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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 210 to 234 of 272. Go back in thread:
Posted by wildcard11 on March 29, 2006, at 19:08:40
In reply to Re: IMO... Badly done Dr Bob, badly done indeed :-(, posted by Phillipa on March 29, 2006, at 18:43:09
I really think that is a great idea...
Posted by special_k on March 29, 2006, at 21:17:43
In reply to IMO... Badly done Dr Bob, badly done indeed :-(, posted by special_k on March 29, 2006, at 18:08:33
> Jeepers Bob you could have at least *informed* them that this was how it was going to go (that there had been three volounteers and so you wanted to post that to the boards so as to get feedback and that you were planning on only taking two on) BEFORE posting it to the boards like that.
because that would have given them a chance to think about it and about whether they wanted it to go that way...
it would have given someone the opportunity to say 'no thanks very much i don't want to do that' and then you wouldn't have to choose between them it would be more about their goign through the training process okay. and people could still have posted what they thought. i mean jeepers what do you envisage happening? people babblemailing you and saying 'i think these two people should get to do it but not this one'. do you want it to turn into that on the boards.
how do you think the third person is going to feel?????
did you even think about that?
i don't think you did...
please tell me you didn't think about it.
because thinking that you did think about it and you just don't give a flying f*ck is much much worse IMO.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 29, 2006, at 22:28:45
In reply to Re: IMO... Badly done Dr Bob, badly done indeed :-(, posted by special_k on March 29, 2006, at 21:17:43
While I so very much appreciate everyone's concern for my feelings and those of the other two prospective deputies (you guys really ARE the best - THE reason I care enough to try to help by being a deputy here)...but I think....being charitable to Dr. Bob right now would be a wonderful thing.
I maybe shouldn't have posted about what I knew or didn't know, and when. Silence is golden sometimes, and I may have forgotten that in this instance. So, I just learned something, and that's always good. :-)
Because there may have been some misunderstanding, unfortunate bad timing, miscommunication or plain and simple forgetfulness on Dr. Bob's part here. I'm not saying that, 'cause I don't know yet. But I am saying I remain confident this will be worked out just fine for all concerned.
And my feelings are doing really fine so far :-) I hope Racer and Clearskies are okay, too. I think they are. Perhaps...it all sounds much worse than it is, if that makes sense?
A charitable viewing - as special k has so eloquently reminded me about - particularly when the complete picture, full intention, etc. is unclear, or all facts aren't in yet?
Please?
Posted by Racer on March 29, 2006, at 23:02:14
In reply to Being charitable, posted by 10derHeart on March 29, 2006, at 22:28:45
While I can see that feelings could be hurt, I kinda feel better knowing that, if I don't make the grade, or it feels like to much for me, I won't be letting anyone down. The job will still be done, even if I'm not up to it.
That's a pretty liberating feeling for me, means I can make a mistake and no lasting damage will occur.
I'm gonna try to hold on to that, and hope that I still feel that way if Dr Bob flunks me, or the rest of the people here vote me out of the running.
(Just in case anyone thought there was any reason for my silence on the matter. It wasn't hurt feelings, I didn't know about this thread until I saw wildcard11's post below.)
Posted by special_k on March 30, 2006, at 1:26:38
In reply to For my part, this reduces the pressure, posted by Racer on March 29, 2006, at 23:02:14
good campaigning guys...
i have a lot of respect for all three of you and i think all of you would most probably make terrific deputies and i support you all in that.
all the facts aren't in...
but lets just say dr bob has made something of a habit of this kind of thing...
it has come up many times before...
sure i can be charitable, he is often 'forgetful' or 'not mindful' of other people's feelings when it comes to this kind of thing.
and that is my point.
but yeah.
maybe you guys just passed your first test...
Posted by special_k on March 30, 2006, at 1:41:18
In reply to Re: For my part, this reduces the pressure, posted by special_k on March 30, 2006, at 1:26:38
i'm gonna block myself for a while or something 'cause otherwise i'm just working myself up to getting blocked which will just be even more painful to me.
it isn't you guys at all
((((guys))))just my sh*t.
been winding up to it for a week or so now...
etcsee ya around.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 31, 2006, at 12:48:09
In reply to Being charitable, posted by 10derHeart on March 29, 2006, at 22:28:45
The process was discussed among Dr. Bob and the deputies before he announced openings for deputies. Some of the concerns expressed here were also expressed in that discussion.
For what its worth...
gg
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 18:09:42
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by gardenergirl on March 31, 2006, at 12:48:09
> The process was discussed among Dr. Bob and the deputies before he announced openings for deputies. Some of the concerns expressed here were also expressed in that discussion.
sorry still having a little trouble here...
the current deputies thought it would be a good idea to have three prospectives trained and the opportunity for other posters to give feedback on what they thought...
at which point the current deputies thought it would be interesting if two were selected / one was 'deselected'.
the current deputies thought it would be a good idea for the prospectives to find this out SURPRISE! on the boards rather than giving them some time before hand to check that they really wanted to be part of that process?
sorry i'm not really understanding the role of the current deputies in all this...
trying to be charitable...
and thinking... you guys didn't really have a lot to do with it...
also thinking...
dinah
gg
auntiemel
would you guys have volounteered if you had known all three of you would be trained and only two would be selected?
would you guys have volounteered under this current process?
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 18:13:25
In reply to Re: Being charitable » gardenergirl, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 18:09:42
or.. maybe to be charitable to the deputies... maybe dr bob informed you guys of this process and you tried to dissuade him?
the bit i'm having the most trouble with...
is that he couldn't even tell the prospectives of how he was planning on running this BEFORE posting it to the boards.
can you understand how people might feel hurt about that dr bob?
i mean that really very genuinely...
and if you can understand... THEN WHY THE HELL DO YOU GO AROUND DOING THINGS LIKE THAT?????
i mean how hard is it to send fairly much what you posted to the boards on to each prospect and say 'are you okay with this process want me to go ahead and post it to the boards?'
how hard?
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 18:45:54
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 18:13:25
yes, you should be charitable to us.
and no, we didn't know he wouldn't tell them.
and no, i probably wouldn't have volunteered under those circumstances.
but i won't tell him "i told you so". (except i guess i just did)
so it's ok to be charitable to dr. bob too.
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:00:27
In reply to Re: Being charitable » special_k, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 18:45:54
> yes, you should be charitable to us.
sure.
> and no, we didn't know he wouldn't tell them.of course you didn't. i know you guys (especially you) better than that ;-)
> and no, i probably wouldn't have volunteered under those circumstances.no. i'm wondering who would...
> but i won't tell him "i told you so". (except i guess i just did)lol.
> so it's ok to be charitable to dr. bob too.er how come?
because you told him you didn't think it was a good idea (hence the i told you so)
and yet... he blunders on.
hrm.
i don't think he understands how much hurts can hurt. i don't think he understands. and that is BEING charitable. because the uncharitable option is that he understands and he just doesn't give a f*ck.
Posted by muffled on March 31, 2006, at 19:04:52
In reply to Re: Being charitable » Dinah, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:00:27
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 19:16:01
In reply to Re: Being charitable » Dinah, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:00:27
He does care.
And to be fair to him, this was a consensus compromise from his original plan. So I guess you could say that we all did agree to this, in the sense that this was the compromise.
I guess I no longer think in terms of absolutes here. I think in terms of getting things as good as I can get them. Which would be this. And would be the xxxx'ng out of names in the post at the source of controversy now.
Except we really didn't know Dr. Bob didn't tell them.
And I really did tell him I thought it was unfair to announce it before the very end. I just accepted that he thought this was better for Babble and that if his heart was set on it, it was set on it.
I think he was focusing on the other end. On trying to allow more input in the choosing of deputies. On going more in the direction of democracy here, by allowing input from the very beginning.
His motives were good, I'm sure. I think he was just thinking of the board, and of the benefits of involving the board more, and he gave credit to the board that it wouldn't end up a popularity contest. And gave credit to the deputy candidates that they could tolerate the stress.
So, I can't really say that it wasn't the consensus agreement. But you can still give us credit for moderating the original plan to this. :)
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 19:20:26
In reply to Re: Being charitable » special_k, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 19:16:01
Not that I'm claiming to know for sure what Dr. Bob thinks. Because I don't. I guess I make a lot of assumptions that may or may not be true.
Oh, isch. I'm putting my foot in my mouth more and more.
I just didn't want anyone to think I thought this was a brilliant idea, but then I realized that I had given the impression that we hadn't reached a consensus, then I tried to correct that, but really...
I should have just kept my mouth shut.
Sorry Dr. Bob.
I really need to learn to work on not trying to explain myself.
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:36:05
In reply to Re: Being charitable » Dinah, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 19:20:26
sure
the method of delivery.
that was my bugbear.
the he didn't tell them beforehand that there had been three volounteers. that he wanted to post that to the boards because he wanted to get posters feedback. then he was planning on having a training process and taking the feedback into account which would result in his selecting two deputies and one person would be deselected or whatever.
my point is that he didn't tell them this was how it was going to be BEFORE posting it to the boards.
how do i know this?
because i said 'i hope you told them and they agreed'
and they jumped in and went 'yeah ok so thanks for telling us like that'
so...
whatever.
being charitable... i don't think he does think.
being charitable... i don't think he understands how much things like this can really hurt
and how it isn't hard to avoid the hurt.
doesn't take very long.
isn't so hard.but he doesn't really give a sh*t.
and this happens over and over and over...
and if he got blocked for this kind of thoughtlessness...
how many weeks would he be on now?
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:55:37
In reply to SLAM DUNK!!!! :-) (nm) » special_k, posted by muffled on March 31, 2006, at 19:04:52
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 19:56:26
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:36:05
I really think he tries.
And I really think I'm overmedicated and in probably no fit state to post.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2006, at 20:08:47
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 19:36:05
>>and they jumped in and went 'yeah ok so thanks for telling us like that'<<
Hmmm, I don't think that's quite the tone I projected up in that thread. At least I didn't mean to. More like quite a bit of surprise, but little, if any, upset. I've moved way beyond it now. In fact, I think it took about 24 hours to get there, with some help from a friend. Not too big of a deal.
I'm really okay with how everything is going. I wasn't looking for the ideal here, so maybe my expectations weren't way up there. And to add another little bit, really I *did* know there could be xx (any number from 0 to ??) volunteers way back 2 months ago, and Dr. Bob's original post clearly said he could only add 2 deputies this year. So, if I just put those together, if more than 2 volunteered, some wouldn't be able to go on after the certain point. Dinah reminded me recently of a message I'd utterly forgotten about (see Dinah, your memory isn't so very bad).
I know - your problem is still with the later lack of personal heads-up from Dr. Bob after he knew the total was three, and the delivery method here on the board. I do hear that and I get how you're viewing it, based on all you've seen in the past. I guess in a way, I'm a terrible judge as I've never been blocked or hurt in any other way by Dr. Bob.
I just want to say, for the record one last time, for me it wasn't so very awful. Not perfect and a surprise, but hey, that's a good description of Babble imitating every day life. Also, maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, or very warped in the eyes of some, but sure, I *would* have accepted this process if it was explained explicitly, step-by-step to me first. I feel I will be able to deal with whatever may happen. The deputy training can do nothing but help me gain understanding as a poster, so I se it as a win-win whatever happens.
I suppose I'm quite used to being evaluated from 20+ years in the Air Force. No, it never feels 'nice' but one does adapt and move on from these kinds of selections and non-selections. I've had plenty of the latter :-)
I need to be quiet now.
((Dr. Bob))
((special k))
((Dinah))
((deputies))
((deputy candidates))
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 20:10:17
In reply to Re: Being charitable » special_k, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 19:56:26
> I really think he tries.
i don't know what to think.
i really don't know what to think any more.doesn't he notice?
or doesn't he think people might be likely to feel hurt?
or doesn't he think people migh tbe likely to feel really really really really hurt?
or does he think people need to learn to toughen up anyway?
what on earth does he think?
this is what i'm struggling with.
i don't understand what the f*ck is going on
and why this kind of thing happens... over and over and over.and he doesn't seem to learn.
and i guess my point is that if he doesn't appreciate that people are likely to feel hurt...
how would he feel if he got blocked each time he failed to appreciate that?
what length blocks would he be on now?
i don't understand :-(
i don't undersatnd :-(
Posted by muffled on March 31, 2006, at 21:10:15
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 20:10:17
but maybe your getting wound up, like I do.
Maybe walk away a bit.
I've had it myself.
I've begged and pleaded via e-mail to Dr. Bob. He never even answered......
I don't understand either, and apparently he doesn't feel the need to let us know.
Just like God doesn't tell all.
Bob, the all powerful.
:-(
I'm just seeing what happens re: the jyl situation. Then I'm gone........
:(
:(
Take care.
Muffled
Posted by Deneb on March 31, 2006, at 21:59:47
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 20:10:17
> doesn't he notice?
>
> or doesn't he think people might be likely to feel hurt?
>
> or doesn't he think people migh tbe likely to feel really really really really hurt?
>
> or does he think people need to learn to toughen up anyway?Personally I think (this is just a wild theory I got from some others), that Dr. Bob might have a mild form of a*****. (It's okay Bob, I still like you even if you may have a mild form of a*****.) OTOH, you probably don't care much if people like you or not if you do indeed have a mild form of a*****.
I'm not jumping to any conclusions about Dr. Bob here, it's all just pure speculation...that Dr. Bob has a mild disorder...just like most of us. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 23:10:36
In reply to Re: Being charitable » special_k, posted by Deneb on March 31, 2006, at 21:59:47
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.
i've heard this theory...
i dunno.
i remember the skills trainers at DBT group used to have trouble appreciating our likely emotional responses (likely in my opinion)
linehan talks (rather a lot) about 'borderline logic'... but i'm not sure that that quite captured it either.
i dunno.
i dunno.
:-(
:-(
:-(you okay dr bob?
we miss you can you tell?
Posted by Deneb on April 1, 2006, at 13:14:51
In reply to Re: Being charitable, posted by special_k on March 31, 2006, at 23:10:36
> you okay dr bob?
>
> we miss you can you tell?I miss you too Dr. Bob. {{{{{{Dr. Bob}}}}}}
But, I love you just the way you are. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by Sobriquet Style on April 2, 2006, at 8:23:40
In reply to Re: openings for deputy administrators, posted by Dr. Bob on March 28, 2006, at 9:35:01
>I'm delighted to report that we have 3 volunteers: ClearSkies, Racer, and 10derHeart.
All three are great people and can each bring excellent individual qualities. IMHO, all three should get the job.
Auntie Mel, gg and Dinah, plus the above three.
Brilliant choice.
~
Posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 8:59:09
In reply to Re: openings for deputy administrators, posted by Sobriquet Style on April 2, 2006, at 8:23:40
I have to admit, given that there is no pay involved, I do wonder why five is better than six deputies at this time.
And I agree, the three volunteers are all great!
gg
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