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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
Do any of you have problems with this? I made an innocent comment in therapy yesterday that I hated hot weather. So we spent 10 minutes on this. "hate is a strong word, Laurel." But I do this all the time. I dramatize and exagerrate all of my feelings. My T says this is typical of emotionally neglected people. When I was a child I would have to exagerrate everything in order to get parental attention.
Anyway, I find the language thing really hard to break.
Anyone else deal with this?
Posted by jane d on July 23, 2004, at 14:01:27
In reply to Use of dramatic language, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
> Do any of you have problems with this? I made an innocent comment in therapy yesterday that I hated hot weather. So we spent 10 minutes on this. "hate is a strong word, Laurel." But I do this all the time. I dramatize and exagerrate all of my feelings. My T says this is typical of emotionally neglected people. When I was a child I would have to exagerrate everything in order to get parental attention.
>
> Anyway, I find the language thing really hard to break.I think I do the opposite. I tend to understate. And I expect that half of therapists would say that THAT was typical of emotionally neglected children. Perhaps it's a blind spot they have because that's all they see - not the dramatic or low key people who aren't in need of therapy.
Personally I think it's mostly learned much they way you learn a language or social customs. I live among immigrants from many different countries and how dramatic they are does very between groups (and within of course). My style is very much that of my relatives with overlays of the styles of the people I grew up around. I can hear myself getting a little more dramatic with some friends then I am with my family. Just like I will start to pick up the regional accent of anyone I spend time with.
And hate IS a strong word and I HATE hot weather - even when I'm in understated mode.
Jane
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 14:35:48
In reply to Use of dramatic language, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
From here in south Texas, hate is a perfectly appropriate word for hot weather. And for humidity, even if it is good for your skin.
I don't think hate is strong when applied to inanimate objects - or foods. In fact, I haven't heard anyone say it's too strong since fifth grade. It's just a figure of speach, for pete's sake.
Apply it to people......*now* it's a strong word.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 15:06:04
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » Miss Honeychurch, posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 14:35:48
I agree, it is just a figure of speech. And when he brought it up I just rolled my eyes. And he said, "hey, I'm only doing my job here!"
Posted by daisym on July 23, 2004, at 15:18:36
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » AuntieMel, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 15:06:04
There is actually a lot of psychology about the words people use...or don't use. We talked about word origins yesterday and freudian slips. I think we reveal more than we think by how we phrase things. This is the whole idea about free associating...what words come to mind.
My therapist likes to pick up on the word "wrong." I'll say something feels wrong...and that starts the whole "why? What else is associated? (fear, anger, pain)" etc. It often takes us into an intense discussion that I didn't expect.
On the other hand, I often tell him, "late is sometimes "just" late!"
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 15:22:00
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language, posted by daisym on July 23, 2004, at 15:18:36
I have to chose my words so carefully with him. One slip of a "should" and I get the speech about should/must thinking. He NEVER lets one go by!
Posted by Susan47 on July 23, 2004, at 16:09:28
In reply to Use of dramatic language, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
Omigod I'm one of those dramatic people. Emotionally neglected?
Thanks for your post It's good input.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 16:14:54
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » AuntieMel, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 15:06:04
Flip him out....next time say 'you're **always** complaining about my language'
Then duck.
Posted by toomuchpain on July 23, 2004, at 16:46:56
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » Miss Honeychurch, posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 16:14:54
well i my old t never had a problem wit it ... my new t just gives me a strnage look like she dont like alot of things i say but she never really says anything
Posted by ghost on July 23, 2004, at 17:55:12
In reply to Use of dramatic language, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
i remember in 1st grade, we used to "cook" something once a week and someone once said "i hate this (whatever it was)" and my teacher said "hate is a very strong word. you should say you *dislike* it." ever since then, i've been very careful when i use the word "hate."
but i hate hot weather, too. and i hate stupid people. and i hate being sick. and i *hate* people who just. don't. get. it!
ghost.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 18:19:52
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » Miss Honeychurch, posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 16:14:54
Oh lord, my T really picks up on language. With me it's the word "weird." That always prompts further digging.
And once I said something wasn't particularly earth-shattering. He jumped all over that. "Do you really WANT the earth to shatter?" Well duh! No. But of course it did lead to some interesting insights.
And the slogan for the dept.'s softball team: Sometimes a bat is just a bat.
I love it!
gg
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 18:21:35
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language, posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 18:19:52
Good heavens! Not only does my therapist not comment on things like that, but he probably talks that way himself. :)
I rather thought everyone did. Do I come from an especially expressive area of the country?
Posted by DaisyM on July 23, 2004, at 18:48:46
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » Miss Honeychurch, posted by ghost on July 23, 2004, at 17:55:12
How about:
"I'm ALWAYS HATE figuring out what I SHOULD do, because I'm always LATE making my move and it ends up being WRONG anyway. But, that probably isn't EARTH-SHATTERING news to you...and it DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY."
now there is a sentence with words to pick on! :)
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 20:00:41
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 18:21:35
What area (generally, don't give too much away) are you from?
We talk that way in south texas, too.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 20:01:41
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language, posted by DaisyM on July 23, 2004, at 18:48:46
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 20:26:05
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language, posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 20:00:41
Why, I'm a southerner of course. Or Suthenuh...
Can't you tell? :)
Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2004, at 20:41:16
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language, posted by DaisyM on July 23, 2004, at 18:48:46
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 21:13:57
In reply to Re: Use of dramatic language » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 20:26:05
Well, that obviously wasn't the way we were brought up, now was it Miss Scarlet.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 21:18:26
In reply to Re: regional language » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 21:13:57
I actually have a theory that a lot of misunderstandings have a cultural basis. I suspect some people think I'm hypocritical, and I wonder how much of that is a regional thing. I'm just Southern.
And I've had a couple of mental health professionals that I found unbelievably abrasive. Both happened to be from the Northeast, while my beloved therapist is even more Southern than I am, and tends to be even more indirect in his style of speaking.
I hate to generalize, because I don't think you can apply stereotypes to everyone in a region. But I do wonder if there aren't some cultural norms down here that can be misconstrued elsewhere.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 21:22:26
In reply to Re: regional language » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 21:18:26
You bet there are regional differences!!!!
I come from a long line of suthnas. Hubby is from Long Island. Most squabbles are because things he says that he thinks are direct I take as rude.
25 years later, we're still working on that.
Posted by DaisyM on July 23, 2004, at 22:03:12
In reply to Re: regional language » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 21:22:26
guess I'm glad I'm from eclectic California. Nothing is too far out here!!
Posted by AuntieMel on July 23, 2004, at 23:11:48
In reply to Re: regional language, posted by DaisyM on July 23, 2004, at 22:03:12
Beg your pardon? (Southern) Californians are the ones that I have the hardest time communicating with. (wink)
Posted by Poet on July 23, 2004, at 23:17:50
In reply to Use of dramatic language, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
My T has never commented on the word hate, unless it's self hatred. I can say I hate hot weather, hate being unemployed, I just can't say I hate myself. Or ask her why she doesn't hate me. Or give her reasons why she should hate me...
Poet
Posted by JenStar on July 24, 2004, at 13:36:01
In reply to Re: regional language » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 21:18:26
I agree with you whole-heartedly. Different cultures have HUGE differences in interaction, and it's easy to get offended if you don't recongize the differences.At work we used to spend much time working with people from Israel (phone conferences, bus. trips.) The company offered an internal class called 'working with Israelis' because the style of confrontation and argument there was different from US-style. US workers tended to get offended easily because the Israeli workers would ask very pointed questions, offer pointed advice, and get 'right down to brass tacks' without wasting time on pleasantries and w/ot couching their suggestions in flowery language or the common "it's just my opinion but" and "I don't know if you'll like this but," stuff.
Of course we all got along fine once we learned to work with each other (it was esp. hard for "newhires" just out of college, b/c they didn't have a lot of experience working with different people & cultures in general.)
On a smaller level, I agree that there are cultural diff. w/in the US in different parts of the country. Sometimes it's hard to get used to the brisk no-nonsense attitude of the east coast when you're used to the laid-back west coast.
Your email reminds me to stay open-minded and not to assume the worst about people -- reminds me to think of cultural & locational differences!
thanks!
JenStar
> I actually have a theory that a lot of misunderstandings have a cultural basis. I suspect some people think I'm hypocritical, and I wonder how much of that is a regional thing. I'm just Southern.
>
> And I've had a couple of mental health professionals that I found unbelievably abrasive. Both happened to be from the Northeast, while my beloved therapist is even more Southern than I am, and tends to be even more indirect in his style of speaking.
>
> I hate to generalize, because I don't think you can apply stereotypes to everyone in a region. But I do wonder if there aren't some cultural norms down here that can be misconstrued elsewhere.
Posted by JenStar on July 24, 2004, at 13:42:32
In reply to Use of dramatic language, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 23, 2004, at 13:29:30
Sometimes I use a 'blanket' overused work like HATE because it's easier than describing the complexity of my REAL feelings.
For example, "I just HATE my neighbor across the street" is JenStar code for
"I feel guilty every time I see the neighbor because I spoke firmly and somewhat harshly at him for letting his dog poop on my lawn w/o scooping it while I was directly watching, and even though I was RIGHT and he was WRONG and he had let the dog poop many times, I wish I had approached it differently, and now we're awkward around each other, and although I think he's irritating and annoying and rude, I'm worried that he's friends with the OTHER neighbor and in fact is telling the other neighbor that I'M Rude and obnoxious (maybe sometimes, yes, but not always!) And why does his wife always have to back out of the driveway w/out looking? It irritates me...she almost hit me again the other day!
So..maybe your T just suspects you have a wealth of info to share lurking behind that "hate" word.
(But I really do hate my neighbor! Sort of...!!)
JenStar
> Do any of you have problems with this? I made an innocent comment in therapy yesterday that I hated hot weather. So we spent 10 minutes on this. "hate is a strong word, Laurel." But I do this all the time. I dramatize and exagerrate all of my feelings. My T says this is typical of emotionally neglected people. When I was a child I would have to exagerrate everything in order to get parental attention.
>
> Anyway, I find the language thing really hard to break.
>
> Anyone else deal with this?
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