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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by ElaineM on December 27, 2006, at 23:19:29
In reply to Lou's response -aspects of ElaineM's post-newfrm?, posted by Lou Pilder on December 27, 2006, at 16:03:30
In my point of view, the issue doesn't seem so multi-faceted. But perhaps were are focusing on different aspects. I'm not arguing here, just clarifying my own standpoint by using parts of your post AuntieMel.
>>>>It is hard, if not impossible, to know when someone is serious or if someone is "crying wolf."
>>>>Should we refuse to help someone in crisis?For just me personally, I am bothered by the issue of repetition, and the acknowledgement that suicide talk is possibly, or sometimes, used as a medium for elliciting immediate responses. But again, this may be just one of my own issues.
But in terms of the more general concern of the thread, I don't see the issue as being that people shouldn't be allowed to "cry wolf" or that "crying wolf" should be punishable [though I'm not saying that AuntieMel's post suggested that], but rather being when the "crying wolf" (or true, actual intent) is stated to be somehow caused by another poster or posters. I don't have a problem with people expressing their wanting to commit suicide - afterall, that's what peer forums usually are for. I'd also be equally upset if people were NOT allowed to talk of suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm etc. But I would have a major problem with that desire/plan being threatened as a reaction (explicit or implicit) to the behaviour of fellow posters (keeping in mind that their communications must too be civil).
But also, as far as starting a new forum, I myself, don't think that's necessary. I think this place already has appropriate places to discuss death, suicide, and any other tough, sensitive subjects - I think the issue is more that it is discussed/written about/whatever appropriately, and that that's always enforced consistently. I think that the person asking for help (whatever form that ends up taking) must be equally as sensitive and respectful to the community as a whole, as the replies that are being asked for. I know that sounds strange considering that this is a forum where mental illness is going to be a factor, but as far as I know, being symptomatic has never been considered a sufficient reason for leniency before in regards to other issues here, or other types of posts. If I'm not mistaken the administrative position has been stated as something along the line of "for the good of the whole", which to me implies that someone asking for help in a crisis, or "crisis", must still be held equally accountable in their conduct. But I could be wrong - I'm not often on admin.
But to reiterate, the issue in this thread I'm most concerned with isn't the pure talking of suicide or suicidality, or even someone reporting that they are gonna do it and then taking it all back, but rather somehow threatening it, or implying it, as a consequence of other fellow posters responses.
I just worry that the several slightly different issues coming out in the thread may get confused.
Thanks for listening, EL
Posted by ClearSkies on December 28, 2006, at 8:30:33
In reply to Re: Lou aspects of El's post, and others, etc, posted by ElaineM on December 27, 2006, at 23:19:29
Elaine, I think that your post gets us back to the initial discussion, and I appreciate your clarity.
ClearSkies
Posted by fayeroe on December 28, 2006, at 8:33:02
In reply to Lou's reply to fayeroe » fayeroe, posted by Lou Pilder on December 27, 2006, at 21:15:53
that is too many "what ifs" to add to this thread.......let's keep it the way it was.
it will be less confusing for those of us who are very concerned by the policies concerning suicide threats............
Posted by Lou Pilder on December 28, 2006, at 10:03:50
In reply to Re: Lou's reply to fayeroe » Lou Pilder, posted by fayeroe on December 28, 2006, at 8:33:02
> that is too many "what ifs" to add to this thread.......let's keep it the way it was.
>
> it will be less confusing for those of us who are very concerned by the policies concerning suicide threats............fayeroe,
You wrote,[...that is {too many}("what ifs")...]
and,[..less confusing to those..concerned {by the policies}...]
Could you clarify:
A.What constitutes something to be a {"what if"}?
B.What then under your definition are the {"what ifs") that you are referring to?
C. What is the authority that you use to declare what is {too many}?
D. Are you saying that a suggestion for a policy to incorporate a separate thread for suicide threats here could cause {confusion}? If so, why?
E. Are you saying that in my reply to you that there is something that could cause confusion? If so, could you clarify how my reply to you about my clarifying what IMO Dr. Hsiung's statement has the potential to mean could cause {confusion}? If you could, I could have the opportunity to respond accordingly.
Lou
Posted by SLS on December 28, 2006, at 10:30:49
In reply to Re: Lou aspects of El's post, and others, etc, posted by ElaineM on December 27, 2006, at 23:19:29
I'm glad I have a place to be able to talk about anything, including the potential for me to commit suicide when I reach such a state. To talk about it is certainly a desperate act to avoid committing suicide. It is the connection to and support of others that makes such savior possible.
I imagine there are many different motivations and scenarios for which people pronounce suicidality. For whatever reasons we find some of these pronouncements to be "illegitimate", I wouldn't want to cut off the potential connections that a truly suicidal person might profit from by creating a policy against posts dealing with suicide. Even people whose declarations of suicide are repetitive and not acted upon probably need help. It is difficult to say to what degree PB influences them to avoid successfully committing suicide.
Is there a suicide contagion for the allowance of its being spoken about here? I really don't know. It doesn't affect me that way, though. Perhaps the opposite is true in a community of people who interact so closely. Because I am motivated to rescue others, I am more likely to allow others to rescue me. Perhaps there is a contagion of rescuing here. I don't know, but I don't think it hurts to take inventory every now and then.
For now, I see the discussion of and pleas for help in avoiding suicide to be integral to this community. It is the pinnacle of rescue. Are we to allow rescue from all conditions other than suicide. What sense does that make?
- Scott
Posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 10:50:01
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by Farkus on December 27, 2006, at 14:01:28
If someone is seriously suicidal, the last place they need to be asking for help is an internet bulletin board. I mean come on, these kinds of places are not set up to help the seriously mentally ill. Those kind of "I want to end it all" posts should be discouraged strongly. There's nothing a babble poster can do for someone who writes that kind of suicidal post except to worry about them, and that puts trauma on the other members. I'm wondering if some posts are missing here, because I've tried to read through them all, but I'm missing the problem that is making everyone so angry. If the question is "shouldn't these type of posts be banned from a bulletin board" I think the answer can only be yes. If you are suicidal, you really shouldn't be coming to a bulletin board for help.
Cassie
Posted by wishingstar on December 28, 2006, at 11:09:12
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 10:50:01
I havent posted to this thread yet because I dont think I have anything to add that hasnt already been said, but I felt like I needed to respond to this.
Cassie, I feel a little put down by your statements, although I couldnt quite put a finger on why. I do often feel suicidal myself, and I've posted about it more than once on these boards. However, I dont consider myself to be seriously mentally ill. But more importantly than that... I do believe that boards like these can be excellent supports, IN ADDITION to real life supports, for people in these hard situations. I would worry if most of us were here with no outside doctors, therapists, or support of any kind, but the majority of us do not rely soley on babble for help. I believe that babble offers a type of support that you cant really receive from a doctor or a therapist, or sometimes even a friend, for many reasons. For one, just the fact that there are so many of us here in similar yet different situations makes it much more likely that someone will really understand how youre feeling, on a deeper level because theyve felt it themselves. The "I've been there" support can be priceless, at least for me. There is also a sense of caring and support, at least for me, that you dont experience from professionals. It'd be a potential ethical problem. But that doesnt make the need for it any less real. In an ideal world every one of us would have a family member or friend who understood, cared, and was able and willing to be supportive. Unfortunately, we dont all have that in the way we need it, even though we may try.
I dont say that to suggest that there arent any limitations of reaching out for support in a net forum. There certainly are. I think many of the discussions we have on the admin board would not exist if we were sitting face to face where we could better assess crisis, read tone in people's words, etc. So again, it's not a substitute for anything in the real world. But as a supplement, it has been very valuable to me.
Posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 11:10:12
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 10:50:01
What about people who are so down and isolated that they can't muster up the ability to go elsewhere for help? Perhaps they might be able to find some encouragement here to do so.
Posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 11:29:11
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts » cassie17, posted by wishingstar on December 28, 2006, at 11:09:12
Yes you make good points wishingstar, and yes, the support of bulletin boards can be helpful, but I'm talking about what happens if someone has decided to kill themselves and posts about it. I would consider being seriously suicidal being seriously mentally ill. If someone takes their own life, that has to be mental illness, in my opinion. Suicidal Ideation is different, I think. Suicidal action has got to be mental illness.
Posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 11:57:25
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 11:29:11
Seems like there's a lot of stigma about "mental illness" even on a mental health board.
Posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 12:04:31
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 11:57:25
I don't think there's stigma attached to the idea that someone who is about to commit suicide is mentally ill. If there's anything that would count as a sign of mental illness, getting ready to kill yourself HAS to be one.
Don't mean to take the topic off admin topic. I still think if a person has serious suicidal thoughts, they are much better calling a hotline and talking to a real person than posting a final goodbye on a bulletin board. Surely that isn't an uncommon opinion?
Posted by madeline on December 28, 2006, at 12:13:46
In reply to Re: Lou aspects of El's post, and others, etc, posted by SLS on December 28, 2006, at 10:30:49
I totally agree with what you said, but my issue is when posters imply/threaten/indicate that they feel/are suicidal in reponse to something another poster said or did - especially in an attempt to coerce that poster into an action.
We all have triggers and it may be entirely possible that a poster could trigger suicidal ideation in another. However, I think it is more appropriate and much more civil to discuss the trigger rather than to discuss the other poster.
It is THAT issue that on which I would like to see some clarification and accountability.
Posted by madeline on December 28, 2006, at 12:18:49
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 10:50:01
There have been times when I posted that I was suicidal on babble. I mean I was SERIOUSLY down.
THe posters on babble definately helped me to hang on. I would read their posts over and over again.
I CAN say that babble was a very very important facet of keeping me alive at that time.
Now, I'm not saying that babble should be the only place to run to when the ideation is overwhelming, but for some it is all there is.
Being allowed to freely say "you know, I just don't think I can do this anymore" is so valuable.
Suicide should not be taken lightly, nor should it be used as a tool.
But I think that babble is a good place to run.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 28, 2006, at 12:42:12
In reply to Re: Lou aspects of El's post, and others, etc, posted by SLS on December 28, 2006, at 10:30:49
> I imagine there are many different motivations and scenarios for which people pronounce suicidality. For whatever reasons we find some of these pronouncements to be "illegitimate", I wouldn't want to cut off the potential connections that a truly suicidal person might profit from by creating a policy against posts dealing with suicide. Even people whose declarations of suicide are repetitive and not acted upon probably need help. It is difficult to say to what degree PB influences them to avoid successfully committing suicide.>
> For now, I see the discussion of and pleas for help in avoiding suicide to be integral to this community. It is the pinnacle of rescue. Are we to allow rescue from all conditions other than suicide. What sense does that make?I think these are very good points (as were Scott's other points in his post). Making statements about feeling suicidal might very well be a way for someone to cope with whatever feelings or thoughts they are struggling with. Sure, some coping mechanisms are more effective and adaptive than others. I "cope" with feelings of hurt, upset, depression, among others often by withdrawing and isolating myself. I know that's not the best approach, because then I feel more depressed.
Now there might be posters here who view my withdrawing as me ignoring them or not caring about them. I realize that the likelihood and potential magnitude of that feeling is low compared to feelings related to someone's suicidal ideation. But my point is that if someone feels I was ignoring them when I'm really isolating myself from depression, that's them injecting themselves into my inner world and my motivations for behavior. I can't prevent that, and I also can't take responsibility for that. Similarly, if someone feels they or their actions (or inactions) are responsible for someone else's safety, that's them injecting themselves into the formula. Even if someone else tries to "pull" someone else into the formula, none of us has to be pulled in. Of course it's likely we could feel manipulated or blackmailed if we felt responsible for acting a certain way "or else". But we are not responsible for anyone else's behavior. If we can keep separate what's "ours" and what's "theirs", we can avoid getting caught up in something that's not really about us.
I know this is easier said than done. But once we realize that we're caught up in a dynamic that is not healthy for us nor appropriate for us, we can then extricate ourselves, or as my T says, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to your own business of life."
So, long story short, I think there are many different behaviors manifested here on the boards that can be upsetting to others, but I also think that they are quite likely manifestations of illness. That doesn't mean it's not upsetting. But how do we determine which behaviors related to mental illness are tolerable and which are not? If we set intention as a criteria, we're bound to fail because we can't leap inside someone else's psyche to see what's going on.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on December 28, 2006, at 12:44:53
In reply to Re: Lou aspects of El's post, and others, etc, posted by madeline on December 28, 2006, at 12:13:46
> However, I think it is more appropriate and much more civil to discuss the trigger rather than to discuss the other poster.
I agree. Well said.
gg
Posted by Dinah on December 28, 2006, at 12:57:47
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 12:04:31
Well, what I see here for the most part is posters encouraging other posters to seek help IRL. Babble is no substitute for real life help for those who need it, but it can be a place where people can hear that there are those who care whether they live or die, and be urged and encouraged to get real life help.
And then other posters have to realize that that *is* all they can do. That there is no responsibility to "save" anyone else, because that isn't possible anyway. Thank heavens. If it were possible, the responsibility would be too great for me to bear.
The advantage of the board, as opposed to approaching a single other person, is that those who feel up to responding can respond, and those who feel too triggered can avoid responding.
Posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 13:08:51
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 12:04:31
But is there not a bit of a stigma associated with judging another person to be "mentally ill"? Ie, "they are only doing that because they are mentally ill". "Only a mentally ill person would do that". "This isn't a place for the mentally ill". Of course it's better to talk to someone in person if one is feeling suicidal, but sometimes that doesn't feel possible for people-it can be part of feeling suicidal. They might also fear being judged, and perhaps there is something more remote or anonymous about an internet forum. Or, perhaps they might feel more comfortable communicating with people they know online, rather than with a stranger. Social phobia, phone phobia, wanting to avoid a hospital drama might come into play. People sometimes have friction with their doctors and therapists, too. Real life friends and family might not understand, might also be judgemental. It's good to have another option available.
> I don't think there's stigma attached to the idea that someone who is about to commit suicide is mentally ill. If there's anything that would count as a sign of mental illness, getting ready to kill yourself HAS to be one.
>
> Don't mean to take the topic off admin topic. I still think if a person has serious suicidal thoughts, they are much better calling a hotline and talking to a real person than posting a final goodbye on a bulletin board. Surely that isn't an uncommon opinion?
Posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 13:29:04
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by Dinah on December 28, 2006, at 12:57:47
Dinah, I like your viewpoint- very sensible and still compassionate.I do imagine, hope that if someone posts about suicidal ideas, the urgings of those respondents who felt up to responding might nudge and give confidence to the person in need of real life help to seek it. I think it would be very helpful to hear, "you can get help, you can do this, this, and this and here's what happened when I did it, and I'm glad I did it" rather than "snap out of it", "you're such a downer", "stop being so dramatic", or "be more responsable for yourself". Unfortuneately, such sentiments are fairly common with a lot of people who don't know what it is like to feel very depressed, and getting loads of such "advice" can be very discouraging. As for me, most of my non-depressed friends are convinced that I wouldn't ever be depressed if I would just get off all prescription medications and start to think sensibly, and as for family- well- we don't have "mentally ill" people in our family. There was a time when I seriously questioned what made life worth it, and was advised to get some hot chocolate by a well meaning friend who had zero comprehension of what I was attempting to discuss. I never felt so isolated as then. In any case, the boards here are a good place to realize that one isn't isolated, that others struggle with such feelings, too.
> Well, what I see here for the most part is posters encouraging other posters to seek help IRL. Babble is no substitute for real life help for those who need it, but it can be a place where people can hear that there are those who care whether they live or die, and be urged and encouraged to get real life help.
>
> And then other posters have to realize that that *is* all they can do. That there is no responsibility to "save" anyone else, because that isn't possible anyway. Thank heavens. If it were possible, the responsibility would be too great for me to bear.
>
> The advantage of the board, as opposed to approaching a single other person, is that those who feel up to responding can respond, and those who feel too triggered can avoid responding.
Posted by wishingstar on December 28, 2006, at 13:32:43
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by cassie17 on December 28, 2006, at 11:29:11
I agree with you that being seriously suicidal signals some sort of mental illness, most likely depression or bipolar disorder, but also possibly a host of other things. I didnt mean to say otherwise. I guess I just have different feelings when I hear depression/bipolar and "serious mental illness". That's probably my own issue though.
Posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 13:43:43
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts » cassie17, posted by wishingstar on December 28, 2006, at 13:32:43
I guess what troubles me isn't "mental illness" so much as the possibility of dividing people up into castes of "mentally ill" and "normal", in which the sentiments and concerns of the "normal" people are valid, and those of the "mentally ill" are dismissed as invalid. There's enough of that going on in "the real world".
Posted by karen_kay on December 28, 2006, at 14:07:59
In reply to Re: Do I have to take y'all outside? » Happyflower, posted by AuntieMel on December 26, 2006, at 16:07:19
do i have to bend you over my knee??? (that's always been my favorite one)
hope you're doing well. (and let me know about my question, seriously!!!)
Posted by karen_kay on December 28, 2006, at 14:36:44
In reply to (((((auntie mel))))) » AuntieMel, posted by karen_kay on December 28, 2006, at 14:07:59
but i don't really care.
is it entirely impossible to not interact with posters that one finds are unnerving? for example, hypothetically, if karen_kay (hey! that's me and only me, no one else, not accussing, putting down, or anything else) is upsetting me by posting that she's going to kill herself if i don't stop ignoring her, and i find it bothersome (that kk, she really does get on my nerves and EVERYONE knows that she wants to be the center of attention always. but gosh, she sure is cute and really does deserve to be the center of attention. gosh, it's so hard to ignore her!) then i don't open kk's posts. not until i'm ready to find kk's posts amusing or be of help. now, i'm not going to instigate kk, but i'm not going to read her posts (and god! does that make me... oops, her mad!)
so, i don't allow myself to be manipulated by kk (and she sure does like to manipulate people). and if i'm really not feeling like gettign involved in those kind of things, i have posters that i ONLY read their posts, knowing they don't usually upset me (not like kk does. she really can be upsetting) anyway. so, is it so much kk manipulating people or people allowing themselves to be manipulated by kk?
(i'm also a bit concerned about other people who need help, support, ect. but don't reach out because they don't want to be 'another kk.') see, there i go again, making it all about me :)
footnote: i am not saying that anyone here threatens sxuicide for attention, other than kk. i'm not (repeat not) substituting one name for another. and i'm not trying to make light of this subject. i just don't want anyone coming back on me saying, 'are you talking about me' becuase i believe i've made it clear i am only talking about kk.
Posted by wishingstar on December 28, 2006, at 18:16:45
In reply to Re: Good Bye Posts, posted by laima on December 28, 2006, at 13:43:43
I absolutely agree with you laima. 100%. After I posted my last message I thought more and realized I'd probably worded my thoughts incorrectly. It may have sounded like I meant that people with depression/bipolar dont (in my opinion) suffer from 'severe' mental illness, and are therefore better/more "sane"/more important/etc etc etc or somehow in a different category than those with more severe diagnoses or no diagnoses at all. I absolutely do not believe that. I just wanted to make that clear. We all have our problems, and whether or not a person has a diagnosis does not change their worth or importance.
Posted by fayeroe on December 28, 2006, at 19:13:03
In reply to Lou's request for clarification to fayeroe » fayeroe, posted by Lou Pilder on December 28, 2006, at 10:03:50
this is a mental health forum. i'm not very interested in nascar forums/sky diving forums/deep sea fishing forums and i doubt that very many others are..........that's what i meant when i said there are too many "what ifs"........we could "what if" it til the cows come home. ......it's counterproductive to go off in seventy different directions.........
i merely pointed out that we we discussing a very specific issue.
and the explanation for "til the cows come home" is that it could be very late.........
Posted by fayeroe on December 28, 2006, at 19:15:58
In reply to Re: Lou aspects of El's post, and others, etc, posted by madeline on December 28, 2006, at 12:13:46
> I totally agree with what you said, but my issue is when posters imply/threaten/indicate that they feel/are suicidal in reponse to something another poster said or did - especially in an attempt to coerce that poster into an action.
>
> We all have triggers and it may be entirely possible that a poster could trigger suicidal ideation in another. However, I think it is more appropriate and much more civil to discuss the trigger rather than to discuss the other poster.
>
> It is THAT issue that on which I would like to see some clarification and accountability.that is the issue that i've been trying to talk about.........thanks, maddie......pat
>
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