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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:47:48
In reply to Re: » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 20:42:53
> But you know what? Unless a bundle of cash falls through my roof, I'm not going to be able to complete my education. If I don't get back to classes by next January, I start losing credits because of the amount of time that they are good for. So money and time has run out. And I'm not getting any younger. Lol.
>
OK. I will start with the wonderful words of advice my Pastor gave me years ago. "Never make any major life decisions when in the middle of warfare." So, do not make any serious, irreversible decisions right now on school, work, or anything else until you are healthy. First and foremost, you need to focus on your health. Then all of the other issues in your life will become much clearer and simpler. You will see the options that the clouds of depression are now hiding from you. Your meds are not working, or at least they are not working well enough. We can all see that you are still suffering from physical depression. You need to get your meds adjusted. And until the depression lifts, you need some sort of counseling. Professional would be best, or from a church, or at the very least, let us here pull you through.I am curious about your meds. Of course you don't have to answer, but what have you been diagnosed with? I know you said you are on Celexa. But isn't Neurotonin an epileptic med? And Inderal is a beta blocker? My diagnosis was depression/anxiety/OCD. I was on Lexapro (very similary to Celexa) and Xanax when I was going through the rough times. Then my doctor took me off of Lexapro and put me on Wellbutrin. I was a new person overnight. I have said it before on this site, but I want to tell you specifically, I am not recommending anything here. Every drug has its place, and everybody is different. I am just offering my experiences.
> So, it's time to take care of what needs to be done around here. I just don't know, Simus. My kids would actually be better off without me. I can only bring them down. They would have everything and more if they lived with my sister or my parents. I can't even take them to movies because I can't drive, let alone own a car.
They may be better off financially. Let's say that they had all of the "things" that a kid could possibly want. But no mother. And a maniac of a father, who may just decide to try to get custody again. And why not? Do you think a judge would rule for a natural father, or for an aunt/grandparents? Who knows? Maybe he could even buy them all of those things that a kid could possibly want. Would your children be better off? And we aren't even talking about the emotional trauma of losing a mother added on. That is a story in itself. There is no one who can replace their mother. I lost my father at age 8 to leukemia. I was devestated. But I didn't have the added pain of knowing that he chose to leave me. There are so many, many times that your children are going to need YOU in their lives. You alone have been given the task of mothering these children. You alone are gifted to mother them. NO ONE can take your place. I am sorry to be tough on you here, but you need to picture the tears on these children's faces at the news that they will never see their mother again. That they will never hear the love in her voice again. That their mother will never be there to hold them when they had a bad day. That their mother will not be able to tell them that they can do anything they set their heart on. That their mother won't be there for their first date, or at their graduation. Picture the ache in their hearts on their wedding day, when they look to the seat of honor where their mother should be. When they bring their children into the world, they will not have their mother there, to see her eyes fill with tears of joy as she holds this precious new life. As I said, I am sorry to be so tough, but that is reality. You need to picture the tears on those sweet faces EVERY TIME this temptation comes to you.
>
> As to where I am.....well, the kids and I were in California (that's where they were born), and we flew away to Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada!! We started life all over again with 2 suitcases and a carry-on full of toys. We didn't even have any winter clothes!! Lol! Who knew what snow was?? Ha ha!
>
> I don't have a church. I've looked around different times, but> "nothing ever compares to the wonderful church I went to in California. I still get emails from my pastor there."
If you are to remain in Halifax, the Lord will lead you to a church that fills this void in your heart. It sounds like the Lord still has you under the spiritual covering of your pastor from California until you get settled in a church. I am from Michigan, and I am not familiar with churches in Halifax, but I know my Pastor will be. Hold on, sister. Just hold on, one day at a time, and we will get you some support. Prayer is essential, but there is nothing like a hug. Just out of curiosity, what is the name of your pastor in California? Hey, it just occurred to me that you just may be able to see our church telecast in Canada. Do you get INSP? I think we are listed under "Mark T. Barclay" - I am not sure. You might even see me. I would be the beautiful woman, with the blinding-bright halo. Oh, yeah. I forgot. The camera people stay away from me because the electromagnetic radiation from my aura messes up their cameras. (Are you smiling yet?)
> (I also still get emails from my cop friend down there. I'm so proud of his accomplishments!!! Too bad he's still married! LOL!!). Anyways, I've never found a church here that I feel comfortable in. It's just different here....seems to be more baby-food than anything.
>
> Well, I take Carly to see the doctor tomorrow. We need to help her overcome her anxiety about sleeping. She didn't go to school again today because she didn't get to sleep until the sun came up. Poor thing. I'm not sure if a 12-year old can be put on anti-anxiety meds or not, but she needs something NOW. I'm also going to get her referred to a pdoc.
>
I have two daughters, 14 and 11. It breaks my heart to see kids go through these things, but, by faith, they will come out of it stronger than before. I will be praying for her.> I still think about the walk in the woods. It would just be peaceful....and there are plenty of woods around here to choose from. Lol! I just don't know anymore. I have no use. What is my purpose?? That just got blown away, and I'm left with nothing but debt and embarrassments. I'm the black sheep. I can only bring my kids down.
>
This is the depression talking, not Sandy. I recognize it, because I have heard it out of my own mouth every time I fell into a depression. Trust me when I say that when the clouds lift, so will your negative feelings about yourself. Please believe that.> But...tomorrow's another day. It'll be okay. I'll just wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll count the grey hairs on my head!!! *smile*
>
> God bless,
> Sandy
>
Keep in contact with us. Or else I will have to strap on my snowshoes and start walking north.
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:49:56
In reply to DR. BOB and friends, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:41:21
I thought I could trust you guys. I thought I could reveal my heart. It wasn't like I was going to take a walk TOMORROW! Now I've got to carry this alone.
I'm fine. I just wish you guys hadn't jumped the gun, you know? *sigh* I'll be fine.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:52:10
In reply to Re: Please help!!!, posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:45:32
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:55:38
In reply to Re: Please help!!!, posted by Mrs. C on March 22, 2004, at 21:51:09
> Simus, I am so glad that you are feeling so great! Your posts have been inspirational these past few nights. I remember last week when you were feeling so low and now listen to you. I am so happy that you have found the right med for you! Yippie! Mrs. C
Thanks, Mrs. C. Maybe this post will convince Sandy that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!!!
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:58:04
In reply to Re: » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 22:47:48
Can you at least have the courtesy to respond to my message? Please do NOT send the police here again. What was I suppose to say? Yes, please haul me away tonight in my jamies...and why don't you take the kids while you're at it??
Gosh, I can't believe you did that. I was NOT about ready to do myself in at this moment. Now who do I talk with??
I'm just upset. I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:05:06
In reply to Re: DR. BOB, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:58:04
???????????
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:07:37
In reply to Re: DR. BOB, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 22:58:04
Dr. Bob,
Do you know that they got the superintendent from the building to come with the keys?? Now it will be the whole building's business.
I had to LIE to my kids. My little girl was scared half to death. She thought someone was breaking in with all that pounding going on.
Why did you do that? I thought I was talking it out with the girls.
You made a mistake, Dr. Bob. You did not need to have me checked on.
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:10:35
In reply to Re: DR. BOB » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:05:06
Simus,
Dr. Bob in Chicago sent the police here tonight, pounding on my door so loud that I didn't even want to go near it!
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:19:03
In reply to Re: DR. BOB » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:05:06
Simus,
Did you know this was going to happen?
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:21:07
In reply to Re: DR. BOB, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:07:37
Dr. Bob,
I'm going back to bed now. You make me want to cry.
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:21:30
In reply to Re: DR. BOB » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:10:35
Oh, Sandy, NO!!!
I am SO SORRY!!! I feel responsible for it too, because I was the one who got you to open up and talk to us. I NEVER, EVER thought that something like that would happen!!! I am so, so sorry.
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:24:05
In reply to Ohhhhhhh » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:21:30
Simus,
I just feel like crying. I don't know why. It just hurts.
I'm going to go back to bed. Maybe tomorrow won't be as hurtful as tonight was.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:25:48
In reply to Re: » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:19:03
> Simus,
>
> Did you know this was going to happen?
>
> Sandy
>With God as my witness, I NEVER even imagined something like that could happen. I NEVER would have encouraged you to open up to us if I knew. I AM SO SORRY. I feel completely responsible.
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:29:56
In reply to Re: » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:25:48
Simus,
Don't feel responsible for my own stupidity. I never should have mentioned where I live. I guess we should have expected that Dr. Bob would be monitoring his own board.....and I guess he thought he was doing the proper thing.
But I wouldn't recommend that course of action again. Lol. It tends to scare people away.
Don't worry, hun. You didn't know. No hard feelings whatsoever. You were being very nice to me.
God bless,
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:35:28
In reply to Re: » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:25:48
Dear friends,
I am just sitting here in tears and horror and disbelief at what just happened to Sandy. I am the one who encouraged her to come here for help, and I am the one who encouraged her to trust us and open up. So as of now, I am officially hanging up my do-gooder hat and putting the dark veil back on.
Simus
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:35:31
In reply to Re: » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:25:48
Nighty-night.
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:39:06
In reply to To all: Goodbye, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:35:28
Simus,
What the heck are you talking about??
This was NOT your fault.
I just got a little too worked up over the event. It's no biggie. All we have to do is email personally whatever we don't want the world to see.
No harm was done. Everything is fine. It was just a shock, that's all.
Come on, hun. Just laugh it off. I don't want you to feel so low over it. I'm already recovering from it. LOL!!! Something to write "Dear Diary" about. *wink*
God bless,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:41:29
In reply to Re: To all: Goodbye » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:39:06
YooHoo. Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Smiles,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:43:25
In reply to To all: Goodbye, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:35:28
Hey, where are those cops when you want them?
YooHoo. Where are you, girlie?
Huggles,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:49:39
In reply to To all: Goodbye, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:35:28
Simus,
It doesn't take much to get any of us down. Please, don't let this inconsequential little event bother you. I shouldn't have come on the board right after the police left. I was upset and hurt at the time. I felt violated.
But that has NOTHING to do with you, Simus. Nobody MADE me open my mouth. I CHOSE to chat with you.
No harm was done. I wasn't hauled away to the looney bin. LOL!!! Hard time they would have had getting me to go outside in my jamies!! I would have barricaded the door!! Ha ha!!!
Listen, are you okay? I can't go to bed until I hear from you. Please don't feel bad. Nothing happened. Everyone is still the same as before. No harm done.
God bless,
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 23:49:56
In reply to Re: To all: Goodbye » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:43:25
Simus, please come back. No one thinks you did a bad thing; especially not Sandy. All you are guilty of is caring.
Don't leave us now - you are part of our family, and family takes care of each other, right? Let us take care of you. ...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:52:53
In reply to Simus, posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 23:49:56
Simus,
I'm missing out on my beauty sleep here.....and the police can attest to my need for it! LOL!!!
Let us hear from you.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by Magdalena on March 22, 2004, at 23:54:33
In reply to Magdalena, posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 19:02:32
thanks jlynne, i actually had a fun day at work today there was hardly any customers!! ( i work at a Video store) i dont brave the theatre anymore either cause im afriad of the panic (a friend of mine named it 'the fear' its a inside thing joke thing between us, he gets anxiety too) i had to leave the theatre once because it was SOO SOO bad and i was embaressed and i cant seem to bring myself to try it again, total avoidance. The Lord of the rings, the return of the king isnt out on DVD yet but my boyfriend gets these new movies from a friend at work burnt off the internet so its all good. we watch movies at home-A LOT! its hard for me to explain my issues with him all i told him so far is that i am depressed and when its bad i get socially uncomfortable...as time goes on between us im sure i'll be able to open up more, im just really scared of what he will think. my stupid insecurites, i always to to play off as the 'strong one' like i used to be, its hard to admit that at times its so hard to be in control(especailly when you suffer anxiety).
anyway enough of me blabbering on, i read stephen king too both of those titles actually but my favorite is Anne Rice (she wrote Inteview with the Vampire) i love her style its almost romantic.:P
i occationally get a little sensitve around this time of the month but never that bad, i just thought maybe i can feel these symptoms more cause my brain is supposed to be working better(not sure if it is yet, lol), i almost cant wait til my dose is upped, 2 more weeks till the p-doc, then im sure he will up it, at least to 10mg.
So it was a little weird at your brothers eh? its always hard meeting people esp when they stare at you! lol. Im sure they were very happy to meet you, you are a wonderful lady with a BIG heart.
anyway i hope your week off proves to be relaxing and rewarding, its always good to spend time with those you love.
talk to you soon, sweet dreams
Magdalena
Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:55:32
In reply to To all: Goodbye, posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 23:35:28
Simus,
I've had a look over your shoulder, and you know what? That black veil looks really atrocious on you!! Auck!~
Hey, that do-gooder hat laying in the corner would bring out the beauty of your heart. Put that one on!!
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on March 22, 2004, at 23:58:41
In reply to Re: Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 23:52:53
Sandy, Simus is probably away from the computer having a good cry. She will come back, because she cares about you and she will want to know if you have posted again.
I'm sorry things had to happen the way they did, but it will all be okay, in the end. Everything has a reason.
I will stay up with you and wait for Simus to respond:)
[*HUGS*] ...jlynne
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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