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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by chujoe on September 16, 2010, at 11:25:28
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » linkadge, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 8:03:55
>>How can you know the motivations of others?<<
Yes, exactly. That gap of uncertainty makes me hesitant to judge.
Posted by violette on September 16, 2010, at 11:32:17
In reply to suicidality exhaustion..., posted by linkadge on September 12, 2010, at 15:20:09
I took the time to read the whole article i posted about borderline..it sort of provides a view into the inner world of someone who may have borderline, whether high or low functioning. I never completely understood the suicidal gestures often associated with borderline or other dx, but feel more sympathetic about it after reading more in depth about it.
That some people with mental illness get dx with a 'character disorder' upsets me. i don't know anyone in person with that dx, although i suspect one of my family members may be borderline but gets treated for bipolar. I have met some people online with that dx though, and the stigma associated with that dx often adds unfavorable effects to their healthcare and illness, though the prognosis seems to be better than it used to be.
I wanted to mention-more women i know than not have been sexually abused by authority figures and family members. Step-fathers, police, school coaches, doctors, fathers, psychotherapists, uncles, etc. I personally know one man with this experience. But in every case i can think of-the abuser, to my knowledge, was never a mental health patient.
Borderline is often the result of sexual abuse, not always, but it's pretty common. So are other psychological problems that may last a very long time. So why is it-that people sexually abused get labeled with a character/personality disorder, as if they are somehow defective-to add to their pain and already fragile sense of self, while the abusers go on with their lives without similar repercussions?
Some sexual abusers end up in jail, but in the many cases i know, they just go about their lives. Maybe they do or don't end up dealing with guilt the rest of their lives. it's reported that 20-25 percent of all women are sexually abused before they are 20. And maybe those are only the reported cases? The rate is much, much higher among people i know. Whenever i make a new friend, almost every woman i get to know better ends up disclosing being raped or sexually abused at some point in their life.
I think that's one thing that makes me angry about the axis ii stuff being seperated from mental illness, aside that i think it's mental illness all the same. People express inner pain in different ways, i guess I feel uncomfortable with lack of understanding or empathy, in general, for people that have never been in another's shoes.
Many people out there don't have this outward expression of behavior associated with mental illness-such as those who sexually abuse-and continue to go around hurting others, yet are pretty ill themselves but would likely not end up in the mental health system. That, to me, is more of a 'character' disorder than anyone with borderline could ever be.
Posted by linkadge on September 16, 2010, at 18:40:30
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » linkadge, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 8:03:55
>I don't think it's helpful to anyone to believe >that they should choose a more certainly lethal >means of death if they really want to die. >Failing at suicide leads to living and, with the >proper help, living is the best outcome for >everyone.
Well I do agree with you on that one, which is why I am prepared to drop this argument, for the sake of people's mental health.
I just can't (personally) imagine attmepting it if there was *any* way wouldn't work.
B.T.W. I am personally fine right now. I did not bring this up because I was at all suicidal - more confused.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on September 16, 2010, at 18:43:32
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion..., posted by chujoe on September 16, 2010, at 11:25:28
>>How can you know the motivations of others?<<
I can't. Thats exactly my point. I just don't understand. I personally get frustrated with people who make multiple faild attempts because I don't understand it.
Linkadge
Posted by emmanuel98 on September 16, 2010, at 19:02:47
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » emmanuel98, posted by linkadge on September 16, 2010, at 7:27:11
> If you chose a method less than this, then (consiously or subconsiously) you don't 100% want to die.
>
> Linkadge
And so what is wrong with this? That you want to die 90% but not 100%. Are you saying that anything less than 100% is being a wimpy pathetic loser? I don't know what your point is.
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Posted by Maxime on September 16, 2010, at 20:19:24
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » linkadge, posted by emmanuel98 on September 16, 2010, at 19:02:47
Well, I have posted on PB when I was *very* suicidal. I would never post if I was going to attempt suicide at such a such time/day but I certainly have posted when I am pretty darn close to doing it. I find the people here very
supportive and they help me in so many ways. For instance three weeks ago I was very close to attempting suicide and posted on PB how I felt. People encouraged me to get help, would check on me every day via Babble Mail. That's how I ended up at the Crisis Centre.I am not being manipulative when I make those types of posts. I am looking for support and comfort. I am not really looking for attention in the manipulative form, but I am trying to bring it to peoples attention that I am unwell. I don't have too many people in real life who support me. I have lost friends along the way. But I am can always count on the support and understanding here on PB.
So Link, I may post those types of posts again if I get really bad. Just don't read them.
Maxime
Posted by floatingbridge on September 16, 2010, at 21:29:56
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » emmanuel98, posted by linkadge on September 16, 2010, at 7:27:11
> I do agree with you in a sense. But another part of me still doesn't really understand.
>
> I'm not saying *part* of the suicidal individual don't want to die, but I am saying that people make the decision to chose a method that is:
>
> a) 100% lethal or not
> b) can be backed out of or not
>
> If you chose a method less than this, then (consiously or subconsiously) you don't 100% want to die.
>This thread has been helping me to think through various related issues, like my grandmother's behavior and the repercussions for many generations. I
now wonder what the heck happened to her in Eastern Europe. Dinah was kind enough to comment. Many other comments not directly about my grandmother helped too.I've also thought through some personal issues. I have never attempted suicide,
though I have depression since childhood, abuse issues, etc. At my worst, I have heard, like a drumbeat in
my head, "I wish I were dead, etc". How many children say this in childhood? I
did. Medication and therapy have been
able to stop that automatic thinking, and
I am fortunate. When I slip, there that voice is. I've learned that engaging in this behavior is the sign that I need help asap.From this discussion, I also realize that, during the worst periods, I might not have been far from a suicide attempt
(car crash, pills) because attempts can be very impulse based.I have never truely wanted to be 100%
dead. Whatever the percentage was, I really wanted to feel better. I wanted
the pain to stop.Ambivalence is pretty much a human
trait, isn't it, though I'm not sure. To a greater or lesser degree. So is the
tolerance for ambivalence. Some despise
it, others thrive. I think I can imagine
now how suicide is thought of by various individuals, thanks to this discussion.How different we all are. When I was young and worked a late night crisis line,
our rule of thumb was that all suicidal talk was to be taken literally--that is, seriously, regardless of how often someone may have called, or if the caller was on a lark. I was sooooo naive. I did
my job, and well enough, but understand more deeply now.Ambivalence is o.k. More than o.k., ambivalence just is, like chlorophyll is green and water feels wet. To assign or insist upon a degree of sincerity in a suicidal gesture, thought, or ironclad
attempt seems to leave out alot of potential meaning and is a red herring that can lead productive thinking astray. Link, this post isn't directed toward you specifically. Though your posts have kicked off quite a discussion, what I see you saying above is that you do not understand and that you are trying to understand. I think that, in itself, is great.
Posted by SLS on September 17, 2010, at 5:53:00
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion..., posted by Maxime on September 16, 2010, at 20:19:24
> Well, I have posted on PB when I was *very* suicidal.
Some researchers like J. J. Mann believe that there is actually a neurobiological substrate for feelings of suicidality that are not tied to thoughts. It is comprised of both genetic and epigenetic factors. The point is, that for many people, feelings of suicide occur no matter what they are thinking or trying to think. It is virtually beyond their control. Anger and anxiety are often tied to the act itself. Perhaps there is a degree of impulsivity for carrying out the act. It can sometimes be an act of aggression.
- Scott
Posted by linkadge on September 17, 2010, at 7:51:48
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » linkadge, posted by emmanuel98 on September 16, 2010, at 19:02:47
>And so what is wrong with this? That you want to >die 90% but not 100%. Are you saying that >anything less than 100% is being a wimpy >pathetic loser? I don't know what your point is.
No, I'm just saying that when you attempt suicide, generally either a) you die, or b) you end up hurting yourself really badly.
So, then wouldn't it make more logical sense, to either do, or do not?
Now of course, as I said, failing is better than succeeding, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is,
If you're not 100% sure you want to die...DON'T ATTEMPT IT!!!
Anything else, just doesn't make logical sense to me, since you open up the door to the possiblitiy of making your situation much much worse.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on September 17, 2010, at 8:11:29
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » linkadge, posted by floatingbridge on September 16, 2010, at 21:29:56
>I have never truely wanted to be 100%
>dead. Whatever the percentage was, I really >wanted to feel better. I wanted
>the pain to stop.Yes, I agree with you. Thats exactly my point, people want to feel *better*. But, attempting suicide, with anything less than 100% resolve, is completely incongruent with the individual's motives. People who fail at suicide can often feel much, much *worse*: irriversable brain damage, organ damage, gunshot wounds, blindness, paralysis, disfigurement etc. etc.
I just think that resolving to do something (or attempt) something so drastic as suicide without having completely thought though your intentions and all possible outcomes is extremely foolish.
But as mentioned, I realize that when people are in such a state, they're not thinking logically. They're not thinking through all the potential consequences.
Linkadge
Posted by Maxime on September 17, 2010, at 10:40:55
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » Maxime, posted by SLS on September 17, 2010, at 5:53:00
> > Well, I have posted on PB when I was *very* suicidal.
>
> Some researchers like J. J. Mann believe that there is actually a neurobiological substrate for feelings of suicidality that are not tied to thoughts. It is comprised of both genetic and epigenetic factors. The point is, that for many people, feelings of suicide occur no matter what they are thinking or trying to think. It is virtually beyond their control. Anger and anxiety are often tied to the act itself. Perhaps there is a degree of impulsivity for carrying out the act. It can sometimes be an act of aggression.
>
>
> - ScottThat's interesting. I know that I have been suicidal and not depressed which is weird.
I think about suicide a lot.Wherever I go I try to spot possible suicide options (tall building, construction, metro). I tired of seeing Montreal through my eyes
Posted by violette on September 17, 2010, at 10:58:09
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » emmanuel98, posted by linkadge on September 17, 2010, at 7:51:48
> So, then wouldn't it make more logical sense, to either do, or do not?
Emotions aren't logical...and that's very relevant-some people are overtaken by emotions, commonly referred to as 'emotional dysregulation'.
Others can consistently use logic to compensate or cover emotional distress. People can develop patterns from childhood. And as Scott pointed out, some people are more prone to lack of impulse control. It could be aggression-turned against the self-or aggression-against others when one feels helpless. Temperment can influence the patterns we develop. Some people are born more sensitive than others; some more agressive.
Being overly logical/rational can be just as maladaptive as being unable to regulate emotions. Some people do that consistently, often shutting out emotions. Others oscilate.
I'm moderately schitzotypal-so I tend to comparmentalize emotion from thought to compensate...so although i don't make suicidal gestures, as i sort of 'regulate my emotions' by seperating them from thought, this maladaptive trait causes a host of other problems as well. Much like rationalizing. Eventually these coping mechanisms just don't hold up-it is tiring for our brains to do this.
The key, imo, is to slowly integrate disavowed emotions with thought, undoing old patterns, to develop a new, healthy sense of self, which in turn, builds ego strength.
Posted by violette on September 17, 2010, at 11:01:45
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » floatingbridge, posted by linkadge on September 17, 2010, at 8:11:29
> But as mentioned, I realize that when people are in such a state, they're not thinking logically. They're not thinking through all the potential consequences.
That's what i was trying to explain in my last post, but didn't see your post here.
some people are overcome by emotions...where the 'rational' part of the brain sort of shuts down. Emotional dysregulation. Others are sort of trapped in the logic/rational part of the brain.
Just adding for general discussion, not to anyone here in particular...
Posted by floatingbridge on September 17, 2010, at 11:19:50
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » Maxime, posted by SLS on September 17, 2010, at 5:53:00
> Some researchers like J. J. Mann believe that there is actually a neurobiological substrate for feelings of suicidality that are not tied to thoughts. It is comprised of both genetic and epigenetic factors.What is epigenetic?
And if so, are therapies proposed?
Posted by floatingbridge on September 17, 2010, at 14:31:34
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » SLS, posted by Maxime on September 17, 2010, at 10:40:55
> That's interesting. I know that I have been suicidal and not depressed which is weird.
>
> I think about suicide a lot.Wherever I go I try to spot possible suicide options (tall building, construction, metro). I tired of seeing Montreal through my eyesThat is interesting Maxime. I cannot say I have felt suicidal in the absence of depression. (I cannot say I recall the absence of depression.) Very interesting.
Googling epigentics led to all sorts of things, notably a wiki entry on foster care and it's aftermath. Thought Violette would be interested.
Posted by SLS on September 17, 2010, at 14:54:46
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion..., posted by floatingbridge on September 17, 2010, at 11:19:50
>
> > Some researchers like J. J. Mann believe that there is actually a neurobiological substrate for feelings of suicidality that are not tied to thoughts. It is comprised of both genetic and epigenetic factors.
>
> What is epigenetic?Simply stated, it is anything arising from non-genetic factors. However, such things can interact with the organism to change gene activity.
> And if so, are therapies proposed?
Certainly. However, it depends on what you are treating. To help prevent the repetition of acts of suicide, cognitive therapies have been suggested. I guess pychotherapies must be as varied as the people needing help. I have seen interpersonal therapy, CBT, and DBT mentioned. It has been suggested that almost any kind of psychotherapy is helpful in reducing suicide attempts as many patients find hope in the expectation that what they are doing will bring them relief. In fact, a reduction in the rate of suicide attempts has been demonstrated to be similar with both antidepressant treatment and psychotherapies. At the NIMH, NIH, they noticed that people coming in for treatment often reported feeling better for the first two weeks regardless of treatment status.
- Scott
Posted by Maxime on September 17, 2010, at 21:25:45
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... » emmanuel98, posted by linkadge on September 17, 2010, at 7:51:48
> >And so what is wrong with this? That you want to >die 90% but not 100%. Are you saying that >anything less than 100% is being a wimpy >pathetic loser? I don't know what your point is.
>
> No, I'm just saying that when you attempt suicide, generally either a) you die, or b) you end up hurting yourself really badly.
>
> So, then wouldn't it make more logical sense, to either do, or do not?
>
> Now of course, as I said, failing is better than succeeding, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is,
>
> If you're not 100% sure you want to die...DON'T ATTEMPT IT!!!
>
> Anything else, just doesn't make logical sense to me, since you open up the door to the possiblitiy of making your situation much much worse.
>
> Linkadge
>
>Nothing is fool proof. People shoot themselves in the head and they just end up blowing half their face off. They stand in front of a train and just end up losing their legs. They try to drown themselves and they end of brain dead. Just because a person doesn't succeed it doesn't mean that they didn't want to die
Posted by SLS on September 18, 2010, at 6:59:38
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... TRIGGER, posted by Maxime on September 17, 2010, at 21:25:45
Maxime, I was thinking...
Is it possible that you are cognitively obsessed with the idea of suicide (either OCD or OCPD) rather than just feeling suicidal? Wouldn't there be an obsessive counterpart to your psyche, given your other conditions? Perhaps there is a cognitive aspect to your thoughts of suicide that is independent of depression.
- Scott
Posted by Maxime on September 18, 2010, at 10:08:10
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... TRIGGER » Maxime, posted by SLS on September 18, 2010, at 6:59:38
> Maxime, I was thinking...
>
> Is it possible that you are cognitively obsessed with the idea of suicide (either OCD or OCPD) rather than just feeling suicidal? Wouldn't there be an obsessive counterpart to your psyche, given your other conditions? Perhaps there is a cognitive aspect to your thoughts of suicide that is independent of depression.
>
>
> - ScottOh yes, for sure. I told my psychiatrist that I think that my suicidal thinking is OCD. He looked at me blankly and said "no". Even though he said "no" I still believe that there is an OCD component. Although my suicidal ideas get much, much worse when I am depressed, or feelings hopelessness. I feel hopeless a lot of the time. Me against the world and the world is winning. Maybe I wouldn`t feel this way if I were more social and around people (just a small group) and not so alone. But I am not very fun to be around when I feel this way (hopeless, depressed). I have few friends and the ones I have are scattered around Canada, mainly in Alberta.
How would I get rid of the OCD component? Would that be through therapy?
Posted by SLS on September 18, 2010, at 10:38:29
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... TRIGGER » SLS, posted by Maxime on September 18, 2010, at 10:08:10
> How would I get rid of the OCD component? Would that be through therapy?
Well, seeing that you have probably run the gamut of SSRIs without effect, I would move in the direction of psychotherapy. Perhaps OCPD?
- Scott
Posted by linkadge on September 18, 2010, at 11:23:24
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... TRIGGER, posted by Maxime on September 17, 2010, at 21:25:45
>Nothing is fool proof. People shoot themselves >in the head and they just end up blowing half >their face off. They stand in front of a train >and just end up losing their legs. They try to >drown themselves and they end of brain dead.
I would never say any of these methods are fool proof.
Linkadge
Posted by Maxime on September 18, 2010, at 13:00:27
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... TRIGGER » Maxime, posted by SLS on September 18, 2010, at 10:38:29
> > How would I get rid of the OCD component? Would that be through therapy?
>
> Well, seeing that you have probably run the gamut of SSRIs without effect, I would move in the direction of psychotherapy. Perhaps OCPD?
>
>
> - ScottYeah, I am tired of adding pills and more pills.
What's OCPD? I do need therapy so badly but I can't afford it. I am trying to find a place that works on a slidding fee scales and has dealt with people who have EDs.
Posted by floatingbridge on September 18, 2010, at 15:02:11
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion... TRIGGER » SLS, posted by Maxime on September 18, 2010, at 13:00:27
What is ocpd?
Maxie, I had thought similar to Scott's about ocd. Not just for you--for myself as well. My thoughts are often so repetitive that if I described them accurately, but in just the right way, someone would say ocd component. Perhaps why I receive relief from addition of an opoid as it is approved (I
believe ) as pharmaceutical therapy.When you wrote about Montreal, I had that flash.
Posted by Maxime on September 18, 2010, at 16:32:30
In reply to Re: suicidality exhaustion.... » Maxime, posted by floatingbridge on September 18, 2010, at 15:02:11
It's weird that I would tell my pdoc that I think my suicidal thoughts are OCD and that he didn't agree (although I don't think that all my thoughts are OCD.). Humph! I am going to talk to him about it the next time I see him. It's not that I want to take another med (i won't) but I like to get an idea of how to stop these thoughts. They are ever present and it's hard to make it through the day. It's exhausting. Every night I look through my stash of pills and it calms me knowing that they are there. There are enough to kill me if taken with some alcohol.
It's very interesting to think of suicidal thoughts as OCD. I hope other people post their thought on the matter.
Maxie
Posted by twinleaf on September 18, 2010, at 21:07:12
In reply to Suicidal thoughts a form of OCD » floatingbridge, posted by Maxime on September 18, 2010, at 16:32:30
I think that idea is very interesting. I think many people experience suicidal thoughts as somehow alien ideas that have taken up residence in their brains. I don't have them now, but when I did, I kept wondering why I had them. At first I had depressive symptoms without suicidal ideation, and then when I took Prozac I began having suicidal thoughts even though the depression was better. I've always thought that the Prozac did something to my brain to cause the suicidal thoughts. This is a little different from what you are saying, except that we are both saying that these thoughts are brain-based. They are not caused by a desire for attention, revenge, etc
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