![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 45. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64bowtie on February 14, 2005, at 13:39:50
I do need to take it up with Dr-Bob, and I have started that process... A long time ago I was a 'professional-victim'... I never use the word victim anymore. I am the object of her express wrath! A victim has no options.
As object of her wrath, I can remove her or step out of the way, just 2 options that quickly come to mind. I respect the danger she poses to me and to Babble. Fear has no options; I don't do fear.
This is however, more serious than a veiled threat wrapped in a shroud of 'ha, ha, ha' humor! Technically, it is assault! Will I sue her? How can I; who is she, really?
"...a family is as sick as its secrets" holds true for the Babble community toooo. I sent that e-mail out to air out the 'stinky linen'! Gabbi, Joking or serious, is way outta line to even intimate appreciating anyone's (Babbler's) death. ...and out of the woodwork comes partlycloudy, as a co-conspiritor.....? She actually sent me the Babblemail? We need to leave the 'stinky linen' on the clothesline a few more days!
I was stunned at how deeply this instantly affected me!!! I did learn something about myself. I wonder if Gabbi has learned anything........ yet.....
Rod
PS: Its not their (Gabbi-x-2 and partlycloudy) call as to how I might die... EVER!
Posted by partlycloudy on February 14, 2005, at 13:58:08
In reply to All,, posted by 64bowtie on February 14, 2005, at 13:39:50
> "...a family is as sick as its secrets" holds true for the Babble community toooo. I sent that e-mail out to air out the 'stinky linen'! Gabbi, Joking or serious, is way outta line to even intimate appreciating anyone's (Babbler's) death. ...and out of the woodwork comes partlycloudy, as a co-conspiritor.....? She actually sent me the Babblemail? We need to leave the 'stinky linen' on the clothesline a few more days!
>
> PS: Its not their (Gabbi-x-2 and partlycloudy) call as to how I might die... EVER!
>
>
What on earth are you talking about, Rod??? I have never Babblemailed you about anything like you suggest.
This is enough for me to request that you please never post nor babblemail me ever again.
Posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 14:10:38
In reply to All,, posted by 64bowtie on February 14, 2005, at 13:39:50
I'm very confused about who sent what to whom, but I do want to say that I think Rod has a right to his feelings, and has a right not to have his feelings trivialized or joked about. We extend this right to other posters, don't we? It doesn't matter that one poster would not be upset if X was said to or about him/her. What matters is how the event affects the person to whom it was directed. There are lots of grumblings and outright complaints about Bob's
subjectivity, inconsistency, and perceived favoritism. Does anyone honestly feel that this incident is entirely free of those qualities?
For what it's worth, I would be terribly upset if I received an email like the one Rod received, and I do think it was appropriate of Rod to bring the matter up on Admin.
Posted by partlycloudy on February 14, 2005, at 14:32:54
In reply to Re: All,, posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 14:10:38
If the guidelines regarding Babblemail had been followed, and the poster contact Dr Bob via email with their concerns, then none of this would have happened. As it happened, a public post regarding the Babblemail has appeared here and I for one am very upset to be tarred with this brush.
It does not discount the poster's validity of feelings, but it would have kept the matter private which would have been more appropriate; and it would have allowed Dr Bob to intervene himself rather than allow this board to get involved.
Posted by Lou Pilder on February 14, 2005, at 16:30:27
In reply to All,, posted by 64bowtie on February 14, 2005, at 13:39:50
Another part that IMO could be unacceptable in relation to the guidlines of the forum is:
[..as object of {her wrath}...].
Lou
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:43:21
In reply to All,, posted by 64bowtie on February 14, 2005, at 13:39:50
> As object of her wrath, I can remove her or step out of the way, just 2 options that quickly come to mind. I respect the danger she poses to me and to Babble.
Gee, perhaps it's time I change my posting name.
Gabbi just sounds so innocent. Perhaps Gabbatronix mistress of destruction?I wonder if Gabbi has learned anything........ yet....
Yup, always double check the posters name before you hit submit!
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 17:38:57
In reply to Re: All, » 64bowtie, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 16:43:21
> Gee, perhaps it's time I change my posting name.
> Gabbi just sounds so innocent. Perhaps Gabbatronix mistress of destruction?
>Dinah here, acting as deputy for Dr. Bob.
Please don't be sarcastic, jump to conclusions about others, or post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Dr. Bob is of course free to override all deputy decisions.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 17:40:43
In reply to Re: All,, posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 14:10:38
It doesn't matter that one poster would not be upset if X was said to or about him/her. What matters is how the event affects the person to whom it was directed.
That's true Henrietta, however, have you not ever said anything privately, out of irritation that could have been taken out of context?
There are lots of grumblings and outright complaints about Bob's
> subjectivity, inconsistency, and perceived favoritism. Does anyone honestly feel that this incident is entirely free of those qualities?. How could this incident show favoritism? Rod posted something
whére's the favoritism? I didn't see sides being taken. Where did you?> For what it's worth, I would be terribly upset if I received an email like the one Rod received, and I do think it was appropriate of Rod to bring the matter up on Admin.
I'm really surprised you can be so assured that all your private conversations would stand up as perfection if held up for public scrutiny.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 17:54:58
In reply to Please be civil » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 17:38:57
The idea of my being dangerous may be amusing to me, but that's only because I know myself, it is obviously not amusing to those who don't.
> Dinah here, acting as deputy for Dr. Bob.
>
> Please don't be sarcastic, jump to conclusions about others, or post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
>
Posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 18:50:50
In reply to Re: All, » henrietta, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 17:40:43
Well, I didn't want to get into specifics, here, but, for example, I would laugh mao if I saw the word a*n*c*s*t inadvertantly posted beside my name in a subject line. Yet it would never occur to me to tell that member that her very real distress was in some way not "real" because I wouldn't be upset, or because in MY neck of the woods that term was used on a daily basis and carried no weight..I would, and did, try to imagine her distress, and empathize, as did nearly every responding member of the board. I found that admirable. I am only asking that the same admirable empathy be extended to Rod . I am quite surprised (and I mean this sincerely) that you don't seem to grasp this point, since I think of you as a person capable of thinking outside your personal box.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:08:06
In reply to Re: All,, posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 18:50:50
I am only asking that the same admirable empathy be extended to Rod . I am quite surprised (and I mean this sincerely) that you don't seem to grasp this point, since I think of you as a person capable of thinking outside your personal box.
I have felt the same way about you Henrietta, which is why I responded as opposed to ignoring your post. That one line Rod chose to put on the board, had been edited from it's original context a babblemail which was not sent to him, but to a friend. The apology I sent to the recipient immediately after the babblemail was not posted either. I won't say anymore than that, but sometimes things aren't as they seem.
And that may be the reason it appears I'm not being more empathetic.
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:11:16
In reply to Re: All, » henrietta, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:08:06
I don't think Henrietta's message was aimed at you, Gabbi. Not that I wish to speak for Henrietta, of course.
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:15:16
In reply to Re: All,, posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 18:50:50
I believe I was clear that Rod was perfectly justified in contacting Dr. Bob, I restated the civility rules about posting private conversations, and I attempted to ease any fears he might have that Gabbi actually had any designs on his life.
I also validated any hurt Rod might have felt.
I never intended to show any favoritism to anyone at all. I was just expressing my conviction that no-one was in any danger.
A conviction that I still hold.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:16:15
In reply to Re: All,, posted by henrietta on February 14, 2005, at 14:10:38
How So Dinah? I am right now cocking my head like a dog that heard a weird noise... One refers to the e-mail sent to Rod, and the other one following my post refers to "a person able to think out of her own personal box""
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:17:39
In reply to Re: All, » henrietta, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:16:15
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:33:30
In reply to Re: All, » henrietta, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:16:15
"or because in MY neck of the woods that term was used on a daily basis and carried no weight.."
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:46:21
In reply to Re: All, » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:33:30
> "or because in MY neck of the woods that term was used on a daily basis and carried no weight.."
I'm not understanding, I know that's from Henrietta's post, but it seems to be comparing
something I said, to something else that happened.I said "If I'd heard that said about me I wouldn't be bothered" \
Henrietta was saying.. well that shouldn't matter because it's how the person feels, and
provided the above analogy.
Then she said she thought that I was a person able to usually think outside my own personal box and was surprised I hadn't..
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:52:26
In reply to Re: All, » Dinah, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:46:21
From Henrietta's post:
> > "or because in MY neck of the woods that term was used on a daily basis and carried no weight.."
From my post to Rod:
"In my neck of the woods, it's generally considered a figure of speech, when weighed properly in context."But perhaps I'm mistaken.
At any rate, I want to make clear that I was in no way trying to say that Rod's feelings were unimportant, but rather to reassure him that he wasn't in any physical danger.
I wouldn't want Rod to think anything else.
Of course I now understand that this was all part of the whole misunderstanding, and will hopefully be all straightened out.
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:53:10
In reply to Re: All,, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:52:26
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:58:16
In reply to Re: All,, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:52:26
> I'm sorry you had to spell that out for me,
I missed a few words, and connected a*n* i C*RI*T
to being the term used in her neck of the woods..
I forgot that was yours. Did you check your email?
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 20:00:32
In reply to Re: All, » Dinah, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 19:58:16
Yes, but I haven't gotten anything since I last replied to you.
Uh oh.
No wait. I wasn't babblemailing.
Whew.
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 20:11:16
In reply to Re: All, » Gabbi-x-2, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 20:00:32
I re sent it.. not by babblemail
Posted by henrietta on February 15, 2005, at 7:23:28
In reply to Re: All, » Dinah, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 20:11:16
I haven't been clear, and I'm sorry for that. My original intention was simply to support Rod because it seemed to me that he wasn't getting much support. I wish I'd left out the bit about
inconsistency of supportive response, which was a general comment, by the way, directed at no one in particular. Just a comment on board dynamics that I should have kept to myself, as per Alexandra's quote "Think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." Then I muddied the waters even further. I'm sure you won't believe it Dinah, but I didn't consciously quote you. I read those posts several hours, I think, before I wrote and didn't go back and read them again. (And I was talking to Gabbi, by the way, in that 2nd post, the personal box post.) Truth is, I use that expression a lot myself, and though it must have been lingering subconsciously from your post, I was genuinely surprised (and rather appalled) to later see you had used the same words. It's such a natural expression for me to use that I didn't think twice when it came rippling off my fingers.And honestly, it didn't really matter to me how Rod received the message that upset him. It only mattered that he seemed so genuinely distressed.
I regret having made matters worse with my interference, and wish both Rod and Gabbi well.
Posted by Dinah on February 15, 2005, at 9:13:20
In reply to Re: All,, posted by henrietta on February 15, 2005, at 7:23:28
Thank you, Henrietta, for clarifying.
Of course I'll believe you. I guess it's one of the limitations of the written word. It's an expression that I use very seldom, and I generally use it in an attempt to express that I understand that I understood that other people might read things differently. So I didn't sufficiently consider that other people might use the expression more frequently.
I hope for everyone's sake that this can be worked out and hurt feelings salved.
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 15, 2005, at 10:26:39
In reply to Re: Please be civil, I apologize » Dinah, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on February 14, 2005, at 17:54:58
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Administration | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.