![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 310 to 334 of 545. Go back in thread:
Posted by jlynne on May 15, 2004, at 22:53:45
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on May 15, 2004, at 22:44:16
I'm still here, Sandy . . . I'm not going anywhere.
If it's really getting bad Sandy, please call the hospital. You don't need to go through this alone, sweetie.
((((Sandy))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on May 15, 2004, at 22:59:52
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on May 15, 2004, at 22:53:45
I'm in Open.
Posted by SandyWeb on May 15, 2004, at 23:01:57
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on May 15, 2004, at 22:53:45
And of course I'm not going to call the hospital. Treat you with RESIDENTS....just trying to put in their hours. They don't give a hoot.
And I don't give a hoot.
And I'm drinking. Ha!
Easier when things are unreal.
Posted by SandyWeb on May 15, 2004, at 23:12:31
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on May 15, 2004, at 22:53:45
I'm going to sleep for tonight.
Posted by jlynne on May 15, 2004, at 23:44:13
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by SandyWeb on May 15, 2004, at 23:12:31
Good night Sandy. I hope you feel better in the morning.
((((sweet dreams)))) ((((tomorrow)))) ((((HUGS))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on May 16, 2004, at 20:32:47
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on May 15, 2004, at 22:28:13
Jlynne,
You're a sweetie and I appreciate all the love notes you've sent, but I don't think you quite understand. I can't tell you how much it means to have someone in your corner, but....you keep mentioning about when I get through this and how much better it will be. But you know what? This IS it. I'm really horrible at trying to explain things, but I'll try.
Here I am at halfway through my life, and I don't have anything to show for it. The first 39 years have been filled with a lot of nasty and quite traumatic experiences, but.....there was always the future. There was always the knowledge that everything I was learning along the way would be used for a better purpose when I reached the goal. There was hope. There was that "something" to keep fighting towards. And so you could throw as much junk at me as you wanted, and I was going to survive....simply because there was a goal to reach....and all that junk would make me a better person when I got to the goal.....and all that junk would make me stronger in order to give back to others when I reached that goal.....
And the "goal" didn't necessarily have to be nursing. That felt right after SwissAir. It fulfilled the goal. It was a means to give back, and I could utilize everything I'd experienced with the wide varity of patients I'd encounter. But it could have just as well been social work or probation officer. I was meant to be the "good guy", you know? Why else would I see so much badness, other than to turn that around and help others?
So each new experience was not necessarily welcomed (lol!), but it certainly wasn't going to destroy me. There was a reason for me to see this or go through that. It would enable me to have a better understanding of a particular patient.
But now I'm at the halfway point....and I've lost it all. There are no more funds for ANY type of education. I have a ton of university courses under my belt....but no degree. And....that's the end of that. It's not like I can save up for it. Ha! That part of my life is over. So I can't work in any field that I thought I was supposed to be in. My experiences are for nil.
I can't afford this apartment anymore. In fact, here we are at May 16th, and I still haven't paid the rent and don't even have a notion as to when to expect any money. I did finally turn in the appeal, but.....who knows?
The police horse is now in the city, and Carly will be able to start helping with him soon. But....we can't live here anymore. So, I'll have to take this away from her and she is sooo excited to work with Justice.
I didn't pay one bill last month, just so we could have groceries. Groceries are gone now, no money, and bills are due again.
What job can I get? I could be a chamber maid. I suppose I could be a cashier. And do you really think I'm going to work my butt off for the next 39 years, doing something that feels like death?? I might as well take death, you know.
It's just not like this is a funk that I'm going to get out of. This IS my life now. I have to accept that. And you know what? I CAN'T. I just can't believe that this is my life. I can't believe that. I mean, I fought for so long to get to this point.....and now it's over. I've lost it all. There's no getting over this little slump. It's not like I have to weather through this depression. There's nothing on the other side. I fought, and I lost. I can't do another 39 years without that "goal". And the "goal" is never coming back. I am so incredibly sad. And there's no way around it because....well, I guess because the fight is over. I lost it all. I really can't stand this.
You know, I took another overdose a couple of nights ago. I've had such luck with those! *sigh* But this time I was zapping in the head, and my legs were buckling, and I felt like I was going to have seizure after seizure. And guess what? I just end up sleeping it off for a couple of days. You have no idea the "disappointment" that I felt to wake up to this same old life. The soul fights hard to stick around, doesn't it? I wonder why.
Anyways, I just wanted to TRY to explain this to you. I really do love you for cheerleading me on. *smile* And I'm happy that you made it through your own dark night. But I've lost my purpose, you know? I am who I am......which isn't much, believe me.....and not who I thought I was supposed to be. What was the point of everything then? I really don't want to die. Belive me, I've come through enough crap to know that I deserve to be here. *smile* And I know that my heart wants to be there for others....because sometimes that's all it takes....someone who gets it. And life IS worth living. But.....there's noplace else for me to go. I've run out of options. I can't spend the second half of my life receiving welfare and watching tv. And I don't have an education. One cop said that there certainly was a place for me because of all of the things I'd been through.....but did he tell me what that place was? I have no where to go. I can't find any answers.
Maybe I'll check out Open later tonight.
Take care. You've stuck by me for longer than was necessary. Thanks, Jlynne.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on May 17, 2004, at 3:13:25
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on May 16, 2004, at 20:32:47
I'm still here, Sandy. I don't pretend to have any answers for you; there is no way I can . . . but I will not give up hope for you. I will give up the cheerleading, though; I just want to talk straight now.
There has to be something that Canada has to offer someone in your situation. I honestly believe that if you could bring yourself to talk to a professional, a therapist, they could help you figure out something - and don't ask me what because I don't know; if I did, I would tell you. I do know that you are an intelligent woman, and you are capable of dealing with this predicament, with the right tools.
You have a choice; you can continue to talk yourself down and go nowhere, or you can swallow your pride and ask for help, and at least give yourself a chance for a future. No one has a crystal ball that they can look into and tell you that *this* or *that* will happen, but there are people who can provide information - and that is what you need right now - information.
This is your life, Sandy; and it is your children's lives. How you decide to deal with this will affect how they deal with life, too. If I were your best friend, sitting beside you right now, I would make you see that you can use that anger you are feeling and turn it into the strength that you need to do whatever it is that will turn your life around. And you can do this, Sandy; you can figure this out . . . I am just stating facts.
I hope I have not offended you in any way; I just refuse to believe that there are no answers. You just have to ask the right people.
I hope you still consider me your friend.
...jlynne
Posted by partlycloudy on May 17, 2004, at 4:57:53
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on May 17, 2004, at 3:13:25
I try not to butt in on other people's threads, but Sandy: your life is not over at 39! Do you know how many people survive years of education and degrees and then find out they HATE their field of choice? or that they can't handle the stress of it? It happened to my sister. She stuck it out for years before going on disability leave caused by depression.
All that money, all that time, all those hopes... and she was not able to do the job she had gotten her degree in.
I don't have a degree. I am 41 years of age. I did go to night school for a certificate program, but never went further. There are so many aspirations and dreams I have yet to fulfill. But I will keep dreaming, and try to find my own path to happiness. (Right now I am trying to "find" my artistic skills in going through "The Artist's Way" to try to rediscover whatever pathestic excuse for creativity I expressed 25 years ago.) it might not go anywhere.
But I decided that I would not let a career or job EVER define who I am or how successful I am. Sandy is who Sandy is. Sandy is not a whole bunch of university courses that went nowhere.
Sandy is someone who, while raising children, managed to go to school to enrich and further herself. Our paths are hardly ever clear to us. Especially when we have made choices that haven't panned out (let me tell you about working in the PR field sometime!) that we have set all our hopes on.
Sandy - what I am trying to say is that your education and background are not all that define who you are. You're multidimensional - there are many facets to you, just like a beautifully cut diamond.
Now please, go apply for housing assistance, get some counselling, but please please please don't give up. You are so much more than you think you are right now.
And, if I may,
((((Sandy))))
partlycloudy
Posted by mystic on May 17, 2004, at 7:04:06
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by partlycloudy on May 17, 2004, at 4:57:53
Partlycloudy...You go girl..what a great post...great inspiration to us all...Thanks for sharing...Your a great person...Mystic
Posted by mystic on May 17, 2004, at 7:05:40
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on May 17, 2004, at 3:13:25
Jlynne Your the bestest of the best...Great post...Luvya Mystic
Posted by Zena on May 17, 2004, at 12:42:45
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on May 17, 2004, at 3:13:25
Good posts jlynne & partlycloudy. I often wondered why she doesn't seek some kind of help.
Zena
Posted by SandyWeb on May 17, 2004, at 13:30:14
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by Zena on May 17, 2004, at 12:42:45
>I often wondered why she doesn't seek some kind of help.
> ZenaBecause I'm a freakin' idiot.
End of story. Case closed.
Bye guys.
Posted by partlycloudy on May 17, 2004, at 13:57:36
In reply to Re: Sandy » Zena, posted by SandyWeb on May 17, 2004, at 13:30:14
Sandy, I'm sorry if it sounded like I/we were trying to push you in any direction. If there is anything I can do to help you - say look for local resources for you (Nova Scotia, right?) I would be more than happy to.
I know that when I have been in the depths, I couldn't fathom where to start with my problems. Again, it would be my pleasure to give you a hand.
Take care,
partlycloudy.
Posted by mystic on May 17, 2004, at 18:37:34
In reply to Re: Sandy » Zena, posted by SandyWeb on May 17, 2004, at 13:30:14
Wow
Posted by partlycloudy on May 17, 2004, at 18:53:07
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by mystic on May 17, 2004, at 18:37:34
Posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 17:34:32
In reply to What can I do? (nm), posted by partlycloudy on May 17, 2004, at 18:53:07
I want to apologize for that outburst. It actually wasn't directed at any of you. I was very, very upset at myself for not being able to explain myself to you guys. I tried to explain something that was hurting me a lot, and I could tell from the responses that I hadn't done a good job of it. And, unfortunately, I seem to over-react lately to situations. Believe it or not, I'm actually a very CALM person. Lol. You'd never know that now.
Okay, onward and forward. As for seeking help. Well, I've done about all I can do other than go into "talk therapy". I'm not too excited with that idea for three reasons. 1. I don't explain myself well (haa haa), and thus I would lead the therapist in the wrong direction and then I'd get so frustrated and angry at myself and dig myself in even further. Argh! I can feel the blood pressure rising already. *smile* 2. I don't have much desire to open myself up to someone who doesn't reciprocate, you know? It's difficult to expose so much of yourself to one person. I know it's not a "friend-friend" relationship, but I've found myself extremely disadvantaged when I've let another know too much about me....and they've known how to use that against me. Not going to happen again. 3. And finally, I don't have much reason to believe that talk therapy would change a whit of anything. All it would do would be to make me see just how really hopeless it is. And, no...I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I just know what the situation is, and I've been over it and over it. I don't need to actually voice it to another person and make myself feel even WORSE than I already do. And there aren't any answers...I just have to accept this new life...which I don't think I can do. But talking about it....naw. There's got to be better things to do than wallow.
As for other ways of helping myself, I've done a few things. I did eventually send in the appeal to get the Welfare reinstated. I waited until the last minute, and I think that was a self-damaging type action. But I did send the letter in, so HOPEFULLY we'll hear before too long that the money will be forthcoming.
I received the application for volunteering with Victim Services, but I haven't mailed it back yet. I'm scared that my recent history will destroy all hopes of getting on with them. All those calls were posted as "Suicide Attempt" on my information (I was shown this), so you know that won't go over too well. Also, my recent grades at school, my recent rents, and my recent bill payments won't go good for me. ALSO, they require 3 references....and I don't have any. I haven't a clue as to what to do about that. So, I think I would come off horribly on paper. And I really, really want to apply since they are recruiting right now.....but I don't know how I'd react if I got turned down.....and I fear they wouldn't even look twice at me. I'm scared to take the chance.
I've actually looked up jobs through Unemployment, but it gets rather depressing when I see that all I really qualify for are back-breaking, mind-dulling minimum wage jobs. I don't think I would last very long if I applied for any of those simply because I'd just stop going to work. But....at least I'm looking. Maybe I'll find something exciting by chance.
I would go to the food bank, but I don't have a car and I've put aside my relationship with my sister for the time being. She would come in and take me over for food, but since that pdoc made me tell my sister too much....I just can't be around her right now. It was a mistake. I knew I was crossing the line with that one, but I wanted out of that hospital sooo badly. It just all goes back to not letting anyone know too much about me.....and even though I trust my sister....it's just something I can't deal with. It's a self-preservation thing, I guess. Something I've learned from long ago. So...without my sister's vehicle, I can't get any food to my place. We have a grocery store right in our back yard here, so I just push the shopping cart right in. Talk about conveinence, huh? Lol. But I don't have the means to get anything from the food bank here....and I'm much too humiliated to ask for anyone's help. But we have enough, I guess.
Anyways, I just wanted to apologize again for coming across so harshly. It wasn't directed at you at all. I was so angry at me! I was thinking, "That's what I get for trying to explain something that's important to me." I do a real lousy job of it, especially when I don't even include all the information in it. I hope you can all forgive me for going psycho on you. I was just ready to throw the towel in at that point. I was so darn fed up with how my life was turning out.
I don't care too much for myself right now, and I'm not sure how long this will last. I do certainly see changes that I've gone through since this whole business started at the end of March, and I hope that I reach more of a stable level before too much longer. I guess I'm a work in progress. *smile* Hey, maybe I'll turn out to be a masterpiece when all is said and done!!
Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
Take care,
Sandy
Posted by LynneDa on May 18, 2004, at 17:35:27
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on May 16, 2004, at 20:32:47
Hi Sandy -
I've been out for several days, so have missed much. I like your post to Jlynne about what you're feeling: at the end of your dreams, no goals, etc. I liked it cuz you're being very honest and I can see right where you are.When dreams die you have to grieve them, that's for sure. So, you are in this position right now: no money, no degree, no immediate prospects. You could be a cashier at the grocery store or clean hotel rooms, but that isn't going to pay the bills particularly well. Im assuming you don't feel well enough to take on a full time job anyway, due to your mental state. You don't feel like THAT condition will change, therefore how will you ever find a job? Is that about right?
OK, so from my vantage point, I don't believe it. But I do believe you believe it on a certain level!
So, we need to brainstorm with you to think of what to do next. You need to have a plan to get your mental state in a better place first. Then, we all know, everything else will fall into place after that. You've let yourself grieve over the loss of a cherished dream. It is now time to let us push you into helping you help yourself.
I work with correctional facilities. They are always looking for teachers & counselors and there are some positions that don't require degrees - just training. What sorts of things have you looked at in the social services field? You are well-suited for that from what I can tell. What about tech jobs in hospitals that require little training or where the hospital will train you. There is a severe shortage of x-ray techs here in the States.
Yes, this is the recruiter in me coming out. If you want, I will help you make some contacts up in your area.
Jlynne is right, you are a very strong, very intelligent person. This can't be IT for you. You will have a future whether it's one you want or not - because time keeps going on and you can't seem to make it stop :-) (for which I'm very grateful!!!) Why not re-group, get a new plan and have a say in your future instead of letting it overtake you and have your future decided for you.
Please accept my words in the way they are meant - with much love and a kick in the pants :-). If you were my best friend and sitting next to me, I would be saying these words with my arm around your shoulder, my hand in yours and a carton of chocolate ice cream on the table in front of us :-). Please let us help or go to the resources you know might be able to help you. Please. You & your kids are worth it!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Jlynne,
>
> You're a sweetie and I appreciate all the love notes you've sent, but I don't think you quite understand. I can't tell you how much it means to have someone in your corner, but....you keep mentioning about when I get through this and how much better it will be. But you know what? This IS it. I'm really horrible at trying to explain things, but I'll try.
>
> Here I am at halfway through my life, and I don't have anything to show for it. The first 39 years have been filled with a lot of nasty and quite traumatic experiences, but.....there was always the future. There was always the knowledge that everything I was learning along the way would be used for a better purpose when I reached the goal. There was hope. There was that "something" to keep fighting towards. And so you could throw as much junk at me as you wanted, and I was going to survive....simply because there was a goal to reach....and all that junk would make me a better person when I got to the goal.....and all that junk would make me stronger in order to give back to others when I reached that goal.....
>
> And the "goal" didn't necessarily have to be nursing. That felt right after SwissAir. It fulfilled the goal. It was a means to give back, and I could utilize everything I'd experienced with the wide varity of patients I'd encounter. But it could have just as well been social work or probation officer. I was meant to be the "good guy", you know? Why else would I see so much badness, other than to turn that around and help others?
>
> So each new experience was not necessarily welcomed (lol!), but it certainly wasn't going to destroy me. There was a reason for me to see this or go through that. It would enable me to have a better understanding of a particular patient.
>
> But now I'm at the halfway point....and I've lost it all. There are no more funds for ANY type of education. I have a ton of university courses under my belt....but no degree. And....that's the end of that. It's not like I can save up for it. Ha! That part of my life is over. So I can't work in any field that I thought I was supposed to be in. My experiences are for nil.
>
> I can't afford this apartment anymore. In fact, here we are at May 16th, and I still haven't paid the rent and don't even have a notion as to when to expect any money. I did finally turn in the appeal, but.....who knows?
>
> The police horse is now in the city, and Carly will be able to start helping with him soon. But....we can't live here anymore. So, I'll have to take this away from her and she is sooo excited to work with Justice.
>
> I didn't pay one bill last month, just so we could have groceries. Groceries are gone now, no money, and bills are due again.
>
> What job can I get? I could be a chamber maid. I suppose I could be a cashier. And do you really think I'm going to work my butt off for the next 39 years, doing something that feels like death?? I might as well take death, you know.
>
> It's just not like this is a funk that I'm going to get out of. This IS my life now. I have to accept that. And you know what? I CAN'T. I just can't believe that this is my life. I can't believe that. I mean, I fought for so long to get to this point.....and now it's over. I've lost it all. There's no getting over this little slump. It's not like I have to weather through this depression. There's nothing on the other side. I fought, and I lost. I can't do another 39 years without that "goal". And the "goal" is never coming back. I am so incredibly sad. And there's no way around it because....well, I guess because the fight is over. I lost it all. I really can't stand this.
>
> You know, I took another overdose a couple of nights ago. I've had such luck with those! *sigh* But this time I was zapping in the head, and my legs were buckling, and I felt like I was going to have seizure after seizure. And guess what? I just end up sleeping it off for a couple of days. You have no idea the "disappointment" that I felt to wake up to this same old life. The soul fights hard to stick around, doesn't it? I wonder why.
>
> Anyways, I just wanted to TRY to explain this to you. I really do love you for cheerleading me on. *smile* And I'm happy that you made it through your own dark night. But I've lost my purpose, you know? I am who I am......which isn't much, believe me.....and not who I thought I was supposed to be. What was the point of everything then? I really don't want to die. Belive me, I've come through enough crap to know that I deserve to be here. *smile* And I know that my heart wants to be there for others....because sometimes that's all it takes....someone who gets it. And life IS worth living. But.....there's noplace else for me to go. I've run out of options. I can't spend the second half of my life receiving welfare and watching tv. And I don't have an education. One cop said that there certainly was a place for me because of all of the things I'd been through.....but did he tell me what that place was? I have no where to go. I can't find any answers.
>
> Maybe I'll check out Open later tonight.
>
> Take care. You've stuck by me for longer than was necessary. Thanks, Jlynne.
>
> Hugs,
> Sandy
>
>
>
Posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 17:43:35
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on May 18, 2004, at 17:35:27
Lynne,
Your message came just as I posted a message. Funny how we are online at the same time.
I gotta tell ya: You made my eyes water.
((Lynne))
Thanks for being so nice to me.
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 18:28:06
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on May 18, 2004, at 17:35:27
Me again Lynne,
> When dreams die you have to grieve them, that's for sure.<
But you know what? It's not just the loss of a dream....because remember that the "nursing" dream didn't even come into being until 1998. It's not just the loss of a dream, but the loss of:
*getting off Welfare in 2 more years
*being a productive member of society in 2 more years
*having a career that is worthwhile and I'm PROUD to be a part of in 2 more years
*finally GIVING BACK in 2 more years
*finally being able to introduce myself to people because I don't have to hide that I'm on Welfare
*maybe even keep my eyes open for that special guy, someone to grow old with, because I don't have to hide anymore due to Welfare
*being able to get my teeth fixed in 2 more years (all Welfare wants to do is pull...forget about filling or capping or even cleaning!)
*losing those last years of my kids living at home and me being able to AFFORD them (lol!)...you know, buying them goodies and affording to have them involved with organizations and having sleepoversI lost my foothold, and now I don't have a timeframe as to when I can ever stop looking down at the ground and just blending in and hiding. Like I said before, you tend to isolate yourself when on Welfare....who wants to always be asked what you do for a living?
It's funny that you mentioned x-ray technologists. That's what hubby did. Although he went to school for 2-years to get his degree. I can't imagine on-the-job training now. But, that doesn't interest me much anyways.....even though I did a fair share of his papers for him. Lol!!!
I've always had an interest in corrections and criminal justice. Go figure my job in California, huh? Lol. Did I ever tell you that I heard a cop get shot? It was at my job, and we had sent a dispatch to a garage that was broken into. For some reason, the partners split up when they arrived. This officer walked around a corner alone, came upon the 2nd bad guy unexpectedly, and the bad guy shot him almost point blank in the chest. One shot, and three screams from the cop. He had a vest on, but it's nothing like television. The 2nd bad guy tore off in a car, and I remember how silent it got. I'm not sure what his partner was doing. He had apprehended the first bad guy, and obviously heard the gunfire and his buddy screaming. Just three screams. But they were awful. One short scream when he was first hit, and then two longish screams of terror and pain. Anyways, he survived!!!! But his heart stopped twice on the way to the hospital. The bullet didn't go through the vest, but massively bruised his chest. He never really wanted to go out on calls for quite some time after that. Who can blame him? And the cops caught that bad guy. He somehow got his arm broken or dislocated (can't remember which). Official story was that he fell when being apprehended. They thought the officer was going to die. ANYWAYS, my two "angels" were talking about my old job one time, and I happened to mention that story. Then I got the darn screams stuck in my head again. Argh. Funny how we do that to ourselves.
Don't know how I got onto that with you. Lol.
I think I'll go get myself a chocolate poptart!!! Yummy!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2004, at 18:28:26
In reply to Re: Sandy » LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 17:43:35
If I can help find any resources for you from where I am, I would love to be able to help. I know what shame is, I know how it is when dreams shatter or fade away. I know what it is to say too much to someone in your family, and then you can't say anything else. i know what it's like to look for a job that isn't too much but has to be enough. (I ended up getting a job answering phones. So far, I have tried to mess it up but THEY have faith in ME! How misplaced!)
Sandy, you *are* in a better place than you were in March, there is no doubt. And you know you can speak to us here at Babble. And sometimes you have to write something out a few times before you find the articulation you are looking for.
Posted by jlynne on May 18, 2004, at 20:11:14
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by LynneDa on May 18, 2004, at 17:35:27
Sandy, Lynne is a good friend and I am glad she is back for you. When I read your posts to each other it is like watching two good friends work things out together. I think if you lived near each other you would be *buddies*:~) Now you have an *e-angel*.
Thank you for writing back to us and being honest with what you are feeling; I appreciate it more than you can know.
((((HUGS)))) ((((Sandy)))) ((((Lynne))))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 21:21:19
In reply to My offer still stands » SandyWeb, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2004, at 18:28:26
Hi partlycloudy,
You should be here tonight. It is pouring raining. I'd rather have partly cloudy. *smile*
Thanks for the offer. If I get to that spot, I'll certainly come running to you. But right now I just need to take it slow. I found out today that I don't know which way I'm headed from one week to the next. I'll let you know what I mean by that on Thursday.
By the way, I left you a message in the Books section.
Thanks for reaching out to me. I do appreciate it.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by Simus on May 19, 2004, at 0:52:58
In reply to Re: Sandy » LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 18:28:06
Sandy,
It says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
God has a good plan for your life, whether or not you can see it now. And it is NEVER too late for God to make a difference in your life and to use you. He will surprise you if you let Him.
Isaiah 61:3 says "He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory."
Do you have any ashes that you would like to exchange for beauty, or any mourning or despair that could be exchanged for joy and praise?
Don't bother trying to convince me that these promises don't apply to you, or that your circumstances are just too bad, because I am already in faith concerning your future and I chose to see God's view of your situation instead of yours. Like me or not, believe me or not, that's just the way it is.
You NEED people in your life to stand with you and see you through this. Please reconsider and call the number of the church I gave you. It isn't that far away. Just swallow your pride one more time and ask for a ride to church for you and your children, at least once. If you do this just once, I will never bring it up again.
God bless.
Posted by SandyWeb on May 19, 2004, at 12:37:33
In reply to Re: Sandy, posted by jlynne on May 18, 2004, at 20:11:14
Hi all,
My case worker just left. I filled out the paperwork, and we'll be reinstated on Welfare by the end of next week. All signed up for another year. *sigh* I'm glad some of the finances are taken care of, but I feel demoralized by how I had to get there. I had to pretty well sign away every right I was ever born with. Such is the case of one who lives off the hard work of others.
We've been having a stand-off in our quiet little neighborhood since last night. Apparently the police went to a house at midnight last night to serve an apprehension notice from Child Protective Services, and the gentleman wouldn't let them in. He shot at them around 2am. And the whole area has been closed off since midnight with police, swat team, paramedics. The local junior high school wasn't opened today. And the whole thing makes me want to cry. I don't know why. Something about someone in enough pain to barricade himself in and shoot at the police, and the police wanting to end it peacefully without him getting hurt. And it feels like a hopeless situation....he knows he's going to be arrested, he knows he has just made matters so much more worse, he's angry and depressed and you know he must be having suicidal thoughts. And yet we work so hard to try and prevent someone taking their own life. Even though they were coming to arrest him last night, today they are trying to keep him alive. And sirens....all the time you hear sirens.
http://novascotia.cbc.ca/regional/servlet/View?filename=ns_standoff20040519
So, a little draining today.
And my mum wants us to get together as a family soon to celebrate my dad's birthday. I'm just not ready for that type of closeness yet. I still just want to be alone.
I'm just very, very tired.
I'll chat with you all later.
Sandy
Posted by LynneDa on May 19, 2004, at 16:51:39
In reply to Re: Sandy » LynneDa, posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 17:43:35
Hi Sandy - Thanks for your note! I signed off right after I sent my last message to you. Your response made me smile when I read it this morning!
You've had quite the exciting day it seems. I am SOOOOOO glad you have signed all your papers. What a relief. I can't really imagine how you feel, being on welfare. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I have really been lucky to have this job for so many years. Have you looked for jobs through the internet? What about a work-from-home job? With your medical background, could you do medical transcription? That's something you can do at home, arranging your own hours.
Hey, I don't think that you are the stereotypical welfare mom, living off the work of others! I know you are so hard-working & conscientious and hate this situation. Anyone who would meet you and talk to you for awhile would realize that!! You have in the past, and will again, contribute in the typical way to society. Life is like a bank - you make deposits during one part of your life so you can make withdrawals when you need to!!!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lynne,
>
> Your message came just as I posted a message. Funny how we are online at the same time.
>
> I gotta tell ya: You made my eyes water.
>
> ((Lynne))
>
> Thanks for being so nice to me.
>
> Sandy
>
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