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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
I had a pretty pathetic birthday celebration at a meditation class I go to last night. (we celebrate birthdays as they come up in the class) someone forgot to call people and there were hardly any presents--I don't care about the actual presents but it looked so pathetic. A very controlling and condescending woman showed up and I shut down through the whole class. Next week we will be celebrating someone else's birthday so I will be sure to annihilate myself with comparison when I walk in and she is showered with gifts and love. I can then measure myself down and be convinced that I am worthless and unloved. Just so long as I'm dealing with everything like a grown up would (!) I'm feeling very little girl abandoned in my life. My boyfriend and I have called it quits-- another wonderful birthday present. He just can't do the relationship thing. Everytime we make something near real contact he runs, and I can't take the loneliness anymore. Everything feels extra bad because everything was supposed to be good, because it was my birthday. Another crock. It was my party and I'll cry if I want to.
Posted by lostsailor on March 25, 2003, at 22:48:41
In reply to Pathetic Party, posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
Oh, Kara Lynne,
First the dinner with family and now all this… I am so sorry that this year has turned out the way you wanted it to. I honestly am. You seem to be such a nice person, but you know the saying about people like us. Wow, I just admitted that I was nice. I usually do not refer to my-self positively.
I want to say it's all gonna get better fast, but we both know that might not be the case. I do think we all get what we are really entitled to in the end though and it seems that you, me (many of us) are great people with some troubles.
I'm sorry; I am at a loss for words at the moment. I hope your cold is a bit better at least. (((Kara))). You know we are here for you I hope.
Fondly,
~tony
Posted by bozeman on March 25, 2003, at 23:12:53
In reply to Pathetic Party, posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
(((kara lynne)))
So sorry, hon, both about the party and the boyfriend. Breakups are exhausting and painful even if you do the breaking yourself. I know you agonized over it a long time too, and that had to be excruciating.
We're here for you if you need us. What are you going to do about the living situation? Didn't you say you can't afford that place by yourself, and the places you could afford were scary (or did I remember it wrong?)
I hope you're sleeping well and being gentle with yourself. Chicken soup is good food, in many ways, warm and comforting and lots of garlic and stuff to kill the bad germs.
I wish I could say something that would fix everything for you but I can't. I'll pray for peace and strength for you, OK?
Peace, dear friend
bozeman
Posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 0:35:40
In reply to HAPPY BIRTHDAY Kara Lynne!!!, posted by bozeman on March 25, 2003, at 23:12:53
Thank you. I'm a painfully obvious slut for attention, and you have given it to me. You remember my circumstances correctly--I'm going to have to beg borrow and steal (ok, no stealing). I just can't see myself getting out of this level of depression until I'm out of here. I've got enough for a couple of months, after that, well...keep praying for me! Did you post about your contrite boyfriend? I'm dying to hear. You sound so much better, nothing like getting a little self-respect back.
I am going to ask for help--I'm going to ask that you and lost sailor pray for my kitty when I move. She's been really upset lately (reflecting off me, no doubt). It was really traumatic for her to move here, moving just puts her into complete apoplexy. I finally had to give her tranquilizers (tiny bits, from the vet) until she would stop screaming all through the night. It devastates her to move, and she's getting on in years, and I hate to watch her in so much distress. She's deaf and she cries literally like a little baby. She's really loud (I think it has to do with the deaf thing) and desperate sounding. She also has nightmares--she has ever since I found her. She just wakes up out of a sound sleep whimpering or crying really loudly until I come and hold her. (Today someone told me to get a flower essence called Rock Rose for kitty terror.) I know I'm really pushing it here when people are dealing with much heavier issues, but I thought I could appeal to your cat loving instinct. Thanks bozeman.
Posted by Tabitha on March 26, 2003, at 0:36:33
In reply to Pathetic Party, posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
I'm sorry sweets. Bad birthdays suck. You'd think the universe could make sure we have a good day, just that one day. But Nooo!
Posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 0:44:03
In reply to Re: Pathetic Party, posted by lostsailor on March 25, 2003, at 22:48:41
Thank you so much sailor. Now I have two people at my party! Your cyber hugs are all the words I need. Except, as I wrote bozeman, when I move I am going to ask if you will say a kitty prayer for my sensitive little creature who is so traumatized by moving. I swear I couldn't stop thinking about it today. She really just got adjusted here and it's been over a year. She finally settled down and even, hrrumph, likes the boyfriend, and now I'm going to uproot her again. Ok, I'm funneling a little too much angst here, but I really am concerned. I am calling on the kindness of all lost sailors, who know just what to do when scared kitties cling to their legs.
Posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 1:15:23
In reply to Beautiful, blushing sailor, posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 0:44:03
IOh, how sweet. I brought up the way IAurora foud me so long ago it seems and you remember. We will clasp paws and hands together tonight before bed, and say a prayer for our feline friend. ~tony
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 7:18:35
In reply to Pathetic Party, posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
I'm sorry your day was rotten, but I hope that all your birthday wishes come true. (You did remember to wish, didn't you? I always forget.)
Posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 12:45:08
In reply to Re: Happy birthday to you!!! » kara lynne, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 7:18:35
Dinah! I don't think I've heard from you before--I feel honored! And I hope you're feeling better today about your therapist, I can completely relate to what you put yourself through after seeing him. Thanks for reminding me to wish.
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 13:05:04
In reply to Re: Happy birthday to you!!! Dinah, posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 12:45:08
Honored? Goodness.
I can't imagine how I missed you before. :) From recent posts on my posting frequency, I was sure I must have responded to everyone who ever even thought of posting. (grin) But if somehow I did, then a belated welcome.
Posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 13:09:15
In reply to Re: Beautiful, blushing sailorKara, posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 1:15:23
How could I forget that image?
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 13:26:37
In reply to Re: Happy birthday to you!!! Dinah, posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 12:45:08
Posted by gabbix2 on March 26, 2003, at 14:26:21
In reply to Re: P.S. - Thanks! :) (nm) » kara lynne, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2003, at 13:26:37
I'm sorry I didn't answer when you asked me what my med combo was. I just saw your post.
I've been finding the board overwhelming lately,
(actually for about 3 mos) I have no Idea why.
I used to just post all over with abandon.Anyway.
I'm on Wellbutrin 400mgs. a day
Ativan 2mgs a day
and Zyprexa.. 2-5mgs.It was really the addition of the zyprexa that made the difference though.
No matter what medication I was on I always had
an undercurrent of anxiety, it was just quieter at some times.
If I took enough ativan I could get rid of the anxiety, but sometimes it would leave me with a depression hangover.
The zyprexa seems to get rid of the anxiety but
still gives me the ability to feel "up"
The only fear I have is that it sounds like its pretty sure to cause weight gain :(
The true test will be in the summer though. Thats when my anxiety gets worse.If you want all the gory details you can e-me Princessdirt at hotmail
Posted by sienna on March 26, 2003, at 15:07:29
In reply to Pathetic Party, posted by kara lynne on March 25, 2003, at 21:40:59
KaraLynne Happy Birthday! *belated*
sienna
Posted by kara lynne on March 27, 2003, at 0:31:04
In reply to Happy Birthday Kara Lynn! , posted by gabbix2 on March 26, 2003, at 14:26:21
Thanks, I like gory details. I understand overwhelm too, no worries about not answering. I tried Zyprexa once, my doctor was sure it would be the breakthrough pill for me. It was soooooooo sedating it was just intolerable, but it sure sounds like it works well.
Posted by bozeman on March 27, 2003, at 0:45:05
In reply to Thanks bozey!, posted by kara lynne on March 26, 2003, at 0:35:40
Rock rose . . . barely remember that, can't remember exactly what it's for. . . . but Bach flower remedies in general are good stuff. (I know, I laughed at the idea too, until I used them. Then I quietly shut up and *kept* using them, because they work. Check a well-stocked health food store, they should have it.) I use Bach "rescue remedy" on the "boys" when they have traumatic experiences (like the rare bath, or going to the vet, etc.) and it *really* helps them, especially Zorro, the smartest and most independent and emotional one.
One of my famous-like-lightning subject changes:
I'll be 40 sooner than I want to remember. :-( Still time but not much of it. Especially since I didn't want to either a) marry in haste, or b) have children in haste. Want to make sure, sure *sure* the guy is for real and will be a good father, you know? Other wise I'm better off with Ginjoint's and fayeroe's idea of the sperm bank. LOL
I'm taking Lexapro and lithium, and adrenal and thyroid hormones (both were circling the porcelain basin.) Lexapro was good, but my "independence" didn't come back until about a week after I added the lithium.
Jury's still out on boyfriend, but I honestly don't have my hopes up. I think this is just "death throes." As soon as I am well from this pneumonia thing I will be back on the prowl and he can just get jealous if he wants to, it won't do him any good. BTW I could NEVER have had such a clear, healthy attitude about this before the Lexapro + lithium. I'd have crumbled and taken him back at the first move in my direction. But I didn't, and didn't give him any indication that I was willing to settle for less than I already told him. Not an ultimatum, just I'm going to have the choice to have a family. I won't let him (or any man, for that matter) take that away from me. I care for him a great deal, and that's made this doubly hard, but I'm very pleased that I'm thinking clearly enough to separate the emotion from the reality (never been able to do that successfully, not for the longest time, anyway.)
Hope everything works out for you to leave you in a better place than you imagined. And no, it's not silly at all to ask for prayers for your kitty girl. Even if animals *don't* have souls, God surely put them here to soothe ours (and DON"T get me going on that, I have a really hard time looking into Zorro's eyes and believing he doesn't have a soul, I guess I'll find out one day, huh? and until then I don't want to argue about it.) She's your family, and worthy of love and compassion just like you.
The Bach remedies really help with the moving trauma, too. And, believe it or not, I know it sounds silly but don't laugh, there's an animal chiropractor here who did wonders with the nervous dog of a friend of mine. Like the flower remedies, even if it sounds crazy, who can argue with success?
Be good to yourself, girl. Talk more soon. Must sleep now.
bozeman
Posted by kara lynne on March 27, 2003, at 12:55:39
In reply to Re: Any time, sweetie » kara lynne, posted by bozeman on March 27, 2003, at 0:45:05
Who said animals don't have souls?! Whoever said that certainly doesn't have one!
Thanks for the encouraging words, bozeman. I'm trying to be strong right now, but it's not coming easy. My boyfriend just left and I felt like running after him like a psycho Joan Crawford, but I just said 'bye'.
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 18:09:18
In reply to Happy Birthday Kara Lynn! , posted by gabbix2 on March 26, 2003, at 14:26:21
Hi there...
I was thinking of emailing you with this when I saw your addy, but felt that was possibly a bit invasive, as you had left it for kara/boze (I forget already), but I haven't noticed you here as much as you have been in the past few weeks.
I made a comment when you first started Zyprexa kinda relating to my own experiences. The other day I read a post about the effects of pax** on you and hope that what I said happened to me while on Zyprexa--which turned out transforming it-self into "Fansasy Island) like old TV show, did not in anyway offend you.
I think you know what I mean and I just wanted to let you know that I had no idea that it would turn into the long thread it did. no hard feelings, I hope...
Your friend, ~tony
Posted by gabbix2 on March 31, 2003, at 14:47:13
In reply to Re: Happy Birthday Kara Lynn! gabbix2, posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 18:09:18
Hi lost sailor. It would be fine if you e-mailed me. Thanks for your concern though.
You know you got yourself all worried for nothing I haven't even read that post. Not that I ignored it either, I just haven't read much on babble recently.
Also even If I'd been offended, I know you are the type of person who wouldn't want to offend anyone, and I would have asked you about it.
I'm like you that way,I worry myself sick over offending or hurting peoples feelings.
I think a lot of us here are like that.
Its kind of funny in a way.
If someone stops posting for a while, I'm sure at least a dozen people are secretly worried that its something they said.Once my computer went all freaky on me, and started sending back e-mails to the people who had sent them. It happened to about 15 people.
The only ones who were worried it meant something
were babblers.
Both of them wrote back these plaintive letters."Why did you send my e-mail back? are you mad at me?"
Everyone else took it like it was... a computer screw up.
Such a sensitive bunch.
I've been 'off' the past couple of days just very disapointed that the Zyprexa isn't working for me anymore. Sometimes I think its harder when you get a little taste of what life could be like
and then get smacked back down again.
I don't know maybe it just can't work ALL the time. I'll try it for a bit longer.
Posted by kara lynne on March 31, 2003, at 19:13:28
In reply to Lost Sailor Don't worry.., posted by gabbix2 on March 31, 2003, at 14:47:13
Nice to see you. You illustrate our sensitivity well with your computer glitch story! I'm sorry to hear the Zyprexa hasn't been working well recently--I know just what you mean about that teasing glimpse of how things could be... Anyway, just wanted to say hello.
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2003, at 21:22:43
In reply to Lost Sailor Don't worry.., posted by gabbix2 on March 31, 2003, at 14:47:13
Argh. Sorry, Gabbi. I had high hopes for this one. Risperdal continues to work well for me, but I only take it every once in a while for a few days. Maybe that's why. Oh, phooey.
Posted by Tabitha on April 1, 2003, at 1:07:05
In reply to Lost Sailor Don't worry.., posted by gabbix2 on March 31, 2003, at 14:47:13
I'll add my condolences about the zyprexa poop-out-- it must be awfully disappointing. surely those little glimpses help though, somewhere in your mind you now know it's possible to feel that much better.
Posted by gabbix2 on April 1, 2003, at 13:12:39
In reply to Re: Lost Sailor Don't worry.. » gabbix2, posted by Tabitha on April 1, 2003, at 1:07:05
I was cruising through the messages wondering why you responded to my post to lost sailor. (I wasn't thinking bad things )
Of course I know why now. Cause you care.
Yeah it sucks.
It was so nice feeling normal, and now what I was seems worse cause of it. I'm going to try and take it once in a while, like you take risperidal Dinah, and
see cause I thought maybe thats the reason too.
Maybe its too much of a depressant on a regualar basis.
Thanks you guys.
Posted by gabbix2 on April 1, 2003, at 13:12:41
In reply to Re: Lost Sailor Don't worry.. » gabbix2, posted by Tabitha on April 1, 2003, at 1:07:05
I was cruising through the messages wondering why you responded to my post to lost sailor. (I wasn't thinking bad things )
Of course I know why now. Cause you care.
Yeah it sucks.
It was so nice feeling normal, and now what I was seems worse cause of it. I'm going to try and take it once in a while, like you take risperidal Dinah, and
see cause I thought maybe thats the reason too.
Maybe its too much of a depressant on a regualar basis.
Thanks you guys.
Posted by gabbix2 on April 1, 2003, at 13:15:27
In reply to You guys made me cry... just now Dinah » Tabitha, posted by gabbix2 on April 1, 2003, at 13:12:41
It stopped for a while when I was using a different computer I think. Its losing its charm I'm sure
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