality testing."
"The person with a personality disorder is frequently dissatisfied with his or her marked and sustained impairment in social, occupational, or academic functioning."
"Premature death among patients with BPD may be due to the increased risk of suicide in this population. Approximately 70-75% of patients with BPD have a history of at least one deliberate act of self-harm. According to Linehan et al, the **mean estimated rate of completed suicides 9%.**"
=================================================
I'm doomed. :-(
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 14, 2005, at 0:52:08
In reply to Need to understand triggers and suicide, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 20:42:10
I understand about using descriptions of cutting as triggering. They "trigger" people into cutting etc. I don't get it for suicide though. Talking about suicide doesn't trigger me into suicide. Does it trigger you into thinking about committing suicide?
please reread your post....
how can i be civil....???
never post about how you understand the "cutter"..we are not yours to understand..
please continue to only speak of yourself...
never post about how "borderlines" feeel ..we are not yours to understand..speak for yourself.
if i may...
"the circle is broken"..
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 14, 2005, at 1:07:32
In reply to Re: Borderline personality *trigger*, posted by Deneb on October 14, 2005, at 0:40:40
lable(bpb)......is not death(doom).
deneb has shown ..ununderstanding..
several times i have expresed my hurt in her group "labeling"..polically incorrect..many times over...
Posted by Nickengland on October 14, 2005, at 8:36:21
In reply to Good link, (nm) » Nickengland, posted by crazy teresa on October 13, 2005, at 23:04:29
Posted by AuntieMel on October 14, 2005, at 9:11:56
In reply to Need to understand triggers and suicide, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 20:42:10
Is it really important to understand *why* people are triggered?
Or is it only important to know that they are?
There are many, many things in life that upset others. From small to large.
Chewing and talking at the same time. Cursing. and so on. I don't need to understand *why* they upset people, only that they do. And I need to respect that.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 14, 2005, at 9:22:25
In reply to Re: You DON'T Need to understand triggers » Deneb, posted by AuntieMel on October 14, 2005, at 9:11:56
Thank you, AuntieMel. I couldn't figure out a civil way to word it!
Posted by holymama on October 14, 2005, at 9:59:56
In reply to Re: You DON'T Need to understand triggers » AuntieMel, posted by ClearSkies on October 14, 2005, at 9:22:25
Deneb,
I have three little kids -- 4,5 and 7. I love them with every bone of my body and want to watch them grow up and I want to be a healthy role model for them so that they can have an easier time through their lives.
I do NOT want them to find my dead body and mourn the loss of not having a mother for the rest of their lives and use my example as their own when they run into trouble -- "well, mom did it when times were hard, so it's always an option for me..."
Suicidal feelings are something I BATTLE, not embrace. I feel them intensely when I am really depressed but when I come out of a depression I feel as though I have won the battle by not killing myself.
I think that most people here feel the same way about suicide, so for someone to speak lightly about it is painful and scary for most of us. We want to get away from it, even though our illnesses force us close.
I understand Deneb that you are only trying to understand, not being uncivil. Can you understand that it would be really painful for me to see jokes about suicide here on this site when I (and a lot of others here) am fighting with all of my strength to fight that 'monster' and stay with my babies?
You should see my babies, Deneb. They are too beautiful for words. If you saw them, I think you would understand.
~Autumn~
Posted by Nickengland on October 14, 2005, at 10:21:38
In reply to Re: Thanks GG *trigger?* » gardenergirl, posted by Deneb on October 14, 2005, at 0:11:38
Hello Deneb,
Hope you're feeling better today :-)
>I'm sorry Nickengland, I read the post and I thought you were talking about how I should be in jail.
No worries...The way I posted the link and my intention was to copy and paste the professional help available. Basically I copied and pasted the body of the section of that part of the site which happened to include the information about police and courts as it was on the tail end...No way intended to suggest you should go to jail for what you post on an internet forum!
Also, I was having some trouble sleeping last night, I think its because of the darker days coming are affecting my body clock (i'm looking to buy a light box for this) but anyway I was pretty drowsy when I posted the messages I did, so I apologise if they appeared to be slightly unclear..
I thought it might be worth mentioning to you, I know of someone (a man) he's a distant relative who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder afew years ago. Which is strange in a way because from what I understand, most people with borderline personality disorder, or a high percentage are young women, 75% or something like that but i guess he falls into the 25% of the 10-14% of the popluation it effects (in rough figures)
With regards to coming in contact with the police, he did. But not like how you would expect one to become in contact with the police for commiting a crime and being arrested and possily going to jail etc. What happened was he was constantly making suicide threats, or to the effect of that eg phoning people and going into detail of how he's basically had enough of life, he'd done all he wanted to do and now it was time to end it. He would go into detail about how he wanted to end it. This came to a head one night in London where he was found on Tower Bridge, kind of prepared to jump into the river Thames. The police were called because of the nature of his behaviour surrounding his actions of what he was claiming he was going to do, or what it looked like he was going to attempt.
He did not go to jail and was not arrested. The police involved however refered him to a London hospital for 28 days where he was assessed by a team of mental health specialists and was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder. You see, I don't think at all that what you say on here, or more to the point if I was to suggest you should go to jail for posting something on here, then I would back it up with evidence etc and believe me you would know that I was suggesting I was saying you should go to jail! The traits that I see when you speak about suicide are identical to that of the man I knew (distant relative) who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
I understand you must be under alot of stress when you write what you do, at the end of one of the messages you wrote above, you said "Kill me people, kill me!"
Killing or killing oneself can be viewed as murder. Murdering oneself or murdering someone else. I'm not saying you're a murderer! But you understand the nature of suicide is killing and killing can be viewed as murder, murder is illegal for obvious reasons and carries punishments of manslaughter, life in prisionment and in certain areas of the world the death sentance. Then theres insanity at the time of the murder.
What I'm getting at is, when you're thinking about suicide, you're not well. So suffering the effects of an illness which brings out thoughts and feelings that you want to end your life. The answer to this, is not to end your life. Its simply to treat the illness so that you do not feel this way and so the illness and pain is relieved, you are then in effect made well. Back to the man I knew, who took things to the edge and also before had an incident on a bridge above some train tracks. When he was finally diagnosed and correctly treated, his symptoms, including that of the thoughts which led him to such extreams have not happened since...
>Also, I have insight, I really do. I suspected I had a borderline personality even before my p-doc mentioned it.
I believe you're a very intelligent young lady. You knew you had borderline personality disorder even before the experts did which they later confirmed! :-) Don't look at this negatively. Look at this positively. You was able to find the problem yourself with your insight and knowledge which then leads to the solution which is knowing that the problem can be effectively treated. Think of it like this, when you stand to cross the road and a car rushes past you, your immidate instinct is to avoid the car ~ to protect yourself and avoid death. Think of this in the aspect of your thinking, deep down you know that you want to avoid death at all costs as its built into us that this is what we do. Be honest with the doctors, don't try to manipulate them to give them the answers you feel they want to keep them happy. Rather take advantage of the treatment options and use/work with them honestly which will then give you the ultimate outcome of having as close to 100% control over your life. In turn your grow 10 fold in confidence and achive things beyond your wildest dreams.
A suggestion, instead of focusing on death as I feel at your age which is the same as mine if your 23, you have a whole life ahead of you with so much to offer and focusing on death, spiritually must be bad for the soul. Instead of fousing on death, use your intelligence, insight and knowledge to read up as much as possible about how to effectively treat yourself to live in comfort rather than pain.
Your current doctor (the man) uses medications, I think he's doing the right thing, the medications will dramically help you to stop having these thoughts which in turn could lead to actions. Your old doctor worked more with talking. You feel your missing out on something there. The answer is a combination. If you have a psychiatirst which has many years prescibing drugs which will dramatically help you, think this will be to your advantage in your overall outcome. Read up on the various medications being used, check out the side effects, how effective they are, what willl they help you with eg, avoidance, anxiety depression, borderline issues, mood stability, possible psychotic thoughts. Antidepressants, mood stabilisers, antiepileptics, antipsychotics, benzodiaepines. Suggest them to your doctor, work with him.
Take advantage of Dialectical Behavior Therapy and CBT.
With all that energy spent in your spare time eliminating your pain, your find there will be no time left in the day for it to breed.
I hope this makes sense.
Kind regards
Nick
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